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Wednesday, April 27, 2011
6:00 am
68 Comments
It’s kind of sad when the network is making a big deal out of NEW EPISODES EVERY WEEK until the finale, but there you go. They must have heard about the thousands of people on Facebook who were all, “Why r u so stoopid we need noo episodes every week u guys r so frickin dumb.” Well played, anonymous grammatically challenged Facebook losers. Well played. And I guess the season finale is 2 hours long or something, which is exciting as a fan, but kind of exasperating as a recapper. I probably shouldn’t say this, but anything over 43 minutes is kind of a pain in the ass to recap. At least the way I recap. Other recappers probably go, “Meh. It’ll be fine.” While I’m saying, “Oh dear lord now I have to go out and buy a 1.5 plastic liter of $9.99 Viaka vodka just to get through this son of a bitch.” Why am I still talking about this crap when this episode needs to be recapped? See?! THIS is why it takes me so long! THIS is why I hate 2 hour finales! Let’s just get to the recap.
Susan’s at her doctor, and Mary Alice says that the doctor told her to abstain from sex for 6 weeks. Okay. The same doctor, LAST WEEK, told Susan that she couldn’t have sex for 2 weeks. What the hell? They can’t even be consistent from one episode to the next? No one even caught that? That’s really, really lazy, DH writers. The least you could have done is have Susan say something like, “Last week you said it would only be two weeks.” And the doctor could say, “We got some tests back and it may be too strenuous for you, so let’s be cautious. Also, we have a sexual surrogate for Mike in the meantime. His name is Hypnotoad and he’ll rock Mike’s world six ways from Sunday.” How hard would that be? Damn. Ugh.
Anyway. But Susan’s so horny that she keeps having sexy-ass sex dreams. But not about Mike. No, Susan’s having womanly nocturnal emissions over –
“Oh yeah. Take a walk on the dark side, baby.”
SHUT UP! Okay, not really. Here’s who she’s having sex dreams about:
Oh hell yes! Come to papa.
I know y’all know how sexy I think Mark Moses/Paul Young is and I will not apologize for it. I will not! Susan wakes up to find Mike next to her, awake. He knows that she was having a sex dream and he wants to know how boneriffic he was in the dream sack. Susan says she’ll just show him in a couple of days when they can finally be doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well. Credits.
Seriously, I’d be kind of pissed if I were Vanessa Williams. We’ll get to that later, though. Oh yes. We will get to that later, my friends. Mary Alice blahs about loyalty to, I don’t know, sports teams and liquor and crap. But the “fiercest loyalty” is the loyalty between friends, she says. Gabby’s on her way out to meet the girls but since Bree’s going to be there, and since Carlos still has a stick up his ass about her not seeing Bree, he forbids her to go. Remember last year when he was a total asshole to Lynette about her baby, trying to get her to move to Miami and then trying to get her fired? Why are the writers making Carlos such a jackass now? Bring back season 3 and 4 Carlos, please. Gabby tells Carlos that he can’t stop her from seeing Bree and he says that he totally can.
Gabby goes outside and talks to Bree on her Bluetooth about how much this sucks and how much they’ll miss each other. But Bree says they can’t see each other. It’s very adorable, because they’re talking like lovers. Bree: “I have to go. I have scones in the oven.” Gabby: “I love your scones.” Bree: “Stop!” Hee. This will be fun! More of this, please!
Tom comes home to tell Lynette that they’re going to the Weisman Leadership Conference. Lynette’s very excited because a bunch of famous business people (including Oprah! Oprah Oprah Oprah!) go to the conference, plus they won’t have to take their kids! Lynette’s so excited that she screams. Unfortunately, this wakes Paige.
Remember a couple weeks ago when you guys were talking about this? Yeah. I’m totally on board now.
Susan picks up M.J. from McCluskey’s house where they talk about how great it will be for Susan and Mike to have sex again, and then McC points out how much of a mess Paul’s house is. And since Susan’s the landlord and his wife gave Susan a kidney, she might want to check things out. So Susan goes over to Paul’s house to talk to him. She knocks on the door and Paul opens it, still in a bathrobe.
Yes, please!
Even sociopaths need love. PHYSICALLY. FROM ME.
So back off, bitches. Paul says he hasn’t gotten out of the house much but he’ll be okay. He’d feel better if he was naked. And on top of me.
At the Weisman conference, it turns out Bob and Lee are there as well. Bob leaves to introduce Tom to some dude while Lynette and Lee go off to get drinks. Lynette chats up a business lady named Meg Butler, who’s president of Business Company That Does Business Things. She notices that Lynette’s lanyard is red, which means that Lynette is a “plus one” and therefore won’t be able to participate in any of the seminars. Which is a bummer since Lynette was excited to see Chris Cavanaugh, the author of this book (I’m assuming):
That book changed my life, you guys. Now I know all about business-y stuff! Anyway, Lee tells Lynette that as “plus ones” they’ll be doing stuff like Japanese flower arrangement and other girl-y things. Meg Butler is all, Yeah, well, that’s what you get for marrying a businessman instead of doing business-y things yourself. Boo, Meg, you bitch! Rude. Lee tells Lynette that they’re going to have so much fun, just as some lady blows her whistle and says that it’s time for the scavenger hunt. Yeah, that would suck, but I would love to be a “plus one” just for all the free hooch.
Bree is at Lynette’s house, watering the plants for her, when Gabby pops in, saying she wanted to talk to Lynette. Bree tells her that Lynette’s out of town, so she’s getting the mail and watering the plants. Gabby sounds a tad surprised, but we all know what’s on Gabby’s mind.
“Mrs. Solis, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?”
That’s a great shot. You guys, what follows next will be, I’m surprised to say, one of my all-time favorite scenes in the history of Desperate Housewives. Seriously. My recap will not do it justice — you’ll need to watch it yourself. Gabby: “. . . You look good.” Bree (almost seductively): ” . . . You too.” And things get even better from there. There are three reasons I love this scene: 1.) The performances of Marcia Cross and Eva Longoria are just sensational — they hit all the right notes. 2.) The scene’s shot very intimately, with no background music. 3.) The writing is really fantastic. With all of these combined, it feels like I’m watching a great, funny play. David Schladweiler (who wrote another great episode in January) is really upping the game this season. (Except for the Susan-six-week-no-sex-continuity, natch.)
Gabby wants to have some coffee (“It’s just coffee, Bree.”), but Bree’s all, “But your husband . . .” Gabby: “He’d never look for us here . . .” Hee! Bree says that it’s been hard without Gabby, especially since all Susan talks about is kidneys. Hahahaha! Gabby agrees. They exchange knowing glances and Bree says she can put on a pot of coffee. Gabby: “I like mine with cream.” Bree: “I know how you like it.” Hahahaha! Seriously, you should watch it for yourself. It’s that good, people.
“Oh yeah. I’m gonna friend your f**king brains out.”
Felicia goes over to see McCluskey, who apparently didn’t know that Felicia had been released from prison. Felicia gives her a gift, something that belonged to Martha.
I had no idea what this was at first. A retainer? A fake ear? A real ear?
Knowing Felicia, it could be any of those. But I think it’s a rose brooch. That’s my guess, anyway. Felicia says it’s her way of saying “Thanks for keeping my secret all these years.” McCluskey says it’s not much of a secret anymore and Felicia says that she’s kept McCluskey’s secret — never telling anyone what McC’s “role was that night.” Yeah, so I was all, “Wait, what? What the crap did McCluskey have to do with Felicia’s disappearance? Did I forget something? I’m pretty sure I didn’t, Mr. Schladweiler!” McCluskey says it’s not a good time to talk about it, to which Felicia replies that it’s fine, but they should catch up sometime, which will be easy since she lives on the Lane again. McCluskey goes back inside and is all discombobulated, and tells Roy that she needs a drink. Atta girl.
Ah, and now we have a flashback. So if you too are thinking you’d forgotten something, you haven’t. In the flashback, McCluskey is looking for Ida Greenberg’s cat, Toby (R.I.P. Ida Greenberg. And, maybe R.I.P. Toby, since I haven’t seen him in forever). All of a sudden, Felicia Tilman comes running up with her bloody stump of a hand.
“What, this? Oh, ha ha ha. I was just . . . feeding some . . . lions . . . at the . . . Shriner’s Circus. Um. And . . . then . . . a clown came up and . . . bit my hand off? Soooo . . . yeah.”
Felicia asks if McCluskey loved Martha and thinks Paul killed her, to which McCluskey is all, Um, doi! McCluskey asks if Felicia killed Paul and Felicia’s all, “No, he killed me” and they’ll find my fingers, he’ll go to jail, and he got away with Martha’s murder but he won’t get away with mine. McCluskey doesn’t say a word — she just goes back to looking for Toby while Felicia runs away.
Back at Business Conference About Business 2011, Lee and Lynette are doing some ikebana. That’s the art of Japanese flower arrangement. I’m an expert in this, because I’ve seen Lost In Translation like, twice. Lynette is, of course, not into it because she feels like they’re doing lameass girly stuff and being patronized. And you know what? She’s right. Lee is getting tired of Lynette’s bitching, but Lynette doesn’t care — she asks everyone why they aren’t pissed off since they’re being patronized and expected to be housewives (or househusbands, in Lee’s case) from the ’50s. Then she’s like, “This lanyard is no better than a burqa!” The leader sort of freaks out about that.
“Holy crap, that’s one of those Islam words! Shut it down, people! SHUT IT DOWN!”
Lynette’s still going on her tirade about “rising up” and stuff . . . and then the host lady is all, Time for cocktails! And of course everyone runs right over to them like moths to a flame. I know I would! Lynette is still spouting her socialist Wisconsin union rigamarole, but she finally gives in to the tasty goodness of rum. Atta girl.
Bree and Gabby (yay!) are eating a pineapple upside down cake on Lynette’s couch. Gabby’s all, This is the best one you’ve ever made! Bree: “You know why? It has an ingredient my cakes have never had before: Danger.” Hahahaha! Love it. Gabby says that sneaking around makes everything better and when she was with John Rowland, everything was better . . . but Bree wouldn’t understand that. Bree’s all, Oh yeah? Gabby: “You cheated on Rex?!” Bree: “Of course not, what do you take me for?! I cheated on Orson!” Hee! Then Bree tells Gabby about her affair with Karl Meyer (aww, R.I.P. Karl Meyer, you sexy son of a bitch). Bree tells Gabby that they met in a motel, and that gives Gabby an idea. Bree: “Gabby I’m flattered, but I really don’t think we should –” Gabby: “Not that.” Hahahaha! You know, I think I said before that I miss the old Bree, but I’m beginning to warm up to this looser version. Gabby tells her about a new spa that they should go to next week. Yay!
Susan tells Mike that she went to see Paul because the house was in disarray, and so was Paul. Mike wonders why she was talking to Paul.
I wonder why Mike doesn’t take that damn robe off.
Susan says she’s worried about Paul. Mike is all, “Who cares?”
I care about Mike’s robe and why he’s still wearing it.
Susan brings up the kidney and says that Paul seems so sad that she feels like she needs to be a friend to him, but she promises not to see him again. Susan goes off to take a shower when someone else shows up to join her. But it’s not Mike. It’s –
This yummy DILF.
Paul begins kissing Susan . . . and then Susan wakes up from her sex dream. So, wait. Was that entire scene a dream? Did Mike not really tell Susan to stay away from Paul? In this recapper’s opinion: Yes. We’ll see if this makes sense later.
Lynette takes off her lanyard and goes up to Tom, telling him that she totally needs to see Chris Cavanaugh give his Business Speech About Business. Tom says that he can’t pull any strings and take her in with him. Here’s an idea: If it’s an issue of seating, why can’t they just put a live feed of the speech onto a television in another room, that way the “plus ones” who want to see the speech still can? Idiots. However, if they did that, we wouldn’t have the Lynette mishegoss that we love so much. The host lady finds Lynette and tells her that it’s spa time.
McCluskey and Felicia are having coffee. Felicia: “I remembered you like your coffee like you like your men: Strong and Irish.” Hee. McCluskey asks her how she got out of jail so soon and Felicia tells her that her only daughter passed away and that’s why she was released. McCluskey is all, “I didn’t know you had a daughter.” And for a second I was confused, but I guess no one else knows that Beth was Felicia’s daughter. Felicia tells her that McC totally knew her — “Her name was Beth, Beth Young.” McCluskey needs Felicia to Irish up her coffee a bit more thanks to that news.
Susan is with her doctor and asks her if it’s common for patients “to have sex dreams about the husbands of their dead donors.” The doc says that she’s not a psychologist, but she does say that maybe the dreams are a way of telling Susan to follow her impulse to help Paul through his grief. She says that Mike really doesn’t want her to talk to him (really? You sure that wasn’t just in a dream?), but the doc says that the dreams might not stop until she does actually help Paul. You know what? I think I’d be okay with the dreams not stopping. Oh yeah — I might take Paul over Mike. Or under Mike. Thank you! I’m here all night!
Back at Felicia’s house, she tells McC about how Paul wrote to Beth and how Beth fell in love with him. Felicia tried to warn Beth, but she fell in love with Paul anyway. Then Paul told Beth how she was stupid and didn’t deserve to live, so she killed herself, just like Paul knew she would. Oh, Felicia. Why you pretendin’ you didn’t say the exact same things to Beth? You diabolical whore. McC asks why Felicia wants to live next to Paul and Felicia says that she needs to watch him. McC says she’s gonna watch him too and she’ll help Felicia in any way she can. Felicia says she’s lucky to have a friend like McCluskey.
At the spa, Lynette is still seething when Meg Butler comes up yelling on her cell phone about firing someone because he was bad at business and stuff. Meg goes off to soak in the hot tub, and Lynette takes this opportunity to steal Meg’s lanyard and hide her clothes! Uh-oh, Lynnie Sue, what are you up to now? She goes to the seminar, where some guy tells “Meg Butler” that there’s a seat for her up front. Turns out, Meg Butler is supposed to introduce Chris Cavanaugh. Oh, dip!
“Oh, that’s great because Meg is really powerful and President of something business-y and WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!”
Lynette grudgingly goes up to the podium, where Tom sees her and sharts himself a little. Lynette says that Meg asked her to introduce Chris because she’s such a fan of his. Then she riffs a little bit.
“Most of what I’ve learned about business I’ve learned from the 164 fights about business I’ve had with my husband, Tom. Tommy, stand up so I can berate you!”
She tells people to buy the book because it makes people smarter and Chris has a lot to say about “human nature.”
So did Madonna. I like her advice better.
I’m not your bitch! Don’t hang your shit on me! Just when Lynette is sounding competent and, you know, not insane, Meg Butler arrives and announces that Lynette is the “bitch” who stole her lanyard and clothes. Lynette is all, “LadiesandgentlemenChrisCavanaugh!” and runs off. Hee!
Susan is back to see Paul. He doesn’t want to let her in, but Susan says that he’s a mess and someone needs to help him. She tells him that she’s having dreams about him, involving “lots of daylight, lots of clothes.” Ha! Paul lets her in and she notices that he has ingredients on the kitchen island to make potato leek soup, but he hasn’t started. Susan offers to help him make some soup.
Over at Tom and Lynette’s house, they’re back from the conference, and Renee decides to pay them a visit.
“Sup. Apparently I’m contractually obligated to say a couple things and pretend to give a crap. Let’s get it over with.”
Renee asks if Lynette found her a nice rich single guy, but Tom’s all, No but my wife was crazy at the conference. Renee asks them if they’re having a fight. Which, they are, because it’s a day of the week that ends in “y.” Renee decides to stick around anyway while Tom tells her he embarrassed her. Lynette tells him to let it go, but he won’t, because after all those years he supported her and “took a back seat to her career,” she couldn’t do the same for him. Lynette is silent and Tom walks away. Lynette tells Renee that she felt like a second-class citizen and Renee’s all, Yeah that’s called being a wife. Which is true in this case, but in general? Not really a cool thing to say. She tells Lynette that she can be “a wife, or [she] can be a first wife.” Ouch.
Mini Tirade: I feel bad for Vanessa Williams. They are doing absolutely zero with her character and if I were her, I’d be pretty pissed off. Why even have her around if all Renee is doing is giving Lynette three sentences of advice every week? I thought they wasted Dana Delaney as Katherine last year, but this is even worse. Either get rid of her, or better yet, give her something interesting to do. Give her a man with a shady past. Make the interior design business that she and Lynette started (remember that? Do you, writers? Do you?!) have some actual, you know, work to do. Have her sleep around with Paul Young! That would be great and scandalous! Just give poor Vanessa Williams something to do, jerkasses.
Gabby’s in the kitchen, where she stupidly put a piece of pineapple upside down cake on the counter. Did she forget that Carlos isn’t blind anymore? Geez. Carlos says it reminds him of the cake Bree brought for dinner the other month. Gabby is all, Bree didn’t make it because I’m not seeing her, and I made it, you silly goose! Carlos is all, “The woman who ordered in Chinese for Christmas dinner made a pineapple upside down cake.” I don’t know. We’ve seen Gabby cooking before, many times. And she was never made fun of for her lack of cooking skills. That’s Susan’s thing. Ugh, I’ll just go with it. So, of course, Carlos says it looks so good that he wants her to make one for him right now. And of course he’s going to sit and watch her. Isn’t this where Juanita should come running down the stairs, all, “Me smell cake! Me want cake! ME WANT CAKE!!”? No? We’re not going to do that this week? Okay, then.
Gabby’s all, I’ll get some flour . . . and oops I spilled it all over me! “Maybe I should take my top off,” and why don’t we go upstairs and do it? Gabby goes upstairs to change and calls Bree on her Bluetooth all desperate and Bree says she’ll bake the cake and sneak it over. But since Carlos wants to watch Gabby make it, what will they do? Remember the Bluetooth? Yeah you do. Turns out, Bree will walk Gabby through it over the phone while Gabby hides her Bluetooth in her hair. Bluetooth! Bree talks Gabby through it while Gabby’s all, “I’ll need butter . . . How much butter?” Carlos asks who she’s talking to and Gabby says it’s her dead grandma, who taught her to make it. She’s all, “How much butter, grandma?” Hee.
Paul and Susan are eating their soup, which Paul says is pretty good. Susan: “If you don’t taste the wine . . . It’s cuz I drank it.” Hahahaha! Yay for New Kidney Susan! Then things get kind of sad. Susan says the last time they had dinner together was when Mary Alice was alive. Paul asks her why she cares so much about taking care of him. Meanwhile, Mike drops M.J. off at McCluskey’s for his and Susan’s Sexathon 2011. McCluskey points out that Susan’s over at Paul’s house.
“I could have sworn I dream-told her not to do that.”
Susan tells Paul that she remembers Paul teaching Julie to ride a bike, barbecuing, and how he had a laugh you could hear “three houses away. I liked that guy.” Paul says he’s not that guy anymore and Susan says she thinks he can be. Sad. Single tear. I really feel sorry for Paul, you guys. I would totally comfort him. Down there. Mike shows up and Susan runs outside to tell him that everyone has turned their back on Paul and she’s going to help him. Mike says it’s because Paul is a bad guy (um, you’re the one who was going to shoot him in the head, Mike, so . . . yeah). Susan says she’s not an idiot (oh geez) and she won’t get into trouble. Mike says Susan doesn’t know Paul, but Susan says she knows the look in someone’s eyes when he’s sinking and she won’t leave until Paul is okay. She goes back in to talk to Paul and says she’ll keep doing it whether or not Mike supports her.
Bree and Gabby’s cakes are done! Bree’s is, of course, fantastic. Gabby’s is . . . a pile of what I can only assume is hamster barf. Carlos yells from another room that he heard the oven go off, so Gabby covers it with a tea towel to “cool on the windowsill” since the secret of the cake is in the cooling. Hahaha, whatever. That’s silly. Bree hears this and is about to run over to Gabby’s with the cake. She opens her door to a bunch of Girl Scouts who are collecting money for juvenile diabetes, all, “Out of my way! HOT CAKE!” Hahahahaha! I love funny Bree! Gabby distracts Carlos to yell to him about “trust,” and while she’s doing this, Bree switches Gabby’s cake with hers. Yay!
At Susan and Mike’s apartment, Mike’s set the table and lit some candles. Awww, so sweet! He’s holding two glasses of champagne, so I guess Susan can drink alcohol. Be prepared for next week when the doctor tells her she can’t have alcohol for 4 months. Asinine. Mike tells Susan that he decided not to make the Paul thing a big deal and just go for the romance. And the boning. He says that Susan is just being Susan — he can’t stay mad at her for being such a kind woman. Also, he’s had a rager for six weeks that needs to be taken care of, so that’s a big factor too.
Gabby’s leaving for her “model friend’s funeral” (she’s actually going to the spa with Bree). Carlos says it’s meant a lot to him that she’s not seeing Bree. He hugs her, asking about her new coat (she got it this week) and he finds a red hair on the coat. Oopsie-daisies! Gabby’s all, “I took Juanita to a kid’s party and hugged a clown.” Ha! Carlos opens her suitcase to find bikinis and spa crap. He knows that Gabby is going to see Bree and he expected her to choose him over her. He feels like she puts her girlfriends ahead of him, but Gabby says that’s not true. Then he lays down the gauntlet — choose Bree or himself. Yeowza! Evil!
Mary Alice talks about regret and secrets. You know, the usual. Gabby knocks on Bree’s door, looking sad. She tells Bree that there’s been a change of plans. She says Carlos knows and asks if she can stay with Bree for awhile. Bree is all, Of course you can. Awwww! Friendship! And then Gabby’s all, “Okay girls, go on.” She brought her kids too! Hahahaha!
“Oh, of course you can stay because you’re such a good friend and I love you and I see you brought your girls and WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!”
Next week: Carlos and Gabby fight! Bree and Gabby fight about Juanita and Celia (that’s going to be so funny!)! Felicia may be poisoning Paul! A cop shows up and asks if Bree killed Mama Solis!? Oh no!
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68 Comments
Yay Hypnotoad! Great recap!
I love the Gabby/Bree storyline…it’s about time we got something good and funny!
Also, I approve of the amount of men in open robes in this episode!
Hoorah!
LOL I totally thought she was giving her an ear. I kept thinking why is this not freaking her out! Then I figured it must be a legitimate gift and not a piece of human anatomy.
Hypnotoad, this might just be the funniest recap I’ve read on this site!
Also, I totally called dibs on Paul in Season one. Prepare to fight for him.
susan sure is drinking a lot for someone with only one good kidney! maybe beth gave her both?
best episode since forever. i love bree and gabby together.
Hee… Hypno you kill me. I loved the Gabby and Bree line too. It was a well written line. Still not convincing me to watch this on Sunday nights while Sean Bean is on HBO at the same time, but I loved the storyline all the same. Maybe this show still has promise after all? They just have to improve Vanessa William’s character! She can do so much more than 3 little lines an episode! Come on Cherry!
Loved the “9 to 5″ reference!!! And the shirtless pictures!!!
Great recap!
Thanks you guys! I LOVED writing this recap. It’s so much fun when an episode is great, and this one was pretty great. Seriously – the Bree/Gabby scenes will go down in history as some of my favorite DH moments ever.
Luke — Oh hell no! Paul is mine, dammit! You can have Tom Scavo. I kid, I kid. Kind of.
Mila — I was thinking the same thing. No sex for SIX weeks but she’s drinking already? Last time I checked, no one uses their kidneys for sex. Unless you’re into that, and I’m not judging.
ellemck1 — As long as you read the recap and comment, I don’t care when you watch it! But I’d take Paul, Mike, and Carlos over Sean any day (unless Sean is walking around in nothing but a loin cloth, in which case I totally understand.)
Clair — Did I do a “9 to 5″ reference by accident? If it’s the “You’re trying to seduce me” thing, I was going for The Graduate. However, if I DID do a 9 to 5 reference by accident, that would be all kinds of awesome.
And poor Vanessa Williams. I just don’t see the point in keeping her around if they’re going to continue down this road. She has nothing to do with the mystery this season and her only real arc (affair with Tom) played out in a couple of episodes. If she only has 3 or so lines each episode from now on, I’m going to assume they’re not bringing her back next year. Sometimes they cram so many actors into this show that it seems like they don’t know what to do with some of them.
(Mila – when I said “unless you’re into that,” I didn’t mean *you,* it was the proverbial “You,” as in, “people.” Just wanted to clear that up!)
Oh, Clair! Did you mean the “atta girl?” Cuz yes, that’s totally from “9 to 5.” I guess I say it so much that I just don’t even think about it being a specific reference. But that’s where I got it. Doi. I am . . . an idiot.
Hypo, “Atta girl” is from ’9 to 5′. The office drunk says that to both Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton when they say they going to get a drink.
Hehe. Don’t worry, I got it.
But I am glad that they keep it simple with the post transplant thing after I took a quick look at this:
http://www.columbiasurgery.org/pat/kidneypancreastx/life.html
Aaaaah!
Awww…I’ll take Tom if no one else wants him…I’d be his “plus one” any day!
No driving for 2 to 4 weeks? Weird. Although that article did say that most of the “rules” apply to people taking Prednisone, and then went on to say that the majority of people who had kidney transplants don’t take Prednisone any more.
I’m just glad that we can put this kidney mess behind us. I was not a fan of it, although it did bring back Julie and Sophie, which was fun!
Clair — Yes! I totally realized that. I posted about it right before you did!
And the season finale is two episodes back-to-back. Would you guys prefer one long recap (a combo of the two) or two separate ones?
You’re post made it before mine because I couldn’t remember who the drunk said it to and I had to look it up.
I vote for two separate recaps.
Okay, I call BS on Tom whining about how he took a backseat to Lynette’s career. WHEN? For a few months in Season 2, then he started working again. They worked together on their pizza place for several years, then sold it (right? I can’t even remember) and then Lynette went back to work, again only for a few months and then she got pregnant and Tom took over her job. What a BIG FAT LIE. Lynette has taken a backseat to Tom’s career over the course of this show and she’s given up her own job to help him with his stupid pizza idea.
Looking back at the seasons, I realize that I actually don’t like Tom that much. He’s SUCH a whiner. Dude, GROW A PAIR AND CAN IT.
Also, I felt that Nicolette Sheridan was wasted a lot of the time as well on this show. Not so much in the later seasons, but in the first two she was always kind of on the sidelines, which I didn’t like, because Edie is (was) actually so funny.
And I also feel totally sorry for Paul Young. I mean, his wife killed himself, he was hiding the horrible secret for years that his wife killed his son’s real mother and they hid the body, his son hates him, his neighbours hate him for killing the woman who was responsible for his wife’s death (although frankly, I don’t even blame him for that) and Felicia hates him. AND his second wife killed herself. That’s gotta be rough.
And I also vote for two separate recaps, but honestly, do whatever makes it easier for you. Two sounds like it would be easier to me, but what do I know?
Hee. “I need a drink, Roz! I’m taking the rest of the day off!” “Atta girl.” Best movie ever.
I’m leaning toward two separate ones myself. I’ll probably post them both on the same day, though.
That was such a good recap! I’m still laughing! I absolutely love the shot of Susan talking to Paul’s crotch. And I totally agree about Carlos – dude needs to chill out and stop being a monster. Oh you get your eyesight back and suddenly you’re the Don of Wisteria? You were sexier when you couldn’t see! You were even sexier when you shaved off your beard and that shit scared me for weeks!
Hilarious again, Hypnotoad. Loved it.
Georgiababe — TOTES. Honestly, there has been SO MUCH of the same back-and-forth between Tom and Lynette that I don’t even remember how much time each of them spent working outside the home. (And yes, they sold Scavo’s Pizza. I think Tom wanted to buy an RV with the money and take the kids out of school for a year. Smart.) I was a fan of Tom in the first 3 or 4 seasons. But now, I’m really not. The producers, writers, staff, powers-that-be have GOT to stop the Tom and Lynette Job Merry-Go-Round and do something different. It’s old and stale, like your Grandma’s box of Triscuits from 1994. I wouldn’t mind Tom and Lynette separating for a while — at least it would give them, and the audience, time to breathe. I was watching season 6 last night (I know, I’m obsessed) and Lynette actually said to Tom, “You know how much I hate staying at home!” So why is that what she’s doing? It’s so. Frustrating.
I feel the opposite about Edie, though. I think they used her quite a bit in the first couple seasons. Especially when she was dating Karl. And they used her a lot in Season 3 when Marcia Cross (I always type Marcia Clark and then have to delete it!) was on pregnancy leave. I hated that there was no mystery to the last 7 or so eps, but at least Edie was front and center. She was wasted in Season 5, though. You could tell Cherry hated her and wanted her gone.
But no actress has been as wasted as Vanessa Williams. It’s ridiculous. Two things would propel this season from good to great: Stop with the Tom and Lynette job crap, and give Renee some plot. Or just get rid of Renee. Not that I want to see Vanessa Williams go, because I don’t, but seriously, Cherry — shit or get off the pot when it comes to Renee.
And two separate recaps would definitely behoove me, I think.
hahahaha! Amy! I love you! Carlos is such a turd now. And did you notice that when he was blind he had tons of gray hair? But now he has no gray hair? What’s up with that?
I love these recaps! I look forward to them every single week! Totally agree about the 9to5 lines. I love that movie. I actually listen to the song every morning on my way to work to get in the spirit – don’t judge me!
My suggestion for using more Renee AND putting an end to the Tom/Lynette merry go round is to have Kayla come back as Renee’s business partner in the interior design business. She would be old enough for that right?
Then, once Lynette finds out she has been replaced by the stepdaughter who hates her, we can sit back and watch the shenanigans unfold. Kayla could be the ultimate catalyst, because she could be a vixen the likes of which we haven’t seen since Cherry killed off poor Edie. Felicia could try to use her to seduce Paul and make him miserable, only Kayla wouldn’t allow herself to be manipulated…The possibilities are endless. Bring back Kayla!
PlathAddict — I. Love. Everything. About that! (Also, thank you. That means a lot coming from another recapper!) I agree that bringing back Kayla would really benefit the Tom and Lynette storyline. Heck, it would benefit the entire show!
Last week I posted my idea for a new character (played by Debra Messing, because I love her and she’d be awesome on the show) and plot, but really, bringing Kayla back would be the sensible thing to do. Right? Right.
Honestly, I was a fan of your recaps long before I ever even dreamed of being a recapper.
I think we need to start a Bring Back Kayla writing campaign. Maybe we can post our own semi-literate ramblings on Facebook to get Cherry to take notice.
I have a question about season 1 – why on earth did Paul dig up the body that was buried UNDER HIS POOL? I mean, wasn’t that the best hiding place ever?
For sure do the recaps how you see fit, just, please, don’t make us wait too long cause we love your recaps!!!
Yeah, so anyway, they need to get a handle on Tom and Lynette, I like ‘em both as actors but these characters? Everything has been said. I just would say in the real world Tom the character (not the actor) would not be in the least bit sexually attractive to most women (and others who would want to consider Tom.) What keeps lynette there? Oh, yeah besides the kids she gets off on rehashing old topics. (I do know girfriends who do this) and Lynette – Grow up! is what I would say if this was real regaurding busnessy trip. These writers have no toes in realityville do they? Which would be fine if they had a few toes in Comedyville.
Hypno, you had some great vannessa storyline ideas and so did a few of the commenters, what’s wrong with this DH team? You thought this Eppy was great, I thought it was a bit ‘too little, too late’. The Interior Design, good point. I would rather see DH ‘Behind the Scenes’ ala Oprah (that’s way more entertaining than her actual show.) It might explain alot.
Sorry, Major errors. My Hubby is home and being a pain about a million things. Hope you can get a kernel out of my post cause I hit send by accident and don’t have time to correct it now. It’s not T and L. It is 6:30pm and it is time to TCB.
Clair – That ALWAYS bothered me. I mean, DUDE, it’s under THE POOL. WHO is going to look there? I mean, it’s not like some big business is going to demolish the house and put in a giant complex and have to get rid of the pool – it’s a residential street. If I bought a house with a pool, I certainly wouldn’t do something stupid like fill it in or demolish it. I would SWIM in it.
I agree with bringing back Kayla, that would be awesome. I think she was about 3 years older than the twins, if I am remembering correctly, so she’d be 21/22 – old enough to potentially even have a college degree in design or something.
And Hypnotoad – YES! I think that Lynette and Tom should separate, that would be really interesting. I mean, yes, Lynette emasculates Tom on a regular basis but honestly, it’s because Tom’s kind of a sad loser sometimes. He’s not a leader, he’s whiny and he gets all bent out of shape when Lynette isn’t willing to throw away their life savings to start something new (ie sell pizza place and buy an RV and tour the country), claiming that she doesn’t support his dreams, but dude has a) STUPID dreams and b) changes his mind every 5 seconds. I don’t blame Lynette for keeping him in check. I think my problem with Lynette isn’t even that she does that, it’s just that Tom and Lynette are the same all the time.
Having them separate and having Tom realize what a weiner he is would be great. And then FINALLY Lynette could go back to work.
Also, I love children. I love them a lot. But I am SORRY, Paige is one UGLY child. It also doesn’t help that she is played by boy triplets, since she doesn’t look like a girl baby at all.
I totally want a book called “Where the F__k is My Rainbow?”
Check this site out for an answer to the Season 1 Paul-digging-up-the-chest. I guess it makes sense, sort of . . .
http://www.moviemistakes.com/tv4764/questions
Jess — seriously, where the f**k is my rainbow?! I want to know.
This is my first time posting, but I always read your recaps!!! I love this show and have every season on dvd!!! I watch them all the time!!! In your recap with the second dream Susan had about Paul she and Mike were talking about Paul before getting ready for bed when he was telling her to stay away from him. Then she had a dream about her and Paul in the shower. I think you got confused. I really enjoy your recaps. I read them every week. I love how you point out the stupid writers!!! It’s like they don’t remember their own show??? I laugh at it every week. Also, I heard Susan Lucci is coming to DH??? They said she will reprise her role as Erica Kane??? Do you think she would be good on DH???
And I know that you guys were saying that the baby playing Paige was . . . less than beautiful . . . I just now noticed this week. She’s played by boy triplets? That’s cray-cray.
Thanks for posting, Michelle! I still thought it was weird that she and Mike were talking, and then she told him she was going to take a shower, and then Paul showed up. So, it seemed to me that the whole thing could have been a dream. Am I the only one who thinks that? Maybe I’m crazy.
I think Susan Lucci might be okay on the show. But I’m not really a big fan of her playing Erica Kane. It would just be too meta, you know? But again, Susan Lucci could be good.
Hypnotoad – I suppose that link has a satisfactory answer, but still. Having a pool ups the property value – plus, it’s likely that a family would move into the house, wouldn’t having a pool be a huge bonus? I don’t understand why someone would go to all the effort to redeveloping the house to get rid of the pool. Why not just buy a house WITHOUT a pool?
Ha ha ha. I said it was AN answer. Not a GOOD answer. Besides, remember what Edie said at Mary Alice’s funeral? Something like, “That pool’s going to have to be re-done. Too many cracks. And the fact that she blew her brains out ain’t gonna help the resale value . .”
I made all of that up. But it would have explained the reason, no?
I know a lot of people will be happy to see Susan Lucci back on ABC since AMC was cancelled. I never watch AMC. I watch Days Of Our Lives. The best soap ever!!! Anyway just wanted to hear your take on it. I just don’t want them to waste Susan Lucci because she is a vet!!! I agree with you on the writers wasting talent. Vanessa Williams is great!!!! I had so much hope at the start of this season. Oh well this show used to be so good and I always hope it can go back to days of earlier seasons but sometimes I don’t know but will keep watching lol!!!
I totes hear you, Michelle! I think that, if they found a good part for Lucci, that she could really do a great job. But they keep wasting the new cast members! And I think we keep watching this show because we love the way it used to be. Sure, there are flashes of greatness here and there, and some great episodes and plots, but it’s just not the way it used to be. *sigh*
Hypnotoad, gotta say, great recap! And also, I was looking at Alex O’Loughlin’s profile on imdb.com the other day and his pic on there is so similar to yours here!
I think that Susan and Mike were actually having the conversation (while awake) and she said she was going to take a shower before going to bed and at that point, the show switched to her dreaming. Maybe??? What do I know!? Lol
That’s the only explanation I can come up with, and I’m sure that’s what Schladweiler intended. But without seeing Susan actually go to bed and sleep and then waking up immediately from that dream, it made it seem like the entire scene (including Mike) was a dream too. It was just not well-executed.
I am one picky bitch, you guys.
And Jess30 — I look exactly like Alex O’Loughlin. You believe that, right?
I’ll always read the recaps, even if I don’t watch the show.
Tom and Lynette separating might be a good idea for the plot… give them something new for the first time in ever. Tom has rarely taken a backseat to Lynette’s career. It’s his brattiness that makes me not like him much.
Love the Kayla taking over Lynette’s spot with Renee in the interior design business idea. That would be awesome! I’ll sign a petition to bring her back!
Two recaps seem good to me, if it’s easier that way.
And Where the F**k is my Rainbow? Seriously.
I just got around to reading this, so no one will probably see this, but I have 2 questions……(1) Why didn’t Julie’s own dad teach her to ride a bike, and (B) Why did Felicia get completely released? Her daughter killed herself, she wasn’t in the hospital dying or something. There is no more daughter to be with. I can understand a furlough for mourning and funeral, but to be completely released….on a murder charge? Whaaaa?
Also. “Gabby’s is . . . a pile of what I can only assume is hamster barf”…for some reason I literally LOL’d at that….at work.
I’m sorry but I’m kinda over Lynette trying to chop off Tom’s balls every chance she gets. She’s always been a ball buster but this season she is off the chain. I do hope she listens to Renee and takes heed. I have a feeling that she won’t. I’m sorry but that was a great line “you can either be just the wife. Or you can be the first wife.” Tell her Renee!
Although I do agree that Vanessa Williams’ talents are being wasted this season. They started off great but then they just let her character fall to the wayside.
Yeah why not bring back Kayla? Wow that Tom Scavo is a fertile so and so.
Nikki — I assume that Karl wasn’t around that much when Julie was a kid. He was too busy sluttin’ it up with his secretaries. That’s the only explanation I can give.
I don’t really get Felicia’s release either, unless it was granted while Beth was still in a coma. That sort of makes sense. And she was only in jail for . . . conspiracy? Perjury? Something like that. But yeah — Beth is dead, so I don’t see why Felicia should be released on “compassionate release” or whatever since she no longer has Beth to take care of.
Terrence — Lynette totally wears the bossypants. But Tom wears the lame whiny pants. In my opinion, they’re both equally responsible for the general crappiness of their lives. I’m actually hoping for a separation. Tom can move in with the twins — that should provide wacky hi-jinks for a good 3 or 4 episodes. And seeing Lynette date again (with a baby, natch) would be great too. Just because they’ve been together forever doesn’t mean they’re stable, and I sort of begrudge the show the fact that they feel like they HAVE to have one couple stay together through it all. That’s lame. Let them separate for a while and then get back together. It happens all the time — I know two people whose parents actually got divorced only to remarry each other later on.
Tom and Lynette splitting up wouldn’t be that big of a deal on this show anyway, since all of the cast regulars, with the exception of Edie, have split up and reunited with their exes at some point. Bree and Rex, Gabbi and Carlos, Susan and Carl. OK Susan and Carl was a random sexual encounter, but if Carlos and Gabbi can get back together and go on to have kids together, and Bree and Rex can get back together and have her play the dominatrix to make him happy (which honestly, who didn’t see that coming in their regular relationship anyway?), then Tom and Lynette can split up over some Kayla drama and come back together. They survived CANCER, so splitting them up and bring them back together could actually be great.
And, while I agree that Tom is a big whiney baby, I do think that he has been supportive each time Lynette has gone back to work. He has always known or at least felt like Lynette was better in the business world than him. When he stayed home to be the housedad after Lynette sabotaged him (again and some more) out of that VP position and through a hissy fit about it being her turn to go back into the business world, he was supportive of her actually doing it – even though she sabotaged him at home because she wanted him to appreciate how hard it was to stay home.
And he was supportive when she worked for Carlos. Too bad Carlos was being a dick about the pregnancy.
I think that the problem is that this “you work” no “you work” storyline is ridiculously stale. In the world I live in, both people in a marriage work, and then they have to figure out how to handle child care.
Why isn’t Lynette doing the interior design thing anymore? At least it would keep her from forming angry mobs at neighborhood and business events. Does it have to do with Susan and her deformed organs? Because it seems like Mrs. McC would be able to watch Penny and the other one or is it two? How many kids do they have still living at home? Because I can’t remember the last time I saw the youngest boy.
Parker! I love Parker Scavo. He’s so adorable. I would have wasted so much time crushing on him in high school (or would I have? He could go either way at this point). Such a cutie. Parker, Penny, and Paige still live at the house, although I think Tom and Lynette have gone back to locking Penny in the basement and feeding her a bucket of fish heads once a day.
Susan and Karl got married again in Season 2. Susan had a wandering spleen and no insurance. She was going to marry a gay guy, but his partner got pissed off so he canceled it, so she married Karl for his insurance (secretly) and then Edie and Susan’s doctor boyfriend found out and were not happy. I miss Edie.
I think that (maybe) both Tom and Lynette have probably been supportive just as often as they’ve been . . . what’s the word I’m looking for . . . not supportive (okay, I couldn’t find a word). But I think Lynette’s played the game a little more underhanded than Tom has. As characters, I both of them, but I agree, PlathAddict — they’re in a real stagnant place right now.
The interior design would definitely help. I hate how DH just drops plots now and thinks they can pick them up later. They’ve done that enough this season, but I’d forgive them if they’d give Lynette (and Renee) more to do with their “business.”
Also, this *may* be a record for the most Desperate Housewives comments (for my recaps, anyway)! That’s so fantastic! You, people, YOU — you’re what makes it all worth it.
I meant, “As characters I *like* both of them . . .”
Speaking of Edie, here’s some news about Nicollette Sheridan’s lawsuit against Cherry & Co:
http://www.tvguide.com/News/Nicollette-Sheridan-Lawsuit-1032425.aspx?rss=breakingnews
But, wait didn’t Susan and Karl sleep together and that’s why Edie burned her house down? Am I remembering that right? Susan sent Edie a letter and tried to get it back, but Edie got it anyway? I remember shenanigans between Susan and the mail man.
I keep thinking I should just buy the DVD’s but I worry that there were more misses than hits in the storyline.
Yup. You’re right. Susan and Karl got married for insurance. While they were still married, Karl proposed to Edie as well. Edie was going to have a surprise wedding at their engagement party, Susan found out and told Karl about it (at this point, Edie didn’t know they were married). Karl and Susan were going to tell Edie about their sham marriage, but Dr. Ron (Susan’s boyfriend) beat them to it. Karl promised to throw Edie an amazing wedding to make up for it.
THEN, Karl insisted to Susan that he loved her and not Edie. Susan told him off and thought that was the end of it. Later, Karl went over to Susan’s and told him that he and Edie were over; they got drunk and had sex, and in the morning, Karl got a phone call from Edie about getting groceries or something, and Susan finds out that Karl was lying about breaking up with Edie, and ends their affair.
Oy. THEN Edie hired a private eye to find out who Karl was fooling around with, the private eye finds out it was Susan and tries to blackmail her. She can’t afford it, then writes the letter to Edie, Mike tells her that HE paid off the private eye, and then she tries to get the letter back from the mailman. She doesn’t, Edie finds it, and then sets Susan’s house on fire.
For the life of me, though, I can’t remember when and if it was ever mentioned that Susan and Karl got divorced. Obviously, they did, and I remember a fight between Mike and Karl over Susan, and Susan planning a surprise engagement/wedding for Mike, but I don’t remember Karl and Susan talking specifically about getting divorced.
And buy the DVDs, I say! At least seasons 1-4.
If you have Netflix, all of the first 6 Seasons are available on their “Netflix Instant” service.
Oh, doi! Thanks, Jimbob! Also, the first 2 seasons are free on Hulu, if you don’t have Netflix (the rest are available on Hulu Plus).
I only own the first 4 seasons on DVD. I watch 5 & 6 on Netflix.
They should do more flash-backs with the kid who played Young Andrew. (When Bree had him apologize to a neighbor) He. Was. Awesome.
He was pretty awesome. What season was that flashback in? Season 2?
I also miss having more Mary Alice flashbacks. I like the actress who plays her (Brenda Strong). I’m hoping she’ll show up in the last couple of episodes. And I’m sure she’ll show up if my prediction of how the Paul arc will end.
I was trying to decide whether or not to join Netflix. I think I have my answer. I love that we can talk about these convoluted story lines and have them make perfect sense! Of course, Karl and Susan slept together after they outed their fake marriage and Karl agreed to throw an amazing wedding for the woman he was seeing. And of course, Karl was lying just to get into Susan’s pants and the whole arc ends with Susan getting her house burned down. Because that’s just how they roll on the Lane!
HAHAHA! Exactly. OF COURSE that’s how it happens — that’s just the natural course that events take, right? Ha ha ha. Classic stuff, PlathAddict.
And you can get an On Demand only service with Netflix for $7.99 a month, which isn’t too bad. Or, watch the first 2 seasons on Hulu, get a free month trial to Netflix, and burn through the rest of those mofos in 30 days!
Plath, yes to Netflix! Such good shows, even older ones..I even watched the whole Veronica Mars series over a two month period, just because. I have put Desperate Housewives in my queue..I have some serious catching up to do.
If you don’t want to watch Netflix on your comp, you can buy this Roku box, my friend paid like $80 for it, and it connects your TV to the internet and he streams Netflix on his 32″ TV.
Ohmigod, Veronica Mars. If there’s one show I love with complete and total devotion more than Desperate Housewives, it’s Veronica Mars. I wish it was still on so I could recap it. I could go on and on and on about how awesome it is . . . but that’s another forum.
Netflix has been a blessing when it comes to DH. I only have the first 4 seasons on DVD (although I’ll totally get the rest soon, hopefully), so it’s nice to watch 5 & 6 on Netflix whenever I want. I just miss seeing extras like commentaries — I really love the season 4 “couples” commentaries. Those are great, if you get the chance to watch/hear them on the Season 4 DVD set.
Also, is anyone hoping for an uber-cute Old People Wedding between McCluskey and Roy? I know I sure am.
Your recaps are the absolute best. After each new DH episode I literally check this website for your recap on an hourly basis.
Oh and I totally agree with you about the dream being confusing!
Haha, thanks Katie! They’re usually up on Wednesday. Sunday I watch the show, Monday I tell myself I need to get started on the recap, Tuesday morning and afternoon I tell myself I REALLY need to get started on the recap, and then I do it on Tuesday night.
The dream makes sense logistically. I mean, I know what they were going for, but for me, it seemed like the entire scene with Susan and Mike was a dream. I mean, they filmed it (and wrote it, I guess) the way they always set up dreams on TV.
And has anyone really ever sat bolt upright from a dream like TV people do? I never have.
I think the dvds are totally worth it. I have all 6 seasons (released so far) on dvd and I love them. Well, I love seasons 1-4…
I mean, I watch them when I run on my treadmill and I never get tired of those 4 seasons, so it’s a good investment for me anyway. My Season 5 is missing though, perhaps my sub-conscious woke up at night and I burned it without knowing….
I am now a proud member of Netflix. I didn’t even know that you could watch the DVD’s on your computer anytime you wanted. Now I have to actually set some priorities to make sure I am not forgoing work to watch Desperate Housewives. Watching season 1 now, and am kind of weirded out that Eva Longoria hasn’t seemed to age in all this time.
I know, it’s weird, right? Somewhere in her attic, there’s a portrait of her that’s getting older and older . . .
A Dorian Grey Reference? You are my hero!
Doug Savant must be an excellent actor to have delivered the line about taking a backseat to Lynette’s career all those years and Lynette never supporting his with a straight face and not laughing his butt off.