BrokeBanks Mountain

I have not yet seen Brokeback Mountain, although by this time, I’ll probably wait for it to hit DVD. Still, that doesn’t mean that I am not interested in the story, and so when I heard that the Tyra Show was going to bring us the story of Brokeback Mountain using real-life examples, I knew I had to tune in. The experience was very enlightening, and I wanted to share it with those few TVgasm readers who don’t Tivo Tyra’s show every day like I do.First we meet Todd. He is gay. He is a cowboy. And we’re talking a real cowboy, not somebody who shows up in spurs and assless chaps to the TomKatt theater on Santa Monica.

By the way, what’s with that shirt?

Next we meet Belinda, who enjoyed being named after the woman who sang “Heaven Is A Place On Earth”, but was upset about her fiancée was gay. It’s not that she doesn’t want him to be happy, but she wasn’t feeling adequate as a woman. “Adequate” would not be a very good description of Belinda, especially after getting a look at her huge boobs. We call her quite the catch.

Tyra asked Belinda if there was anything in particular that made Belinda think that Todd may be gay. First of all, they rode in the gay rodeo, which I didn’t know existed. I thought if you liked to wear makeup and wear leather pants, you became a rodeo clown or Cher impersonator. I know that sounds a little obvious to be riding in a gay rodeo and then come out as gay, but apparently lots of straight guys are in the gay rodeo. Some other things did tip Belinda off:

He plucked his eyebrows more than she did

He wanted a poodle instead of a sheep dog.

He made suggestive shadow puppets

Oh yeah, and he started having sex with this guy

Next, we got to meet Todd’s parents. Part of the reason it’s difficult to be gay in the cowboy world is that a lot of people think that watch you think that you’re going to hell if you have sex with a woman outside of marriage. If you’re having sex with a guy, all bets are off. In all seriousness, Todd’s parents talked about the difficulty of finding out their son was gay. It wasn’t the obsession with each new issue of Men’s Health, nor the letters his mom read from other gay cowboys; his gossipy sisters narced on him. Thankfully, Todd’s parents learned to accept him and his choices, but his brother is a different story, which is odd because he manages the only Calvin Klein store in Butte, Montana. Here’s Todd’s Mom

PASSION!

In case you thought that Todd was an isolated case, Trya brought out more examples of gay cowboys, including this couple:

Two for one at Fiesta Cantina until 8PM guys!

And what about Belinda? Did she find true love? She’s cute, surely she could find a straight man that wanted to raise a family with her?

Is that jacket sheepskin?

Actually, no. In a shocker, Belinda found another guy in the gay rodeo, and he was also gay. It’s kind of sad that he decided to get married because he said he grew up as a family man and that was the only way he could imagine having kids, but he and Belinda seemed happy together. I bet she doesn’t let him install a jacuzzi or sauna on the ranch though.

Another job well done by Ms. Banks! Unfortunately,Tyra didn’t find it tasteful enough to have the gay cowboys do an impromptu runway show, perhaps saving that special occasion for the four other times she’ll do that this week. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait until she does that special on Jewish assassins next week.