DWTS: Silver in Your Future

Thought y’all might enjoy a picture of Bruno doing the talk show circuit.

Perhaps ‘enjoy’ isn’t the right word.

We open the show with Tom telling us that last week we lost our Busty Beach Babe (another BBB).  And that this has been the most successful season ever!  Our final five will take on two individual dances for the first time.  The final five are The Perfectionist (Erin), The Football Hero (85), The Golden Boy (Evan), The PussyCat (Nicole), and The Jiggly One (self-explanatory).  Double the dances mean double the pressure.  Oh lord, and the show is back up to two hours again, so I’m feeling the pressure, too.  And we are LIIIIVE!  I’m always much more excited when Tom says it.

Here’s Brooke and guess what?!  Yeah, you’re right, she just repeated exactly what Tom said.

Excuse her; lack of food makes her a little slow.

They do the opening from the audience which is weird seeing that guy’s head in the shot.  And another too tight ribbon dress.  Just once, I would like to see her in something more classical and not so very tight.

I don’t even have a caption for that.

How about a contest where you caption that picture!  No prize, but I’ll include the best one in next week’s recap.

Oh great, another theme night.  In the latin round the dancers will have to capture the spirit of either the fifties, sixties, eighties, nineties, or the future.

The pros are interviewed for their thoughts on the competition.  Erin’s long arms and legs are suited to ballroom, but her biggest weakness is that she doesn’t trust Maks. (She danced blind folded, what more do they want?)  Evan has elegance and grace, but needs chemistry with Anna.  Chad has beautiful posture (what?), but needs more movement.  Nicole is wonderful, but needs to enjoy it more.  Niecy brings character to every dance, but needs to be less awkward and lighter on her feet. (I wish I would have started counting fat references weeks ago when we started; I’m guessing we are up to 362 now).

Again when in doubt, just put up a cute picture of Maks

Ochocinco and Cheryl are up first, dancing the tango.  Cheryl interviews that she never knows what kind of mood Chad will be in when he shows up and that it’s exhausting.  Chad says if he was normal he would be just like everybody else, which was a kind of awesome answer.  Then he says he has to get serious about his ‘craft’ which is kind of a stupid thing to say.

The tango should be a good dance for Chad, but it doesn’t have the power that some of his dances have had.

Cheryl makes faces to compensate for his lack of passion.

The dance is OK, but he seems to have regressed a little in terms of posture and his bum is sticking out again.  Just kind of blah.

Len said the dance needed more polishing, Bruno said it needed to be slicker and more precise, and Carrie Ann said his posture was funky.  They all liked his intensity and his attack which I didn’t get at all this time.

BBB:  Brooke asks where Chad’s head is.  Scores: 7,7,7.  Brooke asks how it feels.

Niecy and Louis are up next.  We get to follow Niecy through her day, which is pretty overwhelming.

They give us the time so we understand why she’s tired

They are dancing the Viennese Waltz.  It almost seems like Louis is pushing her through the spins.  And anytime he has to do a lift or anything similar, he gets this weird look of concentration.

Seriously dude, she isn’t that heavy.  Then he sweeps the floor with her.

Bruno said the floor was polished, and she was swinging her arms like she was in a swarm of wasps, but otherwise it was a good performance.  Carrie Ann said her body weight was pushed and pulled.  (I have to say that doing these recaps has made me an expert.)  Len is pleasantly surprised which is kind of a backhanded compliment.  Kind of like, “I thought you were going to suck, but it wasn’t that bad”.

BBB: How does Niecy keep her energy up and how hard was it to do two routines this week?  Brooke better be careful; she is using all her meaningless blather up (Banal Bland Blather) on the first dance.  7,8,8.  I really didn’t think it was better than Chad’s.

Erin and Maks are up next with the Argentine Tango.  We are reminded over and over that she was in the bottom two.

Erin thinks she looks like she is humping a fire hydrant.

They try to practice jumps in rehearsal and it brings back memories of Dirty Dancing.  They are just as cute; they just need the water.  Erin is understandably terrified to jump off the stage.

They start the dance and I think Erin starts a beat late because Maks nudges her.  There is lots of fire and passion and Erin does a pretty spectacular jump onto Maks’ shoulders.

I don’t want to hear any more shit about not trusting Maks.

I don’t even usually like the tango all that much, but this was one of my favorite dances of the season.  I think Maks agrees as he gives her thumbs up and high fives after the dance.

Carrie Ann was so hot she kissed Len.  Len called her a dirty, dirty girl and said he loved it, and Bruno said that Maks is a lucky fire hydrant.

BBB:  Brooke says that was so much fun to watch.  9,10,9.  I thought it should have been a 30.

Evan and Anna are next and they go to a skating rink so that Evan can have the upper hand for once.  Back in the studio, Anna tells Evan she wants this to be the most romantic waltz ever on DWTS.  You know, they are fairly close in age, but Anna seems so much older and more mature.  Evan has just a boyish thing going for him that is really cute.

The dance starts with them both on the floor rolling around with strange lighting.

Len is gonna hate that.

The dance is very pretty and there is some connection here and there, but not all the way through.  Len isn’t sure whether he liked it or not.  He didn’t like the roly poly stuff on the floor (told ya).  Bruno says he has exquisite lines, and Carrie Ann says his lines are impeccable, but he needs to lose himself in the dance.

BBB:  Evan says he remembers the emotion when he looks into Anna’s big green eyes, but forgets and goes technical when he looks away.  9,9,9   How does that feel?

Nicole and Derek are doing the foxtrot.   We get more of Nicole’s drama and tears in rehearsals.

We get it; you want to be perfect.

But of course the dance is awesome.  And she looks happy for once.

Towards the end Derek sort of cartwheels Nicole’s legs in the air.  I think  MelB or somebody else did that and Carrie Ann called it a lift.  Will they be penalized?  Bruno says it was pure dancing joy.  Carrie Ann said it was nice to see Nicole smile, but not a mention of the lift.  Len says it was an enchanting love story, but needed more body contact in hold.

BBB: 10, 9, 10  How’s it feel?  I told you she was running out of material.

Next we are treated to a tutorial by some pros showing us how to interpret a dance according to an era.  This is a ‘controversial’ dance and got them disqualified from the 2006 world championships.  I’d rather see winners, myself.  The dance is all hurky jerky because of course the robots will be doing the dancing in the future.

Why is the future always silver?

We get more assessment of the stars from the pros, this time in regards to latin dances.  Chad has a great smile and sex appeal.  Niecy has a bubbly personality, but lacks power and strength in her feet.  Derek says she needs to throw her weight into it (fat comment 374).  Evan needs to be less mechanical.  Erin needs to be more precise.  Nicole is perfect, except for wanting to be perfect.

First up is a sixties style jive and Chad is ahead of his time and  dressed like a seventies pimp.  Really?  First the Jungle Book, and now a pimp?

Really?!

Just to prove my point, I googled SEVENTIES Pimp and this is what I got:

The dance is fun, Cheryl looks great, but is it really a jive?  Not many kicks and just a lot of gyrating around.  But they look cute for sure.

Len says it was high energy and fun, and there weren’t a lot of kicks which was good because the few kicks he did were terrible.  Bruno says he pimped the jive, and Carrie Ann said it was groovy and wild.

BBB:  Chad works hard.  8,8,8

Niecy and Louis are doing a nineties paso doble.  Louis says that the nineties was the era of the diva and Niecy fits in because black women don’t like their weave touched, or at least that was the gist of the backstage package.

For the first time, Niecy’s face is very blank.

No passion or anything and they do some weird belly move.

The patented ContraBelly move.

That was pretty bad.

Bruno says she threw herself into it like an avalanche (fat comment), Carrie Ann says it was an ambitious routine, but the balance was off, and Len says getting through the routine isn’t good enough in week 8, and Niecy gives him a look with more anger and power than any of them in the dance.

The patented Kate glare.

BBB: 7,6,7 Niecy says that most girls who can’t hula hoop with a cheerio wouldn’t do this, and Louis throws in the avalanche comment again.

Erin and Maks are doing an eighties rumba and Maks’ biggest concern is dancing in loafers with no socks a la Don Johnson.

Maks is cute.

But I never noticed before that Maks has a big butt.

Note to self; don’t buy any white pants.

It was good, but not great.

Carrie Ann reminds Erin that she is beautiful.  Len says it was jerky.  Bruno thinks they made great music together.

BBB: More about them playing out their romance and Maks makes weird comments about jerky and having Len borrow Erin.   8,8,9

Evan and Anna are doing a futuristic cha cha.  Evan is happy that he will be able to show no emotion.  And he does a dorky robot voice that makes him seem 15 once again.

The dance begins in so much smoke that you can’t see them for a few bars.

But I actually liked this better than the ‘controversial’ loser dance from the pros.  I actually had to google to figure out why they keep showing Vera Wang when Evan dances.

Apparently she designs his skating costumes.

Len says he lucked out because his lack of rhythm would have shown if he hadn’t been doing a futuristic dance.  Bruno shouts a bunch of stuff about Mr Spock and Barbarella and 3D.  I think he liked it.  Carrie Ann liked his commitment to his character.

BBB: 9,8,9.  And I don’t know what else.  This far into a two hour show, I can’t focus.

Nicole and Derek are doing a fifties paso doble which really confuses Derek.  He says it’s ‘impasoble’.  Groan.  But this theme crap is what Derek is really good at.  And he doesn’t disappoint.  It was kind of frantic and disjointed, but in a way that worked.  Bruno says it was full of color and that the flavor of Spain never tasted so good.  Carrie Ann has the giggles and says it was brilliant.  Len couldn’t find anything to criticize.

BBB:  Brooke asks if Nicole will enjoy rehearsals more this week.  She says yes, but I’m sure she’ll be as neurotic as usual.  Brooke asks a leading question about last year, but Derek goes on about how great Nicole is and how wonderful it is to dance with her.  How does that make YOU feel, Brooke?  10,10,10  Derek seemed way more excited than Nicole.

Don’t forget, next week is the semi finals!

And now for my recurring feature, “Where Are They Now?”  Buzz Aldrin was the second contestant eliminated.  And Buzz is still alive.  That concludes this week’s “Where Are They Now?” segment.