DWTS All-Stars Recap: Threesomes!

Recaps

By PopePhilly | Thursday, November 15, 2012 | 8:31 am | 12 Comments
Posted in: Dancing w/ The Stars, Recaps

So, that was…brightly colored. Emmitt really didn’t dance much. Kym and Cheryl danced around him. At least someone like Kirstie (arguably the worst dancer left on the show) tries to dance. Emmitt just did nothing. Carrie Ann thinks that Emmitt came out of his comfort zones. What?!?! Is standing not in Emmitt’s comfort zone? Len thinks it was a knock out. What, Len?!?!? You’ve let me down! Bruno thinks it was great and was very natural. Did the judges see a different dance than the rest of us? I can’t be the only one confused by their comments. Apparently, Emmitt put in more rehearsal time than any of the other couples. Doing what?!?! What the hell was he rehearsing? Obviously it wasn’t that trio!

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 10 (Seriously?)
Len – 10 (You’ve got to be kidding!)
Bruno – 10 (Oh, for fuck’s sake!)
30/30

Last up, Melissa and Tony are dancing a paso doble with Henry. Melissa is a dominatrix in this dance. I’m not sure too many dominatrices express themselves through ballroom dancing. 

That was pretty cool. Melissa yelling, “Ha! Ha! Ha!” in the middle of it was kind of awkward. I could have done without that. Other than that, it was probably my favorite of the trio dances. Len calls Melissa a Frisbee that was passed from partner to partner. I think he called Melissa a slut. The only word I got from Bruno was “fantastic.” Carrie Ann likes that Melissa was in complete control of the dance floor.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 10
Len - 10
Bruno – 10
30/30 (That’s what a perfect 10 should look like. Fuck you, Emmitt.)

RESULTS!!!!!

It’s time to find out which two of our couples are going home this week. It’s pretty obvious that Kirstie is going to be leaving us. That makes me kind of sad. It will be very different if my prediction is correct. I can’t really say who the second couple going home will be. I’m hoping that it’s Emmitt and Cheryl. They were entirely overpraised this week. I’m just getting sick of Emmitt in general.

Kylie Minogue is here to perform. Hey! She’s performing ”The Locomotion!” That makes me really happy. Seriously, Kylie, you should never have ”new stuff.” In concert, you should just perform “The Locomotion” for three hours. I’m sure everyone would be perfectly happy with that and every show would be sold out. 


That’s the Kylie I remember. 

When I look up Kylie Minogue (for the spelling of her last name), I find out that she is 44. I’m only going to be 29 on Saturday and my legs have NEVER looked that good. Maybe when I hit 44 I’ll magically have Kylie Minogue’s body. Hey, a girl can dream.


Bitch. 

Group 2:
Melissa and Tony – SAFE!
Shawn and Derek – SAFE!

There are some interviews with Brooke to kill some times, and then…NEWSIES!!!! When this came up on my screen, I literally jumped off my couch (causing the cat to fall off said couch in surprise) and yelled, “NEWSIES!!!!!” I love that movie more than words can express and can’t wait to see it on stage. When I was in college and in the marching band, the trumpet section was OBSESSED with Newsies. Any time we took a long bus trip, that was the movie we watched. Yeah, we were the ass holes of the band (as trumpet players tend to be), but we would constantly burst into different songs from Newsiesat any given moment. 

 

More labor strikes should involve dancing. I think it would definitely help out with negotiations. No one could possibly be in a bad move after a choreographed dance number like that! The singing wouldn’t hurt either.

 
Could we also get a young Christian Bale? 

After that, Ne-Yo performs. Really, how do you follow Newsies? It was usual fluff. Seriously, can we just make the results show all of 15 minutes? This fluff is getting old.

Group 2:
Kelly and Val – SAFE!
Kirstie and Maks – ELIMINATED!

Yeah, we all saw that coming. Kirstie was fun and she really seemed to try hard, but she just wasn’t on the same level as everyone else. I’ll be sad to see her leave. She always acted like she was just having fun and didn’t take this that seriously. As expected, Kirstie leaves graciously and with her head held high. She may have lasted way longer than she really should have, but I still want to go out for a few drinks with Kirstie. Oh, wait, can Scientologists drink? Google tells me that it’s OK. Margaritas with Kirstie it is!


We can have many drunken incidents! 

There is some more filler interviews with the pros where they talk about how hard it is to dance. We find out that Maks has said “I love you” to Kirstie more than he’s ever said it to anyone in his entire life. Isn’t he still dating Kym? I wonder if she knows about that. We hear more about Apolo and Karina’s fight. They still fought. They still got over it. The end. Move on.

It’s another week where the dancers will be picking dances for one another. This time, they’re picking dances and themes. I’m not going to lie, most of these themes look pretty stupid. Here they are:

Melissa and Tony – “Caveman” Hustle (Yep. Caveman.)
Shawn and Derek – “Knight Rider” Banghra (We find out that banghra is an Indian folk dance.)
Gilles and Peta – “Mad Monk” Merengue (Rasputin?)
Apolo and Karina – “Big Top” Jazz (I can’t even be clever. I got nothing with this one.)
Emmitt and Cheryl – “Espionage” Lindy Hop (Again, I have no idea.)
Kelly and Val – “Surfer” Flamenco (Apparently, the producers just picked these by playing Madlibs.)

Oh, hey, Anna and Val choreographed a dance with the principal dancers of the NYC Ballet. It’s really pretty. I don’t have anything snarky to say about it. I miss Anna.


Please come back every week, Anna! 

Group 3:
Emmitt and Cheryl – SAFE! (Bullshit!)
Apolo and Karina – SAFE!
Gilles and Peta – ELIMINATED!

Like Kirstie, Gilles is really gracious and takes his loss well. He seems a bit sadder, but he didn’t seem to be too crushed. Good for him.

 
I volunteer to comfort Gilles!

That one I did NOT see coming. It really seemed as if we were going to be seeing another Shawn/Gilles finale. I’m really sad tonight. Kirstie took home all the entertainment value and Gilles took home all the sex appeal. What do we have left? Four former  champions and Melissa. I guess I’m rooting for Melissa now. I really don’t want to see someone take home a second mirror ball trophy. Honestly, I’ll be happy if anyone other than Derek wins. I used to really like him. I’ve found him completely off-putting this season. I don’t want his last season to be a winning one. I just want to wipe all the smug off his face.

So, what do you all think? Do you think Gilles was the right one to go home? I’m sure we all agree that it was Kirstie’s time to go. Hell, we all know how biased I was toward her and even I’m saying it was her time to go.

I’m thinking about doing a live-tweet for the semifinals. Anyone interested in joining along?

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PopePhilly

Aside from making fun of reality television on a weekly basis, PopePhilly is a legal assistant by day and avid kickball player by night (well, at least on Thursdays). On the nerd front, she is an active member of the forensic speech and debate community. She spends her time judging at tournaments throughout the country and serving on the board of directors for the West Chester University alumni chapter of Pi Kappa Delta (yes, speech nerds get to pretend to be cool by having Greek letters).

12 Comments

  1. 1
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Pope, I thought Kelly and Kirstie would be going home, I was half right. Now that Gilles is gone I have no reason to live… Ok well I do, but not much eye candy…I thought Kirstie was fun, but you are correct, not on the same level as others.

    That being said, Emmit & Cheryl.. 3 10′s..wtf is all I had to say. I don’t think I care anymore who wins, though I hope it’s Melissa cause Tony has had shitty partners (Kate Gosselin, man she stunk) and he deserves it.

    I too am finding Derek more arrogant than ever, and I never liked Shawn so meh, they can both go. I won’t watch anymore, but I will keep up with your outstanding recaps!

  2. 2
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 11:24 am

    I was so pissed at the tongue baths Emmitt was getting. No effing way has he done anything 10worthy this entire season. I think that, like SYTYCD, the judges can override viewer votes and keep/send home whoever they want and they want a finale of all prior winners. Gilles was a better dancer and way hotter.

    ITA with Len on the Shawn/Derek/Mark trio dance. It was self indulgent, but I’m not surprised. Both Derek and Mark are arrogant douches.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought the “Ha! Ha! Ha!” was awkward. It was supposed to be fierce, I guess, but…I was like, what’s so funny?

    I don’t really care who wins, as long as it’s not Derek.

  3. 3
    Boogie wiggles
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Shawn and Derek’s first dance did come across like they were attempting to copy the emotions from JR’s rhumba. The reason theirs fell flat and JR’s was amazing was emotion. JR truly understood what he was portraying and Derek and Shawn could only guess. And their trio dance was amazing, but not a samba. I thought Len’s score was fair.

    It was nice to see Kirstie in a military uniform costume. Normally ‘tributes’ like last nights dances focus on the man being the service member and forget that there are women who have served and are serving. And I said it in the minicap comments but I’m saying it again here, these tributes always are flat and hollow. If you want to thank veterans try volunteering time at a veterans home or the next time you see someone in uniform simply say thank you. The most meaningful thank you I ever received was from a little girl in a restaurant who just wanted to say hi to us because she had never seen women in uniform before.

    Was I alone in thinking it was odd that Melissa and Tony were wearing sailor uniforms to do a dance to Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy? And Melissa’s \ha, ha, ha\ was incredibly awkward. She’s as threatening as a week old kitten and nothing can disguise it.

    Emmitt was over scored. He barely moves and gets 10′s and Gilles actually tries and gets lower scores. I turned to Mr. Boogie Wiggles after the scoring to be sure we saw the same dance the judges did.

  4. 4
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    @Pat: There will definetly be something missing from the show with Kirstie gone. She just has that “it factor” that draws a lot of people to her.

    @wcsdancer: The “HA HA HA!” was so weird because it wasn’t (for lack of a better term) “punchy” enough. Had she really hit it strong, it probably would have worked. Then she held the third “ha” and it got super awkward. She seemed really selfconcious about it and, as a result, it just didn’t work.

    @Boogie wiggles: First, I didn’t realize you were military! If you mentioned it before, I may have completely missed it – it’s been a long week. Anyway, thanks. :) Living where I do, I see a lot of service men and women. I always enjoy their smiles when someone – especially kids – comes up to them and just says “thanks” and offers a handshake. It’s just a little moment that restores some faith in humanity.
    I completely felt the same way about “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.” For a moment, I just thought, “I’m pretty sure that song isn’t about the Navy.” The only thing I can think of to explain Emmitt’s scores is that, when the camera panned away, he did the most amazing salsa moves with world has ever seen. We just couldn’t watch them on TV because it would cause electronics to explode.

    Or the judges are just morons. I’m mostly disappointed by Len giving that one a 10. He usually is pretty good about calling out BS.

    Go team Melissa/Tony…I guess.

  5. 5
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    I’m a Gator. I love Emmitt Smith as I think we’re legally obligated to. I think he’s a great guy with a lovely family and overall one of the nicer and more normal people to appear on this show.

    And both times the show has managed to turn me into GOB screaming COME ON! whenever he dances and making me cheer for anyone to beat him because he’s a great, super awesome wonderful person…but a mediocre dancer.

    I’m not mourning the loss of Gilles but I am genuinely surprised it wasn’t Apolo. He’s been relegated to performing early and getting the nitpicky, if valid, critiques they usually save for the male athlete who doesn’t play football. Also known as the Lysacek Syndrome. Maybe they just save that criticism for men who can ice skate at an elite level.

    I’m glad Apolo is still there, though, because I loved his jive and he should have gotten more credit for keeping up and making it difficult to tell the difference between him and Sasha. The last time there was a team group dance, Apolo ended up in a group where he was dancing alongside three male pros as well and held his own there, too. I like the fun celebrities and I don’t even mind watching the ringers dance well but when an Apolo comes along with a natural gift, I like seeing him rewarded, too.

  6. 6
    begonia skies
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    @vallegirl- totally with you about apolo. he’s a much better dancer than he gets credit for and i hope he pulls it out.

    i’m on the “i can’t stand derek hough and mark ballas” train. i’ve never ever liked either of them. i’m pretty sure the two of them live in houses made of mirrors and framed pictures of themselves which i’m sure causes them to be constantly aroused by their own awesomeness.

    finally, your captcha made me smile, i love that movie! happy birthday popephilly!

  7. 7
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    @boogie, happy belated veteran’s day, and thank you for your service. I agree, it was a nice twist for Kirstie to be in the uniform. Maybe that was why Melissa didn’t wear an armyish costume, because Kirstie did?

    I’m rooting for Apolo at this point. He’s been underscored repeatedly. He also took a huge risk choosing a male pro for the threesome dance, and he killed it. That took more guts than Mark and Derek’s giant ‘fuck you’ to Len.

    @vallegirl, Emmitt seems to be nice, but he’s phoning it in this season.

  8. 8
    Wimpy Girls
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    During “Greased Lightning”, it sounded like they said “a real Juicy wagon” to me.

  9. 9
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    @vallegirl: Emmitt is DEFINITELY one of the more likeable people this season – if not the entire show. He just frustrates me because I want him to actually try. He’s a decent dancer, but he just rests on whatever natural talent he may have. I’m starting to like Apolo more and more. There’s just something really chill and naturally charming about him. I want to go have a few beers with him. If any of them win a second mirror ball trophy, I’d be OK with it being Apolo.

    @begonia skies: Thanks for the early birthday wishes. I’m playing bar golf. It should be…interesting. Welcome to the “We Hate Derek and Mark” Club. Hopefully more people join and Derek goes home.

    @wcsdancer: I like that Apolo took a risk in a good way – not the stupid “Derek does whatever he wants” risk. It definitely paid off for him.

    @Wimpy Girls: I was really hoping they had said “pussy wagon.” I have the sense of humor of a 16-year-old boy.

  10. 10
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Oh my… I agree with your whole recap. Emmitt should have never gotten the 30. He should have gone home this week. I always thought it would be a Shawn/Gilles rematch for the finale. I’m glad it won’t be and not because Gilles is gone either. I’m hoping Derek doesn’t make it to the end.

    Carrie Anne still just pisses me off with her blatant dislike for some and idolization of others. Len even showed a bit of that when he gave Emmitt the scores he did. Shame on you Len!

  11. 11
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 6:18 am

    @chooch850: Len was my biggest disappointment. He always calls things like he sees them. I was hoping he’d call out Emmitt on that salsa.

    I think we can officially call ourselves “Team Not Derek!”

  12. 12
    Pikey578
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Team Not Derek (and Mark) here as well. I would be happy to not see either of them ever again. I must be in the minority because I was happy to see Gilles leave. I thought he took everything way too seriously. That saddens me because I loved him in his first season and wanted him to win.

    Did anyone else notice how low Peta’s skirt was? I was afraid that she would lose it if she raised her arms! Way, way too low, imho.

    Loved your recap, PopePhilly, and am looking forward to the semi-finals.

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