PREVIOUSLY ON DESIGN STAR
12 designers were partnered up and had to create White Box Sanitarium Rooms with goods from an Asian Miyagi Market. We learned that Emily stares, Nina is not Ms. Frizzle because she throws bitches under the Magic School Bus, Courtland is fond of leather jackets, Michael only owns stuff he loves, Tom knows ninja moves, Alex thinks he’s Tilda Swinton and Julie’s goose massacre room was her demise.
AT THE FLATOTEL…
While the bottom six designers are still facing the firing squad that is Kim Jong-il, Cheryl Tiegs and Genevieve, the top six designers are back at the Flatotel.
The top six designers are sizing each other up and Michael says Alex has some clever tricks, but Tera isn’t paying attention and replies that Alex didn’t turn trick until he broke up with his girlfriend in 1996 to which Michael replies whatever happened to Maya?
Nina Gargamelda then has the audacity to ask everyone “who do you think would be the most difficult to work with?”
Finally realized who she reminded me of: a cross between Hank Azaria’s live action Gargamel and Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame’s Esmerelda.
The other designers are too scared to say uh that would be you, Nina Gargamelda.
Nina Gargamelda doesn’t wait for anyone to respond so she just blurts out “Emily.” She explains that Emily’s room sucked and Emily the Strange needs to go home.
Then the remaining five designers come through the door. Someone chirps who went home? And when Michael hears it is Julie he responds “Aww she flew away like a feather.” Courtland busts out laughing.
What can I say? I’m wearing my witty grey A&F Henley shirt today.
Nina Gargamelda rambles over and over about how she won but she’s totally not safe.
Oh my. Have you been eating paste again, Ms. Lippy??
Mmm I love me some paste and “The Puppy Who Lost His Way.”
Courtland grits his teeth and ominously predicts to the camera that Nina’s biggest downfall will be Nina and her addiction to paste.
OVER ON THE SET OF MANNEQUIN…
The designers arrive to face their next challenge. Genevieve (Vern and Cheryl Tiegs are MIA) welcomes the group to their first Design Star Fashion Show.
Genevieve explains that the designers will choose their favorite runway design and create an apartment look based on that design. Ooo sounds fun! Imagine an Alexander McQueen inspired room!!! Unfortunately, I get the feeling we won’t be that lucky.
Here are the outfits.
In random order, the designers get to choose which gown they want. Since it’s random, Nina Gargamelda, who won last time, gets to go first.
Here is what everyone picks.
- Nina – Gypsies tramps and thieves Randi Rahm evening gown.
- Courtland – “takes” Olivia Palermo in the Magaschoni suit.
Courtland, somewhere Erin is thanking you for ridding her of one O. Palermo.
Btw Olivia, this is how you wear a California suit.
- Stacey – Homer Muumuu Beach Cover-up
- Alex – Dennis Rodman wedding gown by Randi Rahm
- Dan – Nick & Nora footie pajamas with “backdoor flap”
- Emily - Mary Poppins’ man-piece Bert suit by Peyman Uma
- Trent - Tommy Bahama Summer Beach Wear
- Casey – Dakota Grizzly Grrr Plaid
- Michael - Patti Stanger animal print by Gayla Bentley
- Tom – Yoga outfit by Fila
- Tera - Urban work wear by FB (she was entranced by David’s melodic voice and would like to be “his baby tonight oh oh ohhhh”
Now for rules. Genevieve explains that the designers will be divided up into two teams: men vs. women. And there’s a twist. The twist is each designer’s look has to be incorporated into the room equating to five different looks in each room. The end result: Pee Wee’s Play House minus sexy Cowboy Curtis and Miss Yvonne the most beautiful woman in Puppetland.
Mekka-lekka hi … WTF is this room?!??!?!
Oh yeah, and Genevieve finally introduces the random woman that has been standing next to her the entire time. It’s Audrey Slater from Redbook Magazine. Never heard of it? Well, your mom probably reads it in between episodes of Lifetime. Anyway, the winning room will be featured in Redbook.
OFF TO THE VAN…
The Designers pile into two vans. The guys pile into one van and Courtland reminds the guys that they’re a team and BAM! They instantly bond.
Hellz yeah we’re going stop and get some TCBY.
Meanwhile the female designers pile into another van and Nina Gargamelda does a head count.
Shut up Buzz! We will not forget Kevin again
Once that’s settled, she immediately takes the leadership position because she’s been doing room designs like this for four years. Stacey tries to offer some suggestions is ignored. Stacey becomes clearly agitated.
I’m going to strangle her with my beach cover-up and dump her Anne-Marie Fahey style. Now where did I put my Gary Coleman cooler?
AT THE MEN’S TEAM APARTMENT (LOCATION: TIMES SQUARE)
The men are greeted by mannequin Miss Havisham.
The men begin assessing their outfits and strategizing how to make them work as a cohesive room design. Alex wants to make the wedding dress into a bed headboard, but Michael thinks that is extremely cliché.
Gawd wedding dress headboards are so predictable. I mean look at Liz Taylor. She has like 8 of them…
AT THE WOMEN’S TEAM APARTMENT (LOCATION: TIMES SQUARE)
At the women’s team apartment, the mannequins look scared.
Tell me, Dr. Curtis McCabe, if I jump I’ll wake up, right?
Tera is worried about how all of the different styles will come together, and Stacey suggests a bold pattern to tie everything in. Casey suggests a mural and everyone agrees it’s a good idea, but Stacey wants to make sure it looks professional
Nina Gargamelda tells Stacey she’ll paint it because she’s a professional and everyone here are professionals, right sweetie?
Pissed, Stacey seeks solace with two of the mannequins: Dakota Grizzly Grrr Plaid and Homer Muumuu Beach Cover-up.
Don’t worry Stacey, we got your back. A bitch slap is best served by a plastic hand.
SHOPPING FOR STUFF
The guys leave the apartment and go shopping for pieces at Zarin Fabrics (team Jill!) and Bo Concept. Michael snatches up a leopard print rug. Satisfied his Patti Stanger leopard animal print is now officially part of the room he wonders if that means he has made a fabric/room love connection. Tehehe.
In Bo Concept, Trent looks for wooden pieces to incorporate his Tommy Bahama theme. Michael thinks Trent is being too literal and worries that Trent doesn’t think outside the box enough.
But nothing says Bahama like a classy wooden mallard on a coffee table.
Meanwhile the girls are back in the van discussing color palettes. Casey took a color theory class and informs the girls that yellow is actually an aggressive, hostile color.
Think about it. There are tons of bad things that are yellow: banana peels, the sun, Big Bird, yellow snow, and LSD smiley face stickers.
The girls look at rugs and Nina Gargamelda gushes about pairing pink and blue together. The other girls aren’t so sure.
If only we had a cup of yogurt to dump on her head.
Emily the Strange, Casey and Stacey tune out and refuse to be associated with Nina Gargamelda’s rug.
THE NEXT DAY….
Tera and Nina Gargamelda go shopping together for furniture and accessories at Gracious Home while Emily the Strange, Casey and Stacey stay behind and paint.
Stacey is somehow lost in her Victorian chair and Emily the Strange apparently didn’t get the memo about yellow being an aggressive, hostile color.
Well, I figure if Bert and Ernie’s room is yellow and their spousal abuse is minimal, I thought I’d give it a whirl.
Back at the guys’ apartment Dan and Courtland are painting. Courtland is channeling his inner Jonathan Antin and painting highlights on the walls and blow drying them.
Oh yeah, you like my T3 hair dryer don’t you?
The camera cuts back to Tera and Nina Gargamelda arriving back at the girls’ apartment and a decorating montage begins with a voiceover of Nina Gargamelda praising her artistic skills. Blehhh!
Thank god we return back to the guys’ apartment. Dan and Tom are painting and Dan talks about the colors of his Nick & Nora footie pajamas with “backdoor flap”.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of this mannequin’s lollipop?
Alex runs into problems with his Dennis Rodman wedding dress headboard. He cuts the headboard pieces all jagged and whines to Courtland and Dan that the headboard is all jacked up so Courtland and Dan assist Alex.
Realizing time is running low, the guys begin scurrying around. Tom irons, Trent arranges his Tommy Bahama wooden pieces and Michael chases after Trent to “fix things”.
Michael tells Trent his arrangement looks like a cheap retail store.
Trent, we’re not a knocked-up Natalie Portman decorating a makeshift shanty in a Walmart.
Back at the girls’ place, everyone is finishing up and Stacey is still working on the chair. Tera snaps that all Stacey has done in that room is paint that chair.
Simultaneously, both teams receive a warning that 5 minutes remain and everyone rushes about finishing up.
THE JUDGES WALK THROUGH…
The judges visit the guys’ apartment first. The elevator door opens and out steps Vern, Cheryl Tiegs and Genevieve. They greet the guys and step into the room to see Patti Stanger Leopard and Tommy Bahama mannequins chillaxing.
Welcome, Vern Yip, to our quirky quarters, our humble abode.
Hillbilly that is, sit a spell, take your shoes off.
The judges are so far impressed but Vern is baffled as to how Tommy Bahama fits into all of the room design. It’s like Trent’s mannequin crashed the party.
Vern and Co. make their way to the bedroom and are greeted by Miss Havisham.
“Tell me Vern, does it frighten you to look upon a woman who has not seen the sun in over 20 years?”
Audrey Slater is taken aback and isn’t sure if a dried up old spinster mannequin is right for Redbook. The judges depart and head toward the girls’ apartment.
At the girls’ apartment, the judges greet the girls and enter their room. Looks like Dr. Curtis McCabe was wrong because Mary Poppin’s man-piece Bert is there to greet them and David “Come On, Be My Baby Tonight Oh Oh Oh” is chilling in the background.
Please help us. They pinned their faces to our nipples and it hurts.
The judges walk around the room and notice Nina Gargamelda’s dress and the rug. They also spot Babe who is now 24 karat gold.
That’ll do pig, my gold ass!
The judges move to the bedroom and immediately three things hit my eyes.
Welcome to Plaza Sesamo Sexy Time.
David “Come On, Be My Baby Tonight Oh Oh Oh” and Dakota Grizzly Grrr Plaid are there and the walls are yellow.
I’m thinking there’s going to be an aggressive, hostile ménage a troi. Btw Vern loves the mirror above the bed. Hmm I wonder why?
The judges decide that they have seen enough and head downstairs.
The judges and designers gather around and Cheryl Tiegs once again introduces guest judge Audrey Slater from Redbook. Tom nods in recognition. Okay, I think we know who Audrey is by now.
Genevieve’s biggest concern is how the styles of the women’s room didn’t overlap in a seamless way. And Cheryl Tieg’s is concerned that in the men’s bedroom there were some missteps like Estella and Miss Havisham flanking either side of the bed.
Estella, have you seen my other shoe?
Vern announces that the overall winner of this week’s challenge is the men’s team.
Hellz yeah!!!! Let’s go get some TCBY to celebrate!!! Sweet!!!!
Vern also congratulates Courtland on being this week’s winning designer.
I’d like to thank Nina Gargamelda for being the downfall of Nina Gargamelda. Ooo and my T3 hair dryer, and Dan’s inspiring pep talk about owl pajamas and…
Vern tells the ladies that tonight they’ll each film their own T.V. show skit that will be presented at tomorrow’s elimination.
THE NEXT DAY….
At the Flatotel, the girls are pointing fingers at each other. Tera thinks Stacey didn’t do anything, Nina Gargamelda thinks that Emily didn’t do anything and Stacey thinks that Nina Gargamelda is a bully.
Damn it! Where is my Gary Coleman cooler?!?!?!
As the women are bitching, the guys are cleaning dishes and eavesdropping.
Do you hear them? No wonder they can’t keep a man.
Emily calls Nina Gargamelda out on being a bully and Nina Gargamelda retorts that if you can be bullied then you are the weakest link. Emily compares their fight to a shark and a dolphin. The dolphin is smarter but it is going to get eaten by the shark. Okay….
Finally, the girls leave and head to the studio.
AT THE HGTV STUDIOS: ELIMINATION TIME
The judges are waiting as the bottom five designers enter the elimination room. Ironically the designers are wearing Nina Gargamelda’s fav color combo: pink and blue.
Yes, we color coordinated in blue and pink on purpose. We enjoy a good mind fuck.
Vern is quick to point out that most of them have not been to an elimination round before, but one of the bottom five has: Emily. Emily mentally flashes back to Vern’s warning from last week.
Shit! He remembered last week.
The girls call out Nina Gargamelda for being overbearing and controlling but to their dismay Vern tells them that group dynamics will not play a part in tonight’s elimination. Elimination will be based on the person’s design and video.
Vern asks Casey how she incorporated Dakota Grizzly Grrr Plaid into the design.
Casey explains that Dakota Grizzly Grrr Plaid is sexy and masculine, the type of man you’d have a one night stand with so she positioned him next to the night stand.
Get it? LOLZ
Then Vern asks Tera about her design. Tera explains how she matched the colors of her fabrics and used them on the walls and drapes, and Vern interrupts her and snaps “But it’s not about matching. This isn’t Garanimals.” Touche Vern. Hahahaha.
Tera tries to defend herself and says that things are big in Texas and that the color yellow is big, but Vern cuts her down by saying “yeah and Big Bird is big too.”
Clearly, this exchange of words between Tera and Vern proves that the color yellow is aggressive and hostile. Congratulations Casey, you were right.
Tera then lashes out at Stacey for taking forever on the Victorian Chair but Vern actually likes the chair. Burn, Tera, burn! However, Vern does not like the crazy fabric that Emily picked out and placed in a random basket.
Who said I was fabric? I’m Alex Mack.
The judges dismiss the bottom five and deliberate. Finally, the designers are summoned back to the elimination room.
Vern tells the bottom five that the judges all agree that each of the designers deserves to be in the bottom two and that’s a sorry thing to state. Snap! However, the bottom two are Tera and Nina Gargamelda.
Everyone is forced to watch the bottom two’s hosting videos. Yuck! The judges quickly deliberate and eliminate Tera.
Tera has no regrets. She doesn’t know what she did wrong. She laments “Stacey painted a chair…that’s all she did, she painted a chair.” Well, Tera, it must have been a damn good chair with a side of damn fine coffee and damn fine cherry pie.
Tune in next week for when Courtland and Michael explain how Venetian plaster and the cello speak to them. Let’s hope they mean figuratively and not literally.