Say Goodnight George

Well that was quite the episode of Desperate Housewives on Sunday I can tell you. I imagine it set water coolers around America all abuzz. It definitely surprised me. If you don’t know what I’m talking about it’s the shocker at the end of the episode involving Bree and her ultimate decision regarding her relationship with the delightfully insane George the Pharmacist. Not only that but we found out that her nebbish psychiatrist is actually OK, even after George flung him over a bridge. And what’s with ABC always putting their big shockers in at the end of every episode? They even advertise it with commercials touting “And you won’t believe the last five minutes.â€? What about the first 55? There’s only so much Susan filler I can take until the big five minute long payoff at the end. Still it was quite a payoff, and I for one thought it was a good one. It almost made me forget the image of a very, very large and pregnant Joely Fisher in her negligee. And trust me, that wasn’t an image that left my brain easily.The show starts with Bree Van De Kamp having one of her smashing dinner parties. Great booze, great food, fantastic cocaine and sparkling conversation. Only this one doesn’t go off as planned because it is interrupted when George shows up on her front lawn singing karaoke to try and win Bree back. Picture that scene in Say Anything. Now picture that scene if you actually tried it in real life. It just looks sad. Now pretend if you were an insane murderer. Sad and scary. George just doesn’t get it. Of course, this is the problem with breaking off engagements to psychotic murderers, they just have trouble getting the point. Not to be outdone Bree calmly goes upstairs, loads a shotgun, and fires a warning shot into George’s van. How Does Bree know how to load and fire a shotgun? Why would a family as prissy as Rex and Bree’s own a shotgun? Hey, that’s an old EdHill question. The new EdHill just lets details like that slide. It’s Desperate Housewives, man! Besides, I am totally high on Van De Kamp coke right now. I think I just accidentally ate one of my fingers (it shouldn’t have been mocking me).

The next day we see George continuing his antics as he decides to stalk Bree by circling her house on his bike. And even thought the man is an insane murderer, there is one other thing he is also insane about. Bike safety. This is made clear by the giant bicycle helmet he is wearing. When Bree goes to her car he pleads with her for another chance and Bree just drives off.

Lynette meanwhile is finishing another one of her high tech poster board presentations, but this time her boss Ed (no relation) doesn’t like it and has them start over from scratch. When Nina makes some sarcastic comments Lynette calls her out and says she’s been rude and they all deserve an apology. Her coworkers of course don’t back her up and Nina just continues to berate them. And I have to agree with her. Although it’s tough to be fair when you’ve been priviliged enough to witness the greatest ad pitch EVER. Lynette complains that they all worked really hard on it. The presentation consisted of a shirt with the logo in the corner, and they presented this to everyone by putting a picture of it on a piece of poster board. This is what took them all that time to produce? Makes you wonder how long it would’ve taken them if they went with the diorama, or even the volcano that actually erupts when you add baking soda. Hey don’t laugh, they worked really hard!

“LAAAAAMBOOOOORGHIIIINIII!”

Later that night as Lynette is working late in her office she overhears some noise and when she goes to investigate she sees the 300 pound Nina having sex with the 98 pound Stu. And no surprise Stu is on top. When Lynette notices that Nina sees her she thankfully just walks away instead starting what would be the most disturbing threeway in history. The next morning Lynette, surprise, surprise, bribes Nina and forces her to be “nicer� to everyone. Nina reluctantly agrees.

That’s one sturdy desk. Yeah I know, easy joke.

At the Solis’, Gabrielle gets a surprise as she finds out that Carlos has been paroled early due to help from a Catholic group. A Catholic group lobbying to have an imprisoned gay basher released early. One of Benedict XVI’s newest outreach programs. But it looks like the early parole isn’t all that they have done for Carlos. He now claims that he is going to turn his life around and be more devout. Gabrielle and I just laugh because c’mon, the guy’s entire character on the show so far has been embezzler/gay basher/guy who switched his wife’s birth control to trick her into getting an unwanted pregnancy.

The next morning when Carlos is dressed for mass, Gabrielle sees Sister Mary outside and realizes she’s a “hottie.� She’s not actually, but as far as nuns go I guess she is. This of course gets Gabrielle nervous. In order to get a better idea of the situation Gabrielle invites Sister Mary over for dinner. When they start to talk about Mary’s charity work, Carlos decides to give Sister Mary his sports car for charity. Because there is nothing the victims of Katrina need more right now than a Hemi. He then goes upstairs to get the pink slip. Gabrielle follows him up there and apologizes to him for the way she was acting. She wants to be a good person too. She then seduces him right there in the bedroom with the nun downstairs who can hear everything. That is so HOT.

After they are done Gabrielle comes downstairs in her robe and tells Sister Mary they have to talk. She tells her that she needs to leave Carlos and her alone for a while so they can get back into the swing of things. Sister Mary refuses and then tells her that her plan is to have Carlos annul his marriage to Gabrielle. When Gabrielle tells her that she shouldn’t threaten her, Sister Mary says she’s is from the “south side of Chicago� and can take anything. Ooooh. South side of Chicago. Does that mean you are really good at eating horrible pizza and putting tons of crap on your hotdog (an abomination. I prefer mine with mustard and relish, or as I like to call it, Matlock style)? Eh, I’m partial to the North side anyway. The chicks are much cooler. She then tells her that she has no hope because she has God on her side. A “bad guy� nun. That’s definitely an interesting way to go.

The south side is too tough for things like “hair care products”

Susan on the other hand has a whole other father to deal with, and not the divine kind. She is sitting in her car with Julie outside the feed store where her long lost father works. You will of course recognize him as lovable character actor Paul Dooley best known as the dad from Sixteen Candles. Susan says she wants to go in there and just see what he’s like. When she goes in the store he smiles at her and gives her a promotional cowboy hat. This of course sends Susan into a giddy tailspin as she skips away happy from the store. Abandonment, shmandonment, he gave me a hat!

When the housewives get together for poker later on (and we see Edie’s weekly 5-second appearance) Susan is still wearing the hat and smiling that creepy Skeletor smile. She says she s going to try and get a job at the feed store to get to know him and then when the time is right reveal the truth. Sigh; cue the wacky Susan mishap countdown clock.

When she goes to apply for the job Addison is skeptical, saying she is a little overqualified. When she starts to compliment him on his eyes he thinks she’s a spy sent by his wife and starts to kick her out. Before she can get to the door Susan blurts out that she is his daughter. Addison, looking shell-shocked, walks away and then collapses onto the floor. She calls 911 and he is rushed to the hospital. I was kinda hoping they would actually kill him off right there, because that would have been a really dark and nasty thing to do to Susan and might pull her storylines from the shtick coma they’ve been in. Alas it was not to be.

At the hospital, Susan’s dad tells her he has a genetic heart problem and that she might have it too. Oh boy this could lead to all sorts of craziness in the future. Susan struggling to get her medicine bottle open, Susan fainting at crazily inappropriate times, and god knows the hijinks she can cause with a defibrillator. Addison lets his true colors out and tells her that she has to leave soon because his wife is on the way. When Susan refuses, he tells her that she is nothing but a mistake and wants nothing to do with her. Since Susan is plucky, and Mr. Dooley is signed on for at least 5 more episodes this season, she smiles and tells him that she isn’t giving up on him.

The next morning when Lynette shows up for work she notices that Stu is gone and they have a new receptionist. Seems like Nina fired Stu in order to cover her tracks as well as her negligee covered her stretch marks. I kid. She’s pregnant. Pregnant women are always beautiful. Right? I mean even though they can go from this to this doesn’t mean they aren’t beautiful, right? Or going from this to this? That’s still hot, right? OK, OK. Cheap shot. I’m just kidding. And I think I’m not the only one thankful that there is a new generation of Affleck on the way so even my kids can make fun of their shitty movies.

The next day Lynette invites Stu over to her house where she is telling him how upset she is that he was fired. Even though Stu thinks it’s his own fault (apparently his kid made a wish that he couldn’t lie and it came true which means Stu was going around the office hilariously telling everyone the truth no matter what!). Lynette tells him otherwise. She says that she thinks it was because she was laying Nina’s pipe and that he could potentially sue the company for millions.

So of course the next day when Lynette goes to work she sees the place in chaos. Ed their boss has started firing a bunch of people. When Lynette asks why he says Stu filed a suit against the company for sexual harassment. He then offers her Nina’s job. As she walks out of the office she sees Nina, who congratulates her on getting everyone fired. Lynette tells her that’s not what she wanted. She only wanted Nina to be “nice.� Nina says she gave up being nice because Ed is an incompetent boss and it forced her to spend every waking hour at her job. Now that will be Lynette’s fate. So expect Lynette to start lying and scheming against Ed instead of Nina from now on.

At the hospital we see Bree visiting with Dr. Goldfine who is recovering from his accident where George flung him over a bridge. She is telling him about breaking up with George and how she thinks he might be crazy. Dr. Goldfine says he doesn’t like the word “crazyâ€? and then casually mentions how he doesn’t think the man who threw him off the bridge was â€?crazy,â€? just troubled. When he off handedly mentions the color of the bicycle the man was riding, Bree suddenly realizes that it was George who threw him off the bridge. This would put him firmly back in the “crazyâ€? camp. I would go as far as placing him in the “batshit insaneâ€? group.

Later we see George walking back to his house with some groceries (I’m guessing a box of latex gloves, a bottle of KY jelly and a copy of Cat Fancy) and sees that the cops are going through his house. When he spots this he hides behind a bush and immediately calls Bree. Bree says she knows what he did to Dr. Goldfine and that he should turn himself in. Panicking, George runs away.

And now onto the big “final five minutes� that we’ve all been waiting for. George is in a hotel room and he gives a note to a bellman to give to Bree, who is at a charity event downstairs, telling her that he is upstairs. When Bree receives the note she calls the police detective who was investigating Bree regarding Rex’s death. He has some great news. He just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance. Unfortunately he also has some bad news. From the search of George’s house they found incriminating evidence that implicates George in Rex’s death, including some disturbing journal entries. Note to self, when committing murder, do not keep a journal. Stunned by this revelation, she decides to go up to confront George.

George meanwhile has been keeping busy by downing about 50 sleeping pills and scotch. This is intercut with Bree sobbing in the elevator. When we see George lying in his bed he makes a frantic rush for the phone and calls the front desk telling them that he has taken too many sleeping pills and needs help. When he hears the door knocking, and he knows it’s Bree, he says it was just vitamins and hangs up.

As she enters she sees George lying in bed. He tells her what he’s done and that she needs to get him to a hospital. Before she will do that however she demands that he tells her what he did to Rex. Is it true that he killed him? He first denies it, but she says that in order for her to forgive him he has to admit it. When he finally does by saying “You know you wanted me to.� He drifts off for a second. When he comes to a few moments later, Bree says she called the police and they will be on their way soon. She then calmly stands up, puts the chair back where it was, and walks out of the hotel room, leaving George to his death.

Wow. So Bree is now a cold blooded killer. Can’t say I blame her as the man was a psychotic mass murderer. But it’s this kind of dark plot twists that is helping this show regain its stride. Now we need to have Susan kill someone next and this show would be AWESOME!

What did you think? Were you shocked by what Bree did? Was it a good episode? Do you think pregnant chicks are sexy too?