Do You Know This Woman?

Recaps

By admin | Wednesday, August 24, 2005 | 11:57 am | 12 Comments
Posted in: Recaps

oldphone.jpgIt’s not often that I appeal to the readers of TVgasm for help. Sure, I did ask for help getting a date with Tyra, and I guess people thought it was a joke, because nobody has taken the time to help me write a letter to win Tyra’s heart. Perhaps people just don’t like me, which is fine, but you will win a beautiful Emmy screener, completely unused. I bet I could even get B-Side to sign it if that makes it any more exciting.

Now the opening paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with the actual purpose of this post, which is to highlight a series of annoying phone messages I have been receiving lately. A woman on the other end, certainly elderly, almost assuredly speaks English as a second language, calls my cell phone and asks to speak with Maureen. I tell her that I am not Maureen, and that there is no Maureen around, because it is a cell phone, not a land line. She insists that she has the right number, asks me again if my name is Maureen, or perhaps Monique. I then confirm my number and tell her she must have written it down incorrectly.

Now, as I said before, this is an elderly woman, and I don’t want to make fun of her, because I am sure she is a nice grandmother and makes her grandkids snickerdoodles and ginger snaps, but these messages are distracting. If you know Lily, could you tell her that I don’t know Maureen? Thanks.

Oh, I almost forgot, for the audio clip, click here.

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12 Comments

  1. 1
    Testiculon
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 12:10 pm

    Sounds like April from BB6, no?

  2. 2
    Lyndsay
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 1:37 pm

    J-Unit, you are far too impatient. It takes DAYS to write a love letter to Tyra. I’m in my second edit, but I can’t decide if “bootylicious” or “fo’ shizzle” is appropriate.

  3. 3
    Sven
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 2:02 pm

    Just tell her that she has the right phone number but that Maureen died. Simple.

  4. 4
    punkrox
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 2:12 pm

    Just answer everything she says with “yes.”

    Perhaps there’s money in it for you….MAUREEN!

  5. 5
    HicksPub
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 2:14 pm

    Damn you, Testiculon! You stole my April joke.

    Now I have to resort to my second line of defense: it’s Gretchen from Amazing Race. Guess she cracked her head a little harder than we thought down in that cave…

  6. 6
    extended vacation
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 2:16 pm

    Dudes, long time reader — first time poster.

    Just wanted to tell you I am pretty sure this same Lily lady hit my car on Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood last year, insisted I not call the cops and wanted me to “Just take my car to her brother’s shop…” Watch out for this lady! She’s old, she’s Russian, and she is Crafty!

    P.S. Love the site!

  7. 7
    ha!
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 2:43 pm

    The TV announcer says:

    “Who will be evicted next? Rachel or Howie or Maureen? And what will become of April’s silly frilly panties? Find out LIVE this Thursday night!

    SUMMER OF SECRETS!

    ha!

  8. 8
    TinkerbellAPixie TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 3:19 pm

    J-Unit, my first name starts with an “M” and I’d be willng to give you my phone number to give to Lily if you could guarantee there’d be Snicker Doodles in it for me? Oh that and a B-Side Autograph.

    hehe

  9. 9
    jayneatomic
    Posted August 24, 2005 at 10:47 pm

    Too patient? well one can never tell. I used to have a woman call me all the time asking for her friend and insisting I was her friend even when i said i wastn’t. First it was super creepy because I felt like I was getting a phone call from the other side this woman was so old. But it happened so much I finally got rude. So what happens but this woman says to me in the most feeblest of voices, “Oh I am soo sorry, but I am blind and I always seem to touch the wrong buttons when I try to call my friend.” Let me tell you J-Unit, no matter how many times this woman had bugged the hell out of me, and I was rude this one tiny time, I felt like the biggest A-hole on the face of the earth.

    That being said, there is something like *57, which allows you to trace a call and if you have placed a police report, after 3 successfully traced calls, you can send in the fuzz to take care of this annoying M-F’er if necessary.

    Too patient, not patient enough, well only you can make that decision.

  10. 10
    J-Unit
    Posted August 25, 2005 at 7:22 am

    Tinkerbell,

    If you can get Lily to stop calling me, I’ll bake you the cookies myself. Maybe even a pie.

  11. 11
    shouldbeworking
    Posted August 25, 2005 at 8:05 am

    on a side note what exactly is in a snicker doodle? Is it snickers that have been doodled with?

  12. 12
    f'in kayas
    Posted August 25, 2005 at 9:31 am

    Hey J-

    If you would have posted this three days earlier, I would have dropped your name when my girl and I met Tyra at a restaurant in Chelsea.

    Suffice it to say she looked really good. Bigger than I thought, but nevertheless…

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