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Wednesday, January 5, 2011
4:09 pm
30 Comments
Tonight on Desperate Housewives: John Paul Bullock III shows us why he’s only written one other episode of this show, because this one? Oy. Lynette finally finds out about Renee’s affair with Tom; Bree has an unexpected house guest; Susan deals with some heavy medical stuff; and Gabby buys a doll. Seriously.
Before we get started, one thing: I made a comment on the latest recap a couple days ago, but in case a lot of you didn’t see it, I’d like to make it again. I’ve been watching season 2, and Gabby has a miscarriage early on. And she went to Lynette and asked for advice on how to deal with a lost child during the last episode, because Lynette was the “only one” she knew who’d lost a baby. How much bullcrap is that?! Now, I know that I didn’t even remember that until I watched season 2 again, but still. Shouldn’t there be SOMEONE in the writer’s room who has to check Wikipedia once in a while? Damn. Okay. Let’s get to the recap.
It’s the day after the riot, and the EMT peeps cart Paul off to the hospital as detectives ask the residents if they know anything about Paul’s shooting. And basically everyone says that they don’t know who did it, but they’re glad he got shot. Meanwhile, Beth goes over to the hoosegow to see her mama Felicia, who says that she had nothing to do with Paul’s death. She says that she hates him with a passion, but if she killed him, then she’d never know what really happened to her sister. Martha Huber. In case you didn’t know that. Beth doesn’t believe her and leaves, and Felicia takes this opportunity to ask one of the prison guards for a clean cell phone, which the guard can get. For a price. And we all know what that means, right?
These two. Doin’ it. You’re welcome for that.
After Felicia’s jaw has had time to recover, she makes a phone call to someone, telling the person that he’s been a “naughty boy” and that he changed his mind about her proposal. And then it’s revealed that the person on the other end is none other than . . .
Oh my god!!!!
No, sorry. Actually, it’s more like:
Yay! Mike’s not in Alaska anymore! Everybody take off your shirts! And by “everybody” I mean “just Mike.”
Or was he EVER in Alaska, I wonder? Curiouser and curiouser. He tells Felicia that he can’t talk right now, and then he walks out of the diner, without paying for his breakfast.
Mary Alice tells us that life returns to normal the day after horrible things happen.
Mothers go back to pretending to love their fake chubby kids.
As everyone heads out to their daily routines, Susan’s in the hospital. Her doctor tells her that he had to take out one of her kidneys. She could totally use her other one . . . except that it’s deformed and running at 5%. Is Susan the go-to housewife for anything hospital-related? First the wandering spleen and now this? Sheesh. The doc says that she’ll need a shunt and a transplant. Yeowza. He hands her a pamphlet to help her through this rough time.
“So You’ve Been Trampled On By People Fleeing a Riot in a Mediocre Episode of a Mediocre Season of a Hit ABC Television Show and Now Your Only Kidney Isn’t Functioning Properly.”
Gabby takes Juanita to Miss Charlotte’s Doll Academy, a.k.a. The Creepiest Store in the Universe, where she asks Miss Charlotte for a doll. Miss Charlotte says that she doesn’t sell dolls, she sells her “friends” to little “mommies.” Why the hell she named her store the DOLL ACADEMY if she’s not going to call them that is beyond me. Gabby wants Juannie Sue to have a special “friend” since her birthday is coming up. Miss Charlotte comes up with a special doll that’s a princess or duchess or lady or something, I don’t know.
“She wants you to put her on a shelf over your bed so she can come to life every night and try to eat your soul with her terrifying non-blinking soul-sucking eyes. Also, she comes with a free hat!”
Juanita’s totally sold. Gabby gets her phone out to take a pic of Juanita and Li’l Miss Soul Sucker, but there’s a conveniently placed photo of Grace on her phone. Juanita sees this and freaks the eff out and hightails it out of Nightmares R’ Us, leaving the “friend” on the counter.
“What’s that you say, Lady Suckingtonshire? I need to cleanse all the children of this town with fire? Done and done.”
Renee comes to visit Susan in the hospital, and tells her that she has a kidney to give her. Susan tells her to relax because she’s not going to tell Lynette about Renee and Tom. But she does tell Renee that her telling Lynette is the right thing to do. Later that day, Tom runs into Renee and tells him that Susan won’t tell Lynette. Renee says that if she doesn’t tell Lynette about what happened between them, then their friendship isn’t real. Tom isn’t convinced.
Over at Bree’s yard, Keith is busy with some shit. And yes, I could be talking about the script for this episode, but for once I’m being literal: Keith’s putting fertilizer (steer manure, to be precise) into Bree’s flower beds. Bree comes out with a cold root beer because she’s SOBER AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT. Seriously. Why are they beating us over the head with that this season? She’s been sober for 5 years — 10 if you want to be technical, but I’m pretending the whole 5 year leap didn’t happen, because it makes my life easier. We get it, Cherry: Bree. Doesn’t. Drink. Any. More. Bree drinks her ROOT BEER straight out of the bottle, because she’s all changed and sloppy now. Bree’s unpacked some of Keith’s stuff already (Bree: “On a sad note, your bean bag chair accidentally ripped when I stuck a knife on it and stuffed it in the trash.” Hee.) Bree says that she’s glad Keith is in her house. And vagina. Keith’s about to kiss Bree when the doorbell rings. Bree opens the door to her Mystery Date and –
Shut the hell up!!!!!
Wait, no. Sorry. I really mean this:
“I rolled myself over 25 miles just to see you. Also, I pooped myself.”
Orson! Shut the front door! He says that Judy left him and he needs somewhere to stay. Say what?! Bree invites him in and tells him that he can stay with them until he gets back on his feet, ooohhh that was an inappropriate phrase to use. Sorry Orson. Keith asks how long he’ll be staying, and Orson tells Keith that he smells like shit. Basically. Keith goes up to shower and Orson infers that Keith is nothing but a rebound twink. Bree says that she and Keith have a lot in common and that he’s a keeper. Bree tells Orson that she’s changed, and Keith has been a major proponent of that change. Along with menopause. Keith sees Orson stroke Bree’s cheek and tell her that she never needed to change.
Carlos and Gabby are waiting for Juanita to get out of her therapy session. After she’s done, the therapist invites them in for a talk. She tells them that Juanita doesn’t love her real birth parents, so she’s confused as to why Gabby loves Grace. The therapist tells them they need to cut Grace out of their lives, which includes photos, etc. Carlos says that they’ll of course be doing that, while Gabby quietly poops her pants. Why am I going all scatological on this recap? Why am I going there? Who’s that for? Huh?
Back at the hospital, the detectives are telling Paul that pretty much everyone on Wisteria Lane wanted him dead. They all have alibis, though. They start to ask Beth some questions, but Paul tells them she’s the only one that he can trust. Or can he?! No. He can’t. And you should have known that. They ask if there’s anyone else who would want to harm him, and he says no. They ask Beth the same question and she lies and says no.
“Nope. No one. Not one gosh darn person. There’s no one, especially not anyone who’s related to me. No sir. No sireebob. Excuse me, I need to leave because I’ve just soiled myself.”
Oh yeah. I went there. Again. The detectives don’t believe her.
At Gabby’s house, she’s putting away some clothes in her closet, when Carlos discovers a photo of Grace. Gabby wants to hide it in the closet, but Carlos tells her that she has to destroy it. Carlos yells at Gabby, which is weird, because Carlos never does that. Especially not once an episode. At least. He tells her that Juanita is in pain because of Gabby, so she needs to step up and be a good mother.
Mike visits Susan in the hospital, and she’s overjoyed to see him. Pants-poopingly overjoyed, you ask? Possibly. Possibly. Susan tells Mike that she’s not doing dialysis, because it takes up a lot of time and she’s got a job and a kid to raise. You know what takes up even more time, Susan? Death. So, chew on that for a little bit. I’m gonna take a second to say that the writers have really piled on a lot of bad shit for Susan lately. I mean, she’s dirt poor, Mike goes to Alaska, and now on top of that she could possibly die. And I’m sure she doesn’t have health insurance, so how is she going to pay for all of this surgery and dialysis? And is it just me or is this episode of Desperate Housewives the most depressing episode of all time? It’s like it was written by Debbie Downer and directed by Sylvia Plath. Geez. Anyway, Susan says she’s looking into alternative therapies.
Holistic Therapies — In those brief few weeks before logic finally kicks in, we’ll be there.
Nothing makes kidney function improve by 95% like a diet of acai berries and fish oil. Susan hugs Mike, but he doesn’t seem 100% sold on Susan’s idea. Also, James Denton looks kind of haggard in this episode. I mean, hell yeah, I’d still do him, but he’s looking kind of . . . old-ish.
Renee and Lynette are pitching their design ideas for a client. This client owns a hotel. That’s what they’re designing — a hotel. After about 3 weeks as a brand new company with no prior design backgrounds, they’re designing a hotel. Personally, I would have chosen a designer with a little more experience and business acumen.
And the ever-impressive cow skirt.
How freaking lovely and amazing is Debra Messing? Oh! How I would love for her to join this show! How awesome would she be on Desperate Housewives?! All right. Back to the recap. The client loves the designs and loves how in synch Renee and Lynette are. Lynette says it’s because they’ve been best friends for 25 years. Which totally explains why we hadn’t even heard of Renee until season 6. Perfectly reasonable. This gives Renee some major sad face. Cuz she boned Tom and junk. Lynette leaves to get some water because the waiter is neglectful and Lynette is pro-active. She comes back with not only some water, but also some oatmeal raisin cookies that she found. Just, you know, lying around. Did Lynette just go back to the restaurant’s kitchen and help herself to some dessert? That’s not pro-active, that’s just bitchy. I guess oatmeal raisin cookies are Renee’s favorite. This sets Renee off and she starts crying hysterically. Lynette tells the client lady to take the plans home and they’ll give her a call later. Renee finally tells Lynette that she slept with Tom 20 years ago. Renee tells Lynette that it happened “that weekend [Lynette] went to visit her parents.” Oh, THAT weekend. Yeah, that’s very specific. Because Lynette only visited her parents that one time 20 years ago. Renee says it meant nothing, but she’s been feeling guilty ever since she moved to Fairview. Lynette says that she and Tom were engaged then, but Renee says that they were broken up that week. Lynette says that she can’t be in the same room with Renee and she leaves . . . but then she comes back, all, “But you are my ride, so let’s go.” Hee. How pretty does Felicity Huffman look in this scene? So pretty.
On the car ride home, Renee tries to apologize again, but Lynette tells her to shut up. Repeatedly. She says that she hates Renee, but someday she’ll hate her less. She asks Renee not to tell Tom that they had this conversation, but won’t give her a reason why. Lynette stares out the window, deep in thought.
“I wonder how much longer Renee can politely ignore my heinous farts . . .”
I’ve moved on to farts. It’s still scatological-esque, but it’s much more high-brow than poop jokes. Time for Juanita’s birthday party! Gabby doesn’t even sing the happy birthday song when Carlos brings out the cake, nor is she even in the vicinity of Juanita when she’s blowing out her candles. That’s kind of not cool, Gabby. Celia comes up and asks for cake. Cuz she’s fat and fat kids like, nay LOVE, cake. Some lady says that Celia is adorable and asks Gabby if she has any other kids beside her daughters. Gabby says she doesn’t have any other kids.
“I think had a miscarriage back in season 2, but the writers told me to conveniently forget about it.”
Tom comes home and tells Lynette that he had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Lynette tells him that they landed the client, thanks to Renee, who Lynette says is an “amazing woman.” She hands Tom some hot cocoa and says it might be a little cold, but it’s not — Tom burns his tongue on it because it’s scalding. And Lynette just smiles to herself. Oh, no. No no no no no. Cherry, no. We like Lynette now. We do. We like Lynette when she’s bitchy and cynical, but not when she’s a vindictive shrew, and especially not when she’s a vindictive shrew to Tom specifically. Cherry, DO NOT make us hate Lynette again. Do not go down that road, or we will never forgive you. Never. Can we please just skip to the inevitable fight between Tom and Lynette that ends with Lynette revealing her true feelings while shouting and crying while Tom apologizes softly, tells Lynette she’s right, and says he’ll never keep secrets from her again?
Bree made coq au vin for dinner. I didn’t even have to google that to spell it, people. That’s how sophisticated I am. Kind of puts all my poop jokes in a different light, doesn’t it? Anyway. As was to be expected, Orson and Keith trade some barbs, because Orson is a pretentious snob and Keith is ignorant of the finer things in life. Orson loves coq au vin, Keith wanted sloppy joes for dinner. Orson quotes Talleyrand, and Keith quotes Yosemite Sam. Orson calls Keith “Stanley Kowalski” because he’s wearing a wife-beater, and Keith thinks “Stanley Kowalski” is a friend of Orson and Bree. And so on. This whole thing culminates in one of the laziest comedy cliches ever: The food fight. Apparently, the writer of this episode thought he was writing an episode of ABC’s TGIF lineup from 1991. Yes, Keith throws mashed potatoes on Orson, Orson throws peas on Keith (peas? Really? They don’t even stain. They just bounce right off. What’s the fun in that?), and I throw any hope for this episode turning into something decent right out the window. Bree leaves in a huff. I hate this scene so much that I’m not even going to dignify it with a screengrab.
Bree goes over to see Judy, Orson’s ex-girlfriend. She tells Judy that she needs to fix things with him, because it’s too difficult having Orson around. Judy’s surprised, because Orson broke up with her and left. Because he’s still in love with Bree. I am shocked . . . that it took this long for this plot point to be revealed.
Back at Miss Charlotte’s House of Nightmares and Tiny Petticoats, Gabby’s made a purchase. And you guys? This, THIS is where this particular episode went from just bad to pretty much complete stinky ass. Because Gabby bought a doll . . . that looks like Grace.
She comes with her own horribly pandering failure of a plot device!
Keith apologizes to Bree about last night’s food fight. Um, Keith, you should be apologizing to us, the viewers. Bree tells him that Orson is still in love with her, and she’ll talk to him about making other arrangements so that he won’t be living with them anymore. Bree confronts Orson about his feelings for her, and he says that if Bree feels nothing for him, he’ll leave. Very slowly. Because he’s in a wheelchair. Bree says that she’ll always have feelings for Orson, but not in the same way she used to, because she’s changed. Thanks to Keith. And the shutting down of her ovaries. But Bree has a softie for Orson, and tells Keith that he should stay for a couple more days. Keith storms out, and he tells Bree that they should break up. Wow, Keith wants to break up with Bree? That never happens. Oh, wait, it totally happens EVERY TIME BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN IS IN AN EPISODE. Ugh! Sorry for the bold all caps, but that’s what this episode has done to me. Bree decides to prove that she loves Keith by wrestling him to the ground in the steer manure fertilizer. Bree is literally rolling around in shit. So, blah blah blah, Bree’s in love and likes to get messy now, and Orson’s sad.
“I honestly can’t think of a better metaphor for this episode, can you?”
M.J. and Mike are visiting Susan in the hospital. After Mike leaves, M.J. says he wants ice cream, and then asks Susan if she might die. So Susan decides to prove that she’s okay and takes M.J. down to the cafeteria for ice cream. Without a wheelchair, as the nurse suggests. This turns out to be a bad idea, because Susan sort of passes out and has a seizure. Later, back in her bed, Susan tells the girls that she’s getting a shunt and going on dialysis and it’ll be 3-5 years until she can get a transplant. Hilarious! This episode is so funny! Susan asks them to help Mike with M.J. if something happens to her. Bree and Gabby say that nothing’s going to happen to her, and she’ll be fine. Lynette, though, says the right thing and tells Susan that they’ll definitely be there to help Mike with M.J. if something happens.
Mike’s on the hoosegow horn with Felicia. He tells her that he didn’t shoot Paul Young, and she’s all, “Then who did?” Meanwhile, the detectives arrive to talk to Paul about his mother-in-law. They give him the news that Felicia Tilman is Beth’s mom. Paul lies to the cops and tells them that the past is all behind them now and all is well between the three of them, and he asks them not to let his wife know that they’ve had this conversation. You know, this would be more exciting if the first 39 minutes of this episode hadn’t been more depressing than Keanu Reeves eating a cupcake by himself.
Awwwwwww, sad Keanu.
Well, thank you, John Paul Bullock III for being the mastermind behind the worst episode (so far) of this season of Desperate Housewives. You’ve managed to suck anything remotely joyful out of this series. And you’ve also managed to just plain suck. Ugh. You guys, next week will be better, I promise. Because even though Lynette’s still going to terrorize Tom, Susan’s mom is coming back! Yay! I was JUST telling Flipit that I miss Lesley Ann Warren in this show! Also, someone shocking and unexpected shows up!
30 Comments
First off… I love all the Betty White screen grabs.
Also… have you ever watched Corky Romano? If you have… one of the detectives was the night stalker. If you haven’t, please disregard this.
This episode sucked so much. You’re right, the food fight was just so lame. OMG I wanted to cry it sucked so much. And WHY did Bree make SO MANY PEAS? Damn!
You know Susan will get a kidney next episode. That’s how they roll. And how did they not know one kidney was bad? They did surgery for her spleen whatever.
LOVE LOVE LOVE the Debra Messing pic! Thanks!
Lynette did look pretty. And I’m with you.. her and Tom need to have one of their fights already, torturing him for something that happened 20 years ago is just bad. I mean, I’d be pissed for sure, but I’d confront him and get it over with. No use holding it in.
Thanks for the poop remarks. This recap is better than the whole episode. I hate this Grace story line. When it came up last season, I was kind of expecting the switched kid would be MJ and Crazy Dave’s daughter that Susan killed… I know, I know, different sexes, but this IS Desperate Housewives and it would have been better than this crap.
ALSO! Thanks for posting the recaps quick.
There’s one where the author doesn’t post until 8 DAYS after the episode… 
I’ve never been a fan of Bree’s but I want David Silver I mean Brian Austin Whatever to stay on the show. He is still so hot to me! He’s been the best part of this shitastic (continuing your theme Hypnotoad) season. Yes, I’m shallow. I can’t even comment on the ridiculous doll storyline with Gaby, but I’m hoping this kidney will finally be what kills Susan off.
I’ve been reading the recaps on this sight for at least 5 years now.
Coming out of lurk mode to say I can’t get over your reference to ALEXANDER AND THE TERRBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY! It was a favorite of mine back in middle school! Great recap!
*Correction* The above should be “site” not “sight”.
Thank you for calling like it is. I think I might speak for a few people who were excited to have new programing to watch after the holidays and would have given DH a big break on substance but this episode was especially bad. What was w/ the multiple ‘steer manure’ refrences. Why so specific? Oh, maybe he’s a manure snob like bree is a food snob
Ugh, Gabby?/Grace? Puhlease!
I Love Vanessa Williams, give her something better,ASAP!
Susie: 5% Kidney function! Have they measured her brain function yet? You have 5%, that’s 5% TOTAL kidney function, (You can’t do the things others do Shelby!!!!!! Instead of wasting medical dollars on her just give her the steel magnolias DVD.)
I normally hate too much fart or poop jokes but bravo! Well done.
Can’t they just make this a little funny, it doesn’t have to make sense.
@slim I’m still afraid and mostly a ‘lurker’ (sounds great, yikes.) but ditto on the No Good Very Bad Day…
I kept waiting for the Betty White screen grabs.
I hope next week’s “suprise guest” is really Betty Applewhite! That’d be so awesome. It’ll probably be Paul’s son or something though…
Okay, on to read the recap.
I LOATHE the whole Grace storyline, partly because it’s just really depressing, but that said, I feel awful for Gabby. Yes, she’s a parent, yes, the kids come first, yadda yadda. Yes, little Juannie Sue is totally traumatized. But you know what? So is Gabby! Her feelings don’t matter? Everyone is treating her like some selfish bitch (which, okay, she kind of is), but in this particular instance, I don’t blame her one bit for wanting some little reminder of Grace or a photo or whatever. But no one seems to give a crap about Gabby’s pain at all, which annoys me even more.
Whew, rant over. Loved the recap, as always. Some of your captions made me do spit takes.
Thank you, Hypnotoad, for wading through this crap (see what I did there?) so I don’t have to. I think I have watched a grand total of 20 minutes this season, but your recaps keep me entertained. Which is a miracle, considering your source material.
Oh, and that pamphlet the doctor gave Suzie Q? I think I saw it in Emma Pillsbury’s office.
Didn’t the owner of the doll store say something like the dolls were for adoption only? It gave me the impression that you could give her your money, but only play with/visit the dolls while you’re in the store.
I agree – the Lynette story line is just juvenile, much like the food fight. Lame.
Excellent poop-cap!
How is it that every story line this season sucks so bad – wait don’t answer that. Okay Hypnotoad, I think you uncovered even more of horrible a mistake within a mistake here refering to Gaby’s lost child. I remember the miscarriage but if she went to Lynette because she was the only one who ever lost a child up to that point (season 2) then doesn’t it invalidate the whole season 5 plot when she lost one of the twins and it was such a big deal. ARRRGH!
Nice recycling of the Ross and Rachel “We were on a break” storyline a la 1997 between Lynette, Tom and Renee. I kinda hope Tom yells it at Lynette when she finally confronts him after a few weeks of lame hi-jinx usually reserved for Susan.
Yay! Comments! I was particularly hard on this episode, I’ll fully admit. BUT. It was lifeless. It dealt with some very heavy stuff — Lynette finding out about Renee and Tom’s affair, Gabby dealing with the loss of Grace, and Susan’s kidney failure. Only Bree had a slightly lighter plot this week. That said, there was virtually nothing to liven or lighten things up. There were only 2 things I laughed at — Bree’s bean bag comment, and Lynette’s “But you’re my ride.” Other than that, it was heavy, too heavy. The best episodes balance the dark stuff with comedy and this one was not one of the best episodes.
Kimberly — I’ll agree a little bit. But Gabby did have that talk with Lynette about Grace, so they did take her feelings into consideration. And Carlos seems to do nothing but yell at her about Juanita. My main problem with this is that Gabby’s grief over losing Grace seems like it’s been going on FOREVER. And buying the doll to remind her of Grace is just ridiculous. Also, she’s never really seemed to care about Juanita, so it’s also kind of awkward.
Ellemck1 – I hope it’s Betty Applewhite too! But the main reason I keep talking about her, and yeah, it’s an obsession, is because she is literally the last person they would ever bring back. If she DID come back, it would be the best thing ever, but there’s no way that’s happening. Still, a boy can dream . . .
I’m wondering who next week’s Mystery Guest is too. And my money’s on Paul’s son as well. But who knows? I really wish they’d bring back Dahvi Waller as the story editor. I know she’s doing Mad Men stuff now, but her era in season 3 just really brought out the best in the show.
All 6 seasons are finally back on Netflix on demand (and I JUST bought season 4 on DVD, dammit), so relive the glory days, people! I suggest watching “Sweetheart, I Have to Confess,” – the best DH drunk scene ever! – and “Bang.” Both are in season 3.
Hypnotoad, I totally agree with you. This episode was absolutely terrible and by far the worst of the season. The food fight, Susan’s melodramatic collapse and Gabby’s Grace doll (this sealed the deal for me, even my mom said, “really?”).
I’m also annoyed that they’re having Orson beg Bree to take him back. His character was thoroughly dragged through the mud in Seasons 5 & 6, but he regained a bit of my respect when he left Bree for being a hypocrite. Having him wheeling back to Bree is pathetic. Now I’m concerned that Orson will go whacko and try to sabotage Bree and Keith’s relationship (a la Katherine last season), which I would not put past the writers. Hopefully there’s a decent payoff here. They’ve been suggesting that Bree and Keith aren’t going to work out.
Whoever penned this episode needs to stay away for good. He’s derailed what has been a fairly decent season/return to form.
Also, I’m annoyed that Bree telling Gabby about how Andrew ran over Juanita Senior has had absolutely no impact on this season. I hope Carlos finds out soon so that we can get away from this Grace bullshit (and the Bree/Keith bullshit, too, for that matter).
See-Jay — Totally. I think about that every once in a while. What was the point of Bree telling Gabby if absolutely nothing’s going to come out of it? I’m willing to bet they’re going to save Carlos finding out until the very end of this season (maybe even the last episode), but by this point, who even remembers Bree telling Gabby? That plot pretty much lasted for one episode.
And I agree about the Grace thing. It seems that every season, there’s one plot I just wish would go away. This season, although not the worst, has had two already — Susan’s lingerie cleaning service, and Gabby/Grace. Thank god one of them is over already. I hope this is the last we’ve seen of mopey Gabby. Gabby doesn’t do sad very well. She’s better when she’s angry and scheming.
I kind of want to see a physical fight between Orson and Keith. I’m probably going to hell for this, but someone punching Orson and making his wheelchair fly backward is a very funny visual for me. And I’m sure he’s going to go all Katherine on Bree and Keith, which won’t be fun. I really don’t expect Keith to last longer than this season, though.
And I hereby ban John Paul Bullock III from writing another episode of Desperate Housewives FOREVER!
Also, since I’ve been watching season 3, I have to say that in 4 years, Kyle MacLachlan has really aged. Or maybe that’s just makeup to make Orson look older . . . Either way, he looks quite a bit different than he did when he was first introduced. I absolutely adored Orson in his early seasons. He was quirky and funny. Now, though . . . Oy.
Is it any mystery as to why he and Dana Delaney wanted off the show? Apparently when the DH writers don’t know what to do with a character, their default plan is “AND THEN THEY GO INSANE.”
I think I have figured out how the writers put together these shows. They just write random ideas on slips of paper, as well as the characters names, then put them all up on a giant board, blindfold themselves and then throw colour coded darts at them. The colours match the crappy ideas with the characters and VOILA, EPISODE! Which might explain why the continuity on this show is some of THE WORST I have ever seen on any show, ever. I understand that they don’t always have the same writers working on each episode or even each season, but shouldn’t the writers be required to watch the previous seasons?! Seriously. And I don’t really care about the characters anymore…
I hope Bree breaks up with Keith. I HATE their relationship. Part of what made Seasons 1-4 great was Bree’s snarkiness and waspishness. I feel like she’s a different character now and I don’t like it.
Never really liked Gabby and I can’t STAND Eva Longoria as a dramatic actress. She is so terrible, I hate it when they make her do a dramatic storyline, she can’t act drama and it always seems SO fake.
Love Lynnette. Always have, always will. Although my love of Lynnette might have less to do with the actual character than with Felicity Huffman. Even when they make Lynnette into a horrible, evil shrew which they have done on occasion, I still like watching her because Felicity Huffman. IS. AMAZING.
Susan? Don’t care about her. Honestly. Used to, not so much now.
Renee? She’s funny, but I hate her storyline.
I think the writers of this show make it bad on purpose. They probably have a pool every week to see how many idiots keep watching hopefully and then cackle evilly while drinking champagne from a box when the episode airs, congratulating each other on how shitty that week’s episode is. It would certainly explain a lot of things.
Sadly, I think Kyle MacLachlan has aged. I believe I noticed some waddle in the last episode, or the make up departments at DH and How I Met Your Mother where he is also guest staring deserve Emmys. He used to be such a hottie on Twin Peaks!
I’m not sure Dana Delany wanted out per se. I know that she was on “Castle,” and then CBS loved her and gave her the lead in a pilot, and she accepted it. I was under the impression that she was on a season-by-season contract with DH or something. I don’t know. Maybe she did want out. They’d certainly made a mess of her character. The only Katherine I like is season 4 Katherine. And I heard that Kyle MacLachlan quit because he’d just had a baby (in 08) and the commute from NYC to LA was becoming too much of a burden now that he had a child.
But again, See-Jay — Yes. That definitely seems to be the writers’ knee jerk reactions to characters. Sometimes I wish Orson had died in the crash and Karl had lived. Karl was kind of fun.
Yay! I love it when DH gets more than 20 comments on recaps! It makes my day.
bbjunkie — maybe being a father is stressing him out? I don’t know. He was a hottie on Sex and the City too. And this show, I’ll admit.
georgiababe — Ha! I love the whole conspiracy theory of how they’re just making this show as shitty as possible to piss us off. I’m on the fence as to whether or not this season is better or worse than last year’s. It certainly had tons of potential with Paul and Felicia returning, but I wish the old writers had returned with them. Probably would have helped with the continuity issue. A lot. The only writer this show has retained through all 7 seasons (I believe) is Marc Cherry, and sadly, it shows.
As awful as this episode was, I still think this season is leaps and bounds better than the last. The only bit from last season that I liked was when Gabby and Susan came up with that dinner scheme to get Mike and Carlos to confess to their secret money loaning.
Oh, and when the eco-terrorist unintentionally blew himself up. I liked that.
I feel like this show owes me something (but it really doesn’t) b/c I would never have watched it religiously if it wasn’t for my Mr. H’s redneck family. The first time I went to meet them I had ZERO in common with them, except TV. (I couldn’t stop laughing when they told me the story of how someone’s ex-husband was laid off work because his horse was sick. ‘Horse was sick?’ yeah, he rode a horse to work in the 1950′s, in IL not Texas. Still laughing, I thought it was joke on the new WASP girlfriend… I give my man a lot of credit for rising finacially and mentally above this nonsense! but I still have to see them often enough) They eat and plan the next meal while they are eating. I was – thin/healthy. All my suggestions for fun where met with stares like I had a third eye. But one sister escaped at one point to watch DH (season 1, episode like 4) and grey’s anatomy as opposed to ‘the others’ who were watching something even dumber! I went with sister smartish and we bonded over this silly show, and DH was good silly back then. And I love her to this day for getting how silly this show is while the rest of the fam is like “what perrdy houses!” That’s why I am so disappointed in DH but will keep up with it because 1)I’m hooked, damnit! and 2) I have one thing to talk about w/ my s-i-la
I couldn’t go through w/ grey’s, bless those that do,. maybe they have an excuse like mine?
I did watch a bit of a ‘Dallas ‘marathon before seeing this ep. of DH and thought this is what the writers should be copying. Gabby would’ve been awesome as a Dallas villan!!!!! Nighttime soaps in general could take a page from Dallas type “dramas”
Thanks for letting me confess. For the record : A top non-reality show shouldn’t make you feel dirty enough to confess.
But that’s the question that we should all be asking: DOES this show owe us something? When I go to their Facebook page, I’m pretty frustrated by all the people who are like, “Luv this show! Last night was SOOOOO good!” Because, really, that’s usually not the case. I wonder if those people are just tuning in to the show this season (or last year) . . . I have to admit, it’d be kind of magical to just now discover this show in it’s seventh season, and then go back and watch all the other seasons on DVD/online to catch up. Would that give me a different perspective? I don’t know. But just because we’ve been watching the show for years, does that mean that the creators and writers owe it to us to ante up the scripts and plots and give us the quality we remember? I kind of want to say yes. They shouldn’t pander to new viewers, if they’re trying to. I mean, it’s the seventh season for pete’s sakes. They should be pandering to the fans.
At the risk of sounding like some Desperate Housewives militia (let’s make t-shirts!) I feel like someone needs to hold DH accountable and let them know that, while I’m still a fierce and loyal viewer, the quality has seriously declined. This episode was major evidence of that. Season 5 was, for me, the turning point. I don’t blame it wholly on the 5 year jump — I hated it and thought it was asinine, but they still could have given us a well-thought-out mystery and some great humor, and I would’ve been okay with the jump. But that didn’t happen. And maybe I’ve just been holding a grudge since then.
But another part of me says, “Fuck it, it’s just a prime-time soap. Lay off and enjoy what you can.” And the bottom line is that I’ll always love this show, even if sometimes it’s just for the memory of the way it used to be. I’m sure I’ll eventually buy seasons 5 and up someday, just because I still (mostly) respect the show. And most importantly, I’ll recap it until the bitter end, because it would break my heart if somebody else did it.
I just love you, hypnotoad! (That is clearly a sentence I never thought I would ever write..)
“Bottom line…always love this show” exactly.
Please always recap this, you get it, or complete me, or make it worth it. Whatever.
BTW you understand this show owes me NOTHING? right.
I feel like whenever someone from the cast goes into the hospital for whatever reason, the staff is all, “Oh, fuck, it’s someone from Wisteria Lane again.” We’ve already established that a perfect-looking suburban street isn’t so perfect, but REALLY, Cherry, give them a break.
Totally, Jess. Wisteria Lane is what keeps the hospital — and real estate — in Fairview thriving.
Yes, Jess. They call it “Hysteria Reign”.
They mixed up Lynette’s and Gabby’s storyline! Should have been Carlos who cheated and Gabby playing sweet infantile revenge and Lynette who has to deal with the whole Grace thing.
They clearly need Tim Gunn to look over the scripts and say “Look over it again and MAKE IT WORK”