Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding Minicap

There are only four weeks until the wedding and the time has come for Kim to make her list and check it twice.  Last week, the Biermann family came to Atlanta for a visit and to meet K.J. for the first time.  Now that the home invaders have left, it is time to hit the list hard and tie up all of the loose ends–slutty style.

Will she ever shut her pie hole?

This episode opens like last week–K.J. receiving the daily briefing from his momma.  Kim is convincing Squishy Dawg that he wants his mother in charge.  Yeah, I’m not so sure about that, Kim.

Brielle, Kim’s older daughter, is getting all gussied up for her first Homecoming dance.  Brielle gets the awkward privilege of being interrogated on camera for the world to get all the details about whether or not there has been any physical contact and/or kissing going on without her parents knowledge. 

Then I bump and grind…your mom…like this…see. 

Kroy not only gives a talk about inappropriate contact, he lightens things up with some good old bumping and grinding to get the party started.

Everybody say, “Fleas!”

A group of Brielle’s classmates come over for a large group photograph.  It is really sweet to be reminded of how exciting and special Homecoming is at that age. 

With the wedding approaching so quickly, Kim gets busy making that list.  It is a long list that consists of wigs, wigs, wigs, wigs, and catering.

Colin Cowie will be arriving soon–music, please!  His assistant is already there overseeing the caterers while they prepare some sample menus.  After an embarrassing couple of hours last time the lifestyle guru was there–thanks to her mother–Kim decides to lie to her mother that the sampling date has been changed–while the cameras are rolling.

Oh shit, I think I left my beer hat on the plane!

After some awkward dining moments, Kroy speaks up that he doesn’t like that hush puppy tofu crap on the plate.  What is it?  Colin says it’s foie gras with his refined accent.  That goes over surprisingly well with Kroy until Colin Cowie just had to blurt out that it’s duck liver.  Despite feeling so comfortable and enjoying his time with the couple, the wedding planner beats it out of there as quickly as humanly possible.

Oh my God!  What is that?  It’s coming at us and it’s wearing heels!

While Jen and Kim are lounging by the pool talking about panties, Derek J, Kim’s wig stylist, suddenly appears from the woods.  He is there to get a jump start on the wedding wig.  Kim has a new wig for her special day that will require Derek J’s expertise.  When Derek suggests waiting until the day of the wedding to be sure it is right for the dress, he butts heads with Kim as she wants to mark this off of her list–now!  Kim wins this round.

I just feel so… so…I don’t know…so numb inside.

The big loser in the wig sweepstakes, though, is Kim’s dog, Chanel.  Chanel will be in a gown and wig on the wedding day just like the owner she keeps trying to escape from.  It is both sad and ridiculous looking at the small Pomeranian with a big blonde wig.  Jen, the Matron of Honor, adds insult to Chanel’s emotional injury by telling her she looks ready for her doggy porn close up. 

After a long day of dog wigs and duck liver, Kroy and Kim head outside for some relaxing drama.  Kroy is watching game videos and Kim opens a bottle of wine and her text messages on her phone.  Turns out that Kim not only told the cameras about lying to her mother about Mr. Cowie, she also tweeted for the world and her mom to see.  Karen is furious and sent a text that she will not be attending the wedding. 

But it was on Twitter.  I don’t understand how she found out.

Not to let her mother off of the hook for being offended by being lied to on camera and on Twitter, Kim and Kroy place a conference call to Karen.  Karen’s feelings are hurt and she says she will be sick on Kim’s wedding day.  No need to consult Rose the psychic to know momma drama is barreling around the corner.

Next week’s episode will be getting down and dirty as Kim checks off the Portable Potty decision from her list.

 The full recap will be posted in the next couple of days, but in the meantime, please check out the recap of last week’s episode here.

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!

To follow my personal tweets, click here.

Red beans and ricely yours,

BSL  xoxo!