Crazy Like a Fox(trot)

I would have to say that as we wind down this season of Dancing With The Stars, it has been a pretty good time for television this summer. In 2003 we all had The OC to fall in love with, but last year we really didn’t have that much, unless you count North Shore. Thankfully, there is always Big Brother to save us, but this year, we had an added bonus with a handful of entertaining reality shows (and also The Cut) to tide us over until Chenbot gets in action. Dancing with the Stars is one of those shows, and the semi-finals featured the Foxtrot and the Paso Doble, a pair of dances that were difficult, but had plenty of flair to make it an enjoyable audience experience. Also forgive me for the very obvious pun in my title, but I couldn’t resist.Although John O’Hurley and Charlotte Jorgensen were in the bottom part of the draw last week, you knew that they had to have something big planned to make a comeback this week. The judges didn’t like John’s samba last week, but this week, things were going to change. It just so happens that the foxtrot is Charlotte’s favorite dance, and John wasn’t going to let her down.

As I was watching the dances the last week, I had to admit that it was getting more and more difficult to tell who excelled and who was a flop. Not so this week. John and Charlotte are absolutely made for the ballroom, and they showed it in their foxtrot. I can remember back to my high school days taking ballroom dancing just how difficult this was to do, although watching the football coach and the volleyball coach demonstrate made it worthwhile. John and Charlotte simply glide on the floor, and it seems that they always keep the perfect hold.

Is Charlotte happy or deeply disturbed that John is kissing her hand with such passion?

I made fun of Kelly Monaco because I didn’t know who the hell she was, but you’ll have to forgive me for not being up on my ABC daytime stars. Besides Evander, who despite having no coordination at all, displayed ten times more coordination than I thought he would have at this point in his life, Kelly is easily the most improved. She also wears the skankiest outfits, which leave the 16 million viewers who turn in on the edge of their seats waiting for the c-toe to make an appearance.

This week, we got a lesson in just how difficult it is for Kelly to learn her dances when she has to work as well. Sometimes, she gets up as early as 5AM, and she has to limit her dance instruction to in between takes. Now, if Kelly was a surgeon, or lawyer or something, some of us might have some sympathy. After all, how are you supposed to squeeze the foxtrot between a triple-bypass or two? And you can’t just ask the judge for a recess to let you get caught up on the Paso Doble. But she works on a SOAP OPERA. If she is ever having trouble fitting in an extra-curricular activity, they can just have her go into a coma, or get kidnapped, or possessed by the devil or something. I think she can find the time.

Anyway, Kelly and Alec came out, and she clearly had learned her wardrobe lesson, opting for a couple of straps instead of just one holding her boobs up. As for Alec, he really doesn’t change, he just adds more and more grease to his hair each week, or perhaps he just doesn’t wash it. Whatever the case, the two put in a solid performance, but it didn’t seem to impress the judges that well, especially after seeing John and Charlotte. We did get to see Kelly flash us a couple more times, but I’ll spare you the picture lest you think I only watch to see what color her panties are. But for the record, they were blue for the first song.

Last up was Joey and Ashly. Although they have done well getting up to this point, it seems like Joey really isn’t taking it seriously. Part of this was likely because Ashly borders on infatuation with her partner, and so she had to have a week of playing the boss when it came to learning the dances. While it looked at first like it might have helped, it was clear that perhaps Ashly is still taking too much of Joey’s advice. Whenever they get on the dance floor, they get a little too caught up in acting parts of a story when they should be dancing. The crowd loved them for their expressiveness, but the judges railed on them for not showing a proper foxtrot. Even though Ashly argued that their American foxtrot allowed for more of an open style, the judges had little sympathy and they finished with the lowest score of the three couples this week.

When I heard that they were doing the Paso Doble, I almost immediately began to wonder how great John O’Hurley’s facial expressions would be during this dance. While he was learning the moves, he created an alter ego for himself, Fernando, to get him in the mood to move. The Paso Doble is supposed to be like a choreographed bull fight on the dance floor, and that is what John and Charlotte did. We even got to see Charlotte get a little crazy when John tore off part of her dress and used it as a cape for part of the dance. This is another dance where the chemistry of the partners plays a big role, and these two just simply have the best chemistry. The judges also thoroughly enjoyed this dance and awarded the two another high score. By the way, I just have to throw this out there now or I’ll forget, but how addictive is the theme song? It’s been stuck in my head so much, I thought that I would share it with you. If you set it to loop, you can listen to it about five or six hundred times before it begins to bother you.

It seems to me that ever since the first week, Alec has wanted a reason to take his shirt off (maybe he has and I haven’t paid attention), and he got his chance this week with the Paso Doble. The judges were impressed by the two of them, but it was clearly John and Charlotte’s night. Unless the fan voting was completely off, it was going to be between Alec and Kelly and Joey and Ashly for the last spot in the finals.

When Joey and Ashly came out for their dance, I wondered who in the hell had picked the music. They have always seemed to pick inappropriate music for a number of their songs, but “Eye of the Tiger” for a Latin dance just seemed out of place. Although I thought the two made a lot of the same mistakes that the judges panned them on earlier in the evening, they were able to pull off a better score, although their total was still the lowest of the three pairs.

Remember how much confusion there was about the voting last week? Well, Bergeron did us a favor and explained just how things go. The scoring takes the judges’ raw scores and assigns a couple points based on how they do relative to the other teams. Therefore, with three teams, John and Charlotte would get three points for their high judges’ score, Kelly and Alec would get two, and Joey and Ashly would get one. The same goes for the audience voting, as the people with the highest score would get tree points, the next two, and so on. Well, that was great Bergeron, but you never told us what would happen in case their was a tie! And it wasn’t impossible to come up with a scenario where all three teams were tied after all was said and done.

When the scores came in, John and Charlotte were in first place, as they should have been, because they were clearly the best this week and deserved to move on. The second finalists were Kelly and Alec, leaving meaning our New Kid was eliminated. Although some people might say that they should have stayed, I think the finalists are the best couples available. You don’t need a coaches’ poll to tell you that the remaining pairs were the hardest working, and it turns out that they are also the couples with the best chemistry between them, which is probably not a coincidence.

What do you think about the results? Was it fair, or were they robbed?