DWTS Recap: South of The Border Night

Buenas Noches, Gasmii! Bienvenidos a Latin Night! I hope you enjoy looking at dudes toned asses in white pants, because that should really be the new name for Latin Night.

The DWTS band kicks us off with a version of Santana’s “Evil Ways” with– who else? Carlos Santana! He’s there to shill his new album, of course. The product integration is phenomenal. The sponsors of this show should be so happy. 6 pros serve up some Latin sass (and the sexy Vanilla Ice kid is there again which makes me feel excited/disgusted/titillated).

First up tonight are Jaleel and Kym. (Actually first Brooke Burke Shar Pei makes an uncomfortable “south of the border” comment about this being Latin Night) Jaleel is feeling the pressure, or so he says. With everybody stepping up their game, he says it’s all about the scores. I’ve complained about the scoring before, but if the “stars” are still talking about the scores having any effect on them staying, they’re delusional. They dance an animalistic Samba to Miami Sound Machine’s “Rhythm is gonna get you.”

“Dance like an asshole and they won’t notice how bad you are!”

He looks pretty awkward the whole time, especially in a little African-esque moment that I’m not sure why Kym threw in.

1. Len thought his rythym and hips were WORKING. IT. OUT. (not his words) (his words were his “bum was going like it was chewing toffee” Ew. 8
2. Bruno is a little too obsessed with Jaleels hip wiggle. 8
3. Kerry Ann thought he improved from his lackadaisical performance last week and really attacked the dance, but cautioned him on his free arm, which does get OOC, when he doesn’t specifically place it. 8

Before they get threre scores, Jaleel makes a cutting joke about how he and Maks went tanning together.

Santana sells himself some more.

“Eww. I sold out again.”

Next up we have Maks and Melissa. Melissa’s back from the hospital with the strict instructions that she not do anything that could cause a headache. Maks (who must be the sassiest pro on the show) quips back “This is like- avoiding being here.” To which she shushes him immediately claiming that that has pushed away her headache. But in rehearsal they’re more worried about Melissa’s lack of natural LATIN HEAT (as Agador Sparticus would say). They dance a cat-and-mouse salsa.

“Really cave that chest in so you lose your posture.”

Maks was born to salsa, so it was hard to observe Melissa in the beginning. Also their costumes are mismatched. And when Melissa’s not looking really uncomfortable in her own skin, she is hesitant. But to give them credit, they do finish it off with the move that hurt her last week. That takes courage.

1. Bruno loves her fire and untamed nature, but critiques her lack of control. 7
2. Kerry Ann appreciates her confidence, but agrees with Bruno’s critique. 7
3. Len/Glen/Glenda loved her rythym and “feel” but otherwise has some really vague feedback about “some good parts and some bad parts.” Can you vague it up a little more? 7

Following that are my boyf, Derek and Maria. Poor, accident prone Maria hits her chin HARD during rehearsals. But Derek, ever the gentleman, takes good care of her and she’s fine. But what a wreck she is!  They salsa to a fellow gay’s “Cup of Life” (Thanks Ricki Martin: I love your white babies).

“This is for you T-Cake!”

Their salsa is fast and sexy and furious. Which is surely the title of an upcoming Vin Deisel movie. Derek pushes their performance over the top by taking his shirt off AND full-on making out with her. Back off, Maria! It’s so hard for me not to post 30 pix of Derek.

1. Kerry Ann is overheated. She loved everything, but did think the kiss was a sell out. 9
2. Glen/Len raves about Maria’s talent and technique (which is really saying something). 9
3. Bruno, of course, proposes a manage a trois, before praising their performance for no real technical aspects. 9

Next up are Katherine and Mark. They’re worried about regaining their glory after a dip in the leaderboard last week. During rehearsals, while attempting the between-the-leg flicks that come with Argentine Tango, she kicks him in the balls several times. On accident. Sure. I think we’re starting to see another side of the UK’s sweetheart! 

They give us a very severe and complex Argentine Tango, that has Katherine serving up more concentration than attitude. But the judges interpret it differently:

1. Len loved it, thought it was bittersweet. 9
2. Bruno thought the dancing and choreography were very high quality, but really raves that the performance was played to perfection. 10
3. Kerry Ann praises Katherine’s legs during an opening lunge, and goes on to say that her upper body and general performance were poetry in motion.  10

 

Up next are Gavin and Karina. Karina struggles with his lack of sexiness. Gavin dedicates the dance to his fans (because without them he’s getting voted off). They dance an tropic island-influenced Samba.

“Don’t even bother with technique, just have fun!”

Gavin does his impression of a bobbing parrot the whole dance, and does little dancing. Nice strategy, Karina. Let’s see if that pays off.

1. Bruno wonders if Gavin’s suffering from “Tropical Madness” and praises him for just letting go and going with it, which he actually enjoyed. 7
2. Kerry Ann thought he was lacking form and that it was more of a struggle than a samba. 6
3. Len calls it more of a “SHAMba than a samba!” I love that Glen. He then goes on to appease the audience by saying was that it was a “gallant effort”. 6

For a marketing push, it’s strange that Santana doesn’t play anything off his new albums, only classics (and more modern “classics” like “Maria”). He’s super talented though, and it’s music to my ears (literally) to hear him rocking out on guitar. 

William Levy and Cheryl. William is really worried about this week after last week’s slip up on a trick. So Cheryl’s solution? MORE TRICKS! We’ll see how that works out. They pull out a quick, tight, and sensual Argentine Tango set to PCD’s “Buttons”. That is the strangest musical choice EVA for Latin Night.

“Never let go, Jack!”

The tricks go off without a hitch, although occasionally feeling over-rehearsed. And generally Cheryl has him posing as she dances around him and climbs on/all over him. Lucky girl. 

1. Kerry Ann has been reduced to a wet spot on her chair. She loved it, calls him the “Latin Dancing James Bond.” 10
2. Len saw mood, passion, sensuality and color. 9
3. Bruno ejaculates “Pulsating Passion. Throbbing Intensity and Slick, Sexy, Coolishness” WTF is coolishness? 10

Gladys and Tristan. Gladys discusses how she plans to get out from the bottom of the leaderboard: her and Tristan’s toughness. Between touring and performing Gladys and Tristan work in some late night rehearsals and bring us a joyful Samba.

Tristan drives Gladys around the dancefloor like a mac truck when they’re together. And she looks good (Tristan, I mean) But it’s mostly them dancing separately, not so much a duet. But the judges are happy to overlook this.

1. Len says she’s natural and that even though this was SIMPLE it was well done. 7
2. Bruno says her stage presence is magic. 8
3. Kerry Ann points out that there were a few mistakes, but she still loves watching Gladys perform. 7

Roshon and Chelsie. They’re both concerned about how Roshon’s sexy is overshadowed by his silly. He’s just not able to allow himself to be sexy. He tries to be sexy by imitating William Levy, but it’s more silly than sexy. He brings in a pic of Levy. He then asks Levy for tips. They do a rainforest-exploring Salsa with Chelsie as a tropical bird.

The dance is really quick and very tight, but as he performs you can see the silly little Disney kid playing at sexy.

1. Bruno loved the energy and timing.  9
2. Kerry Ann appreciated the sexy “in a Disney way” and his accuracy and beautiful mish-mash of dancing. 9
3. Len loves the enthusiasm and attack, but suggests injecting calming moments to enjoy the dance. 8

Donald and Peta. They just seem smug and overconfident in rehearsal. They perform a dark, sexy, nightclub Argentine Tango.

She sizzles in that dress. It was hard to take my eyes off of her. But he doesn’t really do much dancing. A lot of smooth walking and holding her. The audience goes wild.

1. Kerry Ann thought it was so smooth and compliments his techniques in lifting her and transitioning to walking. 10
2. Len loved the lifts, but the rest was not really there. 8
3. Bruno loved the build up but felt the smooth swaggers interrupted the build up. In other words, maybe Donald should have DANCED more.  9

That concludes this week’s performance night! Thanks for reading, everyone! And thanks for being so welcoming as I learn my way around this TVgasm world! Be sure to check out CannedGinger’s return as she recaps Tuesday’s results show and added DANCE-OFF DUEL! Let us know what you thought! Was Roshon too silly? How bad do you think Gavin deserves to go home? How much did you love all the dudes asses in white pants?

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