Drag Race Recap: No Mo’ Hos!

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race: Ru decided to become civically-minded and had the queens participate in a mock Presidential debate that only Chad and Sharon seemed to get the gist of, though Phi Phi tried and phailed, and Dida couldn’t ride what a cute boy she was anymore and sashayed away. Then Ru carted out the canard of bringing back an eliminated queen to extend the season get another chance in the competition.

At least you’re still super cute.

Happy strings welcome the top four to the workroom. Sharon’s already a little grumpy and sighing but everyone cheers up when they see Dida’s parting words because she was a Golden Girls fan and knew all frowns can be turned upside down with CHEESECAKE.

With Willam gone, the queens divvy up Dida’s hangers while discussing how fierce she is. Then Latrice prompts a bonding moment over them being the final four. Phi Phi joins in even though her ass would have been gone if Willam didn’t break the rules, but she can have her delusional moment in the sun. The queens decide they’re going to peacefully protest bringing back some fodder by making signs that say “Top 4! Add No Mo’.” And look at how cute Latrice looks with her teeny, tiny sign:

Ooh, gurr…it’s SheMail time. Pregnant…born…labor…bastard…push, PUSH, ladies. Ru’s about to crown…America’s next drag superstar. The queens are all “the hell?” but Ru shows up wearing Thurston Howell III realness. It’s a very Occupy day in the workroom, though, so Chad, Sharon and Latrice go all 99% and chant “Top 4..add no mo,” while Phi Phi stands around trying to plot how to turn this to her advantage. Ru’s all, “Bitches, still my show. Still my rules,” then calls them “Norma Rae.” Phi Phi doesn’t get the joke.

This week they’re celebrating the modern drag family, starting with the returning fodder queen…

Ugh…at least Shawn’s chest is there to cheer me up.

So Kenya Michaels is back and at least the queens are happy. I know it wasn’t going to happen but it would have been AWESOME to see Phi Phi’s tightly wound head explode into tiny, noxious bits if Willam swanned into the workroom. Back to the actual competition and Sharon is tasked with interviewing about how great Kenya is because she can dance and “is pretty,” (I never really saw it because she always looked like a Maltipoo or some other tiny, hybrid yappy dog) and that’s exactly not what they needed. Kenya flaps her yap about whatever then Ru calls in the pit crew and this happens:

Because Ru thinks we’re magpies and wants distracting us with bright, shiny Pit Crew boys. Pit Crew Shawn hands out the teddy bears to each of the queens while Ru explains that the mini challenge is to be crafty and tart up the plain Papa teddy bears into Mama bears. They have 20 minutes to drag out the bears and the queen with the most “unbearably” (har har) bear wins!

The queens converge on the materials table and set to making their bears. Sharon’s making one in her own image and while she and Chad bond, Phi Phi takes a moment to be a cooze and “jokingly” complain to Kenya. Mercy, someone needs to hire her a hooker so she can just release all that pent up anger and tension and can lighten up. Not EVERYTHING is awful. (But Everything is Terrible is awesome.) Then she baits for some compliments saying she’s not the youngest, shortest or fishiest but Chad whips out a Baby Jane reference telling her she “never will be, Blanche.” Phi Phi doesn’t get it, and times up.

Chad’s first and her bear is called “Malibu Bearbie.” She’s a vomit of purple and sparkle and tulle and cute and Ru calls the bear “Very Jiggly Caliente.” HAHAHAHAHA. Then editing does a split screen between the bear and Jiggly lip synching in her baked potato dress and a good laugh is had by all.

Sharon’s next with Scare Bear. She just plops the bear down and Ru says the bear is very “Bride of Chucky Wore Black,” but not much else is said except that Sharon shared her white contacts with the bear so on to the next one.

Kenya’s next with La Transbear, and she says it with maximum head shaking and exaggerating and she was the toughest queen to cap because her eyes were closed more than they were open and bitch is a bobblehead. Ru’s impressed with the pasties, saying she’s a fishy bear and bears love fish so let’s move on.

Latrice is up next with her bear, Portia the Pooh. The goofy strings and Latrice’s fussiness with the skirt might be a spoiler, but all Ru has to say is that the bear’s face is bejeweled so Latrice can say “Like mother like daughter,” so…not going to win.

Finally, Phi Phi and her “ironically named except not” bear, Princess Bitch Bear. It’s a rip off of Kenya’s and Chad’s bear so Chad mutters “Booger bear.” Hehehehe. Phi Phi tries to camouflage her full-body-clench of rage by swiveling around and “joking” that they’re all just jealous bears. Ru doesn’t have anything to say about the bear, though, because it’s time for results.

I liked Sharon’s the best because at least she thought outside the cute box. Of course, they all played to their strengths and made bears in their own image. Hers is just a different image from everyone else’s. But what did Ru think? Ru thought she’d throw a curveball and piss off the “final four” and gives the win to Li’l Kenya Michaels. Sharon responds thusly:

Heh, bitch. But all of the queens can be proud because all five bears will be auctioned off by the Bear to Make a Difference Project supporting the Matthew Shepard Foundation’s efforts to Erase Hate, so can I get an Amen in here? Amen.

With the mini challenge over, Ru bust out her Katharine Hepburn impersonation to explain that in her day, the father went off to work while the mother stayed at home, but in today’s modern family (get it, get it?) we expect more from our father figures. Time for the queens to meet some DILF’s…Dads I’d Like to Frock, because this is basic cable. The queens have a good laugh because they won’t be making any pornos and five tattooed and meaty guys walk in.

Latrice interviews about the “truck driving, burly men, like, for real for real,” then laughs because she’s horny. Ru says the challenge is to change the handsome daddies into sexy, drag queen mamas. While the queens giggle, Ru asks the DILF’s to introduce themselves.

Can you spot the creepy reality show whore? (HT cbc-cca) Clue, it’s Mike. Since Kenya won the mini challenge, she gets to assign the dads AKA trip up the front runner by giving her the reality show whore. (Raja’s jock had appeared on another show, too.) So while Kenya assigns the DILF’s it’s time for Phi Phi to peer out from under her bridge and inform us that she was signaling to Kenya to screw the others and making sure she got “her guy.” And the guy’s are assigned as so: Chad gets James, Phi Phi gets Chris, Sharon gets the reality show whore, Latrice gets Leland and Kenya saves, Rick, the pretty one, for herself.

While Kenya hangs on Rick and makes him feel uncomfortable, Sharon lets us know that Mike has the “brickest face in the bunch” and is too manly to be pretty. The queens can use their own drag plus extra material and hair will be provided by some wig company. There must be a “strong family resemblance,” LATRICE, and to keep things “in a family way,” the queens and DILF’s will be sporting Baby Bump Realness. Ha, that’s just stupid. Even Latrice thinks so. But Ru don’t care, she tells the queens that their Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent got them into this situation so gentlemen start your engines and may the best…mother…win!

Ru’s expecting a RuPaulette.

The pairs disperse to their workspaces. James and Chris are bemused by all the spangly, sparkly material but Mike starts in on being a creepy creeper who creeps, asking Sharon, in her dazzling leopard-print skinny pants, if she has a cell phone in her pocket or she’s just happy to see him. Neither is the case and Sharon’s already repulsed before he jokes about being in the movie Anaconda. Sharon announces to the room that he’s a freak and let’s pause to consider just how far out you have to be to freak out Sharon Needles… Then she makes sure we get just how awful he is by saying “Mike-O the Psycho is weird,” and we see him rubbing the nipples on his breastplate. Ugh. Even though no one cares, we get a Phi Phi interview telling us that Mike is like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs, so at least Phi Phi has some outside pop culture references besides Gaga.

There’s always one.

Back from break and everyone’s busy, busy, busy. Kenya’s fitting the pregnancy pillow on Rick who’s looking at everything but Kenya, Mike’s practicing walking in heels and hose…but no skirt? And Phi Phi’s flirting with her married father of two. Sharon’s tasked with recapping the challenge in interview, and while everyone’s trying on their pillows, she lets us know that they need to turn FILF’s into glamorous, pregnant MILF’s.

This leads into a conversation between Latrice and Leland about how Leland has to “give up his manhood” while Mike stands by in military cap and breastplate, just absently fondling the latex boob before moving on when the conversation gets to shoving Lelands’ balls back up into from whence they descended. Leland thinks he can “tape them to his leg,” but Latrice informs him that his options are shove them up or “sit on them.” Leland wants option three while Latrice jokes that they’ll be serving “moose knuckles.” Heh.

Tape sounds better until you have to take it off.

Over at Phi Phi’s table, she’s prattling on about how Chris looks like a dude and Chris is spacily looking around the room and muttering about how he’s a “manly man.” But Phi Phi’s brain is like Kelly Bundy’s in that it can only hold a finite number of facts so she selectively chooses what will enter her brain, and now she’s refusing to see that she’s boring the shit out of her DILF, preferring to interview that it’s kind of fun turning a straight guy into her. A gaping maw of bile, insecurity and delusion?

Chad nicely asks Chris how he’s doing and Chris nicely responds okay and asks back so Phi Phi “jokingly” snaps at Chad not to talk to her “dad.” Chad’s all “what-the-fuck-ever,” but actually says she can talk to Phi Phi’s “dad” all she wants, and maybe he likes Chad better. I know everyone else does. Phi Phi “jokes” again that he doesn’t because he wants to be on the winning team and Chris just agrees because he doesn’t know dick-all about what a jerk Phi Phi is but Phi Phi takes this as validation then says they can “school these hos,” while Chris is still utterly disinterested in what she has to say because he’s fascinated by the sewing machine. Boys.

Why schools need to teach home ec.

Chad gives a Frankenbite interview where she begins talking about what a cooze Phi Phi is and how she loves to come for Chad then ends with talking about how she has to stay focused and be perfect. But this is just to segue into Chad’s DILF, James, being an opinionated perfectionist himself. Chad’s laid out the fabric for their outfits and he thinks the fabric’s too bright and the dress is too long, because he wants to show some hip. Chad says James can chill out a little, she does know what she’s doing.

Kenya’s trying to teach Rick how to walk in heels and is learning that the pretty one isn’t always the easiest to work with. He’s bouncing like a pimp-dude and whining about how much his feet hurt, wondering if that’s normal. Kenya says it is and that Rick has manfeet (heh) but in interview she’s all “Quit bitching and walk in your heels,” like she’s Mommie Dearest.

Hello, Hello, Hello! Ru’s here for his workroom visits. Up first? Phi Phi, Chris and Chris’s pregnancy pillow already strapped on and covered by a turquoise skirt. Heh. I think my favorite part of the makeover episodes is when Ru visits and the make-overee is in half drag like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Just your average pregnant dude in a turquoise disco skirt.

Phi Phi tells Ru that they’re planning on being “sexy” moms wearing fun, flirty dresses. Ru brings up the fact that Phi Phi’s a hag Phi Phi being criticized for her getting her proportions wrong and Phi Phi sloughs it off saying she’ll be fine. Ru says it worries him when Phi Phi says that because sometimes…it’s not fine, but I say don’t worry, be happy. That just puts Phi Phi one step closer to getting canned.

Ru’s headed over to Latrice and Leland to find out if they’re planning on wearing matching gowns. Latrice hems and haws so Ru can drop an anvil remind Latrice they’re looking for a family resemblance. Latrice says she thinks it will work out in a way that says she doesn’t think it will work out and Ru moves on to ask Leland what he’s most concerned about. Walking in heels. Ru doesn’t understand this because he’s been wearing heels for over 30 years and, besides, Leland’s athletic. Has Ru watched how most athletes, male or female, walk? Even someone as beautiful as Gabriela Sabatini still moseys like the Duke.

Uuuuuhhhhh…

Kenya and Rick. Ru casually asks Rick if anyone’s ever told him he looks like Elvis. Rick admits his mom has told him he looks like a “young” Elvis, not to be confused with fat Elvis and Ru drops the whammy that now he’ll look like Lisa-Marie. Heh. Rick’s face does a “DOI-ING” drop but to be honest, Lisa Marie does look more and more like Elvis in drag the older she gets, so… Ru asks if Kenya’s picked a drag name for Rick. She’s only slightly more creative than Tyra and is calling Rick “Li’l Mama.” Ru asks how he feels about that and Rick’s all:

I’m sure he’ll get used to it. On to Chad and James. Ru is a mapgpie like the rest of us and gets a little excited at the bright colors and sequins. James explains that the costumes were both their ideas and they’re both technical people and…Chad jumps in to say James is taking a VERY active roll and being very assertive. Heh. Ru ends the visit by wondering if Chad can gauge what James will look like in full face and Chad is certain he’ll be pretty. James, showing that he really is a middle manager chirps, “We’ll see!”

Mike and Sharon. Mike’s wearing the breastplate and a dress over his street clothes already has a wig on his head and is casually rubbing his nipples when Ru asks how they’re getting along. Sharon grimaces a “Save…ME…” grimace and admits in interview that she’s embarrassed because Mike has no filter. Ru asks Mike why he agreed to do the show and he says to bring out his inner diva then complains that the only thing wrong with the outfit is that he feels like he’s having a baby elephant and offers to show Ru its trunk. Yikes.

Sharon didn’t realize it could get worse than this.

Ru gathers everyone around to make his final announcements. First, guest judges will be Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson, who gets a round of golf claps from the DILF’s and queens, while Latrice lets us know she thinks he’s cute as a button, and the “always lovely” Jennifer Love Hewitt, which makes the DILF’s, and Sharon, much happier. Because she has big boobs. I’m guessing.

Oh, and by the way. Ru says before you get pregnant there has to be some seduction so each team has to prepare a “sexy” striptease. Everyone reacts like he just dropped a bag of flaming shit on the floor, Sharon says it’s insane in interview, and Mike…does a little hoochie dance, because he’s insane. And in the words of Ru’s sainted mother, “Goddammit, you filthy-mouthed little motherfuckers. Don’t fuck it up.” Okay, then.

Do it for Mama Ru.

Rehearsal time and first up is Chad Michaels and Lady Samantha. James is already trying to direct the rehearsal but Chad informs us in interview that she’s trying to keep it simple since James doesn’t have a lot of experience and she likes to be perfect. She establishes that, despite never having stripped himself, James has in fact been to strip clubs, tipped the strippers, gotten lap dances and watched them work a pole so he’s at least familiar with what goes into it. They flap around their boas, and strike poses and bless James’ brickish heart, he’s trying and doesn’t even seem in the slightest bit embarrassed that he’s apple-shaped and that dress does nothing for him.

They actually look cute here.

Phi Phi and GiGi O’Hara are next, and I didn’t think anyone would be less creative with the names than Kenya and clearly I thought wrong. Chris is bulky and awkward, saying he feels like he’s at Hulkamania, but is open to instruction. Phi Phi obviouses in interview that he’s clearly a dude, then asks if he knows what “fishy” means. Why would he know that? Oh, Phi Phi was just condescending to explain it means “like a girl” because saying “act like a girl” would have been too simple. Chris gets off one more grunt to tweak Phi Phi’s seething rage.

Next up, Sharon Needles and…Robin Mansions. See, that’s how you name your DILF. Sharon’s trying to direct him and he’s all “Shouldn’t have fried all those brain cells when I was younger.” Sharon’s over him by this point and says it’s no excuse. Of course, it’s like talking to a brick wall so Mike just keeps ignoring what Sharon’s saying and Sharon interviews that she wants to kill him because she’s choreographed the simplest routine she could and he’s not getting it. Mike says he sucks and “It is what it is,” but Sharon cuts him off, telling him not to say that because it’s her $100k he’s messing with. Then she throws herself on the runway so Mike can just casually ask if she’s okay. This…isn’t going well.

And yet…they kind of look related.

Back in the workroom, Latrice is working on Leland’s wig when she finally realizes who he looks like in drag. Rick James. HAHAHAHAHA. They have a good laugh over it and Leland jokes about Latrice trying to make him look like Tina Marie so it’s time to move over to Phi Phi. She asks Chris how he’d feel if one of his daughters was gay. He says he’d be fine with it, daughters or sons, because “it is what it is.” Phi Phi thinks it’s nice that he wouldn’t shun his kids, but Chris still isn’t making eye contact with Phi Phi and we have unlocked the secret to getting along with her. Never listen to or understand a word she says and she’s great.

Character development time with Chad and James. James asks if Chad has a boyfriend and Chad says he does but he had to spend his eighth anniversary taping the show. James says he and his wife renewed their vows on their eighth anniversary and Chad says they (he and Adam) would renew their vows if they could ever get married. James wants to know why “call it a marriage if it offends so many people” like civil rights only apply so long as no one “gets angry,” but Chad explains it’s about equality for everyone then uses the example of being with someone for 40 years. He gets sick, goes into the hospital but Adam wouldn’t be able to visit (or more importantly act as next of kin) because they wouldn’t be related. James seems to get it rather quickly and as Chad gets emotional, gives him a “bro-hug” back rub. Then James ends that everyone should have the right to love who they want to love, and Amen.

Dude? Dude! Dude…

Back to rehearsal and the ironic pre-school music brings Latrice and Sharelle Royale onto the runway. Leland’s trying to get out of practicing in the heels and Latrice just wants to confirm he’s got rhythm. Rhythm? Yes, sexy…not so much. While Leland jokes around, Latrice interviews that she needs “sexy swagger and hips and ass..and he don’t have none of that going.” No, but he is cute in his buffoonery.

Finally, Kenya and Li’l Mama. Rick still looks like he’d rather be anywhere but there. He’s barely even sleepwalking through the routine and literally sighing so Kenya obviouses that while Rick is a hot guy, he’s not a dancer. Understatement.

Close your mouth, sweetie.

As the day winds down, Sharon tries to practice with Mike while Chad tries to practice with James. Mike uses this as a chance to grab some extra screen time engage in what starts out as friendly trash-talking with Chad, asking them to “vacate [his] runway,” but quickly devolves into something much more aggressive. Chad asks why he has such a bad attitude and Mike says it’s his “diva bitch” attitude. Chad’s still smiling, though, and goes back to her dress form while Mike walks over and tells Chad he hopes it’s not her last day tomorrow.

Chad’s getting heated but still sounds like she’s playing along until she lets loose with a glorious string of profanity, all said in her clipped, stage voice, telling Mike “Maybe you need to be fucking removed with your badass, motherfucking attitude. Fuck that shit,” and I didn’t see it the first time, but Leland has the biggest, proudest smile while listening to Chad go off on Mike. Chad calls for Sharon and Mike asks if she’s going to let “this bitch” talk to him like that but Sharon just grabs her purse and tells Mike not to call her sister a bitch. While Mike looks a little flustered, or constipated, Sharon ends the segment by interviewing that she’s working with a DILK, a dad she’d like to kill.

I’m Cher, bitch.

Runway day and Mike tells Sharon that he was just kicking up some drag queen drama the day before. Sharon’s all “whatever” but Mike asks if she was bullied in school. She tells him how kids would wait to beat her up and Mike wonders if she could have reported it to the police. Sharon says she was too embarrassed and Mike seems genuinely remorseful that she had such a lousy time of it.  He says he’s learning a lot about the world. Sharon admits that despite ragging on Mike he was genuinely sympathetic to the hell she went through growing up…but he still can’t dance.

Over with Rick and Kenya, and Rick is really not interested in tucking. Chris tells him it feels fine, but Rick interviews that he was kind of traumatized when his friend decided to give tucking a try after watching Silence of the Lambs. Um, okay. (But two Silence of the Lambs references?  Wonder who ripped off who…Phi Phi?) Rick and Kenya duck behind the mirror so Kenya can help him but as we hear their conversation, including Rick saying “It will look like a tail,” Latrice is our manqué as she laughs and laughs that big, loud Latrice laugh in interview.

While Mike lounges around like he’s the love child of C.C. DeVille and Sally Bowles, Chad says she’s glad she didn’t have to kick Mike’s ass the day before. Mike says it was all in good fun and he was just joking. If Chad needed to blow off steam, he was a good target because he was cracking up “on the inside.” Chad’s all “whatever bitch,” but lets it slide because she has to make up James’ face.

Willkommen, Bienvenu…Talk Dirty to Me.

A little more sparkle and a lot more slap and it’s time for the runway!

The devil made Ru do it.

Joining Ru is, as always, Michelle Visage who is wearing what looks like football shoulder pads made out of red, sparkly tulle, Santino, looking like an extra from Il Postino and special guest judges, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Jennifer Love Hewitt who are both so adorable you want to kick them.

Like little kittens

This week the queens were tasked with taking real life daddies and turning them into real hot mamas. First, they’ll humiliate themselves perform a “seductive” striptease before taking to the runway in “their best baby bump eleganza” so gentlemen, start your engines and may the best woman…win!

So, yeah, the less said (and shown) of the stripteases the better because they all seem rather tragic. It was probably a better idea on paper than in reality. You can clown a cheer, and most of last season’s queens did just that, but clowning a striptease is just sad.

You gotta have a gimmick!

Kenya interviews that Rick knew the choreography, but he’s not a dancer, Sharon says dancing with Mike was like dancing with Leslie Nielsen in Airplane (Surely you’re not serious.), Latrice thinks Leland tried but missed some cues, and Phi Phi thinks that no matter how perfect she is, the judges will look for things to knock. And they’re done. Personally, I thought Chad and James looked the best in the second and a half they were featured, but who knows. On to the runway:

Sharelle and Latrice Royale
RuPaul: She didn’t know she was pregnant.

Gigi and Phi Phi O’Hara
RuPaul: Ladies, the auditions for 16 and Pregnant are down the hall.

Li’l Mama and Kenya Michaels
Jesse: We’re in this together, Ma.

Robin Mansion and Sharon Needles
Jesse: Apparently Marilyn Manson does have a uterus.

Lady Samantha and Chad Michaels
Jesse: That’s a very looong child.

So to me, Chad and James were the winners but, loath as I am to admit it, Phi Phi and Chris did well, too, mostly because Chris had no fear, shame or embarrassment and was better on the runway than Phi Phi. Sharon tried to make it work and came close but the other two were completely lost. But how did the judges feel.

First up, Chad and James. Ru wants know if he tucked and he says “a little bit.” Ru’s wondering how that works, by pushing things between “your cheek and gums,” and James says “Yes, sir.” Chad has to remind him to say “Yes Ma’am,” but he’s just giddy about everything. Jesse compliments him on wearing the highest heels on the runway and JLoHew loves that he was almost put out by how hot he was in drag. Ru asks if he’d bang himself and he’s all “Oh, yeah.” So thumbs up all around!

I always had a thing for Bonnie Hunt.

Next, Sharon and Mike. Ru wonders what was Mike’s favorite part of the drag and Sharon says he was quite enamored with her breastplate. Jesse thinks he’s looking like Al Pacino in drag, and not in a good way, so Sharon saves it by saying Mike’s face repels beauty and she loves that, because nothing makes you feel prettier than standing next to a brick. Ru laughs it off saying “That’s why I hang out with Michelle Visage.” HAHAHAHAHA.

Phi Phi and Chris, and someone elsewhere pointed out that Phi Phi made Chris into Rebecca Glasscock. Ru wonders what was the toughest part of the striptease and Chris admits being fully tucked and walking in heels. Ru’s impressed that he was fully tucked and Chris says “the elephant was back towards the water hole.” This gets a big laugh out of Michelle while Santino and Jesse compliment the physical resemblance and JLoHew says she has such a girlcrush on both of them.

That’s not a water hole, dude.

Ru asks what the toughest part of the challenge was and Phi Phi says some lovely things about Chris, about how he’s open minded and accepting and how she wishes she had a role model in her life like that. Ru asks if she thinks her father will watch, but Phi Phi doubts it, but is okay with that. She just hopes he values who she is then she dry-cries that she’s happy Chris got to see she’s a good person. It’s all really sweet…except she actually DOES have someone in her life like that. Someone found her MySpace page where it turns out that while Phi Phi’s biological father may be a massive prick, she appears to have a close relationship with her stepfather and mother. Imagine that.

Next up, Latrice and Leland. Leland’s smiling like he smoked a blunt before going on stage so Latrice does the talking, saying Leland couldn’t get enough of himself in the mirror with all that gorgeousness. Michelle isn’t seeing the resemblance and Jesse says he’s seeing “two friends…in a Tyler Perry movie.” Oops.

Next up, Kenya and Rick. Everyone’s all “le rowr, kitty,” at Rick’s before photo and JLoHew thinks she and Rick in drag could be related but Jesse isn’t impressed with the dresses and Michelle wants to know if Rick’s is an unwanted pregnancy. Rick says it was so Michelle can tell them it was the most somber runway she’d ever seen and felt sorry for the baby. Rick says he can’t wait to have the baby because he’s wearing about four pairs of underwear, two pairs of pantyhose and the shoes are glued to his feet. Literally.

Papa don’t preach.

So judges deliberations aren’t much different except Michelle still has a massive bug up her ass about Chad not taking risks but no one ever addresses what risks Phi Phi takes. They love Sharon but think she might have left Mike out to dry. Everyone thinks Phi Phi’s just adorable because they don’t know what a lying liar she is. No one has anything nice to say about Latrice and Leland. Everyone thinks Kenya’s adorable but Santino thinks their runway was “all wrong” and Michelle thinks Kenya was just off her game instead of acknowledging that she really doesn’t have much game to begin with. But silence, time to bring back…the girls.

Back from break and Ru’s made some decisions. Chad Michaels. Everyone loved you except Michelle who grades on a curve so you’re just safe. Phi Phi O’Hara? You lucked out and got a big old ham as your partner who made you look good so condragulations, you win. They both win trips for two to Las Vegas and all the DILFs receive gift certificates to Tom’s Moods of Norway?

East German Swimmer Realness

Kenya and your creepy yellow lipstick, you sucked at this challenge so you’re in the bottom two. Kenya hilariously says she doesn’t want to “do” Carmen and go home today. So that leaves Sharon and Latrice. While Sharon gave her DILF a face only a mother could love Latrice’s looked like a sister from another mister. Sharon’s safe so Latrice is up for elimination. Leland quietly apologizes backstage and Kenya crosses herself but it’s time for them to lip synch…for their lives.

And as soon as the first few piano notes played and the song was (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin there was no doubt Latrice would bring this home. While Kenya’s flitting and arabesqueing around, snatching her wig and being way too hyper, completely unaware of what the song even means, Latrice stood in place and actually “sang” the song to her “baby,” never once moving or making a grand show, but like she said last week really feeling the lyrics.  And I won’t lie, I got pretty choked up considering I was watching a giant ex-con drag queen sing to a pillow.

How could Kenya compete?

So, yeah. It’s a formality but Latrice chantés while Kenya sashays away, again. And as JLoHew cries Kenya does one last arabesque off the stage and accepts that while all the girls dream about this, it just wasn’t her time.

But what did we learn on Untucked? Not much because the DILFs were there, but we did learn that Mike is standing by his story that he wasn’t getting aggressive with Chad but no one believes him and Leland thought Kenya was African American until she started talking and then he realized she was Latina, which…they’re not mutually exclusive since she’s Puerto Rican and could be both. But Sharon points out that most people are surprised Kenya’s not a biological woman, so you learn something new every day.

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us.

To follow my personal tweets, click here.

Thanks for being here!