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Wednesday, October 19, 2011
4:00 pm
63 Comments
Tagged: airport scenes, bad writing, cliches, falling in love, lazy writing, movies, romantic comedies, stuff that would get you arrested is not generally romantic
Posted in:
Recaps
Hey hey Gasmii. TheMiki is sick. Like, zero energy, stuck in bed, lots of barfing sick. But… Can’t actually sleep due to the whole stomach trying to turn itself inside-out thing that’s going on, and since the new episode of TCJD won’t be airing for me to recap until tomorrow, I’m running with the idea from the plot twist comment thread and writing a piece I like to call, “Dear Romantic Comedies: Please stop.”
Yes, I’m talking to you
I would like to begin by saying that I don’t hate romantic comedies because they’re romantic comedies. I enjoy a good romantic comedy as much as anyone. The problem is that there aren’t any good romantic comedies. There are a couple of formulas that get recycled so often that I’m fairly convinced we could make a completely coherent movie by splicing together five-minute scenes from twenty different romantic comedies and pressing play. All that changes is the names and the actors, and the actors don’t actually even change all that often. And sure, the same can be said for horror movies or action films, but at least those offer us titties, blood, and stuff blowing up.
Sometimes all at the same time
Not that I think there’s a whole lot worth saving about this genre, but this post is my plea to the movie industry to please stop doing a few of the most annoying things that seem to happen in every single rom-com that hits the theatres. Because just like a lot of people out there, I sometimes date girls who enjoy these light-hearted romantic romps, and those girls sometimes win the rock-paper-scissors battle for what movie to go and see. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t make me sit through another Failure to Launch just to get some ass. It would have been far less damaging to my soul to just buy a damn hooker.
I’ll never be able to go back to the person I was when I hadn’t seen this movie
So, Dear Romantic Comedies, please stop…
1. The mortal enemies falling in love crap.
Look, when we hate another human being it’s usually because we are not compatible with them on even the most basic level. Maybe we have nothing in common, or maybe they’re just a total asshole/douchebag. Either way, that guy at the office who makes you want to quit your job and/or start firebombing every time you think about seeing his stupid face across the meeting room table is not secretly the love of your life. That woman who is best friends with your brother’s wife and who makes you want to stab your own eardrums out with a pencil every time she opens her mouth is not your dream girl in disguise.
We always knew these two crazy mis-matched kids could make it work
Look, if you can’t stand the sight of someone for the amount of time required to be coworkers or acquaintances then the solution is not to get naked and start waking up next to each other. Yes, I’m sure that your free-spirited ways will teach your uptight boss how to enjoy his life, since he’s really just like that due to never having met a free-spirited girl ever at any point in his life. That totally happens, right? WRONG.
Well, maybe if the free-spirit girl looked like this girl we’d pretend…
Okay, so maybe if you’re a heterosexual woman and the guy at work you can’t stand looks like Ryan Reynolds then there may be a chance for some good healthy hate sex, but hate sex does not lead to love. It leads to a few nights of fun followed by a few mornings of self-loathing topped only by the amount of loathing you feel for the naked person next to you. Think about every wedding you’ve ever attended, and try and remember one where the best man got up and did a toast about how the happy couple spent years hating each others’ guts but then were forced to spend time together due to a job assignment/fake marriage/assassination attempt/involuntary adoption/etc and then realized that they were perfect for each other and in love. According to romantic comedies these relationships should make up about 60% of the marriages in America.
Why can’t you be more like your brother?
2. The realizing the right guy/girl was right in front of you the whole time crap.
Okay, quick! Everyone picture your closest friend of the gender you’re sexually attracted to. How does the thought of falling into bed with them and then spending the rest of your life together sound? Weird, huh? I mean, unless you’re secretly pining over your unrequited love for your best friend and just waiting for her to see that the right guy was right in front of her the whole time… In which case, sorry. Romantic comedies are doing you a disservice by giving you some sort of false hope that maybe the next time she catches her asshole boyfriend cheating and comes running to you for support she’ll realize you’re the man of her dreams. In reality though, if anything you might find yourself being the rebound of her dreams, because people tend to look for someone completely unlike the jerks they usually date when they’re on the rebound. The problem is that the reason they date those jerks is because they’re the people they’re attracted to, so the rebound exists to make them feel better and build their self-esteem back up so that they can have the confidence to break up with you and go get treated like shit by some new asshole.
After she rebounds off of Owen Wilson she dates some asshole who keeps leaving her so he can travel through time
If you spend a massive amount of time with someone and you guys get along great and yet have never shared a bottle of wine and gotten handsy then it’s probably because there’s zero chemistry between you. I know that Hollywood has spent your entire life telling you that you should be brave and seize the carp and just tell your friend how you feel about her. Hollywood is full of crap. Seriously. I’m usually all for the “You only live once” theory on not hiding from everything that’s slightly scary. True happiness usually requires taking risks and being brave possibly being rejected repeatedly. That’s life. That’s why you have friends to hang out with who listen to you whine and offer you advice and buy you shots until you puke and/or feel better. Or you would have those friends anyway… If you hadn’t scared them all off by giving some wordy and over-emotional speech about how you wanted to brush your teeth with them at night and help them find their glasses when they were old and had gray hair and blah blah blah.
I’ve always loved you! That’s why I ignored you and treated you like crap.
Have any of you ever had your best friend profess their undying romantic love for you??? Because I have, and do you know how it feels? It feels FUCKING AWKWARD. There’s no going back from that. And my best friend should have known better because I’m a lesbian and he is not, but maybe he watched Chasing Amy or Gigli or something and got it in his head that something good could come from telling me how he really felt, but it just made our friendship weird. And you know what? No matter how well you think you’re hiding it, if you’re in love with your best friend then they probably know that already. I know I did. It’s just that things didn’t get awkward and horrible until he felt the need to say it out loud and I suddenly felt uncomfortable every single time he went to give me a hug. I blame all those horrible weird moments that followed on Ben Affleck, who made two fucking movies where a lesbian fell in love with him. Fuck you, Affleck!
Lesbians can’t resist a well groomed goatee…
3. The running through the airport to catch someone scene.
I couldn’t let you get on that plane… Because we all know return flights don’t exist.
First of all, you’d go to prison unless you bought a ticket at the gate. Do you have any idea how much a last minute flight costs??? As Sarcasatire helpfully pointed out in the plot twist comments, most people don’t keep their passport in their back pocket, and most would be upset about wasting thousands of dollars on non-refundable tickets just to say, “Oh yeah, I love you and I have terrible timing.” Oh sure, if the girl you love is about to get on a plane then it goes without saying that she will turn her cell phone off, not check her messages, and be in a situation where if the plane takes off then she’s locked into a commitment where she can’t date you, but if the wheels stay on the ground then she can stay and whatever she was flying off to do will stop mattering because now she knows that you love her. Whatever you do don’t save $1,500 on unused airfare and just call her after she lands or anything. Once that airplane takes off your would-be future girlfriend will be in another dimension through which your unlikely love will become impossible.
If only Ashton Kutcher had made it to the airport in time to stop her…
Let’s try a real like experiment. Just for fun, show up at the airport with no luggage. Be sweaty from running and look panicked and rushed and agitated. Demand that you get on a specific flight which is already boarding, and tell the counter agent that you don’t care how much it costs. Maybe you won’t get on the plane, but you’re guaranteed to get some action in the form of Homeland Security full cavity search action.
So you say the love of your life is about to marry the wrong guy? Well then bend over.
4. The lying is adorable thing.
I can’t stay mad at you just because our entire relationship was based on lies and betrayal.
If you met a guy and he told you that he just got back from serving in the Peace Corps and then you found out he spent the last six years living in his mom’s basement and bidding on comic books on eBay, would you forgive him after one impassioned speech? How are you supposed to trust someone when they can’t even tell you the truth about basic things like their jobs and friends. People in movies just lie their heads off the way most of us outgrew doing as four-year-olds. I know that people lie in real life all the time, but the way people lie in romantic comedies is disturbing. If you’ve ever slapped on a fake mustache and pretended to be from the phone company so that you could sneak into your love interest’s house and find out if she like you then you are not sweet. You are a stalker/home invader who should be in jail. The way the protagonists’ friends are willing to help them keep up the lie is even worse. My friends are awesome loyal people, but they would never devote an evening to pretending to be my boss in order to help me deceive a girl I claimed to be in love with. That’s just… Weird.
So after convincing your family that I was engaged to you I’ve decided that I’m actually in love with your brother instead. I can fix this with an impassioned speech, right?
5. The dreamgirl is dating/engaged to a horrible one-dimensional cheating lying douche-nozzle with no redeeming qualities thing.
If the girl is so great then why is she about to marry the bro-antichrist? I know we all make bad decisions when it comes to dating (ask me to tell you the story about my ex-girlfriend who drowned a kitten on purpose), but when rom-coms try to make the protagonist all the more worthy of being rooted for because the girl he loves is dating someone who makes Chris Brown look like Prince Charming, it just makes me feel like the movie is insulting my intelligence. Like my brain couldn’t handle it if the boyfriend were a decent guy and I actually had to think about something other than how much I hoped Owen Wilson could win Rachel McAdams away from that awful Bradley Cooper guy. Just because you like a girl who isn’t single, that doesn’t mean her s/o is the villain. There are lots of single women out there, and if you pursue one who is already in a relationship then the odds are that the douche-bag in this situation is you.
There are more, of course. These are just the ones that drive me the most crazy. It is completely possible to make a movie based on romance and that’s funny and enjoyable. I speak only for myself here, but I loved Amelie, Shawn of the Dead, Imagine Me and You, 500 Days of Summer, Scott Pilgrim Vs the World, and several other movies that fell under the heading of romantic comedy. Not a single one of those movies involves the protagonist racing through an airport to proclaim their love, although Imagine Me and You did have a race to stop the dreamgirl from getting to the airport in the first place. I forgive that movie because the husband that gets left when the two protagonists realize they’re in love was super likable and it was really sad when he realized the woman he loved was in love with someone else. Plus the two protagonists were Piper Perabo and Lena Heady, and I’m willing to forgive a lot of cliches if I get to watch those two make out.
Okay kids, weigh in. What’d I miss? What makes you want to chew your arm off to distract yourself from the stupidity happening on the silver screen? What romantic comedies did you actually enjoy, and why?
TV Social
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63 Comments
I actually enjoyed most of the films you ripped on, but I gotta say: “WELL DONE!” Yes, I’ve noticed a lot of these flaws when viewing them. Thank you could do one on teen films?
Oh, and double points for mentioning Imagine Me and You & Shawn of the Dead!! Love!
My major issue with Rom Coms is the lame 3rd act misunderstanding that separates the couple leading to their reconciliation 10 minutes later. It drives me nuts! Mostly because the misunderstanding feels so tacked on and is almost always blown out of proportion.
Although I’m more of an action/horror girl, I actually find the classic romcom cliches cute and endearing in small doses. After a steady diet of raw meat there’s always room for a light, frothy souffle.
I will never, however, forgive the genre for continuing to impose the human armpit stain known as Gerard Butler on my poor bleeding eyes. He just has this goofy, arrogant, “I just sharted in my pants and I’m proud of it” look on his face all…the…time. Why?!?
@Ed – that bothers me too! But I think for me it’s that it means the characters are terrible at communicating or wildly refusing to try to do anything to resolve the situation reasonably.
First, can I say how much I hated Leap Year? That movie clearly violently hated women. Yikes.
Second, what I hate is when the love is earned through googly eyes and the opinions of friends. Bridget Jones’ Diary is the worst offender in that category. They spend like 15 minutes of their lives actually interacting with each other, but somehow they’re soulmates after that. That insults my intelligence.
I also hate the dramatic leaving someone at the altar/stopping someone from getting married right at the moment when they are about to say I do. Sweet Home Alabama offended me with this. McDreamy just kind of bows out gracefully. Really?? You just wasted tons of people’s time, money, and investment in you. Can you imagine what that’s like for the families involved? That’s not romantic. Why do I want to be someone who is so damn wishy washy that I can’t decide who I’m going to marry until someone else tells me who to marry? And why do I want someone who can’t stop themselves from marrying another person? Just, no.
I’m a huge fan of Imagine Me & You, but I think that’s because I imagine me, Matthew Goode, Lena Headey, and Piper Perabo in a fourgy.
One of the worst romcoms I’ve ever seen is The Family Stone. Oh you want my more outgoing, fun-loving sister after knowing her for 5 seconds? That’s cool, because I’d rather be with your brother. All in the family!!
My list of favorites are Annie Hall (stay away, Mosby), The Princess Bride, Forgetting Sarah Marshall (guilty pleasure), and a new favorite is Midnight in Paris. I didn’t think I’d like it because I’ve never been an Owen Wilson fan, but I loved it. They could’ve toned down the bitchiness of Rachel McAdams a bit, though. I hate when they make the boyfriend/girlfriend so outlandishly awful so we’ll wish they’d break up already.
” If you’ve ever slapped on a fake mustache and pretended to be from the phone company so that you could sneak into your love interest’s house and find out if she like you then you are not sweet. You are a stalker/home invader who should be in jail.”
I cannot stop laughing.
And I hope you feel better soon!
I think maybe the last romcom I actually liked (loved) was The Princess Bride. I pretty much hate the genre now.
So funny to read this today. My 11 year old daughter watched her first rom-com last night and as it ended my husband turned to her and said ” Well you have now seen every rom-com movie ever made.”
The Family Stone was a horribly awkward movie anyway, regardless of the sibling swap.
A-FUCKING-MEN! I have dealt with more deluded guys because of that sort of shit. I am not your best friend after casually dating for 3 weeks, thank you very much. If I am, you have way bigger problems than the fact that I’m dumping you. If you’re the friend who made the declaration and it wasn’t returned, grand gestures (or psychotic ones) will NOT change my mind.
One of my favorite rom-coms is Death to Smoochy. Edward Norton shirtless is a big draw for me, though.
And what the hell? She drowned a kitten? I’m speechless.
I’ll admit that I have many a vapid rom-com in my DVD library, because I’m a sucker for lame movies that don’t make you think. But I really hate the ones that portray women as workaholic assholes who have no time for love, until they meet the right man. As if a woman can’t be successful in love AND career at the same time. As if finding a man and getting married finally effing completes your empty, pathetic, soulless, joyless life. I also hate when the woman has some horrible job but, at the end, gets a kick-ass job or has her novel published, because IT’S THAT EASY, apparently.
The worst “romantic comedy” I’ve ever seen is the ABC Family “Revenge of the Bridesmaids.” Ever effing cliche imaginable is in that f**ker. You will lose all faith in humanity after watching it. But it’s a helluva lot of fun to MST3K the crap out of it.
@straighttohell, I will try and write something ripping on teen movies for ya, but the problem is that I haven’t seen a teen movie in so long. I’d have to Tivo a lot of crappy flicks to write that article, which I might wind up doing if I can talk my roommate into drinking heavily and watching them with me.
@Ed – totally. Didn’t you know that hugging your boss in a totally platonic way from across the bar will convince your girlfriend that you’re cheating and she’ll immediately book a flight while ignoring your calls and never talking to you about the incident.
@spinal11 – I gave up on trying to understand the guys that straight women want to see in their romantic comedies years ago. The only movie I’ve seen Gerard Butler in was 300, and he was wearing a diaper through most of that flick, so it would explain the pride in sharting.
@Liz – All completely valid points. The wedding break-up scene being the most annoying. Can you imagine if you were that poor other guy/girl waiting to get married, standing at the altar in front of all your loved ones? Oh right, no, because if your fiance is leaving you at the altar then you’re probably a one-dimensional character with no positive traits, right?
@Tessa – If it has Jennifer Anniston in it then it’s pretty much guaranteed to suck balls.
@chaosbutterfly – Thank you. I’ve been in bed all day and now I’m watching Survivor and eating chicken soup. There’s a wicked case of strep going around that I’m pretty sure I caught. Bleh.
@lindaw – The Princess Bride was amazing and wonderful and proof positive that a romantic comedy can be awesome even if there is a stopping a wedding scene.
@lando – Like I said… Anniston…
@c8h10n4o2 – I hate the grand gestures thing. It really should have been on the list. If you don’t have feelings for someone then no amount of standing out in the rain and shouting love declarations will change a damn thing. Either someone likes you or they don’t. Chemistry is not based on learning a girl’s favorite song and paying a band at a club you’re at to play it while the DJ puts the spotlight on you. That shit is just sad. Death to Smoochy is one of my favorite movies ever. So happy someone else loved it. And yes, I dated a sociopath. She drowned a kitten because she didn’t want it anymore and it seriously made sense to her. She was confused when she told me about it and I freaked out, because she seriously didn’t understand that normal people would have a problem with it. She was horrible, but she was crazy hot and I’m pretty shallow.
@hypnotoad – That role has been reserved for Sandra Bullock, but every now and then they let Reese Witherspoon do a guest spot. I will try and find Revenge of the Bridesmaids on ABC Family, but I’m doubtful that it could possibly be worse than Failure to Launch.
@TheMiki, I love this and I love you! You’ve hit on just about every reason why I can’t stand rom-coms. Sure, I watched Failure to Launch on a flight once because I’d already seen the other films, and while I’m not proud of it, my benadryl hadn’t kicked in, so insomnia was kicking my ass.
I have to see Shaun of the Dead. I’ve heard great things about it and I loved “Otis” which is by the same people. (No romance there..just dark, dark, comedy.)
@spinal, I also find Gerard Butler gross and oafish. I just don’t get him as anyone’s romantic interest even when he was photographed sticking a finger up Aniston’s ass.
@hypno: “But I really hate the ones that portray women as workaholic assholes who have no time for love, until they meet the right man. As if a woman can’t be successful in love AND career at the same time.”
When she is, they’ll say “I Don’t Know How She Does It” and make that into a rom-com, too!
Oh and thanks for the shoutout, TheMiki!
I’m down for a teen movie dissfest but I also haven’t watched a teen flim in a long time. I feel like the most relevant ones happened years ago…(Mean Girls, American Pie, Breakfast Club, Fast Times, Heathers, etc.) We seriously don’t want to subject TheMiki to watching anything with Vanessa Hudgens, do we?
(Sidebar: Does Harry Potter or Twilight qualify as teen movies?)
Just wanted to add that I get really excited when these Moviegasm lists come out. I am a bit of a film snob, passing over most Hollywood blockbusters for indies and docs and foreign films. But I do like to see/read which films others like and why and sometimes I’m inspired to check out titles and directors I’ve never heard of.
Which was all just a verbose way to say, keep up the good work!
Absolutely hate the classic cliches! The worse was was NO STRINGs ATTACHED aka FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. Although I love Natalie Portman, the script was garbage and I was able to tell my sister the exact storyline scene by scene without even seeing the movie. That’s how predictable it was. Now, an unpredictable romance (maybe not comedy) but still good, the underrated indie film Teenage Dirtbag.
TheMiki — It’s on Netflix on demand, so if you have that, there you go. Drink a lot before/while you watch it. It. Is. Horrible. It’s kind of astounding how many times the protagonist mentions that she LIVES IN NEW YORK CITY. And Raven Symone plays the “fat girl” who eats her feelings. Oh, the hilarity!
I don’t really love to admit it, but I actually liked “I Don’t Know How She Does It.” I thought it was a nice portrayal of a woman who didn’t want to sacrifice her family for her career, but also didn’t want to sacrifice her career for her family. It was never, “Which one of these do I have to give up?” It was more, “Okay, how can I better balance all of this?” There was a bit of a give-up in the last part of the film, but other than that, I thought it was a nice change. The movie itself wasn’t fantastic, and I don’t know if it’s exactly a rom-com, since it was more about her family/work life, but I did like that aspect. And Olivia Munn was hilarious in it.
Unlike Jennifer Aniston’s character in that horrible piece of shit “Marley and Me.” She basically disparages herself to make her husband feel better when she was more successful and then quits her job because she’s so conflicted about motherhood and a career at the same time. Also, that movie is about a g.d. effing stupid dog.
A teen movie diss-fest is fine. Just leave “Easy A” out of it because that crap is HILARIOUS. But you can definitely include “Mean Girls 2.”
Oh my god. What IS IT with me and ABC Family movies?!
And “Failure to Launch” and “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” are the most blatantly heinous affronts to the art of cinema in the history of celluloid. Coincidence that they both star Matthew McConaughey? I think not.
Cappy — I stopped watching No Strings Attached after about 20 minutes. Ashton Kutcher was punishment enough, but I wasn’t sure why Natalie Portman’s character was such an incredibly bizarre beyotch.
Easy A was one of my favorite movies EVER. Loved it so much, despite it’s cheesiness. Mean Girls is a huge guilty pleasure, but I haven’t subjected myself to the terrible sequel yet. I have this weird aversion to Raven Symone and I’m not sure why. Anytime I see her in anything I just want to make her stop. I don’t care what she’s doing, I just want it to stop. I don’t know if I’d make it through the bridesmaids movie if she’s in it.
Teen Comedies/Romance
10 Things I Hate About You, Save the Last Dance, Mean Girls, Not Another Teen Movie, Cruel Intentions, Can’t Hardly Wait, Clueless, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Easy A, She’s All That (hatehatehatehatehate
I Know What You Did Last Summer, Brick, Liberty Heights, O, Bring it On, Grease, Road Trip, Saved!, Superbad, Teen Witch (supsonic, idiotic, such a waste of pretty face I don’t really give a ____ about tryna top that, top that! lmao), Welcome to the Dollhouse, Love Don’t Cost a Thing, Friday Night Lights
This was really funny I was laughing like a cray cray person in a fairly public area….but I stilll looove Bridget Jones’ Diary. And How to Lose a Guy is kinds ok to me please don’t kill me.
Everything that is He is Just Not That Into You should be her. God awful movie….
@hypno— i heart you… But EASY A…. One of the top 5 worst movies ever. easily. And it’s not that I don’t like Emma….it’s just she’s way too charactery for her own good. Make her stop overacting every single line of the movie to depict different and quirky, and it could work. Annnnnd, there’s a Mean Girls 2? LOL
@Cappy..what’s even worse about the ‘friends with benefits’ storyline is that the guys are always the one to fall in love. Yea..I’m sure that happens all the time. Girl and this male hottie are having no-strings-attached sex, which gives him license to hook up with other people, but he won’t. (Strike One.)
Eventually said hottie will start wanting to spend more time with her, actual dates (that he pays for!), even though she’s more than willing to just meet up for sex and a beer or two. (Strike two.)
Hottie will start writing her poems or making tapes of her favorite love songs and making over-the-top romantic gestures, because why? He’s in love!!
Remember when your mom said “he won’t buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?” Remember when Patti Stanger told women not to have sex with a man before he commits to monogamy? Good thing you didn’t listen!
Sleep with a guy as often as you like and tell him you expect nothing in return. No commitment, no dates, no strings. He’ll not only buy the cow, he’ll brand it with his initials.
@Sarcasatire…lololol….you are absolutely right! Ha Ha Ha!
I heart terrible rom-coms with a burning passion, but I loved this list, because I also agree with your points. And these days, it seems they’re even using protagonists that aren’t very sympathetic. Something Borrowed has got to be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen; the two people we were supposed to be rooting for were terrible human beings. Awful.
Hypno, I can’t believe you’ve also seen Revenge of the Bridesmaids! I kept thinking, “they’re not actually going to…yup, they are.” But I’m a sucker for ABC Family movies and have been known to spend a weekend afternoon saying “just one more…then I’ll be a productive human being again…well, maybe just one more…”
I loved Easy A. Actually, I loved most of the teen films that I listed and some of the ones @cupcake listed, too. So maybe I got confused because I only want to diss on the films I hate. But you could totally do a ‘teen movies we love’ post, too.
And has someone actually saw Brick to it’s ending? I tried, really tried to watch that film like 4 times and I feel like they’re speaking another language. I’m confused and not invested enough to watch more than a half hour. And I love my Joseph Gordon-Levitt. If we’re doing teen movies we love, let’s talk about Mysterious Skin. He was hot, hot, hot in that!
Another good category to snark on are spoofs and how they succeed or fail. Scary Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, Disaster Movie, Don’t Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood. Speaking of which, has a Rom-Com spoof been made yet?
@sarcasatire
I loved Brick but I was hard into my JGL love at that point. The twist at the end so totally unexpected, but yeah I had to just pretend this was some old time crime movie and let the language thing go lol i thought it was kinda smart and different but then again i really love JGL and 500 Days even tho I think Zoey D might actually be the antichrist, So much put on quirkiness ugh
themiki: Yikes! I’ve dated some crazies, but damn!
And I have to give a shout-out to Shakes the Clown: The one romantic comedy with Adam Sandler that doesn’t make me want to kick him so hard he changes gender.
Haha. I was thinking if I did a teenage movie list it would be a list of all the ways those movies are ruining the adults of tomorrow by teaching them that giggling and being morons is sexy. Spoof movies could be fun, but again, I’d have to rent and watch them because I haven’t seen one of the major ones since Date Movie (which is also the answer to ‘is there a rom/com spoof’) so that would mean watching a LOT of crappy crappy not funny comedies. That might be more than I can hang with.
It’s Jane Austen’s fault. I know everybody’s busy getting ready for Talk Like Jane Austen Day but ever since Pride and Prejudice it’s been like that. And the best friend thing comes from Mansfield Park.
Anyway you’re 100% right. It’d be different if they’d even make the movies more about something else and then just have 1 of those stories as a subplot.
I wouldn’t care that it’s not something that really happens. Lots of stuff in movies doesn’t really happen. That’s why they’re movies, hello!
Thanks for writing this. I hope the focus groups that make up movie plots all read it.
I can’t believe someone doesn’t like “Easy A!” But I won’t harp on that injustice.
And “Heathers” is hands down the best teenage and anti-rom-com movie ever.
And yes. There is a Mean Girls 2. But it is so crappy (at one point, you can literally see the actors waiting for someone to say “Action!’) and so far apart from the original — i.e., not funny in the least — that it’s just sad and bizarre.
emmarmot — I’m glad someone else has seen it! I’ve actually seen it TWICE. And I am not proud of that. I’m the first to admit that I’m a sucker for lame, insipid, rom-coms. I will peruse the $5 DVD bins for any sign of romantic insipidness. I actually own “13 Going On 30.” There. I said it.
I actually love intelligent, Criterion Collection-y films, but sometimes I just feel compelled to watch something ridiculously awesome and awesomely ridiculous.
I loved EASY A as well….i still LOL at the gma’s bday card scene…. as for the Proposal….I loved and still do the Balls To the Wall scene with immortal Betty White….gotta like the stuff that gives you a giggle at random moments… :0)
You guys all pretty much described exactly why I hate stupid romcoms too. But I still watch them, because they…are…on..? I have no idea why I watch them. I will admit that sometimes it’s cute seeing a frigid bitch loosen up a little fall for the frat boy. Everyone loves a happy ending. But most of the time they are awful and so predictable that it is completely insulting to ones intelligence.
I did watch the last 2/3rds of Leap Year the other day and although it was trite and horrible, the adorableness of that Irish Guy made it all worth it. Maybe it’s just that you can put yourself in the shoes of the girl (or guy) and have the happy ending after all? Cause if he looked at me like that with that accent, I would totally move to another country to run a bed and breakfast with him.
Side rant: You forgot about the “stick two people in a situation where they have to pretend to be lovers/married or sleep in the same bed/room so they inevitably make some kind of skin to skin contact and therefore can no longer resist each other”. And also, the person who has a complete personality change because this polar opposite person loves them and has profoundly and deeply changed them. I’m pretty sure that’s just schizophrenia. /rant
In conclusion, yes, they’re utterly stupid, but like spinal11 said, sometimes you just need something a little different. Or you’re bored and you’ve seen everything else.
The way to never, ever, fucking ever see another rom-com is to set boundaries at the very beginning of a relationship. I knew things were already working out with my now wife on the second date when we both agreed that I’d never take her on a date to see a sci-fi movie, and she’d never expect me to go see something in which Jennifer Aniston/Sandra Bullock/Kate Hudson falls down a lot and is precious.
There can be no compromise when it comes to this stupid shit. You don’t peacefully coexist with cocktroaches in your kitchen, and you don’t go to a rom-com simply because there’s nothing else playing. Compromise=the death of your brain.
Ahem, I’d like to selfishly point out that I was the one who posted about rom coms in your MovieGasm plot twist post
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Here’s something else I HATE…when at the end, the two characters that have been destined to be together finally have that first kiss. And what do you know? No chemistry! Nothing! Let’s try again…still no chemistry!!
Wah wah waaaaaaaaah! Isn’t part of crushing on someone being majorly attracted to them? I can understand if they have sex and the guy’s stumpy penis veers to the left, but short of that, when you’re bagging your dream person, the first kiss will probably have sparks.
OMG!! This is the second laugh out loud funniest thing I have read. The first was comedian David Attel’s line on relationships: “I don’t have a girlfriend, but sometimes I like to pretend I do. Just stand in my apartment screaming “No, that’s not what I said!”
This piece speaks to me – I am not a chick flick rom-com fan – I did love “Something’s Got to give” because I loved the dialogue and the intelligence (and God yes, Diane Keaton’s house!)But that puke inducing formalaic shite that is out there too much? No thanks! I see Matthew McConnaghay, Gerald “just take your shirt off and shut the fuck up” Butler, or ensemble crap like “Valentine’s Day”, I just walk on by.
There are some that I like: Something’s Got to Give, The Philadelphia Story, 4 Weddings and a Funeral (Hugh’s stammering act aside), Roxanne
But I am a weird chick…
@cupcake623.. Me and my sister used to be obsessed with Teen Witch. Best movie EVER in our opinion. We watched it recently and were cracking up the entire time. Sooo bad!
Girls just wanna have fun, was another fave
OMG! This is the second funniest thing I read today. (The first was comedian David Attel’s take on relationships: “I don’t have a girlfriend, but sometimes I pretend I do. Just stand in my apartment screaming “No, that is not what I said!!” )
This piece speaks to me – I want to petition to get a law in the books that prevents the following actors from appearing in any more of these movies (unless a painful zombie death occurs in the end): Jennifer Aniston, Matthew McConnaghay, Gerald Butler and Katherine Heigel.
Movies I like? “Something’s Got To Give” (love the chemistry, the dialogue and Diane Keaton’s house!), “Roxanne”, “The Philadelphia Story”, “When Harry met Sally”.
I always think of the funny MTV movie skit involving the chick flick formula, which had several actresses dancing in their pj’s to Motown while eating ice cream.
LAC!! Where you been girl? Missed you. I love Dave Attel..ever check out his show Insomniac? It’s like a travel show but he only tours the cities at night. It’s hilarious! Especially the New Orleans episode.
Back on topic, we may need to add Kate Hudson to that list. And put Cameron Diaz on probation.
Hi Sarcas!!! How are you and how is the boo boo bear? I have been swamped with work, that’s all. I loved that show – David Atell is so funny!And girl, you are right about Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz. Them bitches better push back from the rom-com buffet table. I admit a guilty pleasure that Ms. Hudson was in … “Le Divorce” – I know! I know! But it was in Paris and it was continental, and… (shame face plant)
( Another futile attempt to get this message on. Wha’happened?)
I’ll say… i liked the idea of Easy A, just not the execution of it. I hope we can still be friends. haha.
@LAC! I with you on your list!… never seen Roxanne though.
Andddd I’m with you on being over the Katherine Heigel train!
Speaking of rom/com musicals? The Justin/Kelly movie (american idol) was just on. I don’t know why I’m sitting in my hotel room watching this masterpiece. How do these movies get made?!
Now I get it! Delayed comments. Ok, I will stop with ADD posting!
Hi, cap’n!!
Sorry for the delay lac! You and ktnxbye keep showing up in spam. Lol! Sorry bout that I am trying to fix.
oh yikes! Thanks for trying to fix it. I bet I show up as spam because some of them are set to do that with names that have lots of consonants in a row. I don’t know why LAC would though.
Aww, TheMiki, I was right there with you on everything until you said you liked “500 Days of Zooey Deschanel Bugging the Shit Out of Me.”
While it may have skirted traditional romcom cliches it doubled down on every twee, hipster cliche and made Joseph Gordon-Levitt wear sweater vests.
They worked at a greeting card company? They bond over the Smiths? They sing karaoke ironically? He wears sweater vests? They pretend they live in Ikea? He moves on from a girl named “Summer” to a girl named “Autumn”? He wears sweater vests? She has Zooey Deschanel’s annoying hipster hair?
I didn’t think it was possible to kill my inappropriate love for all things Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but damn if that movie didn’t try.
Thank you, Flipit! You had me at “Sorry for the delay…”
I agree 100% with LAC and sarcasatire on the actors that should be henceforth banned from ever making anothing rom-com again. And Adam Sandler? I HATE him…..I mean, really hate….like I would set his face on fire if I every saw him in person hate. I’ve never seen Easy A but I need to find it on netflix.
Hint hint: I hope someone does another Halloween list this year! I took the suggestions from last year and watched some awesome movies.
Oh, and I’m glad you’re feeling somewhat better, TheMiki. Strep is a bitch.
TheMiki: I’ll trade your strep for my 2 months (and counting) sinus infection. Looks like I’ll be having surgery soon, though, and that means happy pills! So, yeah. Feel better ASAP.
I full on can’t stand it when people in these movies make out as soon as they wake up, like their mouths don’t smell even a little like dumpster.
@lajane81 — when you’re truly in love you wake up with your breath smelling like rainbows and christmas morning. Duh!
@c8h10n4o2 — I’ll trade you if I get to keep the happy pills
@lindaw205 — I believe Hypnotoad made last year’s list (if I’m wrong then I’m so so so sorry to whomever I’ve slighted) so I would only make one with his blessing (meaning if he wasn’t planning on doing one). I do love horror movies though, so that’d be a pretty easy list to bang out.
@vallegirl — I am deeply annoyed by all of the hipster cliches that you mentioned, but somehow I still love that movie. The dialogue is great, his little sister is the best character in the whole flick, and they play Regina Spektor TWICE. I love me some Regina Spektor.
@LAC – I fully support your petition. May we add Sandra Bullock, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Natalie Portman?
@sardini – My deepest gratitude for the suggestion to rip on rom/coms. It was fun and helped distract me from being miserable and sick.
TheMiki – of course, you can add those names. I sooooo agree! Thank you for this funny, great article. I hope you feel better.
Just a another gem from Dave Attell (He is DC this week)
On Travel: “I travel a lot. I hate traveling mostly because my dad used to beat me with a globe.”
Oh man, I’m late….this is a killer article BAHAWAAHAAA Thanks Miki feel better soon.
So true about these romcom cliches. I look at them when I want some fluff. Same with my reading material. At work (we can listen to audiobooks) I got Edith Wharton, Charlotte Bronte, Laura Halse Anderson, Sapphire – and Jennifer Cruise
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My favorite romantic comedy? Well, it’s not technically a romcom but ti’s “The Incredibles”. That movie shows you what true love and commitment is really all about. My favorite scene when Helen (Elastigirl) thinks Bob (Mr Incredible) is cheating on her and she’s sobbing to Edna Mode. Hilarious and so true!
I’m just happy to see someone else feels the same way I feel. Probably one of the biggest things my husband loves about me is that I would never in a million billion years force him to go see (or sit on the couch and watch) a romantic comedy. Those make me want to go on killing sprees. His ex-wife believed those fucking movies, hence the “ex” part. She couldn’t handle her life not being a dramatic, stupid, vapid romantic comedy/soap opera. Like my brother has always said, I’m way more of a man than most guys.
Also, I don’t count Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Grandma’s Boy, or The Princess Bride, because those are actually comedies that just happen to have love stories in them…even if that’s the central theme. Because the humor is great regardless and at least the story lines are based in reality (OK, maybe not Princess Bride, but who cares?).
Reading this made me realize that the list of actresses I hate all have one thing in common – romantic movies. Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Anniston, Rachael McAdams, Kate whateverthefuckhernameiswhoisthedaughterofgoldiehawn, Katie Holmes, that big-boobied blonde girl from that terrible doctor show, etc. Same goes with the actors in those. Gerard Butler did one great movie, 300. Whenever those ads for that PS I Love You movie would come on, it made me violently angry. Those are two people who were in wonderful movies when they first got popular (300 & Boys Don’t Cry) and then they fall into this horrible movie genre that makes me want to become Amish so I don’t have to be subjected to this shit anymore.
And here I thought I was the only person in the world who hates Jennifer Aniston and thinks Gerard Butler is ugly.
@lestermaddox – you’re avatar is so cute. I want to try to hold it down and give it a noogie.
I still like Sandra Bullock, maybe because I dislike JJ so much. SJP has got to go, though….for some reason I want to puke pink anytime I see her.
Hate rom-coms most of the time. And I don’t know if I ever hated a movie as much as I hated 500 Days of Summer. Probably because of Zooey I’m-So-Cute-and-Quirky-and-I-Have-Crazy-Hair Deschanel. Give me an explosion and gunfight filled movie anytime before you force me to submit to a rom-com. Except Princess Bride. I can watch that movie over and over and still love it as much as I did the first time my mom showed it to me years ago.
Love the list of actresses to ban. Let’s just lock all of them up somewhere. And I only loved Gerard in Phantom of the Opera and 300. Now he’s just kinda greasy looking and ugly.
@ellemck1
He also has something in common with Brandi Glanville’s son. It is unfortunate that he didn’t grow out of it :>
Robin
I would like to add to the list a technique that romance books will sometimes follow as well: Trying to throw you off the scent, and to keep things from becoming hopelessly predictable, the love interests are enemies at first (which you mentioned), but sometimes they just take it too far. They make it look like a possible match is sooo unlikely, that it could never happen, and in the process they over play their hand. I am referring to the abomination that is “Runaway Bride”. By the time it was over, I hated both characters so much, I felt, “who the fuck cares if they get together?” Richard Gere was a misogynist and Julia Roberts was an easily manipulated jackass. I felt the same about How to Lose a Guy and Failure to Launch, the characters were so moronic, who the hell cared if they were happy in the end?
Other Cliches: Family of either character has some quirky older lady or crazy family members that get in the way (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) or one of them have a child and they fall in love through the kids (One Fine Day, Jerry Miguire, Look Whose Talking…)
I liked “Not Another Teenage Movie”, I thought it was an excellent spoof on teenage movies.
My favorite romance? I know many of you will disagree, but I can never get enough of the movie “Overboard”. I hate Kate Hudson, but mom Goldie and Kurt Russel are just so fun to watch together. The premise is ridiculous, but I enjoy the movie every time I see it. Same with True Lies. I like some real comedy in my romances! Loved The Incredibles too, and I was mighty fond of the first Shrek. Oh, and movies with Cary Grant. Princess Bride is a good choice, but I must say, Roman Holiday with the ever lovely Audrey Hepburn and that scoundrel Gregory Peck, always made me believe that they really loved each other.
And now for a movie recommendation I loved that no one else seemed to, but I felt it captured so many heartfelt moments in a creative and new way: “Stranger Than Fiction”. It has an all star cast, but no one outshines the other, it is done in an original and smart way, and most importantly, Will Ferrel plays a decent fellow (it is the only movie of his that I can stand).
I am a long-time hater of the type of movie you have eviscerated in this outstanding column. There are very few of these light weight rom-coms I can stand.
But I would argue that The Princess Bride is not a rom-com at all. It has far more depth to it with its messages about fathers and sons/grandsons. And it’s still one of the best movies ever. Can you really lump such a great movie in with the likes of anything by Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler, Matthew McConaughey, and Owen Wilson?
@shana — Stranger than Fiction was AMAZING. The part where he brings her “flours” was so cute that it made me all misty eyed like a friggin girl or something. Kaufman’s other enormous success at making a super annoying actor into a character with depth and range was Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which I found intensely romantic but people always look at me like I’m twisted for thinking it’s sweet.
@cattyfan — I’m with ya there. I’ve always considered Princess Bride to be a fantasy movie, which is why it wasn’t one of the rom-coms I mentioned actually liking.
Oh, the first part of my horror movie recommendations list should be up this afternoon, so keep an eye out for that. Less eviscerating there, which is kinda my specialty, but maybe it’ll give you something good to watch for Halloween. I think after that is done I might take on a couple of single actors/actresses to track how their careers turned into horrible jokes. I’m thinking Sandra Bullock to start off with, but I would love your recommendations here as well.
Love you guys. You make all the snarky typing so totally worth it.
@ themiki: Thank You!! I made four other people see it with me and none of them enjoyed it the way I did. I just LOVED that movie and when he brought her “flours”, I also thought it was the most romantic thing. Finally! Someone who loved that movie too. You are awesome themiki!
ummm…..why are you guys ripping on Jen? (I lurve her). I’m PREETTTY positive she was not in The Family Stone. You’re either thinking of Sarah Jessica Parker (in TFS), or Rumor Has It (the one with Jen that everyone hates).
hands down, Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion is my favorite “romantic comedy”. it’s so weird & funny, I’ve watched it so many times I can recite most of it. other good ones: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Reality Bites, 10 Things I Hate About You, She’s the Man (I’m a sucker for Shakespeare remakes), Knocked Up, Picture Perfect, Office Space, Bruce Almighty, The Object of my Affection (woohoo, Jennifer rules), 40-Year-Old Virgin, Hairspray (original & remake are both amazing), What A Girl Wants, Waitress, Bridget Jones’ Diary, About A Boy, Juno, High Fidelity … okay, I’ll stop. hehe.
funny article, you were spot-on with the cliches! shana, Overboard is hilarious! it’s my mom’s favorite movie of all-time, so I’ve seen it many times. I love Goldie Hawn. Butterflies are Free is beautiful too, but it really isn’t a comedy so I didn’t add it in my list. I’ve seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days more than once because I think Kate is pretty funny in it .. when she sings “You’re so Vain” with his name in it, I can’t stand how funny that part is & her going crazy about her ferns & the cigars!! ha!