DWTS All-Stars Recap: Guilty As Charged

Recaps

By PopePhilly | Thursday, October 25, 2012 | 11:00 am | 20 Comments
Posted in: Dancing w/ The Stars, Recaps

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9.5
Len – 10
Bruno – 10
29.5/30
Carrie Ann is the bitch on the panel now.

OK, it’s time for part two of the guilty pleasures show! First up, Melissa and Tony will be dancing a tango to “Toxic” by Britney Spears. Because Melissa has literally no drama for the rehearsal, she just complains about learning the tango. Then she cries about it and asks if she’s being filmed. Based on her reality show whoredom, I’m guessing she was hoping she was being filmed. The audience needs to see her vulnerable act. 

I don’t doubt that “Toxic” is a good song for a tango. However, that particular tango didn’t seem to go with the music. Also, the “mad scientist” theme really had nothing to do with anything. I would rather have seen just a really cool straight tango rather than a gimmick, then some tango, and then some more gimmick. Then again, I know nothing about dance and the judges will probably completely disagree with me.

Len is giving Melissa a verbal pat on the back. He thought she didn’t snap enough, but he recognizes that she had a neck injury that week. I call bullshit on using her injury as an excuse. The day before, during the freestyle dance, she was used as a human jump rope. I’m pretty sure the tango was just fine. Bruno drooled all over the judges’ table. I really got nothing from what he said. Carrie Ann likes that Melissa got gritty, but she wanted a tighter torso.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 9
Bruno – 9
27/30

Oh, man. Shawn and Derek are dancing rumba to “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. The memories of my 14-year-old self are bubbling to the surface. When Titanic came out, I was in the 8th grade. I’m pretty sure I saw it three times over the course of one weekend in the theater. In fact, I still watch it whenever it’s on TV. Since this wouldn’t be a reality show without a contestant having to overcome something, Shawn says something about showing her vulnerable side. It’s the go to answer for a contestant who doesn’t really have anything wrong with them. 

OK, so I’m going to have the really unpopular opinion here. I didn’t like it. Sure, it was danced well, but I thought the Titanic theme went a little too far and ruined the whole performance. Yes, I know I said I loved Gilles and Peta’s Bodyguard themed dance. However, theirs was a bit more subtly based on the movie. Shawn and Derek literally recreated Titanicin a minute and a half. I actually laughed when Derek went over the side of the platform. All I could think of was Jack and Rose dancing on the door in the water. The whole thing just struck me as silly.

I know the judges are going to disagree with me, so let’s get to it. Bruno thought it was awesome and he thought Shawn and Derek were emotionally connected. Carrie Ann loved the dance, but didn’t like the lift. Derek tries to argue that it was a catch, not a lift. Haha! Tom said that tonight Carrie Ann will be playing the iceberg. This is why Tom Bergeron has an Emmy. Len brings out his British wit and says he felt like it was a Dickens novel. However, he had Great Expectations, but he got Bleak House.That’s a drum hit for Len. He didn’t like that there was no hip action. Bruno and Carrie Ann argue. Of course they do. Len simply says that it wasn’t a rumba. 

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 8
Bruno – 10
27/30

Apolo and Karina are dancing a samba to Apolo’s guilty pleasure song “Give It To Me Baby” by Rick James. In rehearsal, they talk about Karina falling. She wants to make up for her misstep last week by doing samba rolls. I guess that’s the “DWTS” version of “hail Mary”-s. 

I don’t really have any strong feelings about that dance. It happened, it was fine, the end. Carrie Ann thought the footwork was great, but something just wasn’t quite right. She doesn’t think Apolo has had his breakthrough dance yet and he and Karina have to work on their chemistry. Len disagrees. He thought it was great, but wanted a little less thrusting. Bruno liked the thrusting because he’s Bruno and all he ever does is thrust.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 8.5
Len – 9.5
Bruno – 9
27/30 Apparently that’s the theme of the night.

Oh, hey, I guess Sabrina is still under contract with Disney. She and Louis are dancing a waltz to “So This is Love” from Cinderella.There really is nothing much shown from their rehearsal.  

Argh! The musician in me is just annoyed. A waltz, by definition, is in 3/4 time!!! You can’t actually waltz to something that isn’t in triple time! Other than that, it was cute. It wasn’t flashy, it wasn’t sexy, but it didn’t need to be. It was sweet and definitely benefited from their “less is more” approach. Super picky, but why did the clock chime before midnight. That kingdom has the only clock that chimes at 11:59. Also, hooray for Sabrina finally getting a great costume!

Len liked the story of the dance and thought it was very charming. Bruno throws out some more fairy tale metaphors. Then he flails around the table. Carrie Ann doesn’t think that Sabrina got all the way to vulnerability, but thought the dance was definitely elegant.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 10
Len – 9.5
Bruno – 9.5 (No exciting Bruno)
29/30

OK, it’s time for Gilles/Peta, Kelly/Val, Kirstie/Maks, and Emmitt/Cheryl to perform a freestyle to “Gangnam Style.” Rehearsal is kind of entertaining. Cheryl admits that train wrecks are sometimes fun to watch. Maks takes away Gilles’ speaking privileges. I don’t care if Gilles speaks or not. I’m OK if I can just look at  him. I’ve never seen any of his work, but I have a full blown crush on that man. Gilles wonders allowed who could be sexier than Kelly Monaco? YOU CAN, GILLES!!!! 

I’m going to voice my second unpopular opinion of the night. I really liked it. Yes, it was kind of a hot mess. However, it was “Gangnam Style.” Honestly, I think that dancing a straight up tightly choreographed dance to that song would have just looked weird. That kind of song calls for a hot mess of a dance. Personally, I liked it better than the dance to “Call Me Maybe.” This one just had more personality and didn’t try too hard to be more than it was. Also, this team had something the other team did not…Gilles dancing in a towel. I’d give him a 10 just for that.

I’d give him a 10 all night long.

Len thought it was the craziest dance he’s ever seen. Bruno requests Gilles’ towel…and gets it! I’m going to fight Bruno for that piece of terrycloth. Carrie Ann flat out says it was a hot mess, but thinks it’s excusable because of how fun it was. 

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 9
Bruno – 9
27/30
The team all agrees that the strategy was to put Gilles in a towel. I’m OK with that strategy. I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but I’m kind of in lust with Gilles.

That’s it for tonight. Next week is…country night? Really? Can we not do that?

So what do you all think? Who do you think was the best and/or worst from these two nights? 

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PopePhilly

Aside from making fun of reality television on a weekly basis, PopePhilly is a legal assistant by day and avid kickball player by night (well, at least on Thursdays). On the nerd front, she is an active member of the forensic speech and debate community. She spends her time judging at tournaments throughout the country and serving on the board of directors for the West Chester University alumni chapter of Pi Kappa Delta (yes, speech nerds get to pretend to be cool by having Greek letters).

20 Comments

  1. 1
    Faye
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

    PopePhilly – the first time I heard of that song and the person singing it was on a DWTS results show. The performance was Britney Spears doing Gimme More at the VMA’s level bad. The singer was stiff and unanimated. I don’t have the tvgasm talent to put into words how bad it was. A train wreck stopped outside my house to watch (*is this thing on*) Yeah, that’s all I got … back to reading

  2. 2
    SaraKate
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Uck. Besides Gilles in a towel, the Gangnam Style dance was hideously horrible. It was just ugly.

  3. 3
    begonia skies
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    @PopePhilly – for the record, i’d rather watch you do a jive to “ruby soho” than watch derek and shawn dance to that damn song. i always have high hopes for guilty pleasure songs and am usually disappointed. this is your chance to pick something awesome! you can dance every other week to “i will always love you” you have way less opportunity to dance to “rump shaker!”

  4. 4
    jarthon jarthon
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    People seem to forget that on Kirstie’s first season, they had a guilty pleasures night and she danced to Britney Spears. So this is like a second guilty pleasure for her. Granted yeah that wasn’t much of one but it wasn’t her MOST guilty pleasure.

  5. 5
    begonia skies
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    to clarify…by “that damn song” i meant “my heart will go on”

  6. 6
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    @Faye: I’m totally going to start saying “A train wreck stopped outside my house to watch” when something is worth than a train wreck! :)

    @SaraKate: I’m still going to stand by my love (well, like, really) for the “Gangnam Style” dance. However, your disagreement is why I tend to like the freestyle dances the best. There is so much more room for objectivity.

    @begonia skies: I have a friend who is a choreographer. I’m going to see if he can put together a jive to “Ruby Soho.” That’s one of my all time favorite songs. I agree with you when it comes to “pick something awesome.” I think the only person who really got the point was Emmitt. “Copacabana” is an AMAZING song for dancing – especially the samba. I probably would have peed myself had someone danced to “Rump Shaker.” Even more so if someone would have danced to “Informer.”

    @jarthon: Thanks for the info! I didn’t watch Kirstie’s initial season. I’ve always been so on and off with this show. I either watch every single episode of a season or completely ignore it. I may have to go back and find that dance. :)

  7. 7
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    @Popephilly – you were in the 8th grade when Titanic came out?! Imma go get in my hoveround now and head over to bingo…

  8. 8
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    @Enrique’s Mole: For what it’s worth, I have a Bingo app on my phone and I play it every night before I go to sleep…usually around 9:00 p.m. I’m physically young, but I’m mentally 90 sometimes. :)

    Also, I would LOVE a Hoveround. The people in those commercials look so happy at the Grand Canyon.

  9. 9
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Because I will defend anyone who claims Barry Manilow for their guilty pleasure, since I will still belt out “Mandy” or “Weekend in New England” like the dorkiest dork I was in grade school, Emmitt was about nine when “Copacabana” came out. I could see it being his guilty pleasure just for that reason.

    And here’s my unpopular opinion: Gilles is undeniably gorgeous but he creeps me out. He’s too intensely earnest about the whole process.

  10. 10
    Gma96793
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    My guilty pleasure is watching gangnam style group dance over and over again!!!! Loved it!!!

  11. 11
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted October 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    @vallegirl: I’m with ya! I had “Can’t Smile Without You” stuck in my head all last week. I can completely understand Emmitt being a kid and loving that song. When I was a little song, my favorite song was “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers. I still smile whenever I hear that song and MamaPhilly and PapaPhilly still like to make fun of me for thinking the chorus was about “Dough in the hole.” :)

    @Gma96793: *High five.* Yes, it was a train wreck, but it was still a hell of a lot of fun. It was everything a guilty pleasure should be.

  12. 12
    Hops
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 7:28 am

    I liked Brooke’s dress, but I am a sucker for black and white stripes.

  13. 13
    Faye
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 7:44 am

    I wonder what Derek could do with one my guilty pleasures – Fight the Power (Public Enemy – Motherfu*k him and John Wayne!!!) Secret Garden (Bruce Springsteen) Aint No Call Like a Booty Call (Blackstreet) Someone Else is Steppin In (ZZ Hill) September Morning (Neil Diamond)

    As for Gilles, I would loan him my rent money knowing full well he probably wouldn’t pay me back but it would give me an excuse to go to his house everyday to ask him for my money. I better not see him naked on payday!

  14. 14
    Angela
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 7:46 am

    @vallegirl: Yes! That is what bugs me about Gilles. He is so into it that he comes off way too seriously and somewhat arrogant at times. He is undeniably a good dancer, but his approach is off-putting. I feel the same way about Melissa but my hope that Tony finally wins one of these keeps me rooting for her.

  15. 15
    Samanda
    Posted October 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    I tend to be a rather cranky Len-like judge for these things. I hate to see weak dancers beat out better ones due to fandom, or ‘entertainment value’ for the most part. While I like Kristie Alley, she is by far the weakest dancer, and I believe should be the next one eliminated. HOWEVER, all that went out the window for the Gangnam Style dance. I was rolling with laughter throughout, and I loved it! Kelly was right on when she said that a trainwreck is fun to watch sometimes. I was happy that the judges all gave out 9s, I thought that was fair considering.

    I know some people don’t love Shawn, but she is my favorite. I don’t like the ‘artsy’ dances nearly as much as clean choreographed and taightly executed ones, and she has amazing technical skills. She is also adorable! Some people have complained about some of the contestants having previous dance experience, and I totally get the point that not everyone starts on equal footing, but that seems like a complaint for casting. Once they are on the show I don’t think anyone should be penalized for being good at dance in a dance competition.

    You can add me to the list of those who love Gilles. He is really good, and his earnesty comes off as boyish and adorable to me. He was also a complete unknown prior to his first go on DWTS, and owes a lot of his career to his success on the show. I can understand why he loves the oppertunity so much and is so grateful to be there and perform again.

    I will also join your petition to get Sabrina in some flattering costumes. She is ‘hollywood fat’ but actually pretty good looking. Some of her outfits have been so bad that is really took away from her performance, because I was too distracted by her jiggling all over the place and waiting for a boob to come flying out.

  16. 16
    Prairie Dawn
    Posted October 27, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    I’ve been a lurker her for a while and just thought I’d mention Giles shows full frontal in the Sex and the City movie.

  17. 17
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted October 28, 2012 at 11:44 am

    @Hops: I like black and white stripes too (I dress mainly in black and white and a bit of red from time to time). It was just a terrible choice for a formal gown (IMO). :)

    @Faye: Best. Plan. EVER!

    @Samanda: I don’t think those witch dance experience should be penalized. I agree that it’s more of a casting issue – they really should have some kind of rule about the contestants and how much experience they can have prior to the show.

    @Prairie Dawn: (Love the name, btw!) Thanks for finally breaking your silence to share that bit of information. I suddenly appreciate “Sex and the City” more than I ever did. Happy lurking – hope you join the conversation again! :)

  18. 18
    Samanda
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 3:27 am

    I know I just posted about how much I like Shawn, but someone has seriously got to stop her from doing that horrible squat move. She did a weird squat and handshake with Derek this week, and last week she did a squat and slap your knees move. It looks terrible squating like that in a skirt, and it doesn’t show any technical merrit either. I don’t know why they keep doing that, but it seriously needs to stop.

  19. 19
    Leto
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 9:17 am

    So, PopePhilly. I said I’d come read your recaps, but as I don’t watch the show, I understand nothing. So I tried and watch the first episode… And OMG. First this show is very long. Second, I love dancing (at home where nobody can see me :p) but watching other people dance bores me to no end. And third… I don’t know who half the stars coming on this show are x). This is just a shame.

    I want your email, girl.

  20. 20
    wcsdancer
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 9:25 am

    @Samanda, I have to disagree a little about Shawn. While I do like her, and she is adorable, she does not *dance*. She performs choreography and she does it really well. But she has zero musicality. I can appreciate that you don’t care for the “artsy” dances, but for me, something is a bit off when the person has no connection to the music.

    I’m also a Gilles fan. I like that he’s trying so hard.

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