DWTS Results! Broken Dreams & Bodies

Dancing w/ The Stars

By T-Cake | Wednesday, April 11, 2012 | 2:24 pm | 7 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

***CannedGinger has had some real life issues come up this week, so there will be no full length performance recap. There is, however, a hilarious Results cappy! Schedule will be back to normal next week!

You know two things that don’t go together? 80s evil-clown-hard-rock and ballroom dancing. And yet here we are:

KISSOMGWTF

A quad of pros dance a strangely rock-inspired ChaCha. The pro on the far right looks like a sexy/fabulous Vanilla Ice (IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!!)

Before we get to the rest of the show: Everybody send out prayers/good vibes/what-have-you to CannedGinger, who was unable to do Monday’s Performance recap, due to a family emergency. Show her some love, by wishing her a speedy resolution to her troubles.

Another tight leaderboard

After that: Tom Bergeron stands between Gavin and Karina, and a lonely Maks. They recap the tragic dance that sent Melissa (Laura Ingalls) to the hospital. They discuss how Gavin gentlemanly carried her to the ambulance (shouldn’t he have left that to the paramedics?) and how Maks’ arm was injured also. To which he retorts “Yeah, it took away from the pain in the ankle, knees and shoulders.” A classic dancer response. For those of you who aren’t dancers or close with dancers, we’re pretty much constantly in pain from making our bodies do amazing, beautiful things they were never made to do.

Results:

  • Gavin and Karina: Safe!
  • Melissa and Maks: SAFE!

The judges select Donald and Peta as their favorite couple from last week. Thus the couple does an encore performance.

Then in the recap of Monday’s madness there is so much going on I can’t not comment about the following:

  1. At Maria’s Dr.’s appointment, the Dr. says “You can’t dance through a broken foot.” How many times have I heard that!? Dr.’s are notorious for prescribing “stop dancing” to dancers. It’s like as a treatment for a broken fin, telling a shark not to swim.
  2. John Stamos and Little Richard are in the audience (but not together) (But do yourself a favor and picture Little Richard sitting on John Stamos’ lap).
  3. Gladys and Gene Simmons have the most awkard exchange about his tongue.

GLADYS: How long is it?! 

GLADYS: Oh my Goodness! I’ve never seen anything like it!
GENE: (suggestively) Yes, you have.
GLADYS: No I haven’t!
Gene: (assuredly) Yes, you have.
 

Results:

  • Maria and Derek: Safe.
  • Jaleel and Kim: Safe! (Jaleel seems fake-genuinely excited)
  • Gladys and Tristan: Safe too!

Next: A montage of the pros talking about how great all the “celebrities” are and how hard that makes this season’s competish. One comment that stood out is Maks’. He says something like: “Other years if we got a 24 we’d be in the top, no problem. This year we’re in the bottom.” That’s gotta be due to the judges wonky scoring. They aren’t scoring according to their own critiques, and at this point I don’t even see any reason for them to be on the show if they’re going to leave the final decision up to the audience’s votes. Except for Bruno’s uncomfortable comic relief.

After that: Karina and another pro (Jose Manuel Carreno) perform an experimental Argentine Tango, backed by the  Argentine group, Gotan Project. Gotan Project are known for their great combination of classic tango music, filtered through modern electronic beats and samples. Great ambient music.

After commercial break: James VanderBeek is in the audience to promote “Don’t trust the C– in Apt. 23″.  Can you say product integration?

Results:

  • Donald and Peta: Safe!
  • Roshon and Chelsie(The couple that the judges scored in 2nd place!): Up for elimination. 

The audience explodes in Boo!s over Roshon and Chelsie’s results. Then there’s a plug for the DWTS Vegas show staring Carson Kressley and Joe Fatone (who happens to be in the audience also) (if there is ever a warning to avoid being in a boyband, this is it).

They’re molting!

Results:

  • Katherine and Mark: Safe! (even though Katherine was confused about what that means)
  • William Levy and Cheryl: Safe!
  • Sherri and Val’s chest: Up for Elimination.

Final Results:

Tom tells Val that he never thought he’d be talking to him in the elimination round. Val quips back “Then stop talking to us.” Sherri tears up talking about how she’s loved the experience and loves being on the show.

Roshon felt confident about how well they did, and didn’t expect to be up for elimination. Len tries to absolve himself and the judges from any negative fan reactions, by placing the blame on the audience votes. UGH. Get out of here.

Sherri and Val are eliminated.

Sherri says a tearful goodbye and gives some awesome, but challenging advice.

“That thing that scares you the most- that makes you say ‘I don’t know if I can do that- I’m scared’, run towards it because it’s so amazing on the other side!”

That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading! What do you guys think about Roshon being in the bottom? What about Sherri and Val getting the boot? How are Jaleel and Kym getting along so well after their off screen spat!? How are Melissa and Maria’s injury’s going to help or haunt them? How are Maria and Derek going to out-sexy themselves during sexy Latin Week? Will Gavin EVER stop wearing ugly hats?

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T-Cake
About

Originally a hamster, T-Cake was found frolicking on the shores of Lake Titicaca. He loves scripted hour dramas (which he aspires to write professionally), dancing (which he does semi-professionally), and cake. Feed him cake. He's a quietly masculine lil guy and is way more handsome and talented than he realizes.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    T-Cake T-Cake
    Posted April 11, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Oops. Somehow most of my text got italicized!

  2. 2
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted April 11, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Gavin probably wears hats to cover premature balding.

    Love your recap style, by the way.

    Glad to see Sherri go, although I’ll miss Val. I’m hoping Jaleel and Rashon are next. They are phony, and that’s doesn’t play well. They have also been scored too high, and that usually has a negative affect on voting.

    Still firmly in Donald Driver’s corner.

  3. 3
    lestermaddox
    Posted April 11, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    I was sorry to see Val go – Sherri, not so much, though she is much more entertaining to watch than Rashon, who is an arrogant little shit.

    Why does Melissa Gilbert always look like she is sucking lemons?

  4. 4
    crazy cha
    Posted April 12, 2012 at 9:33 am

    I’m sad Sherry is out. She’s entertaining. Roshon kid should go next. He tries to be cute and talks too much. Annoy me. Poor Chelsea, she has to put up with the kid. I hope next time she get a better partner. I’ll vote Tristan forever.

  5. 5
    leslilly
    Posted April 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Can’t stand Sherri, so I was glad to see her go. I did feel bad when I saw how sad she was though! I agree w/whomever said above that Jaleel is phony. I was rooting for Jaleel until that fake crying bit he pulled…and then saying that he had to put his character’s “away in the vault”. LOL – PLEASE!!!! You’d think he was talking about the greatest characters in the history of television and film.

    Re: Roshan, I don’t know him at all. Never heard of him until this show. Melissa looks A LOT like her mother. Frightening.

  6. 6
    leslilly
    Posted April 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    Oh, I almost forgot!! Canned Ginger – I hope you are okay!!!!! Thinking of you and hoping you and your loved ones are safe. xo

  7. 7
    CannedGinger CannedGinger
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 1:18 am

    Thanks for all the support everyone, it’s been a rough week with my boyfriend in the hospital. While I’ll be hanging out in the hospital for the near future, you can rest easy I’ve been cracking up the nurses while talking smack about our favorite ‘stars’ and making completely uninformed dance critiques. Now if we only had Lifetime here so I can keep up with Dance Moms: Miami, too.

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