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Wednesday, September 29, 2010
8:00 am
45 Comments
Tagged: abc, bristol the pistol, competition, dancing, dancing with the stars, funny, happyhousewife, hilarious, ken doll, parody, reality, reality show, recap, spoof, the berge, the situation, TV, tvgasm
Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen! Another week, another round of performances on Dancing With The Stars. Since I last left you, it came down to The Hoff and Chubs for the final two, with the Hoff getting the boot. And hopefully for him, it was filled with delicious vodka.
I totally stole this photo from here. Consider that my citing of sources, also the closest I will ever come to being a professional journalist.
Speaking of vodka, unfortunately no one correctly guessed the song The Predicament danced to this week. But since I’m willing to buy my readers determined to get one lucky person as drunk as I am on a regular basis, we will continue the contest! Leave your guess as to what song Bristol Palin will dance to next week in the comments, and I will send you a bottle of vodka if you are correct!! Alcohol abuse is fun for everyone.
I mean, without it, how would this guy EVER get laid?
Oh yeah, chicks with low self esteem. I forgot. Anyhoo! This week, all of the couples will be performing either a jive or a quickstep-arguably the two hardest dances in ballroom due to the precision, stamina, and footwork required to pull off a decent routine. I love that they’re throwing this in on week two-”Here you go, suckers! Hope someone falls and dies-it would be great for ratings!”
Can I put in my vote as these two as the someones? (PS-please excuse crap quality of some of the screenshots, the ABC video player is suckish at times.)
Of course, The Berge and iCarly here are as clear as tonic water. Must be in their contracts.
First up tonight…..
Rick Fox: Slick Rick and Mophead have been assigned the jive, to be danced to “Tush” by ZZ Top. In showing him the basics of the dance, Mophead says, “when you’re out playing basketball, you don’t look like a tall, heavy guy. So why do you dance that way?” Slick laughs and tells her that he was actually referred to as “The Tank” when he was playing ball, because he was so, well, tall and heavy.
Hee hee. Tall and heavy. Hee hee. That’s what she said. Hee hee.
Slick is struggling with the jive footwork due to a major tendon injury he suffered in one of his feet that actually ended his NBA career. He is determined to work through it because, as Larry Bird once told him, “Pros play hurt.” Well, Slick, I suggest you take his advice, stop whining, and get on with it already. If the injury makes it hard to dance, why on earth would you sign up for a dance show? Try some Vicodin, it always cures whatever’s ailing me.
Their jive was okay. It could have been absolutely disastrous for a guy Slick’s size, but he handled himself okay. I didn’t see any obvious screw ups of the steps, but there were a few problems with weak arms and kicks. Not awful, however, but I think last week’s performance may have been better. I could have done without the gross sexual innuendo that pervaded the routine, though. Shit, I’m starting to sound like Len.
Why yes, Virginia, that is a cheesy play on the song’s title.
Let’s go to the judges-starting with “Head Judge” Len. Has he always been the “head judge”, or is that something they started throwing in to appease his massive ego?
It takes a massive pair of cojones to wear that particular shade of purple.
He asks Slick if he knew that tall men can’t jive-then assumes he must not have, because it was good. Compact, fun, and made him a contender. Batshit Bruno says Jive in Week 2 is one of the hardest scenarios, but Slick did extremely well. Carrie Ann agrees with the boys, except she thought he did better posture wise last week.
Score: 21
Florence Henderson: Let me just reiterate how much I adore Aunt Flo. While she definitely plays up the humor side of things, she is really trying to rock this shit and she is a total class act. LOVE.
How many times do I have to tell this guy that I only date men under the age of 30?
Aunt Flo and Corky Balls will be performing the Quickstep to “Suddenly I See” by KT Tunstall. I used to love that song until SYTYCD used it as the music that played behind the montage of each voted off dancer…now it just makes me want to kick kittens. Aunt Flo is unprepared for the stamina required for the Quickstep-she compares it to running, which it virtually is, but she is determined to make it through.
I also think she may be determined to get a plastic surgeon endorsement deal with that t-shirt.
Aunt Flo and Corky still added in a bit of humor to this performance, but focused much more on the actual dancing than last week. I was pleased with the overall dance-Flo’s carriage and posture were fab, even if this quickstep had many more pauses than I’m used to seeing. I’m sure it was either throw in the pauses, or end up with a dead Aunt Flo on the dance floor.
You don’t even want to know what came up when I Googled “Dead Aunt Flo”.
And as for the people who know less than me but get paid more? Batshit loved her entrance, but thought that at times the routine resembled “Dragging Miss Daisy”. Carrie Ann complimented Flo’s energy at her age, and thought that the quickstep suited her and her elegance, while Len agreed and said he would like to see her back for another week.
Score: 19
Brandy: I’m glad so many of you appreciated the shirtless pic I threw in last week of Brandy’s partner, my baby daddy, Maks. I also read the requests for shirtless pics of Cute Warner, and let me tell you, I looked high and low and could not find a single one! I think his morality is refreshing and all, but damn dude…throw us a bone! (Heh, that’s what she said.) So you’ll just have to settle for this:
Luckily one of the hot guys on this show is a famewhore.
Tony doesn’t really do it for me, but maybe he does for you?
And of course, for the Derek Hough fans out there.
We open their intro with a little ass slapping to get everyone warmed up for the main event:
Hey guess what?!?! Big shocker here: Baby Daddy is fighting with another one of his partners. I’m totally blaming this one on Moesha, though, because she’s all going off calling him a dick and he is actually staying pretty calm. He even comments on how proud he is for not losing his temper on the bitch. Baby Daddy better apologize, though, before she takes it out on him with her Range Rover. (Damn, those vehicular homicide jokes NEVER get old, do they?)
After he takes her car keys away and they make up, they hit the main stage to perform a Jive to “Magic” by B.o.B. I can’t quite put my finger on what it was, but something about this dance was just off….very, very awkward.
Maybe it was the eight foot tall black chick dressed up like a schoolgirl but popping her booty stripper style in the middle of a jive.
The music was really bad-the shitty backup band seriously outdid themselves on that one. Moesha’s legs were all over the place-her feet were hitting the kicks, but her legs did not seem in control of them. It was just….odd.
Carrie Ann thought Moesha was cute and energetic, but out of control and didn’t point her toes. Baby Daddy tried to come to Moesha’s rescue by arguing with CA, but it didn’t help. Len told her that she would never dance badly because she has great coordination, but she took a step backwards from last week. Moesha blamed that on Maks-way to throw him under the bus after he just stood up for you, trick. Batshit compared her to a Gwen Stefani backup dancer and said that ok from her is just not good enough.
Score: 21
I also caught a glimpse of the devil sitting out in the audience cheering Moesha on.
Michael Bolton: Sigh. At first, I just thought this guy was a huge doucherocket, trying to take flight to Uranus. Now, I just really don’t like him. He was having a hard time picking up Chelsie’s steps, so he magically came down with a case of laryngitis one day into rehearsals.
The CDC told me that my lameness is contagious, and threatened to euthanize me if I didn’t contain it.
Chelsie gets incredibly frustrated with his apathy toward learning the steps, and at one point sighs and says, “Whatever.” Ass Clown throws a huge diva bitch fit and threatens to quit and all the usual drama. He then realizes that if he quits, he doesn’t get paid, so he apologizes and finishes rehearsals.
As for their Jive to “Hound Dog” by Elvis Presley (great music, BTW-perfect for a jive)…I can’t really critique Ass Clown’s dancing, because, to be honest, I didn’t really see any. He did a bunch of side shuffling and galloping and twirled Chelsie around for a bit, and despite her best efforts to make it look good-well, it just didn’t. Speaking of Chelsie, HappyHusband just asked me for her for Christmas. Sure, babe-hook me up with a Maksim or an Alec Mazo and she’s all yours.
The judges were also not pleased with AC’s interpretation of the jive. Len said that as a singer, you know that some songs don’t fit your voice, and tonight, this dance did not suit his talents at all. Batshit was way more harsh-telling him that he did it very badly and that it was the worst jive he’s ever seen on the show. Wow, I mean, yeah, it sucked, but is there really any need to rub salt in the wound? Dude already has to live with the fact that he sucks at life, do you really need to confirm it on national television? Len jumps to Ass Clown’s defense, telling Batshit that he needs to keep some of his comments to himself. Carrie Ann says that it’s hard to be a judge, because she knows he tried super hard to perform a good dance and please his partner, but that the dance was awful. So, you are a failure as a human, but you tried so don’t go shoot yourself?
Score: 12
Audrina Patridge: I ended up liking Droopy much more than I thought I would last week, and tonight’s intro confirms that. Yes, she’s vapid and lacks any sort of higher level thinking whatsoever, but she’s humble and cute and skinny and tan and has pretty teeth. What can I say, I’m a sucker for the Hollywood makeover.
Damn. She was cute before Hollywood. There goes that theory.
She has a mini-meltdown in rehearsals, though, because she’s put her entire life on hold to like, work, y’all! Can you imagine? Not being able to go clubbing every night, out to lunch on The Sunset Strip every afternoon, or pop in for a mani/pedi twice a week because you actually have to like, show up to your job and earn a paycheck? Damn dude! I really feel for her. The fact that spontaneous quality couple time hasn’t been written into the script is like, really effecting her relationship with her boyfriend. Harsh.
Does someone, like, have a cue card on how to deal with sadness?
She pulls it together, thank goodness, and finishes learning her quickstep to “Love Machine” by Girls Aloud. As much as her vapidity may grate on me at times, I really do like the way she dances. She finishes her lines well, her footwork is usually right on, and she feels the music nicely.
Batshit thinks the show pony is turning into Secretariat. Someone told him Tony was hung like a horse, and now he’s all confused. Carrie Ann thinks this week was a huge improvement for Droopy, then accidentally dropped a line about her “having the balls” to do it. Not family friendly, hello! Len calls the performance the best of the night so far.
Tony got caught on camera during rehearsals that if the routine does not earn three 8′s, he will wax his legs. Well, Batshit throws in a 7 for shock value, I’m sure, so I guess Tony’s legs are going to be as smooth as Ken Doll’s ambiguous genitalia bump area.
Score: 23
Jennifer Grey: Ok, about last week. I read an interview with Lisa Swayze in which she said she was very touched by Jennifer’s outpouring of emotion regarding the song choice. (Much love to Pikey for telling me about it) In that case, I truly hope her reaction was authentic. It’s definitely sad face that someone as awesome as Patrick Swayze died, don’t get me wrong. But after watching tonight’s rehearsal montage, well….chick is super dramatic. All actresses are, right? It may just be due to the editing, but it appeared that she kept going on about her neck (which is legitimate-she had a cancerous growth removed and plates/screws inserted-OUCH) but what got me about it is that Ken Doll didn’t seem legitimately concerned whatsoever. Whether that was due to him being stressed out about getting the choreo done, annoyed with Jennifer in general, thinking that she was a drama queen, or that he wasn’t programmed with the empathy chip at the Mattel factory, I don’t know. But that’s just my two cents. (More love to Zbird, and my sincerest sympathies again.)
You see, this scar is where they removed my chance at a successful career.
J.Grey and K.Doll will be performing a Jive to “Shake It” by Metro Station, and since they can’t do any tricks or lifts because of Jennifer’s surgeries (not sure if the infamous nose job is included in that) they have decided to amp up the difficulty and tempo of the dance. They most certainly succeeded in that-it was GOOD. Ken Doll is a choreography master, and she definitely kept up with his magic. Her overdone faces in a few parts made me want to vomit, but other than that, I had no complaints.
The two collapse on the floor to listen to their judging, and The Berge joins them.
I’m done with her, do you want your turn now?
Carrie Ann opines that J.Grey is like a hot, sexy energizer bunny. Len says there was nothing “Grey” about that performance, and Batshit thinks it was a killer jive. (I will refrain from the obvious joke.)
Score: 24 (to be honest, I was expecting 9′s across the board. Guess they want to save some ass-kissing for later in the season)
Ok, so after the scores were delivered, J.Grey and Ken were being subjected to the obligatory interview by The Brooke in the Celebriquarium. A full ten to thirty seconds AFTER the scores were handed down, a bunch of booing ensued from the audience. The Brooke said that she didn’t know why people were booing, but I have my suspicions:
The cameras cut over a little too quickly, and caught Sarah Palin just sitting down with The Berge and shaking her head while shrugging at the crowd, in essence acknowledging their boos and acting like she didn’t understand. I mean, look at her poor little unpregnant daughter over to the side! Even she knows everyone hates her mom. What’s her name anyway, Darlington or Daytona Beach? ABC tried to cover the next day by explaining that the audience was booing the scores, but I call bullshit. Like I said, the booing was way after the score announcement, and Sarah’s reaction said it all.
Margaret Cho: So glad that Large Marge survived last week! Told you the fat chick collective would carry her through. She was convinced she was the one leaving though-she said that backstage awaiting the announcement, people wouldn’t look her in the eye and after touching her, wanted to go “wash the loser off.” Hilarious. She made it though, and she’s crying again because she feels like she’s proved she can do this. Ok, Marge, I love you just as much as anyone else, but enough with the freaking crying! That goes for all the contestants-there is NO crying in ballroom! Gah! Here, have some of my Prozac-trust me, this shit will make you never cry again.
Not doing the Mom impression in this shot. Just being Asian.
Louis tells Marge that she is hilarious naturally, and that in this Jive, to the tune of “Dreaming” by Blondie, she doesn’t need to overact and try so hard-that she will be great just being herself.
Other than being blinded by the combination of zebra print and the gayest shade of hot pink I’ve ever seen in the costumes, their jive was pretty good. I didn’t like the song rendition, and the steps themselves were pretty elementary, but Marge didn’t screw any of them up which was a bonus.
Len appreciated that Large Marge took their notes last week and did a proper jive full out. Batshit told her that she needs to tighten her buttock, aw shucks, Bruno, you say that to all the boys. Carrie Ann tells her to tone down her facial expressions, and Marge replies that she can’t help it, that’s just how her face is. Cute.
Score: 18
Kyle Massey: Chubs and Aubs, back in full effect! Lacey, our resident Aubrey O’Day lookalike, has put Chubs on a program to get him in better shape, to improve his stamina and performance. She has him workout before every rehearsal, and has ordered him to cut out the fast food. Dude, has this bitch looked in a mirror? Like she has room to talk.
Lacey, before the marijuana habit and horrible dye job.
And now…
Can someone pass me the bong and the cheetos?
I kid, I kid. I think she’s beeyootiful, and far skinnier than I. She has choreographed a fun, youthful quickstep to “I Want You To” by Weezer.
And Chubs keeps up with it, even though it is pretty fast paced and not nearly as basic as some of the others we’ve seen tonight. There were parts where he lost his tightness and relied on his performance skills, but overall not too shabby.
Batshit judges first, proclaiming Chubs as a powerhouse performer but telling him he needs to reign himself in and work on control. Carrie Ann tells Batshit to welcome in the new school, because while the dance was not classic, it was great. Len goes on and on about how Chubs was flat-footed, he lacked style, he lacked control-but he totally loved the dance.
Score: 22
Kurt Warner: Oh yes, my man Cute is back, and adorable as ever.
Seriously, this face? Kills me.
Speaking of last week, Cute tells us that he’s been booed by tens of thousands of fans in a stadium-he’s not too worried about one old guy from England talking shit (referring to Len’s judging of his first dance). LOVE him.
Cute has also taken it upon himself to “help” Anna with the choreography, by suggesting some moves for her to consider-such as “the pony” and some weird wiggly leg move. She just laughs and throws in a couple of his ideas, appreciative that he’s at least trying to help. They will be performing a Jive to “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins. Oh hell yeah-”That’s a negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full!”
Take me to bed now, or lose me forever!
The jive itself was pretty good too. Cute needs to work on being a little tighter with his arms and concentrate on finishing his kicks all the way, but he’s got heart and a natural ability and confidence that is really fun to watch. Cutiepoo Anna doesn’t hurt his cause, either.
Carrie Ann loved it, and complimented Cute’s musicality and ease on the dance floor. Len, surprisingly says that this week was much improved and tells Cute that it was a job well done. Batshit says that Cute is a cool guy with a cool jive, and comments on his “hands the size of frying pans”. You know what they say about guys with huge hands….they usually do well as NFL quarterbacks. Wah wah wah.
Score: 21 (tied with Slick Rick, and very accurate judging. Imagine that.)
The Situation: This guy is killing me. I want to like him, I really do. But his bravado misguided high opinion of his pathetic dancing skills makes me want to drown him in a sea of jello shots. No, wait….do not waste the jello shots!
Then she did us all a favor and throatpunched him.
They are sure to remind us in the rehearsal montage that The Predicament learned the last routine in only five days, so he’s sure to be better today. He starts poorly, though, by not being pleased with their song choice-”Americana” by Brian Setzer. To be honest, I’m not pleased either….our choices in the comments last week were WAY better! 100 Proof is enjoying kicking The Predicament’s ass, thinking that not many girls get the chance to do that. Wait, together they are a 100 Proof Predicament…wow, sounds like my first pregnancy!
Their quickstep was as bad as you probably imagined. He lacked form and posture so badly that 100 Proof couldn’t even keep her steps in line. He managed to move around the floor much more than Michael Bolton did earlier, but wow-it was definitely a Situation.
Len agrees with me and says that the dance was a series of unfortunate events. He does throw him a bone and said that for a difficult dance, he did okay. Batshit said that he could tell that The Predicament wanted to do well, but was unable to pull it out. (That’s what she said.) Carrie Ann advises him to find some musicality and thanks him for not fist pumping.
Score: 18 (No way in HELL was this dance an 18. It was most definitely not 6 points better than Ass Clown’s, and it was not on the level of the other 18-Large Marge. BULLSHIT!)
Bristol Palin: Well, well, well….if it isn’t Bristol the Pistol, as coined by her lovely mother. Now, my entire family of in-laws are from South Dakota and Iowa and have that Minn-EE-SOOOOO-tah accent, and I love it. I wasn’t aware that Alaskans have that accent multiplied by ten and plus annoying. Ew. Anyhoo, “teen activist” Bristol decided to take Mark Balls home to Alaska to meet her mom and kid and see the countryside. It is certainly gorgeous there, and would have been a nice package if it wasn’t for the mom-ster. Is it a bad sign when Tina Fey can imitate a better version of yourself?
Please, Lord, don’t shimmy. No one needs to see that.
To “You Can’t Hurry Love”, by The Supremes, Nascar will be dancing a quickstep. She was off on some of her hops, and still kind of stiff and nervous on the dance floor. Could you imagine if she was paired with someone even slightly intimidating, like Maks? She would probably be crying in a corner somewhere. Poor kid, you can tell she’s been controlled by Mama her entire life.
Batshit loves her innocent quality, but advises her to work on the performance aspect of dancing. Carrie Ann thinks Nascar reminds her of Kelly Osborne, and can’t wait to watch her grow as a dancer. Len thinks she’s not quite there yet, but she’s close, and needs some extra flair. And an IUD.
Score: 22
Ok, I’m finishing this up at 10 pm on Tuesday night, and I have purposely had the TV and other browser windows closed so that I don’t see any spoilers about the results show. I’m torn between who to predict as the one going home…I want to say Michael Bolton solely due to his terrible score and judging, but maybe I could get lucky and it will be The Predicament? What do you guys think? And remember to stay tuned for my better half, Flipit, and his photo recap of the results show!
Love and Bubbles, HappyHousewife
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45 Comments
Bristol Palin’s song…Papa Don’t Preach.
And when the full, unedited clip was shown, it was obvious the crowd was NOT booing Sarah Palin.
Please…can we get through ONE recap without political bias entering into the commentary?
My guess for Bristol is … Paul Anka’s – She’s Having My Baby or Ricky Ricardo – She’s Having a Baby, My Baby and Me. Or Justin Bieber Baby, Baby, Baby .. that is all (for now)
I too find it hard to believe that an adult crowd on live non-political television show would actually stoop so low as to boo the woman when they know her daughter is just there to dance. I don’t like the Falin Family anymore than the next left wing nut but that’s a strecth even for me
@cattyfan-I have not seen the clip you are referring to, so I cannot comment on that. I was just calling it like I saw it. If you actually read back all my thoughts on Sarah and Bristol, I have never once referred to anything remotely political, but rather that I just simply find Sarah to be incredibly annoying and somewhat idiotic-as in, her as a person, not her as a politician.
I think you would actually be very surprised to find out where I lie politically, but you can’t call me out for my political bias when I have shown none.
@Faye-I totally respect your opinion and see where you’re coming from! Was just calling it as I saw it. Thanks!
How about Take Your Mama by Scissor Sisters?
Waving @ HappyHousewife .. the comment was in a general direction, not necessarily at you. Honestly, I just read the paragraph. I made the comment before I got past the first page. I should probably stop that (explains my 3rd grade education HIII OOOO) So, in closing, the comment was based on everything I have been reading about the non-incident this week (anything to have another Marie Osmond fainted moment DWTS) and not at the recap. Glad I got that off my hairy chest ..
Also, this show can either revive a career (Mario Lopez, Drew Lachey), start a career (Kelly Osbourne, Stacy Kiebler) or totally show you as the dick you are but nobody knew and now you’re screwed a career (Clyde Drexler, Master P, Jake, and now BOLT)
@Faye-waves back! I totally get it. I was just feeling a little defensive! I try really hard to stay away from as much DWTS media as I can between the airing of the show and my recaps so I can stay as unbiased as possible. I honestly was just recapping what I saw when I watched the playback. Now I’m off to find this unedited clip, I’m dying to see what really happened!
And I totally agree with you on how these celebs show themselves-again, you have to take the editing into consideration, but I would venture to say that even the most talented editor cannot make you into a total bitch diva without at least a little of your cooperation.
Did no one else notice that Rick kicked Mophead in the head doing one of their moves? I know because I rewound it several times and assumed someone would say it was good but you have to be careful not to kick your partner in the head, but nope. No one said a thing. And they got on Audrina for losing her posture briefly so I’d think kicking someone in the head would be a worse offense.
And while I’m not a fan of Maks by any stretch…what does the wardrobe guy have against him? That outfit made him look like the lost Fatone brother and if there’s one thing I will acknowledge about Maks, he’s no Fatone. Maybe he wanted to look as bad as possible so that stank Brandy would get eliminated and he’ll be done with this season. Anyone responsible for foisting Ray J on us has no place to call anyone else an asshole.
Also, did anyone notice how confused Audrina looked when Bruno compared her to Secretariat? She had no CLUE what a Secretariat was. It’s this year’s movie about an inspirational racehorse, Aud! Only with an uglier wardrobe than Seabiscuit.
With regard to Ken Doll’s lack of empathy, I think it’s probably a function of his age. He can handle Nicole’s drama queening about dumb crap like “People don’t get that it’s HARRRRRRD for me, too,” but someone saying “Yeah, so I go in for a physical just to get cleared for this show and find out I have cancer and I still can’t really move my neck,” and that just causes a cognitive dissonance. Whining about petty stuff is easy. Potentially fatal illnesses, harder to process.
As for Cute, he’s so cute, he can talk shit about the judges and it sounds just so damn friendly you want to invite him and his family over for a barbecue. He’s adorable! I still wish someone would clue Anna into making him practice by holding football’s in his frying pan hands. I think it would cue him in to how he needs to carry his torso and arms to get the right posture and extension.
As for Bristol’s song, I’d love for it to be “Mother” by the Police even though it’s completely obscure, 30 years old, and would only fit in as a completely jacked up waltz, but it’s awesome.
I didn’t win??
Eff.
Going back to read the recap now.
I neglected to thank you for the Maks photo. Do you have a collection? Will you share?
SO I actually watched Monday night, Missed Aunt Flo and Slick Rick. Oh well, didn’t miss much. I did however see the horrible that is Bolton! Oh man The Bold sucks! Oh, don’t even get me started on Moesha! That girl can get over herself! I did like J.Grey, That Kyle kid, he is a crack up, 2 cheeseburgers before rehursal! I really did like A’s dance-yeah can’t spell her name so she is A-I thought it was really good! Please don’t hate, but I thought Bristol was really good to!!
Two other points I would like to make–1. This is going to seem dumb, but, I have to ask…I know Palin lives in Alaska, but is she from there, because I don’t remember Alaskan’s having such an accent! I noticed it when she was trying to shimmy, and when I was trying not to throw up in my mouth. Cause when Bristol talks I don’t really hear an accent. Just wondering.
2. @zbird-I am very sorry for your loss. My Father in Law was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in March of 2006 and we lost him in April of 2008. Anytime I hear of someone having this type of cancer I cry. In October of 2006 he had had a tumor the size of a grapefruit taken out, in Feb of 2007, the doctor said he was cancer free, and in September of 2007 the family was told that his cancer was back. MR Z and I moved to San Diego a few weeks after that. FIL decided to stop treatments and wanted to live the rest of his life happy. We were lucky enough to get home and have a few good days with him before he left us. I am truley sorry for your loss. I know how painful it must be for you…So yes, I do thinkg J.Grey was honestly emotional, and not “eating it up” for the cameras.
Oh, yeah I almost forgot! The Situation, ps, you arent that hot, hell you aren’t even that cute! If you want to make it big, stop drinking, get your shit together and dance your ass off. Show the 2 Rick and Kurt how its done, cause the are probably twice as old as you. I know this probably sounds mean, but how can someone that has ABS like that, have a face like that?? Its mean I know, but instead of smooshing he should be taking this seriously otherwise he is going to get beat by that Kyle kid who looks like he is 12!
@cattyfan-love you! I hearby solemnly swear to include at least one pic of Maks in some degree of undress in every recap. Amen.
I have been trying to save enough money to buy a ticket aboard the Maks love train for a few seasons but just can’t must enough strength to care. He’s cute for sure but him and Tony especially just lack any exciting type of choreography skills which is why every single time they had a remote chance of winning, they muck it up with the free style dance number (Stacy, Melissa, Lalia, Mel B) … I also don’t agree that Derek only does well because he gets ringers. He has had his fair share of stinkers (Jennie Garth, Lil Kim, Shannon Elizabeth) and I think his win with Brooke proved that he can teach someone how to dance. Nicole just happen to be the best ringer of them all because certainly other people have been thrown a bone (Sabrina, Mel, Mya, Melissa, Stacy, Mario Lopez)
Mama Mia by Abba. That bottle of booze will BE MINE.
I like the way Bristol seems so unaffected. She acts like she is just as nervous on national television as I would be.
@Alison Z I agree about The Situation. If he did a 180 from his Jersey Shore “personality” I think would do him well if he wants to get into showbiznezz.
Bristol Palin is very pretty in that chunky cheerleader kind of way, but the poor girl has no personality whatsoever. It’s probably a side effect from growing up with crazy. Anyway, I didn’t catch what dances they will be doing next week, but I’ll guess at a song anyway,”Call Me Irresponsible”-Bobby Darin of “The Lady is a Tramp”-Glee version with Puck and Mercades.
Oh, and I’d like my vodka to be the Three Olives brand. Either the chocolate, triple expresso, or green apple flavored. Thanks!
@ Alison – Kurt’s 39, Rick’s 41 and “The Situation” is 28, so not quite “twice as old.” Plus, Kurt and Rick are retired professional athletes and the Sitch is a douchebag, so I don’t think, even with his abs that he’d have any inherent advantage over them.
But, I’d say he developed those abs so that no one would look at his face, because the dude looks like Droopy Dog.
I think these are the funniest DWTS recaps on the web. Love the DH Ken Doll photo, LOL! Can’t wait to read them every week. Don’t have a guess yet for Bristol’s song, but will think about it and come back.
Why doesn’t Sarah Palin just quietly enter backstage and watch her daughter from there? Frankly, whether anyone likes it or not, she’s a very controversial political figure–and she picked that life for herself. But I do not think it’s fair that she keeps submitting Bristol to it. I have the sense that Bristol is being used, yet again, to bring public attention to her mother.
@vallegirl-I did not know that The Situation is 28! Wow! He looks alot younger then that. But then again I don’t look 30 either. I also didn’t know that Kurt and Rick are that old either. I don’t really follow sports except for NASCAR. Thank you for the info
I do agree with you on the killer abs though!
“Why doesn’t Sarah Palin just quietly enter backstage and watch her daughter from there?”
Because the network execs won’t let her.
Jezebel and Gawker both had some pretty damning evidence that Sarah was being booed, but this was before the “unaired footage” that included people chanting ‘nine.’ Maybe it was a mix of booing her and booing the scores?
Sucks her kid next to her had to hear that, you can’t help who your parents are.
I believe she could have insisted. Better yet, stay home and watch from there. It’s not the public’s fault that she’s made herself a figure of division.
How about the Madonna song “Little Star?” It is about teen pregnancy and since Bristol is on DWTSTARS…
Just for the record, is laryngitis contagious? Was there any need for AC to wear the mask? His voice is just as raspy when he’s singing…unnecessary! I didnt get a chance to watch the show,so thank you for the excellent recap…not to sound political, as I dont care about any of the Palins, but I would have booed her mother too…maybe she should have invited Tina Fey-that would elicit some cheers!
The situation looking like Droopy dog-CLASSIC!!! Good one!!!
@vallegirl-I heart you. I want to hijack HappyHusband’s frequent flier miles so I can bring you out here to watch the show with me. You are awesome. I cannot believe I missed Mophead getting kicked! Will be heading back to replay their performance as soon as I’m done with this comment. I think I will need to figure out how to make one of those motion GIF things so we can all enjoy that.
Audrina looks so confused all of the time, that I wasn’t sure if it was her general lack of awareness or if she really didn’t know who Secretariat was, but I totally think you’re right!
Ken Doll-ugh. I truly really enjoy him as a choreographer, but I have a sneaking suspicion he’s a sucky person. Ew.
@AlisonZ-I thought the same thing about her accent! It sounds more like deep, deep MinnEEESOOOOtah to me. Strange. Oh, and about last week-you were SO right! There WAS a Seahawk who’s name is Kurt Warner, but it’s Curt Warner! I’ve lived in the Seattle area all my life, and my dad is a huge Hawks fan and confirmed that you were indeed correct-he played one season then blew out his knee, ending his career. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curt_Warner
@Faye-I totally agree-Ken Doll is an amazing choreographer, who has an innate ability to show off his partner’s strengths and hide their weaknesses. I just can’t help it though, shiny blonde mormon kids kinda freak me out.
@kittkatt-you have great taste in vodka, and I couldn’t agree more with your Bristol assessment!
@MNBonnie-thanks for coming over to comment, love! xoxo
@dazzyfresh-no, it’s not. especially when it’s a singer and was most likely caused by vocal chord overusage. I think he was hoping for some sympathy, and an excuse for his suckage.
Did y’all hear that BOLT is asking for a public apology from Bruno, and that he be reprimanded by ABC execs? You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.
@HappyHousewife-I am moving back to Seattle on the 11th. It would be funny I we knew eachother. My dad is a huge Hawks fan also. He named the dog Mora after the Coach that only lasted like a year! I thought I was right about a Curt Warner, thank you for the info, I thougth maybe I had lost my mind! When I looked up the info on this Kurt Warner, I knew I must have been mistaken! Thanks again!!
I heard a bout the Bolt! He sucked! He is a grown ass man, I wonder what he would have said if Bruno told him that his songs suck!
I just wanted to say that the only reason I’m watching is to see The Situation dance, I hope he makes it far. To me he seems endearing and a likable guy when he’s not being “The Situation” and just being Mike. He also looks a lot like a guy I used to date except he has better abs, his nose is a bit bigger and his teeth are a little weird but other than that, same eyes, skin color…ahh I think he’s hot
Except for him being bowlegged, or at least that’s what it looks like. I think he’s not that bad for somebody who has no formal training and it looks like he’s really trying so I hope to see him for weeks to come!
More love to Zbird, and my sincerest sympathies again <3 Thank you so much for the kind words, Happy. I’ll always miss my sweet mama.
Great recap, and totally spot on. Some thoughts:
• “And of course, for the Derek Hough fans out there” HA – too funny.
• I wish Corky would just let Flo dance, without all the shenanigans. She really wants to be on this show and to do her best, and she’s doing quite well, so why does he have to keep throwing in all of the goofy bits to their routines? She’s not gonna win this thing no matter what, so why not let her keep her dignity and just DANCE?
• Brandy just does not do it for me. Her dancing is stiff and lacks energy and interest. Her extensions were horrid and it seems like she lacks musicality, which is just weird. Cannot stand the predicament either. Just an all-around douche nozzle and horrific dancer.
• Bolton is coming across as a turd and I was so annoyed when he kept trying to tell Chelsie how to choreograph parts of the routine. Dude, you’ve only been doing this for a couple of weeks, badly at that; I think you should shut your pie-hole and let the pro lead the way. Although, I guess Kurt did that too, but for some reason he didn’t annoy me – maybe because his suggestions were cute, not just a way to get out of doing a difficult move like Bo-bo’s.
• I thought Jennifer’s dance was great, but I was surprised at how out of shape she seems. She looks like she’s in great shape, but she seems to get more winded than anyone else. I agree that Derek was weird about that whole neck surgery thing. Sounds like she’s lucky to have found it.
• I like Kyle, Kurt, and Jennifer the most this season
• The booing was just plain weird and rude.
• Thanks for not posting the results here. I always have to Tivo it and watch it a day or so later, so I appreciate no spoilers.
BTW: Vallegirl, I also thought I saw Rick kick Cheryl, but when I played it back I couldn’t tell if he actually made contact or if it was just close. Interesting that none of the judges commented!
Thanks for a great recap
@ Alison Z: From one Z to another, thank you for your kind words, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I won’t elaborate too much here, but I’ll just say that your FIL’s situation sounds similar to my mom’s. May they rest in peace. *hugs*
Aw, thanks Happy Housewife. I like to think I can make the recappers laugh. Even if it’s just pointing out that Mophead got beaned. Because not only did Mophead totally get beaned, the editors re-ran the clip in the recap show.
And Zbird, I wondered at first which is why I rewound the first time. (The other 10 or so were just to laugh.) You can see that his shin knocks her head back and she clings to his leg so she won’t fall. Maybe the judges angle blocked their view, but the editors had a clear shot.
OMG y’all, I’m totally having a freak out fangirl moment!
Freaking Cute Warner read my recap! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! And tweeted me about it!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!
I mean, er, celebs tweet me all the time cause I’m so cool. Yeah, that’s it.
http://twitter.com/kurt13warner/status/25947277887
@HH-that is awesome! I totally know who you are voting for!
Congrats Happy H. The whole Warner family is stand up around these parts. I hope he sticks around DWTS long enough for others to hear his and his families inspiring story. Go shout it from the roof tops girl….this can’t happen to much… the love…. But HHHoney, don’t be ‘specktin’ no sweet tweet from Bolton.
congrats HH!!! Keep up the awesome recaps
Love you HH – another excellent recap!
I admit to being a Derek fan, so maybe this is biased, but I thought his less than caring reaction to Jennifer was probably due to it being the 10th take of her telling her story. We missed his genuine reaction. Either that or he didn’t want to overdo the drama.
Isn’t it odd that nobody has mentioned that Rick Fox was married to Vanessa Williams?
Yay HH! It’s good to see that he is a nice guy and appreciate his fans.
HH – I had a sympathy fangirl moment with you. That’s awesome. Cute’s awesome. And this season’s two biggest jerks are already gone. It’s turning into the best DWTS season, ever.
@ dcgasmfan, seriously, *Derek* not wanting to overdo the drama??! With the way he constantly mugs for the camera? I do agree though, his ‘meh’ reaction on camera may have been because he’s heard the story a bunch of times.
YAY for HH!! Twitter is blocked at work, so I can’t read it until I get home.
My vote for Bristol’s song this week is “Mama He’s Crazy” by The Judds
Great recap!!
Bristol’s song choice next week: Mama told me not to come by Three Dog Night
“Bristol’s song choice next week: Mama told me not to come by Three Dog Night”
I’m pretty sure that was the first song she danced to. It was a good choice, I thought.
TC,Robin
@Robinez,
Yes yes it was…my bad but it would explain why the song was running thru my head when I thought about a song for her to dance to…please excuse my error…It gets hard for me to think sometimes with a screaming 3 month old, who doesn’t believe that he should have to take naps.
I will have to take another guess and say: Mama Tried by Merle Haggard…I would absolutly die laughing! Although I don’t think it would be a very good dance song.
Wow, Kurt Warner is SUCH a great guy! What a sweetie!
I think that the DWTS producers are worried about the whole Bruno-Bolt incident because it could have an impact on booking talent in the future. Other over-sensitive pseudo-stars and washed-up celebrities might hesitate to come on the show if they think they’ll get reamed by the judges. And I don’t think it was the worst jive in 11 years–wasn’t Evander Holyfield’s jive pretty awful?
I’m not sure it’s so much The Situation LOOKING younger than 28 as it is his ACTING younger than 28. It reminds me of some of my coworkers at this one job I had who were in their 30s, and I thought, “Wow, I thought I was aimlessly drifting an immature for my age at 30, but these people are really bad!” And one of them was married with a baby.