Design Star: Getting Trumped

PREVIOUSLY ON DESIGN STAR…

The remaining 8 designers had to design a common space for real firefighters in a real fire house. The teams were finally mixed up too. Hooray!

During the competition the designers were almost incinerated in a fire simulation room, Michael injured his thumb with a nail gun and Nina Gargamelda defiled another wall.

In the end, the judges announced the team of Michael, Alex, Casey and Emily the Strange the winning team, and Casey was the overall winner.

Vern majorly bitched out Courtland, Nina Gargamelda, Tom and Stacey for their design. He went so far as to tell them, “I’d give you a big, fat ZERO!!!”

Then the judges finally eliminated NINA GARGAMELDA for being a one-trick splooge pony.

BACK AT THE FLATOTEL…

Casey is telling Michael she wouldn’t be surprised if it was Stacey, Nina Gargamelda or Tom that was eliminated.

Speaking of Tom, here he comes through the doorway again.

Shh I’m creepin this time because I’m a creep…I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doin’ here? My designed sucked. I don’t belong here…

Then Tom announces his presence with a soft….

“Hello, is it me you’re looking for?”

Michael, Emily the Strange, Casey and Alex look up from the table and realize Nina Gargamelda was eliminated!

Damn! So who got her? Judge Frollo or the smurfs?

Stacey is ecstatic Nina Gargamelda is gone. Tom recounts the verbal lashing they got from Vern. Courtland tells us he has to assert himself a lot more. I shudder to think of a more assertive Courtland. He is already abrasive.

Cue opening credits. God I love the robotic “New York, New York” refrain.

AT TRUMP TOWER…

The designers are walking down the hallway to dramatic music. Alex leads the way like a scene straight out of “Armageddon”.

I don’t wanna close my eyes, I don’t want to fall asleep b.c. I have to save the world from an asteroid and make animal crackers break dance on Liv Tyler’s stomach.

At the end of the hallway waiting for the designers is Vern and Donald Trump, Jr.

Astronauts, meet Asteroid and little Hale-Bopp.

Vern welcomes the designers to Trump Tower. He introduces the designers to special guest Donald Trump, Jr. who will help judge this week. Michael’s grin widens.

Yesss the missing link in my quest to becoming a compact Asian design host.

Courtland tells the camera, “I can sum up in one word what Trump brand means to me: luxury.”

Okay I lied. ‘Comb-over.’

Now for this week’s challenge. Vern tells the designers their task is to design a model apartment in the brand new Trump Plaza Residences in Jersey City, N.J.

Bringing the latest in King Triton Under the Sea phallic architecture to Jersey City.

Donald Trump, Jr. attempts to upsell his latest venture by telling the group that some of the best views of Manhattan are from across the river.

Then Vern asks D.T., Jr. to explain to the designers what is the ‘Trump look’.

D.T., Jr. explains that of course it is luxury and

Implants for our women ‘cough Ivana’, ‘cough Melania’.

D.T., Jr. goes on to say that the designers must make sure to incorporate the look of Jersey City into their designs as well. Nice. I’m thinking this:

SNL’s Rita Delvecchio.

D.T., Jr. warns the designers about Donald Trump, Sr.’s eagle eyes so they must make sure there are no cracks, sloppy work, etc.

Now for the twist. Vern tells the designers that each need to select a NYC souvenir package. Those souvenir packages will need to be physically incorporated into the overall design.

The souvenir packages. What? No Kevin McCallister ‘turtle doves’?

Here’s what the designers chose:

• Casey – Architecture and buildings package.
• Stacey – NYC taxi package.

I want to build a “Cash Cab” in the living room. ‘wink’

• Alex – Big Apple package
• Tom - Statue of Liberty package (hah! not surprised)
• Emily the Strange – NYC Subway package

Actually, I’m hoping this bag will tell me how to get, oh how to get to Sesame Street.

• Courtland – Time Square package

Leaving just one package left which Vern happily announces “Michael, that means that the Broadway package has selected you.”

Of course it chose me. I’m so Jessica Alba fantastic, instant classic boys like oh. Ashley Tisdale.

Vern tells the designers that he wants to EMPHASIZE that their job is to refurbish these souvenirs not just place them somewhere.

If you don’t I will strangle you. Don’t be fooled by my dainty hands; these have choked many a Kung Pao chicken.

IN JERSEY CITY…

We learn that the blue team is Alex, Casey, Emily the Strange and Michael again.

In the apartment, Michael and Casey pretend to be a couple.

Michael – “Sweetheart, I think we’re going to be very happy here.”

Casey – “I think so too, and look there’s a spot for your Liza Minelli mannequin”.

Michael – “And over here we can put your ‘cat apartment’ for your 10 cats.”

‘Fake kissing.’ XOXO

Casey – “Mmm, orange lip smackers?”

Michael – “You know it.”

Alex takes some measurements of the window area.

Yes, this window will be perfect for re-enacting the ‘Home Alone’ mannequin party scene. Add Michael Jordan cardboard cut-out to the supply list.

Casey tells everyone they should focus on the overall design first. Michael goes “ooo crown would be so, so, so much.”

Casey agrees with an “oooh so so much.”

Emily the Strange isn’t convinced. She isn’t sure that Casey and Michael can handle crown molding.

OVER IN THE RED TEAM’S APARTMENT…

You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination — Next stop, the Twilight Zone.

Door opens. Ahhhhh it’s a monster!!! Oh, it’s just Tom.

You are now on another plane of existence where my Statue of Liberty package reigns supreme.

Tom is telling Courtland and Stacey that a big selling point for single people is a luxurious bathroom so they should focus on that.

He wants to do a rich blue to reflect Wall Street and ultimately turn this bathroom into a Gordon Gekko spa.

I need to be able to soak in my Mr. Bubbles bubble bath.

And recharge my phone at the same time.

Courtland worries that his voice isn’t being heard. Stacey and Tom are just rambling on.

Courtland says, “If two people agree on something that overrides the third person, but hey that’s democracy.” Yes, Courtland it is unless you’re in the Big Brother House and then it’s Chen-ocracy which means you are under the dictatorship of the Chenbot.

AT SEARS…

No online shopping for this episode thank god. I love their little shopping trips so much.

Blue team is picking out paint. Ooo since it’s Sears I hope they stop and take a group photo in the Sears Portrait Studio.

Emily the Strange – “I want wallet pics.”

Casey – “Don’t forget the 8×10.”

Alex – “I’d like a fireplace backdrop.”

Michael – “I’m so submitting this to Awkward Family Photos.”

This time Michael is being proactive with the paint purchasing after the flat paint incident where Alex was put under the imperious curse by Ranaculus.

Alex, semi-gloss is on the right. Pick the can on the right, Alex! It’s on the right!

BTW during the last challenge Ranuculus also sabotaged Michael’s nail gun with the expluso spell that caused the nail to shoot out of the nail gun without warning. He’s a crafty enchanted plant, that one.

Alex also picks out some luxury televisions and wall mounts.

AT ABC CARPET AND HOME….

Red team is looking at furniture. The group immediately snatches up some $825 each end tables.

Courtland spots this piece.

Meet Serena van der Woodsen bed.

Serena van der Woodsen bed loves to wear short bed skirts and has a thing for Dan Humphrey.

They also find a mirror that Stacey squeals “I L-O-V-E.” I guess it is okay Stacey that you spelled out love, after all you are in the A.B.C. store.

Meet Ashlee Simpson L,O,L,O,L,O,L.O.V.E mirror.

This mirror is obviously post-plastic surgery Mrs. Pete Wentz so it’s perfect for Trump’s apartment.

Courtland tells the camera that Tom and Stacey are worried that they don’t have enough accessories for the apartment, but Courtland doesn’t want it to be too cluttered. Besides they can make stuff out of their souvenirs.

In the car, Stacey takes out a toy taxi cab and asks the guys if she should crumble it up.

Stacey – “This taxi cab is so tiny.”

Tom – “How can we be expected to give people rides if they can’t even fit inside the taxi cab?”

Courtland tells the camera that Stacey wanted to make a mosaic tray with her cab. He laughs maniacally saying “Her cab is this big.”

LOLZ I mean even Vern is too big to fit into the taxi cab.

Courtland adds it wouldn’t work as a mosiac because it would crumble into too many pieces.

Tom – “Yeah Stacey, and then I’d have to snort it.”

Stacey tells the camera she is freaking out about what to do with her ceramic taxi.

It became like that monkey on your back that you don’t know what you’re going to do with.

Hmm I don’t know Stacey, maybe this guy can help you.

Why can’t you do it?
Why can’t you set your monkey free?
Always giving in to it -
Do you love your monkey or do you love me?

The three stare at each other like ‘oh shit.”

BACK AT TRUMP…

Courtland is wielding a paint brush. I hope that he can paint with all the colors….OF THE WIND!

Montage of Courtland painting.

Stacey tells us she has ownership of the drapes and that she is ‘tricking out’ drab cloth into curtains because they didn’t have time to go to the store.

It’s Tricky to turn drab cloth into curtains, to turn drab cloth into curtains that’s fit for Trump
It’s Tricky…it’s Tricky (Tricky) Tricky (Tricky)
It’s Tricky to to turn drab cloth into curtains, to turn drab cloth into curtains that’s fit for Trump
It’s Tricky…Tr-tr-tr-tricky (Tricky) Trrrrrrrrrrricky

Ewww then Stacey decides to cut up her taxi bag and attempt to incorporate the shreds into her curtains. TACKY!!! Now her curtains just look like they’re tricking on a corner.

Uh yeah, Trick Daddy does not love this kid.

BACK AT THE BLUE TEAM’S APARTMENT…

Montage of everyone working.

Uh oh! Casey didn’t cut the crown molding properly. Michael is like eeek and Emily the Strange is thinking to herself “I called it.”

See, Raggedy Ann Kurt Cobain here knows her shit. ‘wink’

Casey decides to go ahead and install them the best she can. After she has a bunch of them placed, Alex points out to her that the crown molding is upside down.

Alex – Totally upside down. Although it’s fine if you’re “Dancing on the Ceiling” like Lionel Ritchie.”

Michael – “That’s a great song btw.”

Alex – “It so is.”

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

BACK AT THE RED TEAM’S APARTMENT….

Courtland is building a floating desk while Tom is making Dick Van Dyke faces over in the corner.

This ceiling should have a chalk painting that we can jump into and sing and dance to “Step In Time”.

Montage of Tom painting the ceiling blue and the door. Stacey, of course, supports Tom’s vision.

Courtland is horrified and adamantly against what he calls the ‘blueberry room.’

It’s like Violet Beauregarde exploded all over the bathroom.

I’m going to call it now. Red team is going to elimination. I hope Courtland buries Tom and Stacey. This apartment, in my opinion, so far looks like tacky shit.

Courtland tells the camera if the judges like that blueberry room then he’s in the wrong field.

BACK AT BLUE TEAM’S APARTMENT…

Casey and Michael are working on the furniture and crown molding so Alex decides to take a moment to work on his souvenir piece.

He takes his Big Apple bag and makes a pillow.

It’s actually pretty cute.

Emily the Strange is cutting up her subway souvenir bag and is making an art piece containing a collage of words.

An original art piece by Emily the Strange.

Michael is irritated because they have a lot of work to still do on the furniture pieces. Emily the Strange thinks the furniture shouldn’t be a priority because without art they will lose.

AT THE RED TEAM’S APARTMENT…

Courtland is assembling the Serena van der Woodsen bed. Stacey doesn’t want to use a box spring so you’d see more of the height of the bedboard. Yeah, but isn’t that going to 1. hurt your back and 2. look like shit?

Yup looks like shit. BTW today’s PeeWee’s playhouse word is s-h-i-t. AHHHHHH!!!!

The bed looks way too low. Courtland is like ehhhh but Stacey thinks it looks fabulous and Tom likes it.

Ughhhh these two are worse than Nina Gargamelda. OMG did I actually just say that?

Tom offers to create filler art, but first he needs to repaint the bathroom door white.

BACK AT THE BLUE TEAM’S APARTMENT…

Casey creates an abstract shadow painting with her pieces. While Michael creates what he calls the most ridiculous lamp ever.

BACK AT THE RED TEAM’S APARTMENT…

Courtland is working on his souvenir piece using the snow globe and coffee mug souvenirs. He asks Stacey to put on some lipstick and kiss the coffee mug and napkin, instructing her to write a cute little note on the napkin.

Here’s what the note said.

Tom is having problems drilling in the bathroom.

Damn it, wall! Why won’t you let me drill you? What are you wearing a chastity belt under that dry wall?

Uh oh! Stacey is having an arts and crafts meltdown. Courtland tries to calm her.

Stacey – “My scissors won’t cut!”

Courtland – “That’s because you’re using safety scissors, Stacey.”

Courtland tells the camera that Stacey and Tom have no idea how to do anything within the parameters of this challenge as a montage of Stacey and Tom fucking up plays in the background.

OMG Tom seriously just stapled fabric to the floor. LOLZ

‘grunt’ grunt’ Floor, let go. Let go, FLOOR!!!

BACK AT THE BLUE TEAM’S APARTMENT…

Michael announces there is a blank canvas and asks if anyone wants to do anything with it.

With no Nina Gargamelda to stand in her way, Emily the Strange eagerly volunteers.

She makes some angry paint brush strokes.

This ‘paint stroke’ is how ‘paint stroke’ you make art ‘paint stroke’ NINA GARGAMELDA!!!

Someone announces two minutes remaining and everyone dashes around quickly.

Michael spots some paint on the chaise lounge and keeping in tune with his Broadway souvenir theme begins singing and shaking his ass as he hides the paint drop.

“Call me big daddy when you back that ass up
Ho, who is you playing with, back that ass up”

Alex announces time is up.

BACK AT RED TEAM’S APARTMENT…

Courtland is understandably worried. He feels their room is reading as shallow and empty and straight out tells Stacey when they going to elimination he is not being ‘Mr. Nice Guy.” He will throw those bitches under the bus.

JUDGES’ WALKTHROUGH….

This time leading the “Armageddon” parade is Donald Trump, Jr.

I don’t wanna close my eyes, I don’t want to fall asleep b.c. I saved the world from an asteroid, and now I’m stuck wearing velour sweatsuits with J.Lo. because Liv Tyler dumped me when I left her father Bruce Willis on the a-s-t-eroid!!!

First up is blue team’s apartment. Genevieve says she has an immediate sense of home walking into the space.

Here’s the final result.

Bedroom.

Living area.

D.T., Jr. likes the effort for the crown molding, but admits that the execution was poor.

Cheryl Tiegs loves the metallics. Vern notices Alex’s Big Apple pillow and Michael’s lamp fixture. Overall Vern feels there are some nice quality elements here.

Moving onto red team’s apartment. The music sounds like a Jeff Probst apocalyptic tribal council elimination ceremony.

Here’s the final result.

Bedroom.

Living area.

Yuck too much Jersey not enough NYC. Ooo can’t wait until they see the blueberry bathroom.

Vern gasps it’s so sparse and Genevieve says there’s no artwork at all on the walls. Donald Trump, Jr. says it doesn’t look professionally done.

Vern points out Stacey’s souvenir and says it looks really lame. It’s just a taxi under glass.

Everyone HATES the bathroom.

Donald Trump, Jr. says no one would ever be allowed to see this unit in this state.

ELIMINATION TIME…

The designers reconvene with the judges. Donald Trump, Jr. doesn’t mince words. He tells them one of the rooms was great, the other well, his guys are carting stuff out of it as he speaks.

Courtland covers his face with his hands.

Vern wastes no time in announcing the blue team the winner.

Yessss!!! We may be the Sookie Stackhouses of designers, bitching and moaning and getting in the way a lot, but at the end of the day we get’er done.

Vern then announces the designer who best incorporated the souvenir design into the space and is the overall winner is Alex!

Awww yeah!!! The pillow was pretty cool.

Red team is instructed to go make their host videos.

FILMING THE ELIMINATION TAPES…

Stacey is still melting down during filming of her hosting video. Tom is spastically running around for his video. Courtland tells the video guy that he’s just going to make fun of the space because he doesn’t think his video is going to save him .

ELIMINATION DAY…

Looks like Cheryl Tiegs finally got with the judges’ cohesive outfit program.

Vern – “Tiegs, good to see you’re actually following this week’s style guidelines: grey, red or black combo.”

Genevieve – “Yeah, nice job, Tiegs.”

Cheryl Tiegs – “Jesus Christ even when I follow the rules you guys are still a bunch of smart asses.”

Verrn recaps this week’s challenge instructions to the designers. Vern tells the three of them that Donald Trump, Jr. was appalled with their design.

Cheryl Tiegs asks where are the details?

Courtland tells the judges he’s going to be honest. Tom spent all of his time in the bathroom.

Cheryl Tiegs asks if Tom is a teenage girl? LOLZ

Vern snaps let’s look at the bathroom. He tells Tom the bathroom looks like a complete cave.

Courtland takes responsibility for the living room design and admits he wasn’t aggressive enough with getting his vision into the room.

Genevieve wants to know the story behind the coffee cup and tissue. Cheryl Tiegs is intrigued too.

$200 is a pretty cheap rate for an NYC hooker.

Actually it was a Jersey hooker.

Ohhh gotcha.

Vern wants to know who wants to take responsibility for how the bedroom looks. Stacey says it was her.

Genevieve says the bed is a hot mess.

Vern then wants to know who made the curtains. Stacey takes responsibility for those too.

Hahahaha Vern also wants to know the creative process behind this:

LOLZ

Stacey admits that there is none as Courtland smiles.

Vern wants to know how Stacey would grade herself for this challenge. Stacey says she would give herself a 60%.

Vern says that’s troubling but agrees they would give her a 60% too. Furthermore that is not a passing grade at HGTV so they don’t even need to see Stacey’s hosting tape this week.

Bam! STACEY IS ELIMINATED!!!

She immediately leaves the studio, but wait the judges aren’t done yet. It’s a double-elimination.

Vern reiterates that Donald Trump, Jr. was appalled this week and so were they.

Everyone watches Tom and Courtland’s hosting tapes.

The judges deliberate.

Bam! TOM IS ELIMINATED!!!

Tune in next week when the designers create a kitchen for a photo shoot. Toodles!