Dorks, Dads, and Denial

Previously:  Cooke showed up and immediately developed a crush on Dustin.  Teacup broke up with Dustin after he lied about his past in gay porn.  Cooke and Dustin celebrated these events by kissing in the back of a cab.

Currently:  The aforementioned offenders play pool and flirt a bit while Teacup is also in the suite and tells us that there is an attracted between them.  Dustin tells us Cooke is the last person he needs to be making out with.  Well, too bad he had to make out with her, since this is Vegas and there’s no way he could have found someone else to hook up with.

“Yeah girl, work that shaft… I mean, um, how are you doing today?  I’m so glad I definitely don’t have any idea how your tongue tastes!”

Dustin and Roy Lee go to eat some <product placement> and discuss the fact that this is all Cooke’s fault.  I mean, she stuck her tongue out at Dustin, how was he supposed to resist that sexy site?  He is merely a guy, after all.  Roy Lee tells Dustin, and then us, that what Cooke did was dirty and she’ll be in deep shit with the other girls.  Now, I know Cooke had every intention of hooking up with Dustin and didn’t care how Teacup felt, but let’s be real here:  it takes two to do the Tongue Tango.  But what would a reality show be without a double standard?

Out at da club, Cooke and Dustin dance next to each other without looking at, touching, or speaking to each other.  According to Nany, this constitutes them being “flirtatious” with each other, and she hopes they didn’t do anything because the girls are finally starting to like her.  Well, that’s mighty big of them, but does Cooke have any reason to like the N twins?

For some reason, which I’m sure is totally not that she wants to stir up drama between Teacup and Dustin, Cooke decides to tell Nany about the kiss.  I know I tell all of my secrets to girls who yell at me within two days of meeting me.  Nany informs her that Dustin is “mad spiteful.”  Yeah, don’t ever beat him at a go-kart race, or kiss some girl he’s known for four days, because those are the most terrible things in the history of EVERDOM.  Nany promises that she’ll never say anything as long as Cooke doesn’t cross the line…

… And then is pulled aside for interrogation by Teacup and promptly spills the dirty, secret beans.  We get no explanation for what Cooke did in that 20 seconds to “cross the line,” just a reminder that Teacup has been Nany’s girl “since day one.”  Ooh, someone is fluent in Challengese already!  She must have taken Reality Catchphrase 101 with Evan.

“So, remember that time I found out your boyfriend had done gay porn, and told Naomi, and then we waited for your mom to tell you?  Well, this is me making up for that because you’re my girl and all…”

Teacup is pissed, and for some reason Nany tries to take part of the blame for promising Cooke she wouldn’t tell, as if Teacup is going to give a flying fuck about that.  Cooke talks to some guy (captioned as “Leroy’s friend”) about how screwed she is while Teacup channels Rodney Dangerfield because she totally gets “no respect.”

MikeMike is chatting up a charming young lady (and by “charming,” I mean “drunk”), and even gets a smooch in before her cockblocking friend literally climbs on top of them to stop it.  In short, Mikey Blue Balls (poor kid’s Vegas nickname) is once again going home frustrated.

Once they’re all back in the suite, Cooke tells Dustin about her revelation to Nany in order to make sure he is properly warned.  And this happens not a moment too soon, as Teacup flounces into the room, hops up on to Dustin’s bed, and plops herself down to give them a piece of her mind.  She tells Dustin she has no respect for him because he hooked up with a roommate.  I think we can all agree that her Truth or Dare kiss with MikeMike was innocent, but she did JUST hook up with Nany.  I suppose it’s only fair that double standards work both ways, right?

“I mean, at least when I hooked up with a roommate, I let you watch and put it in your spank bank!”

Teacup then goes off on Cooke for betraying her after she was one of the only people to give Cooke a chance when she moved in.  Dustin keeps trying to jump in, and Teacup just keeps shushing him.  I know Teacup is upset, and it definitely wasn’t a great idea for Dustin/Cooke to hook up, but I can’t believe we’re getting this much drama after one little kiss considering everything we’ve seen this season.  Cooke tries to defend herself, but Teacup is having none of it.  Even if she is overreacting a little (and I expect people to be divided on whether or not she should be this upset), it is nice to see her do something besides cuddle with Dustin and giggle with the girls.  She was pretty boring when she was with Dustin.  In case you need a reference for how DRAMATIC this whole situation is, for some reason the score to Lost takes us into a commercial break.

When we return, Dustin is still begging forgiveness.  He admits that it was stupid, and Teacup tells him he crossed the one line by doing it with a roommate.  Dustin says that when she “left” him, it “tore him apart.”  He throws Cooke under the bus by saying she doesn’t care about Teacup, while Dustin hasn’t lost any of his feelings towards Teacup.  He says it drives him NUTS.

Because, you know, before this, Dustin was totally sane.

He tells Teacup he still wants her, and she says she can’t trust him because he didn’t say anything to her.  If I’m grasping the timeline correctly, it has been approximately 24 hours since the kiss, so it’s not quite the same as his other big secret.  Something tells me Teacup is having trouble thinking of him as anything but a liar and/or secret-keeper.  Dustin apologizes and Teacup says that apologies and being told she’s a great person who “doesn’t deserve this” does nothing for her.  She’s in tears by the end of it, which does the impossible in shutting Dustin up.

Teacup and the N twins head out while Cooke tells us it’s back to her first week with all of the girls hating her.  At least they have a (slightly) better reason this time?  Again, I know it was one drunken kiss, but we all know Cooke wanted it and didn’t care if it would hurt Teacup.  Dustin tells her no one owns either of them (little does he know, MTV/Bunim Murray own their souls), and if the girls come up to her she should tell them not to be childish.  I’m sure that would go over SWIMMINGLY.

Turns out the girls went to <product placement> to discuss Teacup’s betrayal further.  Nany says she felt like a bitch when Cooke first arrived, but apparently Cooke’s actions 36 hours ago justify the Attack of the N Twins that happened a few weeks(?) ago.  Teacup hilariously says that there’s a screw loose in Cooke’s head, and she’s one of those girls who “sleeps around, but then, like, watches the Disney channel.”  Oh man, I have a friend who is a lot like that.  Luckily, we’ve been friends forever and have very different tastes in guys, so we’ve never had this issue.  Naomi babbles a bunch and all I gather is that she thinks Cooke should never hook up with Dustin again.  Thanks for chiming in, tiniest member of the peanut gallery!

MikeRoy head out to “corrupt some women,” which is hilarious coming from MikeMike.  At the bar, Roy Lee tells Mikey Blue Balls that he had that girl from last night, but he needs to be more aggressive and have more confidence.  Mikey BB protests that he was, it was the friend’s fault.  I think he’s right, that friend was a cockblock extraordinaire.  Roy sends Mikey over to talk to a girl, and when Mikey tells her his name is James, Roy knows they’ll be making up fake identities.  Three words:  SPIN.  OFF.  PLEASE.

In literally the blink of an eye (or a cut in the edit room), the pretty girl is sitting with Roy Lee, her less attractive friend is sitting with MikeJames, and he is telling her grand tales of his life as a drug dealer.  It’s still a bit awkward, but it’s relatively low on the MikeMike Awkward Scale.  He blabs about being a cold-hearted killer, and the girls responds by telling him his green eyes make him look like a “kitty cat.”  After they leave, Roy Lee tries to tell him he needs to do better, but MikeMike insists that he didn’t want to talk to those girls and Roy Lee made him.  They laugh and it is of course bromantic.

“Also, this one time, at band camp- I mean, this one time, in Reno, I shot a man just to watch him die.  NBD.”

Cooke and MikeRoy go out to eat and talk more about that damn kiss.  Roy Lee tells her she’s a dirtbag.  Come ON, Roy, you’re the one who encouraged it in the first place.  You were finally redeeming yourself after last episode!  No worries, though, MikeMike is there.  He might not be bringing sexy back, but he can still bring logic back.  He tells her the problem is that after she made the comments about Dustin, Teacup reached out to her and they had some heart-to-hearts, so now Teacup feels betrayed.  I think Teacup really wanted to be friends with Cooke, since even though she likes the N twins, it seems like she had more in common with Cooke.  Cooke says she thought Zito was hot when she arrived and she wanted to go after him.  MikeMike tells her that it doesn’t seem like she cares about the roomies, and she says she doesn’t give a shit.  MikeMike says with that attitude, he doesn’t blame the girls for hating Cooke.

Nany tells us the roomies will be going to a homeless shelter to serve dinner to homeless kids.  We get a lovely montage of them meeting and eating with said kids.  Naomi meets another girl from the Bronx and squeals before asking where in the Bronx she’s from.

“That cardboard box by the park, you hyper, oversexed girl living in the luxury suite.  You know it?”

Naomi is sad that these kids have no one and ran away from home.  Nany meets a kid who doesn’t know his dad… well, he met his dad once and his dad beat the hell out of him.  Poor kid, I suppose he would have been better off never meeting his dad.  Speaking of never meeting his dad, Nany has never met hers!  Did we know this?  I can’t remember.  Nany says she feels bad, but this kid is strong.  She tells him she bets everyone is proud of him.  Awww, that was actually pretty sweet.  They hug goodbye and Nany says she’s inspired to pursue her own path, whatever that means.

Ooh, tearful confessional from Nany.  She tells us kids go without their biological parents every day, so she’s no different.  She then tells Roy Lee/us the story of how her dad was in prison for drug trafficking/dealing and mentions letter he has written.  She tells us meeting him would make it so “a big chunk” of her heart “won’t be so empty anymore.”  Sorry to taint a serious moment, but she must have graduated with honors from Evan’s Reality Catchphrase class.

Cooke wanders around looking thoughtful and writing in her notebook/diary.  In purple ink, so you KNOW it’s serious.

“Dear Diary:  Dustin is, lyk, soooo dreamy.  Do u think he lykes me? I’ll ask him …. Dear Dustin, do u lyk me?  Circle one:  Yes/No.”

Cooke tells us she knows something needs to be done between herself and Teacup/the N twins, so she asks Teacup to come talk.  Cooke says she knows she was wrong and she wasn’t trying to hurt Teacup, she just wasn’t thinking about her.  Teacup sits there with a stone cold face until she’s satisfied that Cooke’s tail is sufficiently between her legs.  Teacup tells Cooke that she felt like they were developing a friendship, which is why she feels betrayed.  Cooke says she had the mentality to screw someone else over before she got screwed over, as if that fixes anything.  Cooke says it was hard to get the courage to initiate the conversation, and Teacup says she appreciates it since she knows how hard it is for Cooke to confront anyone.  I thought Cooke was supposed to be so “blunt and honest” and wasn’t afraid of anyone and that’s why she’s so much better than other girls?  Teacup tells us she’s still a bit wary of Cooke, but she does appreciate the apology.  They hug it out.

Out at a western bar (there’s a mechanical bull, just to give you an idea), MikeMike meets a blonde girl named Ally.  He tells us she’s beautiful (she really is cute) and she really wants to help people, apparently by immunizing children in Haiti.  He gives her his number and encourages her to call, making his BFF Leroy proud.

Meanwhile, Teacup is drunk and dancing all up on Dustin.  He tells us he’s confused, since she tells him they can’t be together, so he doesn’t understand the flirting.  It looks like the almighty Teacup is only human after all, and Dustin has been looking a little more appealing since they broke up, so…

MikeMike is on the phone with Ally.  And lest we think this was all a ploy to get on camera, we learn that they actually have things in common!  Namely, they both make zombie survival plans.  I realize this is becoming more common (yes, some of my friends do this), but let’s face it, this is probably the most MikeMike has had in common with anyone he’s met in Vegas.  They make dinner plans and MikeMike hangs up and practically skips away.  He is so smitten, and it is just plain adorable.

“So, what are you wearing?  … When the zombies attack, I mean!  What will you be wearing?”

MikeMike says he doesn’t know what Ally likes about him besides maybe the fact that he is “goofy and honest.”  He jumps into his bed, where Naomi is chillaxin.  She tells us she loves Mike and she’s thrilled that he gets to go on a date with a “gorgeous” girl who is “genuinely a good person.”  Damn, Naomi sure does form opinions quickly, doesn’t she?

The next morning, Dustin tells Roy Lee that Teacup is playing him, and Teacup tells Naomi that she knows she’s “putting something in his head.”  I think the problem is that he wants to put his (little) head in something, but now Teacup knows where it’s been.  She says that even though he fucked up, he still doesn’t deserve her screwing around with his feelings.  Well, at least she recognizes that and is willing to admit it out loud.  Naomi tells Teacup not to hook up with him while they’re in Vegas because then he will have the power.

In their Official Excursion of the Week, the roomies go to ride all of the rides at the Stratosphere.  Naomi is scared, but MikeMike makes her ride with him.  We get a little voiceover from Nany telling us that she’s sure Teacup wants to be with Dustin, but she’s not letting herself.

Nany has now decided that she would like to find her biological father.  It’s so good that she decided to do this in the three months she happened to be on television.  She calls a private investigator and tells him about her father’s jail time and the letters that he wrote for five years.  Apparently her mother hid the letters until Nany found them herself when she was 14, but she still thinks her mother will be willing to help find him.  Nany tells us that it will either be “the best thing” for her or she will be disappointed, but she would rather know than wonder.

Nany doesn’t understand why calling the PI costs $3.14 per minute.

MikeMike is getting ready for his date with Ally.  Roy Lee gives some advice and tells us again how proud he is.  Dustin helps MikeMike get dressed, which Mike says is a nice feeling after all they’ve been through.  Hold on to that feeling, we’ve all seen the previews for the next episode.  It culminates with Dustin literally taking the shirt off his back and giving it to Mike, who says he feel bad for all of the things he’s said about Dustin.  What’s more shocking to me is the fact that Dustin is in the suite and wearing any shirt at all, let alone more than one.

They fix his hair and Nany tells us that she’s happy for MikeMike since he’s so “picky” and this is the one girl he’s “chosen.”  Well, sometimes having standards pays off.  She’s so happy she hugs the wall.

“I love you, wall, will you be my daddy?”

Ally arrives and the roommates take a picture of them like it’s prom or something.  Dustin plays the dad and asks who’s driving, which is hilarious because he’s wearing a bathrobe or something and the image is priceless.

On their date, they discover that they like the same obscure bands, and she’s more than willing to go along with MikeMike’s dorky “jellyfish” handshake.  They talk and laugh and bond and feed each other and just have a grand old time.  MikeMike walks her to the car, tells us he wants to see her again, and gets a goodnight kiss.

The only question left:  How will Grandma feel about this?

Out at da club, Teacup is very drunk and flirting with Dustin again.  Roy Lee thinks Dustin needs to get over his addiction and sends Teacup to hang out with Naomi.  It doesn’t work, though, and Teacup and Dustin head back to the suite together.  When they arrive, Nany tells Teacup not to fuck with him.  It doesn’t work, though, and Teacup pulls Dustin into bed with her.  He tries to stop things, but as we’ve learned, Dustin is just a poor man who cannot possibly control himself in the presence of a woman.  Nany walks in, sees them, and walks out rolling her eyes, disgusted.  She says she’s not a mother and Teacup can do what she’s gotta do.

Evidently the answer to that question is “Dustin.”

The next day, Teacup and Naomi are out walking when Naomi learns that something went down the night before (no word on whether or not anyone literally “went down,” as all we saw was kissing, but Teacup is in a pretty good mood).  Naomi makes fun of Teacup, who says she does it to herself.

Nany calls her mother, who tells her that if her dad wanted to find her, he would have when he first got out of prison.  Nany cries, but her mom says that she’ll support whatever decision Nany makes.  Nany tells us that she wants to believe that her father does want to meet her and that he hasn’t been out this long without trying to find her.  She says she knows it’s not all going to be sunshine and rainbows, but she wants to know so she can sleep at night.

“Meeting my jailbird absentee father is sure to do wonders for my daddy issues.  BRB, gotta go call Adam.”

Ally calls, and she and MikeMike makes plans for her to come hang out at the suite.  Roy Lee instantly insists that MikeMike is about to get some, but Mikey Blue Balls plays it down and says she definitely won’t stay the night.  Roy Lee offers to go get them some wine and throws out some advice about how to get Ally alone in the bedroom.  They clean their room together and Roy Lee lights a candle, insisting one is okay to make the room smell good, but putting them everywhere is creepy.

MikeMike and Ally play pool with some friends, and MikeMike tells us that being around her and her megawatt smile makes him happy, even though he knows it’s cheesy.  He gets a few kisses in before he walks her to the car while telling us that most guys wouldn’t understand, but he’s happy with the way things are.  Good for you, MikeMike, but I still want you to get laid.

I’m so happy for MikeMike that I’m willing to overlook the fact that she just said “Oh Em Gee” instead of “Oh my god.”

Roy Lee sleeps on the phone couch for Mikey Blue Balls, but Mikey wakes him up and tells him he can go back to his bed.  Roy Lee says he was just trying to be a bro, and Mikey Blue Balls says he appreciates it but he’s happy with the way things are.  This is such a refreshing change from most Real Worlders, and everyone on Jersey Shore.  Sitch would never treat a girl like this.  His ego is so big, he probably thinks the room in the White House is a shrine to him and his abs.  Or at least, that’s what he would think if he made it past third grade to learn about such things.

Nany’s PI shows up and she tells us she’s nervous, but excited to get things started.  She tells him what she knows, and he asks what she thinks will happen.  She says she doesn’t know, but she just wants her dad to know that she’s okay and she’s there if he wants her.  She says that her father wrote letters for five years, so he must have wanted something to do with her, but her mother intervened.  The PI tells her to prepare herself mentally, since he grew up without a father and when he found him, his father wanted nothing to do with him.  She tells us that she’s afraid of going her whole life without knowing her biological father.  She’s proud of herself and she knows her father will be proud of her for not giving up.

Ahhh, time for a Dustin/Teacup heart-to-heart.  Apparently they’ve both tried to deny their feelings, but they just can’t do it anymore.  It… seems like they’re back together?  This episode is the most chemistry I’ve ever seen between them, so good for them, I guess?

“I just don’t know how to quit you… too soon?”

Next week:  The roomies go to Cancun!  Dustin and MikeMike’s season-long issues explode all over Mexico!

Well, first and foremost, go MikeMike!  I hope this girl really likes him as much as she seems to.  Do you guys think it’s too good to be true?  What do you think about Nany’s search for her father?  Hopefully it works out okay for her, I know she has her issues but I don’t hate her.  Did you think Cooke was right to apologize to Teacup?  And was Teacup right to be so angry with Cooke instead of Dustin?  How do you feel about the Dustin/Teacup reunion?  I’m afraid Teacup is going to be boring again now, I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.  Are you excited to see the roomies in Cancun?  Talk to me!