PREVIOUSLY ON DESIGN STAR
11 designers were divided into teams: girls vs. boys. They faced the challenge of designing an apartment around several different runway outfits. Notable outfits included a Dennis Rodman wedding dress modeled by Miss Havisham mannequin and Dakota Grizzly Grrr Plaid ensemble.
In the end, the guys won the challenge with a special shout out to Courtland, and Tera was eliminated for her poor Garanimals color/fabric matching skills.
AT THE FLATOTEL…
The girls are still at elimination and the guys are raising their glasses in a victory toast.
No Tom, you can’t get toast with a Snapple can. Does this look like a sixth-grade lunch table? You are officially out of the Green Circle.
Then Casey walks through the door and one of the guys shouts out “Heyyyyyyy bitches” and Casey shouts back “Heyyyyyy whaaaatttt….” Looks like the bellinis have kicked in.
The girls tell the guys that Tera was eliminated and Dan notes the tension amongst the girls. Meanwhile Courtland and Michael gloat to Nina Gargamelda that they’ll be in Redbook in a couple of months.
Haha we got Redbook! Suck on that Nina Gargamelda!
Nina Gargamelda snippily retorts to Courtland and Michael “at the moment you’re on top of the mountain, but at any moment you can fall and the fall from the top is a long way down.”
And the fall especially hurts when you hit an ugly tree and all of its branches on the way down.
Cue opening credits.
AT A ROOFTOP IN NYC…
The designers make their way to a rooftop oasis and find Vern jamming with some musicians. Cheryl Tiegs and Genevieve are nowhere to be found. Looks like Vern is a solo act.
Vern Yip, doing what Yoko Ono could never do….make music.
Vern tells the designers that they are standing on the rooftop patio of the Trump International Hotel and Tower. Exciting! Vern, does this mean we will have an appearance by “The Donald” later?
Vern eyes the designers and announces that the ratio of girls to boys is a little lopsided, like RHONJ Danielle Staub’s implants. He instructs the women to choose a guy from the men’s team to even out the numbers.
Alex visibly blanches and prays to Tilda Swinton (yes, she is now officially a deity to him) to protect him from Nina Gargamelda. The girls whisper among themselves and choose Dan.
“Courtland, take my body back will you? Take my body back to my father.”
Dan tries to be a good sport as the guys tell him “good luck Dan, we’ll miss you,” and Trent discreetly calls Chili’s and changes their Friday lunch reservation to 5 people.
Vern, ever the instigator, asks the girls why they chose Dan. Emily the Strange says it’s because Dan has skills that they don’t such as hammering, color coordination and peeing standing up.
Hold-up! I can pee standing up.
Vern nods and moves onto the challenge. This week’s challenge is design a patio space inspired by music.
Excellent. Kris Kross’ “I Missed the Bus” is just what this “miggida miggida miggida mac” patio needs.
Each designer will select one instrument that will be incorporated into the team design. Vern tells Courtland that since he won last week’s challenge, Courtland can select first.
Courtland and Dan share a knowing look, and Courtland asks to hear the cello again. Mesmerized Courtland listens to a few bars and then says that is his instrument.
Should we tell Vern, we had Cello Cher-aoke without him?
The other designers choose
- Dan – Dwight Yokum guitar
- Tom – Bill Clinton saxophone (it’ll make interns’ panties drop)
- Michael – Rusty trombone
- Alex – Matthew McConaughey’s son Levi’s congos (the bongos are for Daddy)
- Emily – Tubular tuba
- Casey – X-rated xylophone
- Nina Gargamelda – The French whore/horn
- Trent – The Brian Austin Green ‘90s keyboard
- Stacey – Strumpet trumpet
The trumpet is a little, loud strumpet and I’m a little, loud strumpet.
AT THE TRUMP ROOFTOP…
For the girls and Dan, Casey takes on the leadership role as the group begins eyeing their space. Dan waves his arms Kermit-style and says “I’m thinking a curtain over here.” The girls all murmur “Ooo I love that. I’d love a curtain outside.”
Nina Gargamelda – “Fraulein Dan, you can dress me up in curtains.”
Emily the Strange – “He’s not Omar-the-tent-maker, Nina Gargamelda!”
Dan appears to have taken on the role of Mrs. Garrett and the GIRLS, GIRLS. Emily the Strange says it appears everyone is getting along better.
ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK…
While Dan tells Tootie to stop roller skating in the house, the men’s team has taken to the streets.
“Eye of the Tiger, it’s the cream of the fight”
They sprint to Delgreco and Company to look at chairs. After tripping up the stairs, the guys check out the merchandise and Courtland spots this daybed.
Cleopatra Queen of the Nile Daybed
OMFG with this day bed I can be Cleopatra Queen of the Nile!!
Trent walks over to the day bed and places his hand on it.
Mmmmm sooo whickery fine.
Which causes Courtland to do this.
Trent!!! Stop feeling up my Cleopatra Queen of the Nile daybed!!!
And Michael to flop on the daybed.
And Courtland to do this.
Jesus ‘Howie’ Christ Michael, if you don’t get off my daybed…
Yes, my son?
As Courtland attempts to protect his daybed’s honor, Alex sneaks over to the daybed and snatches up the two tables.
While you bitches fight over Cleopatra daybed, I’m goin’ go make me some Matthew bongos to compliment my Levi McConaughey congos. Word.
‘Realizing’ it was all the daybed’s fault (because she’s such a Jezebel), the guy’s come to an understanding and elect to share Cleopatra Queen of the Nile daybed. So they carry out the Jezebel daybed, stick her in the van next to Alex’s bongos and head to Plantworks.
In the van, Michael announces they need some leafy stuff (uh you mean a plant?) to hide the fugly wall.
These are my ‘leafy stuff’ jazz hands.
Trent totally doesn’t pay attention because he starts talking about why he chose the Brian Austin Green keyboard because it represents celebration, fun, the outdoors and the undying love between David and Donna.
Trent pulls a Charlie Brown and picks out a Christmas tree for their patio space.
Geez Trent! That stupid blockhead!
At that moment, Courtland realizes that the other team members have to step it up because if Trent has his way their patio will look like a “Babes in Toyland” Winter Wonderland and not the good kind: it’ll be the Drew Barrymore version.
Unfortunately for you, Keanu Reeves, you didn’t destroy all of the copies…
Trent tells Michael and Tom that there is plenty of space on the patio, but Michael argues that Cleopatra day bed is going to need need an entire corner.
‘Mrs. Garrett’ and the GIRLS, GIRLS are shopping. Dan spots this daybed.
I imagine after a long day at work, Antony daybed coming home, busting out his guitar and seranading Cleopatra Queen of the Nile daybed.
Dan and the girls purchase a couple of other pieces (Antony needs servants) and then head back to the rooftop terrace.
AT THE TRUMP…
The guys’ team is unloading and transporting their materials to the rooftop. They run into problems with Cleopatra. Cleopatra’s ass is too big to get through the door frame.
Hey, it’s not going to fit. Maybe it just needs some lube. That’s what she said! chortle chortle!
The guys attempt to twist and turn Cleopatra but no dice. She is like Aretha Franklin trying to fit into a size 2. Realizing defeat the guys chuck her to the curb.
Please, you don’t have to do this. I’ll go on Slim Fast.
The guys leave Cleopatra on the curb with the commoners and head back upstairs.
Courtland tries to quell the pain with painting and telling Michael the virtues of Venetian plaster and how it shares so much in common with the cello.
Michael looks perplexed.
Uhh Courtland, last time I checked Venetian plaster couldn’t carry a tune.
Normally, it can’t unless you bury someone alive under it. Then Venetian plaster sings like a canary. Damn missed a spot.
Ohh do you think we could try it with Ke$ha?
AT THE WOMEN’S ROOFTOP PATIO…
Nina Gargamelda and Casey are painting the walls Barney purple and Emily the Strange is sewing the curtains.
Dan and Stacey are sawing and hammering and to the outside viewer it appears the gang is getting along.
Unfortunately Nina Gargamelda is having none of it.
Damn this Barney purple turns me on.
Gargamelda tells the camera she could do everything herself and that Stacey’s choice to construct the wall was something she couldn’t handle. And, the wall was static and boring.
At the guys patio, montage of painting, cutting, hammering.
Trent informs us that he has great mad, skills…at picking Christmas trees.
Back at the women’s patio, upbeat music is playing as Nina Gargamelda draws her french whore/horn on the Barney wall.
Emily looks at the squiggles Nina Gargamelda has drawn, and Emily the Strange throws up a little.
Emily thinks it looks like Barney spooged all over the wall.
Did Barney cum over last night?
Nina Gargamelga defends herself by saying it’s artistic expression and besides Emily’s table is architecturally insane.
‘Mrs. Garrett’ tries to smooth things over as the girls begin to fight. He tells Nina Gargamelda, “Your artwork is jizzy, I mean jazzy.”
Then he starts to realize his efforts are futile as Stacey glares while holding a hammer.
I’m feeling like some Sledge Hammer.
I am like a band aid on the BP oil spill…
At THE GUYS’ PATIO….
Tom attempts to save the day and build his own Bill Clinton saxophone day bed that will incorporate Alex’s McConaughey congos and bongos. Tom warns Alex his daybed doesn’t inhale so those bongos/congos need to keep partying to a minimum.
Suddenly both teams get the 45-minutes remain warning. Rapid montage of last minute design work commences.
THE JUDGES’ WALK THROUGH…
Vern, wearing a wool Susan Boyle sweater, Genevieve and Cheryl Tiegs arrive.
My bestie Michelle Kwan and I have matching ice skating sweaters b.c. we’re cool like that.
The judges walk through the guys’ space first. Genevieve spots Michael’s music note on the wall and thinks it’s cool. Vern chuckles because he realizes that Michael put up the infamous “brown note”.
When that brown note goes off, that daybed will no longer be white.
At Mrs. Garrett and the GIRLS, GIRLS patio, Vern exclaims PURPLE!!! Cheryl Tieg muses that must be Nina Gargamelda’s influence in the room, as she sees the Barney spooge walls.
Clearly, Antony day bed is where the magic happens.
The judges look at each other and agree they have a tough decision to make.
The designers reconvene on the rooftop. Cheryl Tiegs announces the winning team is Mrs. Garrett and his girls. Vern adds that the winning designer is Nina Gargamelda.
Vern tells Nina they could definitely see the french whore/horn in the room.
Genevieve informs the guys that they need to make a hosting tape that will be shown at elimination tomorrow.
The guys are antsy and uptight as they head to the studios to face elimination.
At the studios, the judges are looking dapper.
We’re looking jazzy for a jazzy elimination. JAZZ HANDS!!
The judges feel like the overall design wasn’t cohesive and Cheryl Tiegs feels that Alex is getting bogged down (haha good one) by the bongos.
Genevieve loves Michael’s brown note art piece and Vern chimes in that he’s bummed out that it’s not more centrally focused because it is the strongest piece of the design.
I agree Vern. I tried to explain to them that anything that makes a person shit uncontrollably should garner a lot of respect.
Vern then shifts his eyes toward Courtland and asks him about the Venetian wall. Courtland explains that the Venetian wall was inspired by Sedona, Arizona. He said whenever he closes his eyes he imagines himself in Sedona and that he wanted to bring that vision to life.
Courtland instructs Vern to close his eyes.
Vern closes his eyes, opens them, and then snaps:
“When I close my eyes all I see is myself in Sweet Valley High dating Todd Wilkins and writing Lila Fowler is a slut on the bathroom wall.”
Courtland looks confused.
Vern continues “anyway as a designer you need to step back because that looks like a clown car exploded on your corner of the patio.”
The judges dismiss the designers.
The designers are brought back in and the judges announce that the bottom two designers are Alex and Trent. Everyone is forced to watch Alex and Trent’s host presentations. Yuck!
Bam! Trent is eliminated.
Tune in next week when the designers get flowers from Vern and Courtland shows us lamaze breathing techniques.