Design Star: You know what they say, the garage is the heart of the home…

Eight designers remain in the Hollywood hills with a chance to win their own series on HGTV. Well… really, seven designers remain with a chance to win their own series, and they have a roommate named Tashica. Sorry Tash. Jason, the cracker designing kracker, has a better chance.

We join the designers in their kitchen debating what the next challenge will be and why Nate has decided to wear his Thanksgiving pagent headband to work today. I guess he’s trying to be a west coast hipster, but it looks more like the a member of the lost boys after the encounter with Tigerlily.

I think we can safely assume that Nate discovered his greatest influences between the ages of 5 and 9 and has never looked back. Anything produced by Milton Bradley or Disney seems to be in play with this boy.

The designers are called to the driveway where Clive announces that they will need to divide themselves into two teams of four…

… and a desperate scramble to get away from Tashica ensues. Nate and Dan lose. It’s comforting to see that no matter how old you are the phrase “buddy-up” will always strike fear deep into your soul. Torie comments that she doesn’t want to be with Tashica and literally hides behind Tone to avoid any associate with Team Tash, but Clive Flynn is as swift as his arrow and he recognizes that the designers are split 5 to 3. Someone has to join Nate, Dan and Tash on the other team. Meredith eventually gives in and welcomes the opportunity to work with Dan and Nate, despite having to take on Tashica too.

Clive announces that this challenge is new to Design Star. In light of recent economic troubles, people are not adding to their homes, they are trying to maximize the space they have. So, the fourth challenge will be to redesign a garage.

They will have 20 hours and a 10K budget for each space, plus the assistance of Sears. And it’s a double elimination week. I was hoping for a double retention week, meaning we just keep Dan and Antonio and lose the rest. Thoughts?

Jason, Tone, Torie and Jany will be assigned to the Caswells. Mr. Caswell is a suburban husband who’s wife has obviously been studying up on her HGTV buzz words. They meet the couple in their driveway and are immediately assaulted with a list of demands. Mrs. Caswell seems to think she’s wandered into HGTV’s version of Super Password and blurts out adjectives as fast than the designers can write them down. Basically she wants a Hamptons inspired room where they can entertain and her husband has a workspace. In their garage. In a LA suburb. Convincing.

They would also like their new space to have more light — since it’s a damn garage and no one thought to add a bay window, it’s pretty dreary.

Dan, Nathan the Lost Boy, Mere and Tash meet their clients, the Langs. Their garage is messy, but they would like to turn it into a rec room where they can entertain. Their house is a 1930s Spanish courtyard, so they would like the styling of the garage to reflect the style of the house. The door they have is original to the garage, nearly 40 years old and therefore in desperate need of its first facelift. The current door makes the garage too dark and seems to eliminate a lot of height from the room. Mr. Lang specifically asks for a new door.

Their time begins and each team gathers to decide how to use their first work day. Tone takes the reins of the team and begins to work on the layout. Since their client was very specific about her wishes, they know the direction they’re going with the design. They quickly agree to throw up some wainscoting and since the floor is uneven, they will be leveling the floor and painting it beach house white. Tone gets to work immediately.

On team Lost Boy, Nate, Dan and Mere start discussing their design. However, Tash isn’t bringing much to the discussion; she just repeats whatever the others say. However in Tashica’s version, she thinks she’s throwing out tons of super ideas and they ignore her, only to decide the ideas are brilliant when someone else throws it out. So either there is a 3 minute delay in the Lang garage, or a 3 min delay between Tashica’s brain and her mouth.

Both teams discuss replacing the garage door and initially both teams decide that it’s necessary. They need to bring in more light.

Team Lost Boys sends Dan and Mere out to the lumberyard and Nate and Tash are left behind to clean the garage and prep for their return. However, 20 minutes out, Dan and Mere realize they’ve left the cash at the house and they have to return to retrieve cash from the paint can.

Team Tone also has some designers working on prep while Tone hits the lumberyard. Jase and Torie are prepping and debating the floor plan and selecting plenty of pastels for the walls. Because it’s really difficult to match anything to wicker, nature’s neutral.

Mere and Dan spend more money than they anticipated on lumber, so Mere throws out the idea of keeping the current garage door, even though Mr. Lang went out of his way to inform them that it’s too old, it doesn’t lock, it blocks all the light and it’s an all around safety hazard. For some reason Dan agrees with Meredith and when they return they ask the other team members if they agree with their idea to not replace the door. We see a lot of nodding, so I guess no one asked, “Do you think it will impede on the Langs’ enjoyment of the perfect buttery yellow paint we choose for the walls, if we keep filthy bear trap of a garage door?” No one.

This seems to be a major oversight by the Lost Boys. They obviously need someone in green tights to lead. Where’s Clive when you need him?

Team Tone is cruising, they’ve gotten a lot of work done on the floor and are one schedule for work day two.

The Lost boys have decided to do a “sunken living room” and build an elevated platform in their garage where the height of the room has already been severely diminished due to the relic that poorly functions as a garage door. They leave the garage on day one with a lot to be done on day two.

Day Two

Tone’s team has the new garage door installed when they arrive. This new garage door has two rows of windows to allow for more light in the Hamptons garage.

Team Lost Boys have a lot of construction to do on day two. Nate and Mere leave Dan and Tash behind and fly off to shopping.

Jany and Torie are shopping for their Hamptons inspired room and need to find everything Mrs. Caswell asked for within the beach house theme. Torie is a little annoyed that Jany is taking too long to make decisions. They both agree that they don’t share the same vision, even though neither one tells us what that vision is. I think they’re just looking for white and wicker. Wicker = beach house. Done, I’m a designer. Let me also recommend layering in some authentic local flair to customize the design. Take for instance a beach house in Belmar, NJ. In this instance you’ll need to layer in animal skin fabrics, plastic ivy room borders and some guidos. I’m brilliant.

Danny Appleseed is whining that he isn’t meeting his full potential because Tash is slowing him down. She doesn’t have any construction experience and can’t really assist him in with construction.

Torie and Jany had finished all their shopping, with minimal on-camera bickering and return to the Caswell house.

Mere and Nate were out shopping and didn’t get back on the road on time and they are now stuck in LA traffic. When they finally arrive back at the Lang garage they have less than an hour to unload day two’s haul, when they originally planned to have two hours to finish up unloading and prepping. They’re in a mad rush to get as much paint on the walls and stain on the wood as possible, but fail to achieve the coverage of a wine stain.

Tone’s team has painted and prepped. The wainscoting is up and painted and only trim still has to be installed. They’re in a pretty good position at the end of day two, tomorrow they get can get everything in place and still have time for gloating, self congratulations and other acts of obnoxiousness. Or is that what I would do?

Day 3, two hours remain

All is well with Team Tone. Antonio is putting up the trim on the wainscoting and the rest of the team brings in the couch, desk, shelves, etc.

The Lost Boys divide up their work. Nate starts to paint a mural while everyone else has their list of tasks. Dan is still building the entertainment center, Tash is staining and Meredith is making the fabric panels for the back wall. This seems like an overall plan for the design, but the Lost Boys have this in place in the final 120 minutes.

Tash complains that she wishes everyone had listened to her. I don’t remember hearing her outline a plan to fly backwards around the Earth and create more time, so I don’t know what plan was so coldly overlooked — but apparently she could have made everything right with some idea that she came up with. But her team didn’t hear her? And repeated later and she didn’t get credit for? Or something. I’m sorry, she’s so far off this show she’s on CSPAN by now.

Nate cracks a new can of paint and starts the mural on the wall of the Lang garage, like a flower on the wall is going to distract from the insurance liability at the door. Tash is staining the floor, with what can only be described as the precision of a 5 year old with finger-paints. Dan is still building the entertainment center. The team is a shit show; they barely get everything in the room by the time Clive arrives to call the end of work day three. They even have to leave some things for the homeowners to touch up.

Elimination:

Team Caswell is called down to face the judges. Clive revealed the space to the homeowners and they are happy with their Hamptons room.

The judges commend them for delivering a finished room. But the Candy Stallion thinks the room is predictable. It is easy to throw together pastels and achieve a “Hamptons” room. There is no innovation. The judges pull out their favorite insult and call the room textbook. Torie and Jany shopped for the room, so they are responsible for the weak styling. Jany makes some excuse about Torie not staying with the vision while shopping, but staying with the generic “Hamptons” formula is what caused the room to be dull, so that excuse bites her in the ass.

Vern also gives Team Tone shit for not unwrapping the elliptical machine. The team purchased an elliptical machine because the Caswells asked for one, and the team didn’t have time to put it together. Instead they left the box in the area they designated for the fitness corner and put a bow on it. Vern doesn’t like it, which I think is unfair. If they hadn’t finished the wainscoting or if they hadn’t added the trim because they were putting together a elliptical machine they would have been crucified, and if they ignored that request from the Caswells they would have been reamed by Mrs. Caswell, so pick your poison. I don’t remember Vern ever going out of his way to honor a request for a fitness space for any of his families on Trading Spaces, yet if you wandered into the Yip home I’m sure there is a Bowflex and a library of Chuck Norris videos carefully incorporated into some room.

Team Lost Boys are up and we all watch as the garage is unveiled to the Langs. They love the space, but hate that they kept the door.

I don’t blame them, it’s hideous. I can understand keeping that door if you were hiding an entrance to the Batcave, but to your rec room? It cuts into the space, it doesn’t lock, so you better bring that flat screen indoors tonight, and it doesn’t look like it secures very well, so I hope the neighborhood raccoons and skunks enjoy the 1930 Spanish Courtyard design, because they will be taking up residence there.

The garage door is the major problem for the judges and Mere says they all agreed to keep the door. I saw them all nod, but it was Meredith’s dumbass idea. I think she needs to go.

The judges also hate Nate’s mural, I think they think it looks cheap. But the homeowners like it and it’s not like they put a Fathead of SpongeBob on the wall or anything. Meredith’s garage door choice is far more revolting.

The judges continue to question the team and Tashica is unable to communicate exactly what her role was in this design. She talks a lot, but doesn’t ever stumble across a valid answer.

Vern starts whispering to his co-judges and Clive Flynn — and they axe Tashica mid-ceremony. Which is just kind of rude. Especially when she’s not being offensive, she’s just not being… smart.

With one down and one to go, the judges need to deliberate. When the contestants are called back, Tone and Dan are once again congratulated for being the strongest. Torie, Jase and Mere are passable. Nate and Jany are the weakest.

Despite Nate’s odd fashion and design inspiration, Jany is cancelled for being too textbook.

Tune in next week, when we finally see Dan and Tone on the same team and Jason gets in the Errol Flynn/Peter Pan spirit and breaks out his green tights.

What did you think of Tash’s mid-ceremony dismissal? Did you feel Jany was the right choice to be eliminated? Does anyone want to see Meredith go home for another shit idea?