Kelly Monaco: 13 Going on 30

Dancing w/ The Stars

By admin | Thursday, July 7, 2005 | 12:44 am | 27 Comments

kelly_alec_finalepsTonight marked the final episode of ABC’s summer hit, Dancing With the Stars. If you had told me that I would have spent the summer reviewing a show on ballroom dancing, I probably would have laughed at you and said something like “I would rather smoke the stems and seeds than watch any ballroom dancing on TV.” For those of you who may not be hip to that analogy, let’s just say it is a situation that requires either massive amounts of desperation or utter stupidity. Well, I don’t know if I am desperate or stupid, but I did enjoy the show, and was looking forward to seeing who was going to be crowned the winner this week. Would it be John O’Hurley and Charlotte Jorgensen, the embodiment of grace and elegance? Or would it go to Kelly Monaco and Alec Mazo, the underdogs who have rode their youthful style into the finals? We’d only have to endure 60 minutes of television and a half dozen Bergeron jokes to find out.This week, each pair would perform a repeat of their favorite dance, and then come back to do a “no holds barred” freestyle. The way Bergeron made it sound, it was like we were to be prepared for an Ultimate Fighting Championship and not a ballroom dance.

Before we started, with the repeat performance, we got to see a little bit of the teams while they practiced for their freestyle. John and Charlotte went first, and we saw that John was really having a difficult time learning how to do the lifts and get Charlotte off of her feet and spun around without killing anybody. She’s not that big of a woman, unlike, say, Rachel Hunter, and John is old but not frail, so clearly there was something wrong with his technique. He would have to call in somebody a little more seasoned to give him a few lessons from the man’s perspective.

Theoretically, he could have called on Louis van Amstel or Jonathan Roberts, but this is Hollywood. John is an actor, so why not call in another actor to give him some perspective? And when it comes to mainstream actors who do dancing, who do you think of first? If you said Richard Gere, you should be shot. If you said Kevin Bacon or John Travolta, you can be forgiven. No, John called in the big guns, ie Patrick Swayze, he of the dirty dancing. BTW, how good was this guy in the late 80s/early 90s? I could watch Road House or Point Break back to back forever (I have not actually seen Ghost, but people tell me that’s pretty good too). Anyway, Patrick gave him a few lessons, and right away John was able to throw her around the floor like he was born to do it.

swayze_charlotte

But enough of that, John and Charlotte were back to perform the quick step, a dance that they received 26 points from the judges very early on in the competition. With their added fluidity and John’s clearly improved skill, they were hoping to really put on a strong performance. I keep on saying that these two have the best chemistry, and this is a great dance to show that chemistry. I’ve gone from laughing at the way Charlotte preens her neck to a sort of mocking acceptance, and so I was able to control myself during this dance. When they were finished, the judges were absolutely amazed at their performance. After scoring a 26 last time, surely they were going to blow that score out of the water. Would we see a 10? Alas, no. Despite heaping much praise on the two of them, the judges kept the double digits under wraps, and awarded a score of 27.

charlotte_john_finaleps

Kelly and Alec were next, but first we had to get their practice scenes. Whenever these two are practicing, I think they are basically simulating sex. Then again, who can blame them? Neither of them have seemed to mention a significant other, so why not get some of that frustration off on the dance floor? They were also having trouble doing some of the lifts, so they went back to Kelly’s house to practice in the pool. Ahh, I remember those great summer days of “practicing” by the pool with a lady friend of mine. Surprisingly, it looked like the two of them were all business, and Kelly had covered herself up more for being in the pool than she had at any point during the competition.

kelly_alec_finalsamba

The dance for Kelly and Alec would be the samba, a dance for which they also received 26 points for during the time they had previously performed the dance. This time, she was determined to keep her top on, which would allow the two of them to try more daring moves, and they were right. They performed largely the same routine, except Kelly wasn’t using her hands to prevent her top from flying off. I guess it was good for a couple of extra spins. The dancers thought they did a great job, but they actually received a lower score than the previous time, only managing 25 points. Kelly was really disappointed and said she might take her top off more if that’s what it took to win. Actually, it is really not that hard to find any nude pictures of Kelly Monaco(yes, bush included), you just have to google them. Therefore, I am not sure how much difference simply losing her top is going to make.

Earlier in the episode, Bergeron promised that the contestants that had previously been voted off would make a reappearance to dance. Yes! I would be able to have one more fleeting image of Evander Holyfield before I go to sleep, although to tell you the truth, the orange shirt he was wearing probably burned my retina, so maybe it was good he lost and didn’t subject me to seizures or glaucoma or something. I thought that they would put the returnees into the middle in order to break up the show a little bit, but instead we got started with the freestyle.

You may have guessed by the name, but the freestyle involves a little bit of everything. John and Charlotte aren’t the sexiest duo, but they used every ounce of appeal that they had to get this to work. As Charlotte mentioned in the little best moments montage before they came out for their second dance, John is so good at portraying the person he needs to be for every dance, and this time was no different. They were very daring, which surprised one judge, but was worth another 27 points on the scoreboard for them.

john_charlotte_final_freest

Kelly’s story has been an underdog story the whole time. She received the lowest score the first week, but has bounced back and really made strides in all areas of her dancing. They tried to make her out to be a big klutz who kept falling over, and they even tried to make her the working girl, only able to fit dancing in between her scheduled scenes on ABC. “She may not have the best dancing talent, but she has the biggest heart.” This isn’t “Dancing with Greenpeace;” I think I am already sick of her. Luckily, this was the very last dance anybody was going to have to endure.

I thought their samba was good, and their freestyle was also good, although it looked to me like they made a few mistakes. On a couple of the lifts, it looked like she landed pretty hard on her knees. Then again, this is Hollywood, and a lot of people do a lot of hard work on their knees in order to get ahead. The judges, however, went absolutely gaga over the performance, calling it the best in the whole competition. And with that sort of praise came the 10s. Finally! Kelly and Alec won not one, not two, but three 10s, giving them a total of thirty points, and combined with that 13 they received in the first week, an apt title for the post.

kelly_alec_final_freestyle

The eliminated dancers came back on, and they also got to perform their favorite dances. It was good to see Evander shake it once more, but god is his footwork ever slow. I still wish everybody had voted for him, because it would have been remarkable if he had stayed longer, but that was not to be. Anyway, the reunion was kind of boring with all of the old routines and all of the people dancing like they didn’t have that much practice.

Although ABC thought it had cleared up any confusion as to the scoring system last week, apparently some people missed the advisory, or ABC didn’t want to take any chances, so they flashed their web address where people can exhaustively search for the information they needed on the scoring system. With the combined scores of the two dances, Kelly and Alec received 2 of what ABC calls ranking points, and John and Charlotte received 1. That means that the internet vote would have to favorite John and Charlotte for them to have a chance. The internet vote didn’t come through, and Alec and Kelly became the champions. ABC even had some fireworks going for the celebration. It made me feel like I was driving through Commerce on the 4th of July.

Everybody clapped, and Kelly was asked to give a speech on what the win meant to her. She went on to say that she was always the underdog and never won anything, so it made her very happy. I’ll pretend I didn’t vomit when I heard that this girl had such a tough time. Oh, to be so pretty. THE HORROR.

There you have it. One season in the record books. It turned out to be so enjoyable, copycats are all over the place, namely “Skating With the Stars,” which promises all of the great costumes and many more falling-flat-on-their-faces moments in the coming months. I really wanted John and Charlotte to win, but Alec and Kelly did do a great job and have worked very hard to get where they are. After both dances, it was a toss up on who was the better dancer, and the internet decided who would get the prize. I still think that scoring from the previous week’s performance (with the internet vote) is fairly sloppy and can be problematic. I also think it is a little too convenient that the person who happened to work for ABC won the overall event, but I’ll save the conspiracy theory for another day.

kelly_alec_win

What did you think of the finale? Did the right team win?

About

27 Comments

  1. 1
    wtf
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 3:30 am

    No, the right team didn’t win. How can you give a perfect score to a routine that was quite obviously flawed (in many, many ways)? Maybe they were too busy looking at her titties.

  2. 2
    Rita Moreno
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 4:00 am

    Did you hear Kelly go, “Oh, Christ!” after Bergeron announced they were winners, and then he kind of whispered, “We’re still on!” and she went, “Oops!”?

    Not like it’s all that scandalous, but I imagine the legions of her General Hospital minions, er, fans — whose well-organized voting, I theorize, was the only way she was able to stay in this competition — may think otherwise.

  3. 3
    Testiculon
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 4:14 am

    I am so pissed off – John and Charlotte got totally ripped off! He was pissed, too – you could tell.

  4. 4
    jo
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 5:24 am

    One 10, maybe. Two 10s, possibly. Three 10s? No way. That absolutely smacks of collusion on the part of the judges and ABC. The only way for them to outscore John and Charlotte was to score three 10s. I seriously doubt I will watch this show if it’s brought back for a second running, which it no doubt will. I also agree that John looked like he wanted to put his fist, or the judges, through the nearest wall. Good for him, he deserves to be angry.

  5. 5
    Gena
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 6:48 am

    clearly, the wrong team won. John and Charlotte did better throughout the whole competition. Kelly and her man( cant remember his name) only won because the people watching the show are women who have nothing better to do but watch soap operas all day. I didnt vote, i wish i had now

  6. 6
    J-Unit
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 7:05 am

    Here’s the only problem with the fixed game scenario – the tiebreaker goes to the person with the most audience votes for that week:

    http://abc.go.com/primetime/dancing/scoring.html

    If John and Charlotte had won the audience vote last night, they would have won last night. If John and Charlotte had won the judges scoring and lost the audience vote, they still would have lost last night because Kelly and Alec won the audience vote. I think it still smells fishy, but with this convoluted scoring method that they have, it looks like John and Charlotte didn’t have a chance. John and Charlotte could have beaten Kelly and Alec by 20 points with the judges and the audience vote still would have given to Kelly and Alec, because that is the tiebreaker. Sucks, I know.

    But yes, three 10s on the final routine, especially when there were a lot of problems with a lot of those landings during their lifts, seemed excessive.

  7. 7
    Mike
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 7:25 am

    You could always give it the tried-and-true “American Idol runner-up” spin:

    “Even though I’m a hardcore O’Hurley-girly, let me just be the first to say I, for one, am GLAD John didn’t win. Now he can go out and create his own dancing identity rather than be forced to do the lame, sappy, formulaic dances that ABC would have forced him to do. Enjoy your year as ABC’s dancing puppet, Kelly, you dirty whore.”

  8. 8
    Christy
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 8:41 am

    What a GIP!!! I can’t even imagine how John and Charlotte must feel if I’m this p-o’d! Last night’s show was a COMPLETE disappointment!!! Three 10s? Are they kidding me???? They’re routing was good, I’m not saying it wasn’t. But perfect???? um, no. It was sloppy and awkward at parts and the lifts were HORRIBLE!!!! I’m absolutely disgusted.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a “Kelly hater” or anything. In fact, I felt badly for her when they were so horrible to her in the beginning weeks. I never thought she deserved that. And I do agree she’s come a long way. But they were NOT better than John and Charlotte. PLUS, I wanted to puke when she commented “I’ve always been the underdog my whole life” – is she kidding me??? Yeah, poor you. Rough life having a beautiful face, a slammin’ body, and on one of the hottest soap operas around (I’m guessing considering it’s been around forever – I don’t do the soap opera thing…I even have two friends on two different soaps and I still RARELY catch them. I usually leave it up to my sis to tell me when/if something interesting happens w/their characters and then MAYBE I’ll Tivo).

    And, J-Unit, I don’t see how you figure that and J&C would’ve lost either way. Did you see somewhere how many votes each couple received? The way I figure it is this: even if J&C received 10K votes, and K&A received barely over half that amount, they would win because each of their votes was counted as double.

    Either way, I don’t care, I won’t be watching if they were to do a DWTS2. COMPLETE and UTTER disgust is what I feel. What happened last night is exactly why I used to refrain from these “vote off” reality shows. They’re never fair – they’re ALWAYS skewed (still surprised over the Hilton mama getting rid of BOTH of her colorful characters).

    Sorry. End of rant.

  9. 9
    shelley
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 9:13 am

    J-Unit, sometimes the seeds and stems come in handy.

  10. 10
    Testiculon
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 9:26 am

    Guys, you haven’t lived until you’ve strained your bong water through a coffee filter.

  11. 11
    flush it all away
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 9:38 am

    What a joke. Why did Kelly win? One reason: Good TV. The judges ceaselessly pimped the “underdog” angle, which ABC picked up on, and we all know where that leads.

    When you’ve already written the compelling story, you kinda have to follow it through to the end. What’s a good underdog story if the underdog doesn’t actually win? People always expect less from the underdog, so every mistake is minimized, every success maximized. (If you don’t believe me, just remember the 2000 election.)

  12. 12
    nicole
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 9:39 am

    The right team didn’t win. Sure, Kelly had the internet vote either way (her legion of GH fans made sure of that) but the three perfect scores? Come on. She almost fell flat on her face twice and Alec slipped.

    I hate to jump on a silly bandwagon, but it seemed like a fix (I know, it’s shocking that a reality t.v. show is fixed).

    ABC ruined 6 weeks of enjoyment for me and I probably won’t watch a second edition of the show because it just seems so rigged.

  13. 13
    happy_gal
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 9:46 am

    John and Charlotte were ROBBED, plain and simple. If Kelly had not been a soap star (and a slutty naked one at that) she would have been out after the first round. This was a popularity contest, not a talent contest.

    For shame, America, for shame . . .

  14. 14
    tv freak
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 10:38 am

    First off, I thought Kelly and Alec’s routine was great.

    Second, is it just me or did it seem like practicing in the pool was just an excuse to see eachother in swimsuits.

  15. 15
    mck
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 1:48 pm

    What about that Lost commercial for oceanic-air.com?

  16. 16
    Jim
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 2:03 pm

    Of course the wrong couple won. I knew from the beginning when I learned half of the score would come from the viewers that Kelly would win. She’s a soap star, and there are no more loyal fans than soap fans!

    Enjoyed the show anyway and plan to watch #2.

  17. 17
    Kathy
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 4:25 pm

    Fluff won over substance. I thought this was a “dance” contest not whatever Kelly and Alec were doing contest. I was more disappointed than I should have been. John and Charlotte were ROBBED.

    And, yes, I thought the pool scenes were a little much. Sort of a wet t-shirt thing.

  18. 18
    rhm
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 4:58 pm

    yep, i knew it. kelly would gyrate her way into first (not to mention a little flashy flash). of course j. peterman was better & deserved to win, but big deal – it’s not like it’s a real competition. just look at the prize – a freakin’ DISCO BALL with “dancing with the stars” across the front.

  19. 19
    jayneatomic
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 8:30 pm

    Enough about Kelly. Can we bring Alec back next year? I know he greases up his hair quite a bit but I sincerely love him because he looks like a latin Cillian Murphy – and who couldn’t use one of those in their life? Not into the short thing, but every once in a while I do disregard my height requirement.

    (damn i missed the pool scene because well i wasn’t really watching the show.)

  20. 20
    TinkerbellAPixie TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 8:40 pm

    mck,
    I had to rewind my dvr to make sure I didn’t imagine it. What a clever ad.

    Btw – John Hurley didn’t really lose, he’s already got a few commercials running so clearly the show boosted his lagging career.

  21. 21
    Greg
    Posted July 7, 2005 at 9:47 pm

    I live in Philadelphia and I’m pretty sure that John O’Hurley is the voice for the BEN FM radio station… and from what I’m told there’s a similar station in other markets (JACK FM, BOB FM, etc. etc.)… anyone else know? anyone else care?

  22. 22
    dan
    Posted July 8, 2005 at 5:41 am

    Of course, Kelly Monaco won. Didn’t she have the Cinderella story on the Cinderella, whoops, Disney, whoops, ABC network.

  23. 23
    lesleyaggie
    Posted July 8, 2005 at 11:42 am

    John and Charlotte were clearly the better dancers! They oozed charisma, charm and graceful, dance elegance. After all this was a BALL ROOM dancing competition, not who-can-shimmy-and-shake-and-girate the best. Kelly sure had that down. I didn’t even know who she was before this show, so I didn’t dislike her because she’s on a soap. And yes she did improve over the show, so she should have gotten a “Most Improved” award, NOT won the competition!! John and Charlotte were the best! It was so enjoyable to watch them, I sure was rooting for them. I hope the next Dancing with the Stars isn’t as rigged, er I mean disappointing.

  24. 24
    Shoe-In
    Posted July 8, 2005 at 1:11 pm

    And what about that completely craptastic “trophy” that the winners got ? Looked like a 6th grade science project, complete with glued on gold glitter. Next time they should let these teams play to win money for their favorite charities at least.

  25. 25
    Mital
    Posted July 9, 2005 at 7:22 am

    Yeah, I know it’s just a TV show but it got me so riled up. John got Robbed plain and simple and I really think someone owes me an apology. I haven’t seen a fix like this since the NBA Finals.

    How is it that not one 10 is given out the entire length of the show and a routine in which the professional male slips, the celeb actually waits a half second for the pro to move into a step (Twice at that) and finally gets dropped on her knees to close it out warrant three of them?

    What would be harder, John lifting Charlotte or Kelly being lifted by Alec? I’m sure if you asked non-GH fans if the right person won you’d get close to a 3 to 1 ratio atleast.

    J-Unit, you’re right about the voting too. Totally blows. There’s gotta be some show in which the judges have atleast 2/3 the power. That way Crappy McCrapperson can’t stay on longer than he should.

  26. 26
    jayneatomic
    Posted July 9, 2005 at 7:24 pm

    Did anyone see Kelly and Alec on Jay Leno the other night? They danced a little ditty before commercial and she fell on her face, again, or she would have if Leno hadn’t caught her. She should just blame it on the fake boobs throwing her balance off.

    Alec is russian, not Latin, who knew?

  27. 27
    guest
    Posted July 14, 2005 at 9:23 pm

    I don’t think that Kelly should have won either. I think that ABC messed up big time, and they will see this when they lose money in advertising and stocks etc. We started a petition over on the ABC message board (I did not write it.), and the link is http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?ballroom&1. You can sign it if you want to, or you don’t have to. It’s up to you! The petition has been mentioned in an article, and ABC declined to comment. I just thought that I would let you all know!;)

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