Dollhouse: The Lollypop Guild Strikes Back

Hey Gasmi, well were in the homestretch on Dollhouse. Mainly thanks to the suits at Fox canceling this show [insert obligatory burn in hell remark here]. Anyway, this episode has it all: the return of our favorite characters, some of whom are in other characters bodies, love trumping logic, kung fu fighting galore, Boyd being evil, and what looks to be serious continuity issues. So quit dawdling, and make the jump to the good stuff.Our episode starts right where the last one ended, sort of. I say this because the caption on the screen says two years ago and last week it said three years ago. Okay, last week it said 2007, but I’m pretty sure they said it was 2010 in The Attic episode so I’m confused, well more confused then usual. This means either Boyd and Caroline shattered the former world record for the longest most awkward pause (which was set four years ago when an interviewer asked Ryan Seacrest to describe his dream girl), or the continuity person on the show spent that week Xeroxing off resumes for their triumphant return to the job market. I’m going with option two here.

Anyway, Boyd says all the stuff he said last week, Caroline is super duper special, and she and Boyd are going to are going to put the BFF in BFF, but then Boyd slips in some fun facts that tell us in the audience that this isn’t just filler.

It turns out that the Rossum Corporation does all sorts of super cool medicine stuff, like treating Alzheimer’s, and making super microscopes, and treating Alzheimer’s. What? Said it twice? Get the hell off my lawn, you’re not Larry King!

Oh and along with all that good stuff they also do almost all of the blood testing in world, so it let’s say you got tested to see if you were a suitable donor for a bone marrow transplant, then Rossum would probably get a peek at your medical records.

Caroline gets an “oh crap” look on her face which should make us think that maybe she did this recently. I don’t see why this would make Caroline make the poop me face. It’s not like they have records from the free clinic, and even if they did, none of those records would be for me…they would be “for a friend.”

Caroline looks super confused and you could tell she’d like a more detailed explanation, but come on; we’re only about two minutes into the show. Caroline tries to get to the bottom of this, but Boyd decides the best way to cement their new friendship would be to give each other makeovers. Just kidding, he tells her to go talk to DeWitt and take the deal she’s going to offer Caroline.

We cut back to the present day, and Victor and Sierra are making out in an elevator. Oh, and it’s not just any elevator, it’s at the Dollhouse. Yep, even though they were supposed to leave forever, they’re back. It’s a good thing I like these guys otherwise I’d start calling them Boomerangs. They’ve come back more times then a kid with a MFA moves back in with their parents.

Now they take a break from the hugging and kissing to talk about how they just can’t leave their friends, which is nice and kind of makes sense, which is a bonus because the plot tonight would be majorly screwed if they pulled a happily ever after on us.

They get all set to tell the rest of the gang they want to fight the good fight, so they are extra surprised when the door opens and nobody is there. Well, no live people, but there are all sorts of dead commando types lying around.

Luckily for the plot, there are some guns right by the elevator, so Victor and Sierra can promptly start exercising their 2nd Amendment rights as they get down to a little investigating.

When we come back from the credits, Pucker Face is doing a Mexican hat dance on his phone. I guess somebody has a problem with Luke Wilson commercials too. Oh, wait, that’s not it. He just doesn’t want Rossum to be able to track them with their phones. That makes more sense, but does nothing to convince me Luke didn’t eat Owen over the holidays.

Pucker Face tells DeWitt the helicopter should be there any minute, and that they can’t keep waiting for the rest of the gang to show up. DeWitt, who obviously knows that only Pucker Face’s mom and her cat would be up for an hour of TV involving these two on a road trip, tells Pucker Face they’re going to wait.

This break in the conversation gives Pucker Face the excuse to go over and talk with Big Face Girl. Apparently, while they were off camera, they cut out Big Face Girl’s GPS gizmo, oh and let her know that she isn’t really Millie, but never explained why they didn’t put her old personality back in her when everyone else got their memories back.

Big Face Girl doesn’t have a problem with this even when she goes to kiss Pucker Face and he gets all standoffish on her. She apologizes for her program making her warm for Pucker Face’s form, and Pucker Face says it’s okay, he’s glad he’s there; he just doesn’t want to have any physical contact. Hmmm, first Echo and now Big face girl, the odds of Pucker Face having a lifetime membership at the Feelz Good Bathhouse just dropped to 5 to 9. This little promise keepers’ romantic interlude gets broken up when we hear tires squealing in the background.

DeWitt comes over to the car, and she says it so fast you almost miss it, but we get a “Cor blimey,” out of our favorite posh girl. This has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but I would love to find out back story on DeWitt. 99% of the time she is very, very proper, but every once in awhile something peeks out that says maybe she might have been an Essex Girl back in the day.

Like I said, that doesn’t matter to the story right now. What does matter is that somebody is coming and DeWitt pulls a big assault rifle out of the SUV in case some goons are about to drop in on their scene. Well, it looks cool, but it’s not needed for in this particular case, because it turns out Topher and Echo are here to make the scene. Oh and Traitor Boyd is there too, but nobody knows he’s a traitor, no matter how much you yell at the screen. Well my next door neighbor knows now, and he’s cool with it. I mean why else would he be pounding on the wall with a broom?

Oh it turns out we got a little drama to deal with, well besides everyone being chased by an evil corporation and being bestest buddies with the company CEO without knowing about it drama. It turns out Echo is acting a little mental. She jerking around and screaming complete gibberish. Depending on your political beliefs she’s either acting like Keith Olbermann or Glen Beck, take your pick. (I always wanted to tell a joke that would annoy 100% of the people reading it, and I think I might have just pulled it off. Yay me!) Anyway, Boyd gives Echo a shot and the big people have a powwow about what to do next.

Pucker Face says they need to think about what they are going to do next. Boyd doesn’t like this idea at all, and tells everyone thinking makes your head hurt and that all they need to do is go to Tucson. Pucker Face thinks this is stupid, but then again, how much actual thought goes into the average trip to Tucson? Boyd gets super passionate and tells the gang they need to get to Tucson and blow up the mainframe or everything Caroline has worked for will have been for nothing. He leaves out the part about it furthering his secret evil master plan, but it’s still a good little speech. Pucker Face is still being pouty and asks how they are supposed to even get in the building. DeWitt says they’ll just go in the front door, because they have something Rossum wants, Echo.

Back at the Dollhouse, Victor and Sierra still have absolutely no idea what happened while they were gone, and seeing as somebody took the mainframes with all the surveillance camera recordings they aren’t going to figure it out any time soon. They are just about to get the hell out, when they notice the chair and note somebody left on it that says “press enter.”

Because Victor and Sierra both have they’re original personalities, they don’t know what the chair is for when they first see it. Sierra quickly decides it must be what they use to change dolls into other people, and Victor thinks they should use it. This leads to a quick bit, where Sierra doesn’t want to use the chair because it’s evil and blah, blah, blah, and Victor pointing out that he always loves Sierra no matter who he is, and if he is evil she can just shoot him, but not in the junk.

The plot keeps moving, and Victor hops into the chair, and the next thing you know he’s Topher again. Yep, it’s the return of Victor/Topher, yay! Victor/Topher kind of spazes out when he shows up, and from an exposition front, he’s kind of a bust because he has no idea what just happened. It gets really interesting when he sees where the blood is still spattered on that one computer monitor from when Bennett got shot and asks one of the coolest questions of the night; “am I dead?”

We cut over to Tucson, and sure enough, our heroes, and Boyd, are going right in through the front door, and right up to the bouncers. I mean security guys. Sorry, when I see bald guys with active gym memberships and headset radio dealees and I just assume there will be a cover and my clothes won’t be appropriate.

Our guys don’t have to deal with the steroid set for long, because guess who’s waiting for them?

What? No, not Mr. T, why do you always guess him? Okay, granted he’s always been an underestimated actor for years, but let’s stay on message, okay?

No, it’s Whiskey Sour, and judging by the clothes she’s wearing she’s drunk the Annie Hall Kool Aide that Diane Keaton’s been peddling for the last three decades. Oh, no wait, it’s not really Whiskey Sour, it’s Clyde 2.0 and he’s taken over Whiskey Sour’s body.

Now the last time we saw Clyde 2.0, it was either two or three years ago, and he was pretty milquetoast, oh and he had a penis. Well not any more. He’s so evil he should be twirling a mustache, but he’s not because Whiskey Sour is a woman, and even if that doesn’t matter in this case, she’s obviously got a kickass esthetician. Anyway, our heroes get taken prisoner, but on purpose, so it’s okay, only they still don’t know about Boyd being the head bad guy so it’s really not.

We go back to LA and Victor/Topher and Sierra are trying to figure out what happened. Luckily for the plot Topher had a hidden camera installed in his office that nobody knew about except him. Okay, normally when shows pull this kind of poop out of their butts it annoys me to no end, but not in this case because Topher says he had the camera put in because he thought Ivy was stealing…his turkey jerkies. See? You’re smiling. It fit’s his personality and it’s funny. I say we go with it.

He and Sierra watch the recording and see Boyd giving Echo a shot, and dump the needle in a wastepaper basket, which they are able to find. Victor/Topher can tell the needle was full of that drug that that guy who had Sierra sent to the Dollhouse used on her to make her look crazy, and just like that some of the good guys finally start to figure out that Boyd isn’t on the up and up.

Because that scene is done, we go back to Tucson, where DeWitt and C2.0WB (Clyde2.0 With Boobs) are having a little girl talk over a nice glass of sweet, sweet scotch. C2.0WB wants to thank DeWitt. Huh, what, who? Yep, it turns out the big cheeses at Rossum think DeWitt did a great job helping Echo reach her potential. DeWitt wants to know what Echo’s potential is and Clyde with Boobs tells her that Echo is going to be our savior.

Oh, only when C2.0WB says our savior, he doesn’t mean the whole world just certain people, like big deal muckety-mucks at Rossum. Yeah, it sucks to be the rest of us. Well we all had a chance to get in the evil intern program, and we decided to hang out with our friends that summer; looks like here is where that decision finally comes back to bite us on the butt. Anyway, DeWitt wisely doesn’t mention just how batshit crazy this is, and just casually mentions she’d really like to meet the head of Rossum, and C2.0WB tells her he can’t wait to meet her either.

Meanwhile, Boyd, Topher, Pucker Face, and Big Face Girl are in a holding cell. Boyd is mickeying with the lock, and Pucker Face is telling Big Face Girl everything is going to be okay. Sure, you’re prisoners of an evil corporation bent on world domination, how could things get any better? Moron.

While everyone has their backs turned, Boyd uses a security card to open the door to the cell. Wow, being a CEO really does have its perks. Boyd tells Pucker Face to take Big Face Girl and go find some guns, and that he and Topher are going to go look for Echo, and then everyone exits, either stage right or stage left.

Back in LA, Sierra has decided they need to take the fight to Rossum. Victor/Topher wisely points out that while he would be your go to guy if you were going to Comic-con, he’s not the ideal wingman you want when you’re going on a commando raid.

Victor/Topher tells Sierra he’ll let Victor have his body back, and while he’s at it, he can make some improvements on Victor to turn him into a super ninja badass. Sierra doesn’t want any part of it at first, but Victor/Topher throws in the ability to cook, and to always remember to put the seat down when he’s finished, and suddenly Sierra is on board with cramming the love of her life’s head full of evil tech.

Back in Tucson, Boyd and Real Topher are sneaking though the hallways and Topher decides it’s a great time to let Boyd in on his master plan. Yep, it turns out that Topher figured out that somebody on Team Good Guy is playing for the other team. This is why Topher left his Topher wedge in the chair, because he knew Victor and Sierra would come back and find it, and then they could come and rescue everyone.

Boyd gets an “are you pooping me?” look on his face, which exactly matched the one I had when I heard this little plot twist. The only difference is Boyd is looking this way because his evil master plan is getting screwed with, and I’m looking that way, because this really is kind of silly when you think about it.

We go back to the Dollhouse right as Victor is coming out of the chair. He says he feels fine, but not particularly super ninja-ish. This is right before two Rossum goons walk into the scene and he dispatches them with some extra special badass kung fu. Sierra then decides she likes her enhanced boyfriend, and he hasn’t even insisted on being allowed to do the vacuuming yet. Anyway, now that Victor is borderline superhero, they decide to head over to Tucson, and exit stage left.

Meanwhile back in Tucson, Echo is passed out in a room with a big creepy needle contraption. We get like a super quick five second flashback of everything that has happened to Echo over the course of the series right up to her meeting Boyd. Then, just like that, Echo pops up off the table and snarls Boyd. And we cut to commercial. Hey, don’t make that face; if we don’t go to commercial Pizza Hut won’t be able to admit they’ve been feeding us poop pizza all these years.

When we come back from finding out that Pizza Hut’s new pizza is going to be totally wonderful, which I for one would love to believe, but seeing as they told me for 20 years the poop pizza they were peddling was as good as it get; I can’t help but being a little suspicious. Wait, two two topping pizzas for five bucks a piece? Sign me up! Yay for cheap poop, now with herbs in the crust!

Anyway, Boyd and Topher sneak into this room that just happens to be full of Topher’s Tech of Doom. You know, that gizmo he came up with a few episodes back that can turn anyone into a doll?

Well Topher is shocked to see this, because he thought it would take years for Rossum to figure out what he gave them, but it looks like they are all set to start mass producing it.

Only they aren’t. When Boyd tries to zap Topher with one of the gizmos it doesn’t work. By the way, this might have been a good time for Topher to notice that Boyd is suffering from a case of the traitors, but he misses it, because he’s freaked out that his tech has been turned into a doomsday weapon.

Topher starts smashing stuff, but Boyd talks him out of it by pointing out if Topher can just get one of the gizmos to work, they can bring down Rossum without killing a single person in the building. Yet more proof that non-violent solutions are the most likely to lead to the end of the world. Or at least the end of professional wrestling as we know it.

We leave Topher being a busy little worker bee, and cut over to Pucker Face and Big Face Girl. Pucker Face knocks out a goon and he and Big Face Girl help themselves to a big old mess of submachine guns.

Big Face Girl wants to know why she’s even there, and I’m going with a contractual obligation for the whole season. Pucker Face says he wanted to keep her around, which gives Big Face Girl the chance to boo-hoo about how she’s not only a program in another person’s head. Pucker Face correctly points out that so is he, but that it doesn’t matter; what matters is that they feel, and that makes them real. And now that these two have solved that little Existentialist dilemma they exit stage left.

We go back to Topher and Boyd, and Topher has just figured out how to get the Tech of Doom to work. Boyd is all super job dude, and tells Topher that’s why he chose him. It finally starts to dawn on Topher that things aren’t all good on the Boyd front, by the doesn’t get a chance to ask any questions because Echo shows up and starts wailing on Boyd.

Sadly, this well deserved beating gets interrupted, because Clyde With Boobs shows up and he/she is holding a gun on Echo and DeWitt.

Topher is still trying to figure out what is going on, and Echo tells him that Boyd was just about to kill him, which causes Boyd to call bullshit on Echo. It turns out he’s brought all of Team Good Guy to Tucson, not so he can kill them, but because they are his family and he loves them.

We cut from that bombshell over to Pucker Face and Big Face Girl. Pucker Face is all set to blast his way into the company Mainframe, but Big Face Girl points out that they are right by the cooling system, and can just overheat the computers without shooting anyone. Pucker Face is very impressed by Big Face Girl being smarter then him, me? Not so much.

We cut back from this just in time for Boyd to give his evil mastermind laying out the entire plan speech. Well, sort of, first Boyd has to expand on his I love you guys bit. It turns out he really likes everyone he’s betrayed, except for Pucker Face. Not only that, but he thinks all the stuff Rossum has been doing has made the good guys better people.

Nobody else is really buying into this. As Topher so aptly puts it; “You’re right Boyd, I’m the Tin Man, she’s the Cowardly Lion, and you’re the head of the Lollypop Guild!”

Boyd just keeps pressing ahead, and points out they really should hook up with him, because the end of the world is coming, and if they don’t they’ll end up being enslaved with the rest of the world.

Echo decides this is a good time to stage a little bitchfest about how she believed in Boyd and he let her down. Way to go Echo, civilization is about to end and you’re keeping the spotlight shining right on yourself.

Echo does ask the sixty four thousand dollar question though, why? Why has Boyd been doing all this stuff over the course of the show?

Well it turns out our little Echo is the key to saving them. Every time a personality has been imprinted on her brain, it has left a chemical blocker in her central nervous system. Eventually enough of the blockers built up, and Echo’s personality wasn’t able to be overwritten. Boyd tells them they are going to harvest Echo’s spinal fluid and make a vaccine.

Echo says tough beans she’s not playing nice, and if Boyd comes near her, she will snap his neck. Tough words, but too bad for her that Boyd has one of those flashlights of doom, and with one well placed zap, she gets a nosebleed and passes out.

We cut back to Pucker Face and Big Face Girl who smash a couple of boxes, and every light in the building goes out, which is exactly what you would think would happen if somebody took down a cooling system.

When Boyd gets wind of what’s going on, he wants DeWitt to activate Big Face Girl’s sleeper program. DeWitt says she won’t do it even when Boyd holds a gun to her head. Wow, they really are a family, huh?

We cut back to Pucker Face and he and Big Face Girl are waiting for the goons to show up, so they can shoot them. Pucker Face even takes some extra time to make sure Big Face knows how to shoot, which immediately makes this a better first date then anything they do on The Batchelor.

Too bad for Pucker Face Rossum plays a recording of DeWitt’s voice activating Big Face Girl’s sleeper program, and before you know it Pucker Face is getting his butt kicked by his fake formally co-dependent girlfriend.

Eventually Big Face Girl gets a gun up to Pucker Face’s oversized melon, and is about to put a cap in his ass. This is right when Pucker Face decides to bring up their undying love. Oh, now they’re in love? Well according to Pucker Face they are, and it’s a bright shining love that will go on and on. You know, the kind of love that trumps being turned into a zombie assassin.

Even though this seems pretty far fetched, and completely at odds with his whole, let’s be friends pitch he’s been making it works. Good old Co-Dependent Millie shows back up, and decides to save Pucker Face by blowing her brains out. I guess she did this because she was losing control to her zombie personality and wanted to save her sweet baboo. I’m sure the fact, that with Big Face Girl out of the way, it now clears the way for an Echo Pucker Face romance, had nothing to do with what just happened. Anyway, Pucker Face sees this happens and expresses real anguish…and then his face slides off his skull in three pieces.

Hey meanwhile while that’s happening, Boyd has Echo taken back to that lab room and put on that big needle contraption thing, so they can harvest her spinal fluid. Boyd is still there with Echo, and still crazy, because he is telling her not to worry because the process was designed to get her spinal fluid without killing her. You know, because Boyd cares for her.

Echo responds with a feisty go to hell, which doesn’t stop the bad guys from jamming a bunch of big needles into her back. Wow, it looks like the good guys are now officially screwed. Only they aren’t, because Victor and Sierra show up and start making with the rescuing. They get Echo off of the big needle contraption, and she tells them to go save DeWitt, Topher, Pucker Face and the Big Face Girl (good luck on that last one guys). When they ask what Echo is going to do, it gives Echo the perfect opportunity to look really determined and say what she should have done two years ago, which was three years ago last episode, but who’s counting? Besides me?

Hey, speaking of DeWitt and Topher, they are being held prisoner in that tech lab by a whole mess of goons. Topher is dealing with the fact that he is going to bring about the thoughtpocalypse. Well that’s what Topher is calling it. DeWitt tries to make him feel better by pointing out she was the one who turned the plans over to Rossum, and Topher manages to be super condescending, when he points out he invented an entire brand new technology, and she handed people paper. This allows DeWitt to roll her eyes at something Topher has said on the show for a whopping 243 times.

Anyway, they forget about that when a goon marches Sierra into the lab. It looks like the goons took her prisoner. Too bad they didn’t take Victor prisoner, because he tosses in some flashbang grenades, and before you know it, the room is all out of functioning goons. When Victor asks DeWitt what they should do next, she defers to Topher, and Topher decides they are going to destroy everything in the lab so nobody can ever use this horrible tech.

We cut over to Echo who is running down a hallway when she runs into Clyde 2.0 With Boobs. Echo pulls out the “hey deep down inside you’re still you, so why don’t you change personalities and get back on Team Good Guy” pitch, but it doesn’t work here. Partially because C2.0WB is like super duper evil, and also because I think the screenwriters are starting to feel guilty about giving logic a kick in the nuts every five minutes tonight. Oh and the fact that Echo and Clyde with Boobs start having a kickass kung fu fight doesn’t hurt either.

Boyd is walking down a hallway, talking on his cell phone and it sounds like he’s getting a pretty good idea that his evil master plan is coming off the rails. This is right when he runs into Pucker Face, who is super weepy about losing Big Face Girl. Pucker Face hasn’t figured out that Boyd is the Bad Guy Supreme yet, and in fact, Pucker Face thinks it was DeWitt who killed Big Face Girl. This is like found money for Boyd and he tells PF to come with him, and they’ll got get DeWitt.

We cut back to our badass kung fu fight already in progress. There are a lot of kicks punches and blocks, but at the end of the day Echo knocks out Clyde 2.0 With Boobs, and hey, they just happened to end up in the mainframe room. Echo wanders around the set looking at everything, I guess as she tries to figure out how to wreck it.

This is right when Boyd and Pucker Face show up. Oh and this is when Pucker Face figures out that Boyd is a bad guy, mainly because Boyd puts a gun to his large square head.

When we come back from commercial, Echo and Boyd shout some exposition at each other to get Pucker Face up to speed. Pucker Face immediately starts yapping for Echo to just shoot Boyd, even though Boyd has a gun to his head. Boyd tells PF Echo won’t shoot because she loves Pucker Face, and then breaks into another crazy rant about how Echo is going to be the savior of the world.

This gets interrupted when Echo shoots Pucker Face in the leg. Sure she loves him, but he was awfully friendly with Big Face Girl for an episode and a half. Err, I mean she wants to stop Boyd from conquering the world. Boyd loses his gun, but he manages to knock Echo’s away too, and these two start making with the fisticuffs. Echo gets her butt handed to her in very short order, and Boyd puts a gun to her head and says he really doesn’t need her alive. It looks like all hope is lost, when ZAP!

Topher shoots Boyd with his Tech of Doom, and turns him into a doll, just like that. We go to another commercial and when we come back they have strapped Boyd with explosives like a suicide bomber and send him into the mainframe room to do the hooie kablooie. Boyd tells them he always tries to do his best and marches off to blow himself up.

DeWitt, Topher and Pucker Face go upstairs and incite a blind panic. I mean evacuate the building. Eventually they duck outside, and we see Echo being chased down a hallway by the obligatory CGI explosion, and then we hear a whole bunch of big boom noises.

We cut to Echo standing in front of the building and Pucker Face asking her if they saved the world. I think this is just a nice way for the screenwriters to announce they blew the last of their special effects budget on the CGI hallway explosion, and can’t actually blow up the building.

Anyway, Echo does the math in her head, big evil boss dead + evil super computer wrecked = yeah I guess we did save the world. She tells Pucker Face yes, everybody smiles at everyone else, and they all live happily ever after.

Only they don’t, because in the next shot we see it’s ten years in the future and everything is exactly like it’s been in all the other episodes. Civilization has collapsed, and Pucker Face and Echo are walking down a street shooting at crazies. The End.

Well that wraps up a pretty good episode. Not as good as the last one, but endings are hard; especially endings when you might have only gotten two weeks notice the show was being cancelled.

Okay, a whole bunch of stuff happened this week, but what did everyone think of the ending with Boyd getting turned into a doll? I know on the one hand it’s kind of just desserts for Boyd to be turned into a robotic slave when he was planning on doing that to the rest of the world, but it rubbed me wrong here. Mainly because the good guys have spent the entire series talking about how evil Rossum is for doing this to people, and the first chance they get, and they take the low road. Also, that last smile Boyd gives Echo when she leaves him in the computer room to blow up is so sweet and childlike, that you know the good guys have just gotten as evil as what they were trying to destroy. At least that’s how I saw it.

Oh, and super acting by Harry J. Lennix this week. Well he’s been good for the whole series, but he now goes down in TV history as the most loving super evil mastermind of all time. Yay Harry!

Well what did you guys think? Did anyone see any of this coming? Does anyone have a clue as to what is going to happen next?

Anyway, sorry for this being so late, and thanks for stopping by we’ll talk again soon