Dancing With the Stars – Semifinals!

4 Stars! 2 Dances! 1 Chance to make it through to the finals!  The slate is wiped clean!  LIIIIVE!  It’s the semifinals!

What do you know?!  Brooke has lines of her own!  Still boring, but at least she isn’t repeating word for word what Tom just said.  And I swear Tom has been reading my recap.  He looks like he is grinning straight at me while he talks.  Really!  (Is this how stalkers get started?)

And this week the dress is not quite so ugly, but looks a bit like a catwoman costume.  Catwoman with really big fake boobs.

Bruno is also doing a catwoman impersonation.

During the intro dance line, Evan is doing a cute little nerdy thing.

I have to say that this final four is the best I remember in all the seasons.  And we find out from Tom that each of the remaining stars has been at the top in viewer votes in the past couple of weeks.  So it really is a clean slate and anybody can win.  Everything is riding on tonight’s dances.  Brooke is feeling all the drama and suspense and sums it up profoundly, ”I’m like uh-oh”.  Yeah, she should really stick to the script.

Erin and Maks are up first.  Erin interviews that she was so happy last week because Maks was proud of her.  Awww.  Don’t you really hope they are a couple?  Maks interviews that he has been on the show for 8 seasons and feels he really has a chance of winning with Erin.  They’re doing the Viennese Waltz.  She finally really extends and gets her arms right.

One spin looked a bit off and the ending was sweet, but without any dancing.

You can read her lips right afterwards saying, ”I was so nervous.”  Len says that Erin made a giant step through the door to the finals.  Bruno says she is a symphony in blue.  Carrie Ann says she was nervous , but is doing beautifully and has grown by leaps and bounds.

BBB: Erin says she was nervous and her legs were shaky and then says, “sorry babe” to Maks.  See?  Totally a couple.  Scores: 9,9,9  Bruno totally screws up and holds up the 10 paddle while saying 9.  Maks falls to the ground when he realizes it wasn’t a 10.

Nicole and Derek are up next.  Derek has some injury to his neck and couldn’t lift his right arm in practice.

They are dancing the Argentine Tango.  Derek makes lot of faces in the dance and I’m not sure if he’s trying to be sexy and intense, or is just in pain.  They do some nifty moves I haven’t seen before like this lift on top of Derek’s shoe.

Bruno says Nicole is a divine enchantress.  Carrie Ann says she was brought to tears and it was profound.  Which made Nicole cry so we have to have a big boo hoo girly hug.

Len looks annoyed that he has to wait to speak.

Finally, he says it was more delicious than his grandmother’s apple pie.  That was the comment he was so anxious to make?

BBB:  Brooke asks about Derek’s injury and Nicole says that Derek is a soldier and a warrior and a trooper and a champion.  10, 10, 10  Nicole gets so excited that she throws Derek’s neck back out.

Next is Ochocinco and we’re reminded that he was in the bottom two last week.  He feels like he let Cheryl down.

But no problem.  Cheryl uses the buzz word of the night and says they have a clean slate this week  They’re dancing the waltz and wow, look at that posture!

The dance is quite graceful and sweet and when it’s over Chad runs over to hug some white dude in the audience.  No matter how many times I rewind it, I can’t figure out who it is.

Anybody got a guess?

Carrie Ann says he nailed it.  Len says he is the only one with absolutely no dance experience in the semis and it was fantastic.  Bruno says they’ve been hard on Chad because they knew there was something there.

BBB: 9,9,9 Chad says he’s enjoying every minute.

Evan and Anna are next and Anna wants to find what makes Evan happy.  He deadpans, ‘coffee’, but finally settles on his nephew.  They’re dancing the foxtrot.  He is smiling for sure, but looks more like a maniacal grin.

And sometimes is bit too exuberant.

But much of it is very good and feels very classical like an old movie.  Len says he has artistry, musicality and fun.  Bruno says he was high as a kite.

Talk about maniacal.

Carrie Ann says she completely felt the connection tonight.

BBB:  Brooke asks what the best part of this has been so far and Evan replies, “learning to dance”.  Duh. 10, 9,10

Before their second dance we are going to get to see the roots of each of the stars.  Erin is from Tampa, Florida and took dance classes as a kid.  An interview with her former dance teacher discloses that she pretty much acted in class then, exactly as she does now; correcting herself before the teacher does.  A slightly chunkier, non- blond Erin practices her broadcasting skills:

Finally she addresses the stalker/peephole scandal.  And how it led her to want to do DWTS to not be a victim.  So take that, Elizabeth Hasselback.  (Forgetting that I said something similar in my very first preview blog, here is my public apology).

They’re dancing the paso doble.  It’s weird and kind of modern, and totally mesmerizing, with lots of kicks and stomps and spins.

Sadly the camera guys screw up during her solo and we miss part of it.

But the dance is full of energy and Erin and Maks both look like they are having a great time.  At the very end Maks loses his balance; too bad.
Bruno says she is a hot chick with an attitude and says that Maks fucked up.  No, seriously, he says that Maks is the one who fucked up.  It was bleeped, so I guess we are almost LIIIIVE, not really live.

Ummm, you said a bad word.

Carrie Ann says she was in her power, whatever the hell that meant.  Len is his stodgy self and says it was a funky monkey paso, and doesn’t know whether to go with the talent or the choreography; Bruno says go with the hotness.

BBB: Brooke says, “After watching your package…” and Maks checks himself again.

Erin does look great, by the way.

10,9,10

Maks wasn’t getting enough attention in that interview

Nicole is from Hawaii. Finally an explanation for the leis.  You’d think she’d be more laid back.  She grew up in a small home with 14 people living in it.  Oh, she was so cute!

She moved to Kentucky and threw herself into performing because she didn’t look like anybody else.

They’re dancing the cha cha, and I’m going what the hell with the costume.

Then, the music starts and its a bastardized version of Prince’s ‘Kiss’, so now I understand.  Such an awesome song that it is still cool even when sung this badly.  And I love this routine.  I haven’t been that big a fan of Nicole’s all season and I don’t know if it’s the song or the outfit or what, but I loved this dance.  Maybe it’s because I didn’t watch Derek at all.

Awww, Tutu is in the audience waiting with a lei, but Nicole and Derek are too busy basking in the adoration to go get it.

Carrie Ann says that all the dances look so natural, Len said it wasn’t really a cha cha, but that she has to be in the final, and Bruno says she is the sexylicious purple queen of the cha cha cha.

BBB:  It’s Derek’s birthday.  10, 9, 10  Brooke tries to get Derek to give up some secrets about next week’s dance and pushes him when he says he hasn’t even thought about it.  Nicole shuts her up by saying it’s so good they can’t even talk about it.

Now, we have to take a walk back to Chad’s sad childhood in Miami, amongst the drug dealers and guns. He knew sports was going to be his way out and started early.

Really it is a sad story.  Raised by his grandma when his mom left and his dad was in jail.  Told by teachers he would never amount to anything.  He used it as motivation, but you really have to admire him for putting himself on this show and hearing all the criticism he’s heard from the judges.

They’re dancing the samba and the start is kind of wonky.  The dance gets better as they go along, and Chad starts to enjoy it, but you can tell they didn’t have quite enough time to get this second dance polished.  His solo is entertaining and he looks hot, but includes some moves that I don’t think really exist in the dancing world.  They end with a nice flair and do appear to have had fun.

Len wonders why all the men have to take their shirts off in the samba, and says he did a good job with the hardest latin dance.  Bruno is torn between admiration and bitter envy, and says he will never take his clothes off again.  We can only hope.  Carrie Ann said he has charisma that lights up the room.  It all kind of sounds like a setup for lower scores.

BBB: 8,8,9.  Chad looks sad, but says he will keep working hard because there is no substitute for hard work.

Kate sits in the audience and tries to pretend she has friends, while Jake falls asleep.

Last up is Evan and Anna.    Evan grew up in Chicago, where his grandma always wanted a granddaughter and pushed him into figure skating.  His mom told him when he was a kid that if someone is better than you, you have to work twice as hard as them.  What a great world this would be if there were more moms like that.  His coach says that he is not the most talented skater in the world, but he is the most driven skater in the world.

They’re dancing the paso doble and his long arms and legs work together to make some interesting shapes in this dance.

The camera people really screw this dance up, too.

His solo is incredible.  Which kind of makes sense, because he is used to performing alone.

Bruno says he was strong yet artistic and that Evan has balls.  Carrie Ann shows us what she thought.

Len says the man should dominate in the paso and Evan did.

BBB: Brooke asks about Evan’s package so Anna checks it out.

10, 10, 10

At one point tonight Tom said this was one of the best night’s ever on this show, and I have to agree.  It was a hard recap to write because there was so little to make fun of, other than the band and the camera crew.

There’s no point to my “Where Are They Now?” segment because all our stars will be back for the finale next week!  Thankfully, I’ll have something to make fun of next week!

By the way, Missy2Sweet wins the caption contest because she was the only one to help me with a caption.  Thanks for reading, y’all.