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Greetings, Gasmii! It’s week 5 of “DWTS All-Stars.” Tonight, it’s guilty pleasures night! I’m actually really excited about this. I have a number of guilty pleasure songs myself. Most of my friends know me as a huge punk rock/ska/ska core fan, but I’ve been known to sing along to every word of “Bad Romance,” I’ve definitely danced around my apartment to “Womanizer,” and I love Kelly Clarkson like it’s my job. Also, in the minicap, you all witnessed part of my Meat Loaf obsession.
More importantly, no one gets sent home this week. I’m most happy about only having to watch two hours of this show thanks to the Presidential debates. Before we get to the dances…what the fuck is Brooke wearing? Is that the costume that Chelsie wore in her foxtrot with Helio? Apparently a lot of people thought it was as hideous as I do because I could only find a very tiny picture of it.
First up, it’s Val and Kelly dancing the Samba to “Want U Back” by Cher Lloyd. I’ve never heard this song in my entire life, so I don’t know if it’s a cool guilty pleasure song or not. Can someone fill me in? We see a clip of Val visiting Kelly on the set of “General Hospital.” Kelly is very nervous about the samba, but Val is at her service to make sure she is at ease. I’m sure he is.
Something seemed off about that dance. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the samba was really fast. That seemed like a really toned down version of the dance. Do the judges agree with me? Len thought that it took a long time for the actual dance to get started. He thought it was a bit too raunchy. Bruno alliterated a lot. He didn’t think that Kelly had a natural bounce for the samba. Carrie Ann thought that Kelly’s upper body was a bit too stiff and it wasn’t her best dance.
Carrie Ann – 8
Len – 8
Bruno – 8 and a HALF!
Brooke makes for an awkward moment by asking about what is going on in the Val’s dressing room. Thanks, Brooke.
Hooray! It’s Gilles! He and Peta are dancing a rumba to “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. Gilles wants this dance to be sexy enough to create a lot of babies. Gilles doesn’t have to dance to cause a lot of baby making. He can just come over to my apartment.
Now, seeing this done as a sexy rumba makes me laugh a little bit. I always just think back to an interview with Dolly Parton where she explained that she composed this about her song writing partner when they decided to end their professional relationship. Gilles is definitely not portraying a professional relationship! Obviously, this dance has a Bodyguard theme. Every time I think of that movie, I think of this comic:
Do I even have to say that the dance was sexy as hell? Gilles could probably make toast and I’d be a puddle on the floor. That man is sex appeal personified. Also, I have a thing for men in professional attire. It’s a lingering side effect of many years involved in speech and debate. Suits are just hot to me.
Bruno thought that it wasn’t a dance – it was “master class theater.” Well, that sucks considering this is a dance competition. Carrie Ann falls off her chair. That is kind of awesome. I don’t want to see her hurt, but it always makes me smile when ridiculous beautiful people do something like that. I think it was all a ploy to get Gilles to manhandle her when she needed help getting up. Len doesn’t really like that Peta kept lifting her leg. That’s all he had to say. Thanks, Len.
Carrie Ann – 10
Len – 9.5
Bruno – 10
What is it going to take for Len to give up that 10? Ooh! I’m a poet just like Len is sometimes!
It’s time for Kirstie and Maks to do their quickstep to “Mrs. Robinson.” I call BS on this being Kirstie’s guilty pleasure song. No one on the planet is surprised that Kirstie likes a song by Simon and Garfunkel. It’s a universal truth that Simon and Garfunkel is a wonderful band. Now, if someone like Apolo said he loved the song “Mrs. Robinson,” that would be surprising. Kirstie was born in the 50s – she grew up in the 60s! She is required by law to like Simon and Garfunkel!
Holy shit! I officially love Maks! He actually said that there is no one left who isn’t a great dancer now that Bristol is gone. Maks, I never liked you much before. After that comment, welcome to my good side. Kirstie thinks, however, that there are still people there who aren’t great entertainer. Compared to Kirstie, no one is a very good entertainer. She knows her strengths. She is really upset that she isn’t getting the dance right away. Although she’s not the best dancer, I will definitely giver her credit for wanting to do her best.