DWTS Results: Signed, Sealed, Delivered a Pink-Slip

Some bitches gonna go home tonight! But not before a duel What has this competition come to? 

First up a “Motown Medley” featuring:

Turquoise REALNESS

The “Stop In The Name Of” Go-Go Dancers!

and the return of

The Flamboyant Vanilla Ice (Stage Left)

That Vanilla Ice boy just keeps showing up. Maybe he’ll be a pro contestant next year? I hope, I hope, I hope! After the dance we get a look at the leaderboard:

And for the first results.

• 1st SAFE couple is Jaleel & Kym! Kym has got to be so conflicted about being safe! Another week with this Jerk?
• 1st couple IN JEAPORDY is Maria & Derek! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
• William & Cheryl are SAFE.
• Melissa & Maks are also IN JEOPARDY!

And now for something completely different. We get a sad/inspiring story about Michaela, a ballet dancer who grew up malnourished and poor in Africa. She was called Devil Child because of her vitiligo (an irregular skin pigmentation condition) (the one that Michael Jackson claimed to have).

But now she’s a top American ballet dancer.  She performs alongside Natasha Beddeingfield’s “Wild Horses” (which is not a cover of the classic Stones song, but a Beddingfield original?  Color me disappointed) Her EXQUISITE dancing easily outshines the mediocre song.

WERQ!

There’s a montage of the ‘stars” talking about how hard mentally and physically the competition has been and how it’s only going to get harder. It ends with Melissa saying “I’m gonna have to tap into something I’ve never had to access before.” You’re not Gandalf and this isn’t Middle Earth. 

You’d think there would be results next BUT YOU ARE WRONG! More non-show related nonsense. But at least it’s in the form of a gorgeous (if not overly self-indulgent) contemporary piece.

It’s awfully dark in heaven.

Fwy! Fwy wike a buwd!

FINALLY we get some more results? NO! We are “treated to” Boyz II Men. I’m not even going to bother writing about it or posting a picture. I’m done.

Let’s get to the results.

• The next SAFE couple are Katherine & Mark
• Next couple IN JEOPARDY are Gladys & Tristan (No surprise)
• Donald & Peta are SAFE
• Roshon & Chelsie are IN JEOPARDY (Disney is in trouble)

Immediately we move on to final-ish results:

• Melissa and Maks are SAFE!
• Gladys & Tristan MUST DUEL!
• Maria & Derek are SAFE! YES! whew.
• Roshon & Chelsie MUST DUEL!

A few last uncomfortable words where Tom Bergeron expresses his love for Gladys; Tristan tries to give it a positive spin no matter the outcome; and Roshon seems more insecure than ever. Then they go get changed? Why are they changing? OH because they have to JIVE.

My money’s on Roshon staying, but I wish it was Jaleel going home.

DANCE FOR YOUR LIFE!

White Vs. Black (even I’m offended)

Within a few seconds I can tell that Gladys should be going home. She just can’t get her body to do what it needs to do. Roshon may not be perfect, but with the quick-stepping of the JIVE, his youth has him at an unfair advantage.

• Kerry Ann: Lots of respect all around. Roshon was super sharp. Gladys was in control and confident. GLADYS&TRISTAN
• Len: Both handled pressure well. Gladys dances from her heart (All he ever says about her is “heart”) Roshon always gives 100%. ROSHON&CHELSIE
• Bruno: Gladys “unique and spacial lady.” (actually I think he meant special). Roshon’s timing was immaculate. He tips the hat that Roshon’s youth has the advantage in a Jive. ROSHON&CHELSIE

Strange offstage bromance with Jaleel/Roshon & Roshon/William Levy. 

Then  we say goodbye to Gladys.

Everybody happy? Gladys was a delight but she just couldn’t hold her own. Who do we want to be next (besides Jaleel?) What do you guys think of these dance duels? Nonsense put in place to take the control away from the voting audience? A chance to make the judges actually… you know, judge?!?

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