MiniCap: Desperate Housewives

I’m gonna try to do this fast, because the site is having some ish!

Remember when you were like, “I miss Edie Britt.  Why did they kill her off?  I mean, so there were multiple lawsuits and slander, can’t they work around that?”  And remember when you were all, “If I can’t have Edie, can we please have a character LIKE Edie?”  And remember when you were like, “Vanessa Williams is talented, but Renee is clearly not turning out to be another Edie, which is disappointing.  Can we have another bitchy slut, please?”

Well, your prayers have been answered.  And the DH gods have a wicked sense of humor.  Or, rather, “humor.”

First of all, Susan has to deal with the fallout from her BRILLIANT idea of giving Claudia a check with her address on it.  Because obviously Claudia tracks her down, thinks she’s sleeping with Alejandro/Ramon (ick.  Even when alive, ick.  Even if not a child molester, ick.), and then goes for revenge.  But Gabby intervenes with (wait for it, wait for it) the truth.  Like, she’s actually honest.  For once.  For the most part.

And Lynette is set up on a date with Renee’s hairdresser (yeah.  I know.) and she sabotages the date by being herself.  Ben tries to scheme his way into Renee’s money.  I mean, life.  I mean, money.  There’s not much else here, so let’s move on.

The big news is that Bree is not only now a drunk, but she’s a whore.  Literally.  And perhaps figuratively, too.  But mostly, literally.  Will she be the new Edie?  Will that piss me off?  Possibly.  And maybe.  But probably yes.  And yes.

R.I.P., Edie Britt.  You’re up in heaven now, giving crabs to Benjamin Franklin.

Things you won’t see in this episode:  Tom, Carlos, Parker, Mike (okay, so he was in it for 5 seconds but he had no lines).  I don’t know what the writers have against the Wisteria men, but they need to get with it.