Shparkle turns to Isabelle – I’m just going to call her Belle from now on, since autocorrect keeps changing Isabelle to Isabella – and asks to see her beauty routine.
And now we see Heather and Mom sitting right on the ice. I knew Heather was one cold b-tch, but really? Also, I’m kinda surprised that with her huge ass she doesn’t just smash right through the ice. Mom is extremely critical of Belle, and Shparkle shares Mom, not Belle, is the biggest challenge. She has to “get Mom out of the equation so we can see and hear” Belle. I hate to say it, but that makes sense. Well, a stopped clock and all that. Just like Sandra Lee.
Eden then demos a beauty walk, in her socks on the freezing cold ice. Shparkle tells Belle she has the fundamentals down, and she needs to work on taking time and finding the grace within. Eden shares she thinks Belle will get far in the pageant world “but not as far as me”. Arrogant little –
Also, the bright pink eyeshadow? Yikes.
Now we go back to NYC, because this first segment is apparently 90 minutes long, to what we’re told are model auditions for the premiere of Eden’s fashion line. First of all, why is this the first time we’ve heard of a “fashion line”? Second, what designer would work with her? Third, if she has a fashion line, why did she go to Asiago’s place to be in hisfashion show? Shparkle begins the session with a “sparkle baby” (probably all she can remember given that she’s likely tanked again). Then we hear Eden quietly asking Heather if she would write down girls’ names when they announced them. You know, this illiteracy is heartbreaking. And I mean that sincerely. This poor child who has no friends, no childhood, no real parents, and not one person in her life who will care enough to educate her and give her a normal life.
And who is the person in leopard on the left-hand side, who we never see in any of the shots? Cutabitch’s dealer?
Heather says she wants stage presence, and Cutabitch says she’s “looking for somebody that [sic] can be trainable”. That reminds me, I need to call Animal Control on Cutabitch. Andrew says they need to be able to take direction. So talent is not a factor in their decision, apparently, just being biddable.
We see Cory (Corie? Correy? Corree? Kohrie? Kory? Kori?) who cries. I’m more fixated on what Eden is wearing, which seems to be a black mullet-style Stevie Nicks dress.
Searching for an answer.
Now Nikki comes in. She’s one of Andrew’s clients, we’re told – oh, she’s the 1client in his “roster”.
Thank you for a funky time.
Shparkle says it’s a major conflict of interest. No it’s not, how is one girl working for anothera conflict? They ask Nikki to do a “Chrissy walk”.
Which looks like every other walk.
What the hell is a Chrissy walk? After whom is it named? Chrissy Snow?
Doubt anyone’s knocking on her door anymore.
Cutabitch looks like she likes Nikki, Heather looks positive, too. Nikki leaves and Andrew walks her and her mother out. Eden leaves as well. So no adult is supervising her. Nice.
Aaaannnndddd now the tantrum starts. Cutabitch yells “did he lose his freaking mind”, Shparkle says she was trying to maintain her composure, Heather says Andrew continues to put Shparkle in a bad position. Shparkle goes to the door and bellows for Andrew, who comes back.
We return to Shparkle saying she can’t believe Andrew brought another pageant client into Eden’s audition. Andrew shares Shparkle looks “like a Hot Wheels car with flames coming out of her head”. Andrew, you never played with Hot Wheels cars. But it’s cute you’re trying to convince us you did.
If this van is a’rockin . . .