Design Star: Dining Room Challenge

PREVIOUSLY ON DESIGN STAR…

The remaining 5 designers had to create a themed kitchen featuring Kenmore appliances. Photos of the finished kitchens were used in a Sears Kitchen Catalog.

During the competition Emily the Strange bubble-wrapped a chair, Michael berated Alex and Courtland got to use his beloved Venetian wall-treatment once more.

In the end, the judges decided that Casey was the overall winner and the bottom four were Michael, Alex, Courtland and Emily the Strange. Then it was narrowed to the bottom two: Alex and Emily the Strange. Finally, it was the end of the road for Alex, and he was eliminated.

AT THE FLATOTEL…

The designers’ phone is ringing. Who could it be?

Ring! Ring! Ring! “Hey guys, this is Tom. I sorta can’t come out in the sun right now on account of I’m a vampire, and I don’t have one of those cool rings like those dudes on ‘Vampire Diaries.’ Do you think one of you could come over and feed me? Michael, you wear scarves. It’ll be easy to cover up the bite marks.”

Courtland – “Tom, there’s another call coming in.” Tom – “But I’m hungry.” Courtland – “Call Pizza Hut.” Tom – “But I need blood….” Courtland – “Eat the delivery boy.” Tom – “Ooo good idea. Mmm’kay bye.”

Ohh look it’s Vern on the line. He congratulates everyone on making it to the final four, and Vern wants to invite them to brunch at Chef Aaron Sanchez’s restaurant Centrico. Naturally the naive designers are like hellz yeah.

Vern is inviting us to brunch, how thoughtful. ‘rainbows, puppies and pink elephants‘

What they should realize is Vern has something up his little compact Asian sleeve. Anyone who has ever seen the South Park Chinpokomon episode knows what I’m talking about. Hidden inside toys like ‘Shoe’ were cameras. What’s hidden in the food, Vern?

More plans to bomb the harbor, eh?

Casey oooos brunch and Courtland looks like he just had an orgasm.

I feel just like Holly Golighty!!!

Michael tells the camera that this is a special treat in between buttoning up Courtland’s shirt.

Michael – “OMG Courtland, pull yourself together. Eww is that a third nipple? What are you, a cow?”

As the designers leave the apartment, Michael wonders aloud if a challenge will immediately follow brunch. Michael, you may wear a lot of scarves but props on being the only one suspicious of this brunch.

AT CENTRICO…

The designers make their way into the restaurant. At their table, they raise their glasses in a toast to being the final four and to the appointment of J.Lo to the American Idol judges’ table.

Unanimous chorus – “Don’t be fooled by the rocks that she’s got b.c. she’s still, she’s still Jenny from the Block.”

Sanchez serves them tropical fruit salad, huevos racheros, corn tamale, and rice pudding empanadas with mango chutney.

Montage of eating. Talk of confidence is everything. More eating. Courtland looking tipsy.

Courtland – “I love you guys.” Casey – “Courtland, button your shirt.”

Emily the Strange announces that she guessed they would be the final four left.

Michael is like say what?!??!

Emily the Strange is like uh huh you know it, Scarfy.

Emily the Strange – “I’m a prop designer psychic. I’ll arrange that can of Folgers Coffee on your kitchen counter top and read your tea leaves.”

Courtland tells us lunch was a really good experience and then DRAMATIC MUSIC…

Vern – “Hakuna matata, bitches!!!”

Courtland gulps “In walks Vern.”

Vern says “Hello Final Four, are you surprised to see ME???”

“Come on Barbie, don’t be late to the party. You had to have known I was going to show up.”

Vern introduces the designers to Chef Sanchez. Chef Sanchez looks “thrilled” to be there.

Chef Sanchez -”Vern is blackmailing me. He caught me having an affair with my sous-chef.” Vern – “I was playing Donkey Kong on my Gameboy and heard this loud noise. I was like Diddy Kong isn’t screwing Dixie Kong…wait a minute…. So I went to the storage closet and found Sanchez banging a post-op transexual.” Chef Sanchez – “Post-op????” Vern – “Gawd, you’re so naive Sanchez.”

Vern tells us Sanchez is also the host of “Chefs vs City” and it’s one of the biggest hits

Did you say biggest hits?

on the Food Network.

“Oh. Well, nevermind then. ‘mutters’ Any network that gives an iceskater a cooking show…ooo look at me as I do a triple axle and chop up a tomato.”

Vern asks the designers if they enjoyed their meal. The designers murmur yes. Vern says good because you need to remember everything about it.

Champagne and orange juice.

For this week’s challenge Vern wants the designers to choose one of these dishes as inspiration to create a dining room space.

Vern says this challenge is about what you perceived from the meal.

I got this.

Here’s what Emily the Strange saw in her meal.

Large Marge.

Vern asks Chef Sanchez to repeat the dishes for the designers one more time. He does. Then Vern tells Casey since she won last time she gets to pick the first dish.

Casey chooses the corn tamale.

Meet Mr. Hanky’s cousin: Corn Tamale.

Courtland selects the rice pudding empanadas with mango chutney.

Reckon you make me some rice empanadas with mango chutney…. mmmm hmmmm since we’re out of French fried potaters.

Emily the Strange picks the huevos racheros because they’re exciting and weird just like her.

John Wayne, playing the role of a rancher, “I would never eat this pansy ass shit.”

Vern then tells Michael “The fruit platter has selected you.”

Michael laughs and says, “How ironic.”

I guess it’s time you found out that I moonlight as Carmen Miranda on the weekends.

Vern tells the designers now that they have their individual inspirations it is time for the twist: using old and ordinary furniture in a well-lived in space. The designers will have to repurpose furniture and materials.

Teams will be Casey and Courtland; Emily the Strange and Michael.

Courtland tells us this challenge is difficult because you’re working from memory. He says he has no visual because he just devoured it.

Just like Michelangelo devoured David.

AT BLUE TEAM’S DESIGN LOCATION…

Emily the Strange and Michael enter the space. Michael yells, “Hi Honey, I’m home.”

Emily the Strange – “Just so you know, I don’t do dishes.” Michael – “Just so YOU KNOW every Wed. is Liza Minelli night.”

Creepy organ music plays as the camera pans the current state of the room. Eek it’s like grandma threw up in there.

Tommy, don’t touch the VCR. I have it set to tape Matlock at 7 o’clock.

Michael scans the room.

Yessss tea cozies!!!

Michael tells the camera “I was like where is the dead body.” Haha I almost spit out my soda at that one Michael. Bwhahaa.

The camera zooms in on this stuffed rabbit.

They’ll never find the body. I made sure of that.

Michael points out the snowmen that are still out even though it’s no longer Christmastime.

Snowman on the left – “Get your hand off my top hat before I shove this broomstick up your ass.” Snowman on the right – “Don’t mess with him pretty boy, he’ll do it.”

Then Michael starts getting freaked out by all of the angels everywhere.

“The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup”

“I say a little pray for you”

“While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now”

“I say a little prayer for you”

“Forever, and ever, you’ll stay….”

Ahhhhh stop singing!!!!!

Michael and Emily the Strange continue to survey the room. Garden gnomes and other random crap adorn the room. Hmm what’s this?

Princess Aurora and Madonna Ciccone

As Tubular Bells plays and Regan hides around the corner, Emily the Strange and Michael devise a plan and divide up the work.

AT THE RED TEAM’S LOCATION…

Casey and Courtland find their space is filled with a ton of furniture that Casey says should really be on its way to a swap meet.

Billy, don’t touch my VCR. ‘Mr. Belvedere’ is on at 8 o’clock.

Courtland and Casey decide to repurpose the dining room table which causes Courtland to laugh like a muppet.

“Hah hah hah. It’s time to put on makeup; It’s time to dress up right; It’s time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.”

Montage of Courtland building a new top for the table. Montage of Casey reupholstering the chairs.

AT BLUE TEAM’S LOCATION…

Michael tells the camera he instantly loved the coffee table so he told Emily the Strange hands-off.

Michael – “Emily the Strange owed me after letting those angels torture me with a song about combing hair. Hey angels, you can’t comb ceramic!!”

Montage of Michael transforming the coffee table into a bench.

Michael – “I figure if people like Vanna White like coffee enemas then they’ll love to sit their ass on a coffee table bench.” ‘wink’

Michael tells the camera that he wants to capture the colors and pop in your mouth flavor of the fruit platter.

Michael – “What this room needs is a mouthful of Pop Rocks and Pepsi. (Emily the Strange whispers to Michael) What? That’s how the rabbit killed Grandma? Oh, my bad.”

While the coffee table bench gives Michael a hard-on, Emily the Strange cracks open a paint can of green paint.

Paint can – “It’s not easy being green.” Emily the Strange – “Sorry, Kermit.”

Oh.My.God. They’re painting the ceiling green.

Michael – “At least when Linda Blair projectile vomits pea soup it’ll blend in.”

Emily the Strange – “It’ll work.” Michael – “Sure and if it doesn’t we’ll blame it on Tom.” Emily the Strange – “Speaking of has anyone checked on him?” Michael – “Courtland said Tom is in the basement practicing his fangs by draining the jelly out of Dunkin Donuts.”

AT RED TEAM’S LOCATION…

Courtland tells the camera that there is a spicy tang to his dish so he’s bringing that to life by turning the lamps into vases, sexy red vases.

Tom “Compton” meet Sookie “Vase”

Sookie “Vase” needs a blood transplant.

Courtland says that they represent the spiciness of the empanadas.

AT BLUE TEAM’S LOCATION…

As Emily the Strange handles a bunch of flowers, she tells us that this is a total crafty project, but she makes it work and comes up with this creation.

Who wants to hear me play ‘Stairway to Heaven’???

Emily the Strange tells us she picked huevos rancheros because it was a lot going on, both on the plate and in her mouth, and she loves the crazy flavors and textures. Sooo to reflect that crazy flavor and texture she is making a garden on a lamp. Ummmm okay.

Montage of Emily the Strange taking ’70s flowers, gluing them to a box and spray painting them white to create A CHANDELIER.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Emily the Strange tells us she thinks that Michael thinks she is a little bit crazy, but she says the judges told them to mix it up. Hmm and this is what Emily the Strange thinks is mixing it up.

A ‘Sex & the City’ style sugar cube for Sarah Jessica Parker.

As Emily the Strange’s chandelier dries, Michael is decapitating ceramic angels in the streets.

Michael – “I’ll say a little prayer for YOU!”

Michael tells us he is using the pieces for a mirror frame and says he told the angels, “I told them off with your heads, you’re now a mirror frame.”

Michael – “I’m sacrificing you in the name of good design.”

Then Michael gets freaked out by the angel faces staring up at him.

Angel face – “Have you no R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for us, Michael?”

Michael – “No.” ‘smashes angel face’

AT RED TEAM’S LOCATION…

Oh look Courtland is doing another Venetian wall although he claims it’s an emulation of the empanadas texture and taste. Is Tom currently buried behind this one Courtland? Thought so.

Courtland – “Tom needed a place to hide after he killed the baker and clerks at the Dunkin Donuts. Turned out jelly just wasn’t enough to quench his thirst. ‘tom bangs on wall’ Gawd Tom, why can’t you just be a vegetarian like the Cullens?”

Then Courtland keeps yelling “color!!” “color!!” “color!!!’ like he has Tourettes Syndrome. Courtland if you yell “color” three times in row you’ll end up with this guy.

Murky Dismal.

Casey isn’t sure about the wall. She feels it’s more “Welcome to Moe’s!!!!” than a high end dining space. BTW why do these designers feel the need to do wall murals and treatments? Curse you Nina Gargamelda and your splooge/period/braille walls!!!

Casey thinks this literal translation could cost Courtland.

Meanwhile for Casey’s contribution she is making an ottoman. Montage of Casey building her ottoman.

Back to Courtland working on the wall.

Courtland – “Casey, I’m reinforcing the wall so Tom stays put until after the judges’ walkthrough, but I’m going to disguise it with sconces.” Casey – “That’s fine.”

Courtland tells us to not try this at home. Which Courtland? Storing a newly turned vampire or electrical wiring?

AT BLUE TEAM’S LOCATION…

Emily the Strange reminds us that she is a prop stylist. She says since they don’t have a client she can pretty much do what she wants so she literally makes some flying saucers out of china. Tehe.

Emily the Strange – “I just need a teeny little picture of Joaquin Phoenix and then my Flight of the Navigator will be complete.”

Montage of frantic last minute work.

AT RED TEAM’S LOCATION…

Casey tells us it is the end of the day. Montage of frantic last minute work.

AT BLUE TEAM’S LOCATION…

Emily the Strange tells us she is trying to keep huevos rancheros present in the design while Michael is screaming, “These strings are driving me crazy.”

Michael – “My flailing arms aren’t enough to pull these strings down. Damn it Emily the Strange, why did you have to turn Kermit into paint? I could use his flailing muppet arms.”

Emily the Strange hopes it doesn’t look like huevos rancheros blew up in their room.

JUDGES’ WALKTHROUGH…

The designers are waiting on the sidewalk for Vern & Co. to arrive.

Look Vern, we’re re-enacting Mick Jagger’s music video “Waiting on a Friend.”

Vern, Cheryl Tiegs and Geneive head inside to check out blue team’s room first.

Here is Emily the Strange and Michael’s final design.

Cheryl Tiegs is very impressed by Michael’s Baroque mirror. She says it looks like a brand new $1000+ mirror and only a couple of ceramic angels were sacrificed.

The judges agree that the pea green ceiling is unexpected.

Vern – “But I like it. If Gavin ever projectile vomits pea green soup from his crib we would be covered.”

Vern also points at that there was definitely some editing with this team.

The judges move onto the red team’s room. Here is Casey and Courtland’s final design.

The judges exclaim “the wall is really orange.” Not a good sign Courtland.

Cheryl Tiegs points out the sconces and Vern says the wall treatment is definitely Courtland; however, Vern would like to see Courtland do something different.

Vern loves the sconces and the ottomon.

The judges meet the designers back outside. Since there is no winning team for this challenge, Vern instructs the designers to go back upstairs and tape their hosting video. Cheryl Tiegs adds make sure that your big personalities show through.

HOSTING VIDEOS…

Montage of designers filming their hosting videos.

ELIMINATION DAY…

Genevieve – “Fucking ‘A’, Cheryl Tiegs.” Vern – “Jesus Chris, email said black and pink this week. See my shirt and tie are pink, rest is black. Genevieve has black with pink pumps. You’re wearing a skimpy lingerie top that is clearly not pink nor black.” Cheryl Tiegs – “But I….” Genevieve – “John Gidding last week did a wonderfully sexy job.” Vern – “We wanted to replace you with him, but HGTV, those bastards, said you’re under contract.”

Vern reiterates this week’s challenge and the rules for this point in the competition.

The judges watch each of the host’s video presentations.

Casey is up first. Cheryl Tiegs says Casey is a bombshell and will attract more men to HGTV. Vern says there were several of Casey’s elements in the apartment that made him smile. Wow a compliment from Vern!

Next is Emily the Strange. Genevieve thinks Emily the Strange used the room well this week, but she warns her to watch the design lingo during the video. Vern questions Emily the Strange about the ceiling.

Now for Courtland. Vern is annoyed that Courtland had the chef’s name incorrect, but Vern is enamored and oh so inspired by the sconces.

Vern – “I’m thinking about installing them in my Nissan Altima. Genevieve, wouldn’t they look lovely on the dashboard?”

However Vern is put off by the Venetian wall because of the already present texture of the brick.

Finally, it’s Michael’s turn. Cheryl Tiegs tells Michael he has a lot of confidence and can design his way out of a paper bag.

Vern – “I want to put a paper bag over you right now, Cheryl Tiegs. Always fucking up our cohesive judges’ outfits.”

Vern loves the mirror. Cheryl Tiegs asks why black for the mirror. Michael replies that he didn’t want the mirror to scream FRUIT SALAD he wanted it to simply say fruit salad. ‘wink’

Vern says although he likes the mirror he wants to see more of Michael in the designs.

Michael – “What!?!?!?!? But I smashed angel faces for you this week.”

The designers are dismissed, and the judges deliberate.

The designers re-enter the room, and Vern tells them that between him, Cheryl Tiegs and Genevieve they have over 40 years of designing experience. Way to show your age guys.

Vern announces the bottom two are Courtland and Michael. Ahhh but what about Mai Tai Thursdays at the special Pottery Barn Kids picnic table???

Bam! Courtland is eliminated.

Tune in next week when the final three design outdoor sunroofs and special laborers come to help. Could these laborers be former designers and if so can Tom come out in direct sunlight? See you next week. Toodles!!!