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Friday, June 8, 2012
10:30 am
43 Comments
Tagged: andrew, cutabitch, Eden Wood, heather, logo, Mickie Wood, pennydreadful, reality, reality show, recap, recaps, Shparkle Babee, snarky, TV, tvgasm
He responds to Shparkle that it was an open audition, and he can’t control who comes to try out. Seems reasonable to me. Heather says he has to tell Nikki to “stay away from us”. Shparkle then bursts out with “I run this show, I run the Eden Wood train. (Off the tracks, apparently). At the end of the day everybody is going to have to listen to what I say”. Andrew tries to respond, and Cutabitch cuts him off by screaming “let her get it out. She has to”. Is this a conversation or a trip to the toilet?
If only we could do this to the E-Team.
Shparkle continues that she’s “sick of the bulls-it”. Heather says Andrew is “selecting them over us”. Andrew finally gets a word in, and says she (presumably Nikki’s mother) “is a friend. Am I going to change that, no. I’m sorry. Can I separate friendship and business, absolutely”. He shares that his loyalty is to the business product in front of him. Like every other professional agent, manager and publicist. I’m not Andrew’s fan – and I totally think he’s on something or just cray-cray – but he has a point here, and it’s a valid one.
Unpersuaded, Cutabitch, now shrieking, asks “how can you have the f-cking BALLS“? The entire country wonders the same about you, you untalented hack!
Also, speaking of b-lls . . .
Andrew responds “that’s rude” and Shparkle says “maybe we don’t need to have the damned fashion show, maybe Eden and I just need to go back to Arkansas. (YES! YOU DO! NOW! I’LL BUY THE TICKET!) When you all just freakin’ grow up, I’ll be back. Until then, forget it”, and slams the door behind her as she leaves. She shares she’s “fed up” and hopes it “got through to him”.
Back at the home of the National Quilt Museum, Belle’s mother is continuing to criticize her while Belle rehearses. Mom says she needs “more face. You’re smiling too much and I need more oohs and aahs and eyebrows”.
Point taken, Mom.
Right after, Mom shares she tries not to be too competitive and make Belle nervous. Good job, Mom! Back to speaking at Belle, Mom says “you know this is a big pageant and a very very important pageant. You’re gonna shine?” Oh yes all trumped-up pageants with 6 contestants are very very important, Mom.
Over in NYC, Shparkle and Heather are in Andrew’s office, claiming he’s an hour late. I think they probably just can’t tell time or, in Shparkle’s case, too drunk to read her watch. Andrew arrives and says he was caught in traffic. Heather starts out in a surprisingly reasonable tone, but Shparkle interrupts her to shout that “it’s a f-cking bigger picture then you being late”. And good morning to you, too, sunshine. How many have you thrown back so far?
Jesh a few tiny ones. That Andrew, he’s a gittin in my craw!
Andrew says he has been working, and Shparkle cuts him off with “Oh my god I’m so pissed right now I can’t even think straight”. I assume she means “pissed” in the British way. . . Andrew asks what she’s talking about, and Heather says they heard “from very reputable sources that not only are you representing another pageant child, she’s getting our leftovers on all the work we’ve done”.
Shparkle continues yelling “Where’s your loyalty? Where’s your honesty? Where’s the trust I thought we had?” She shares that Andrew is “taking strategy Heather and I built (pimping your kid out for everything that comes down the pike isn’t a strategy) and putting Eden out there and making her the little pageant pioneer and somebody else is gonna come along and imitate that”. Back in the room, Shparkle goes on shouting “I have stood up for you. I have stood by you. I have defended you and you are f-cking my daughter’s career up”. (Career? CAREER?) Andrew – who either is actually shocked or a muchbetter actor that I thought – starts to say “What are you talking about? This is so not true” and seems genuinely hurt.
Rut-roh!
43 Comments
Good lord.
Ah Penny as always you nailed it. These people are nuts, all of them. I actully did see Eden once on Toddlers & Tiaras sign her name, albeit rather messy.
Time to dump Eden and on to Honey Boo Boo Child. Man, I hope you will be writing about her.
But I wish you weren’t so damn funny, or perhaps I need to not drink coca cola whilst I read the recap as I always snort it up my nose by laughing so hard!
Schparkle, unless you and Heather of Des Moines and cutabitch are a polyamorous group, cut loose one or both of them! Andrew is based in New York (I think). Not visiting and being led complainingly from place to place like the other two. So, get over the idea he can only have one client (NO ONE only has one client!). Does the other girl look like Eden? NO, SHE DOESN’T. Guess what? People in “the biz” are hired (or not) every day because of the look. Um, unless the other girl has sane and easy to deal with people around her, then she will beat Eden if they want a “pageant girl.” WHY they’d want one, I don’t know. But, I suppose anything’s possible.
Wasn’t it a roller skating rink ? I may have to watch it again..
Wow! PennyD, that was amazing. Absolutely amazing. Just as I was thinking “with that grammar, this woman was a teacher?” You said pretty much the same thing. Word salad.
The little girl, odd hair notwithstanding, is lovely. And she looks about 25.
Eden looks terrible. Probably just the awful makeup, but she doesn’t look a bit cute. She looks tired and shopworn. And she is sporting quite the double chin. Poor little thing could use a vacation. Something with, oh, I don’t know, toys and a playground and jeans with scuffy tenners. Fresh air and running around would do her a world of good Before she goes to school and has books and friends and stuff.
Thank you for another stellar recap. Can’t wait to find out your next project!
I also thought it was a roller rink not a skating rink.
I think they said “Prissy” walk not “Chrissy” walk. A Prissy walk is the little bouncy sashay walk models and pageant girls do.
This show is just trainwreck. My God! Love the Prince pictures and references.
That was an awesome recap.
My jaw is on the floor with how terrible these people are.
These are TERRIBLe people.
I swear they are barely human.
I imagine since they charge for Eden’s autograph (at least at the Cutie Patootie pageants according to reports), it has been worth the trouble for Des Moines Heather or Schparkle to teach Eden to write her name.
I just cannot believe no one will teach her to read and write. Good grief. Unless there is something someone doesn’t want her to read. Schparkle?
My just turned 5 year old can write his name but still can’t read yet. So you can do one without the other.
I couldn’t wait for this recap – hilarious! I also could not figure out why Andrew went all cray-cray on Cutabitch…I mean, she’s doing her job (badly, per usual) but why did he say pageants are fake and that poor girl looked 25? I just couldn’t figure out why he was acting so stupidly. I was kind of hoping that when Shparkle started to yell at him in NY that he would just quit, telling them he wanted to back a winner instead of Eden…that would have been hilarious.
I also don’t know why they are looking for an apartment in NY – you are right, in LA, Eden at least could have gotten work as a “curiousity.” Heh.
Great recap…this show is suuuuch a trainwreck. Thank God it’s only 30 minutes.
Hasn’t Andrew gone to all of the pageants so far without complaint? I guess he’s finally realized that A-list New York publicists don’t spend their time with fake-tanned children at made up pageants. Good for him. Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step.
I want Fran to do hair and make up for everyone I know. That way, I’ll always be the youngest looking, most attractive person in the room!
Nooooo! As I scrolled down (before reading) to write this I caught a couple of comments AND I HATE MY DVR because apparently I missed a good one!
When I got around to (in theory) watching the show instead I found a damn RDJ and Val Kilmer movie. Son of a biscuit!
Thankfully there’s the recap. Yay
Am now waiting for the Shparkle Babee episode of House Hunters.
PennyD, I love you. That is why I am writing this for the fourth no fifth friggen time ’cause my ******* puter keeps cutting out on me.
Thought the bit on the side was my fave, but they are all (I’ll bet) close to home!
Good going Queenie, and PennyD!
Holy. Fucking. Shit. Please pardon my language…this episode (that I wasn’t even able to WATCH) has infuriated me beyond any reality TV infuriation I can recall.
Someone, please, ANYONE, with some authority over children in New York or Arkansas or anywhere this poor, ignorant, deluded, untalented mess of a child goes, please DO SOMETHING! She thinks she’s a STAR! Her horrible drunken asshat of a mother has seriously damaged this kid (and I’m in the Crabby camp – I don’t even LIKE kids), and she’s going to be ruined for life (if it’s not too late already) unless someone DOES something. OMG.
Sorry guys, but this is just serial child abuse. If Logo renews this horror show that damn kid can kiss friends, an education, and a childhood goodbye. I hope like HE’LL it really isn’t too late (steps off soapbox).
Dear auto-correct,
Kindly eff off and quit turning my HELLs into he’ll.
Thank you,
Amy
@PennyDreadful Your recap made me ROFL the whole time I read it. I kind of wish you could’ve picked this week to be boring though. Because the AC’s busted. And ROFLing makes me hotter.
But this was such an epic episode it ended up being worth it! Somebody needs to make this whole show into an opera. Or at least a musical.
I’ve been watching all the Jubilee stuff too! And reading Lady Colin Campbell’s new book.
If you didn’t read it yet she’s saying that old story about how the Queen Mum and her brother were actually Handmaid’s Taled in is true. And the Queen’s grandmama was really Marguerite the cook!
I love it. “Eden: The musical” with the ultimate irony that a beautiful, talented child who has trained in acting, dancing, and voice will play the lead.
At age seven.
In Australia “pissed” means being very drunk so Schparkle was using the correct word.
I read somewhere that Schparkle has wasted $60,000 on glitz photos (and I have a feeling that money made its way into the ample pockets of Des Moines’s own Hillbilly Heather) that are pretty well useless. Now, if she’d taken that money and put it in the bank, it’d be a great start to Eden’s alleged college fund. Since we know Mickie would never do THAT since she wants more immediate results, she could have:
1. Gotten a tutor for Eden
2. Enrolled Eden in dance, voice, and/or acting classes
3. Gotten some decent photos
I know $60k won’t last forever, but that’s five things she could have gotten $12,000 worth (just as an example). And Eden would be much more prepared than she is now.
Also, unless cutabitch is PAYING Mickie a substantial amount (which, of course, she is not) she is a puzzling addition to the team. Why would anyone pick her? Who picked her? Heather?
For everyone’s amusement, this Sunday on the OWN channel will bring us Our America with Lisa Ling, a funtabulous show called Sparkle Babies, starring of course Shparkle to give her infinite (delusional) wisdom and knowledge about kid pageants. Grab your favorite liquid awesomeness for an hour of fun! Just thought someone, anyone, here might be just a tad interested!
Thank you Bsmom!!! I’ll be there.
Off topic, if QEII’s gran had been the cook it would only have improved a bloodlines that had been sadly inbred for centuries. Just look at the (late) Romanoffs.
Yeah I actually sided with the pageant mom and think she had class when she calmly told Andrew to leave and not talk like that and add drama in front of her DD like that. It was over the line. That little girl was just trying to get her hair done and needed to be calm for the pageant.
Amy: I watched it on Logotv.com So you can catch the episode that way.
@April: Thanks! I hadn’t even thought of that. Now I have to weigh my desire to actually watch the show against the possibility that my fist may end up poking out the other side of my computer screen…
Prissy walk = that funky walk with the arms swinging. Usually executed with a duck face.
@snowshoecat ROFL I’ve been in arguments about that story. Way before that book. I never believed it.
Because over time, 1 of the things that’s convinced people that were marrying cousin to cousin to quit doing it, is that’s how you get Prince Charles.
I’m not sure my mind’s changed. That cook kept working for them all her life. And the Queen Mum was named for her. So she might’ve been a cousin herself!
To show that it’s not really all that off topic, I don’t think we realize what a big place this show’s going to end up getting in reality tv history. As an important bench mark.
I just wish I could do stuff with videos. Because I would so do a mash up of Eden’s World and Jubilee clips!
And start it off with Eden walking around in her show girl suit to Zadok the Priest. And the Queen up on the balcony to Cutie Patootie. Then put up scenes of Shparkle and the E-Team hollering mixed with Jubilee fireworks and stuff like Princess Anne waving her little flag. And maybe a split screen so it looks like Eden’s showing Kate Middleton how to do pretty feet.
Kthxy, that video idea is diabolical!!
I so heart it.
Never, ever after you have found a leftover from your daughters friends and decided to smoke it. Never, Never, Ever think it would be a fun thing to watch Edens World. It is too scary. Just going now to see what there is to eat.
No, BlueDog, sadly even that doesn’t help. Nothing can make it …. palatable?
Found the below on perezhilton.com. I am throwing down the bullshit card. Eden can’t read. Eden told us she can’t read.
She may be a Pageant Princess, but girl gets schooled like everyone else!
Well… home schooled. For five hours a day four days a week…
SO, she’s like… HALF as educated as a normal child. But when you’ve got superficial beauty, who needs brains!
Former Toddlers & Tiara’s sweetie and star of her very own LOGO show Eden Wood, was recently accused of not being able to read… by her own publicist Andrew Sullivan!
UM… WHAT?! But now, Andrew and Eden’s mom are spinning an alternate tale in which Princess Eden is very capable of reading, just not so much in front of cameras.
Eden’s Mom reveals:
“If you ask a seven-year-old to read a paragraph that is foreign to them when there are three cameras filming them, I don’t care how smart they are, they are going to have issues.”
TRUTH. Even adults get phased when put under the spotlight.
BUT, being under scrutiny is Eden’s current job! So, perhaps she needs to spend a little more time hitting the books and a little less on primping her 7-year old self if she wants to be a TRUE superstar!
Looks fade girl, it’s your smarts that make you forever beautiful!
Closet, Kthxy, Bluedog, and especially PennyDelightful, et al, it is our smarts that make us what we are. We are phab women and don’t need to rely on “facial” beauty to be truly beautiful. Beauty fades, but we are really what we make of ourselves.
Can you imagine the panic women who rely on beauty experience with every (newly discovered) wrinkle?
Horrible!
Yay us!
Educate that child.
When did Andrew “accuse” Eden of not being able to read? I think Eden would know if she can read and she has said more than once that she cannot. Even if I bought Mickie’s feeble attempt to spin this thing, that doesn’t help Eden. It only helps Mickie save face.
Just FYI homeschoolers do not have to do it near as long as kids are actually in school. Mostly because there is no time wasted changing classes, taking attendance etc. They also get one on one tutoring which normally means you can accomplish 2 or 3 times as much in half the time.
Now, this is probably not applying strictly to Eden, but don’t knock homeschoolers or get how it works twisted. They get to “School” way less over all time and still get equal to if not more learning in. That is why child actors or gymnasts, etc do homeschooling. They will therefore have more free time to work because homeschooling does not take nearly as long.
Penny, I love your recaps and can’t wait to hear about your new assignment!
I don’t think they were at an ice rink, though. It looked like Isabelle was in roller skates.
“If you ask a seven-year-old to read a paragraph that is foreign to them when there are three cameras filming them, I don’t care how smart they are, they are going to have issues.”
Well, gee. She’s the next Shirley Temple or Dakota Fanning! She’s so “fearless,” right! Reading in front of cameras is supposed to be Eden’s JOB. What director or talent agent (besides Heather the Fraud) wants a kid who can’t read in front of cameras?
What a load of hogwash. The kid’s illiterate.
Considering her mother speaks in way that would be embarrassing to a third-grade dropout, that’s not likely to change any time soon.
Mickey and Heather have proven, once again, that they have NO IDEA how the business works. Agents have MANY clients, that is just the way it is! And whoever said above that Nikki (who I thought was much prettier than Eden) would be no competition for Eden due to the fact that they look completely different is exactly right. It was highly unprofessional of Andrew to drop Nikki as a client and will hurt any chance he has of actually having a career in the publicity field. I am not able to watch this show because we don’t get it up here in Canada but the recaps are enough to make my head spin!
@snowshoecat LOL Everybody that ever got dumped for somebody that’s less pretty than them is nodding their head at you right now!
If people are lucky it’ll happen to them early in life. So they learn it way before they get to Real Housewife age.
(I know I said something close to that before but it’s still true)
Oh and Prince Philip finally got out of the hospital. In time for his 91st birthday. But they’re still making him stay in the bed.
Anyway I guess the Olympics is next. And once that’s over people can get back to wondering how come Kate Middleton’s not knocked up yet. My guess is it’s because she needs a sandwich.
This is Isabelle’s Mom.
Yes this was a big pageant for Belle. Not that is was a big pageant because of awards or anything like that but because she was able to reunite with her grandmother. My mom died on my sons 2nd birthday 5 years ago and it is very hard to this day and yes I still cry. Belle did an amazing job at the pageant. I was sooo proud of her. Amazing Grace is a tribute to her MiMi. Thank you for the nice comments and I enjoyed reading your recap. Gave me a giggle.
Lindsey Isabelle’s Mom, I am glad your Belle got to meet her remaining grandmother. I am sorry for your loss. I know it’s just hard to say it outloud sometimes.
What is your impression of the CP pageants? Are they like they are on TV or are they more professional?
It was quite the experience! Our episode was actually thw first of the episodes that was filmed so everything was new and the kinks weren’t worked out. I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t happy at all with the fight in the dressing room and I was at 2 other episodes too. Belee was treated unfairly and told to NOT talk to Eden because she was already filmed and to stay away from the cameras atall time.
My poor girl wouldn’t even go into the restroom because Eden was in there. I was told that she could do other ageants but just couldn’t be featured and when we went to the pageants… I was treated very rudely by the producer 2ugene. I felt very disrespected and so did Isabelle. I probally won’t have anything else to do with Edens world again because of the treat
@Isabelle’s Mom – Props to you for shutting down that ridiculous and unprofessional fight. Someone needed to do it, but it’s unfortunate that you were the only adult during the whole experience.
I think it just illustrates hoe desperate Eden’s World really is – staging events and taking advantage of the participants rather to further her own career rather than helping boost confidence and poise of the girls she and the E-Team are supposedly “mentoring”. What a train wreck.
Best of luck to you and Isabelle! She’s very talented!
Lindsey Isabelle’s Mom, I watched the episode after your post. I thought you handled the situation around the makeup area very well. I noticed Fran did a decent job on Isabelle. Finding out this was the first CP pageant makes a lot of sense.
I also now see why everyone was harping on Andrew. I was appalled at how he acted. It is one thing harrassing adults, but… as you said Belle is only nine. She doesn’t need to be brought into adults’ (self created) problems. Hm, maybe Andrew pitching a fit guilted Fran into doing a decent job because she jacked up some girls’ hair and makeup.
I think they really made a mistake not planning the flow of people in the pageant room as well as other areas (bathroom, makeup room). The show would have looked better if sticking around for later pageants had been a more pleasant experience.
Oh, and I specifically looked at the skating rink. It’s marked off for hockey, but it’s a roller rink. A lot of people play hockey wearing inline skates. As crazy as this show is, I think everyone would have needed to do the same thing even if they were sitting on ice.
Hi Lindsey, add me to the roster of those who celebrate your good sense. Belle seems to be a real sweetie, and you get along so well together.
I hope you are still reading, because I have had a question since this televised fiasco began: how did you get together with the E-team? Did you write to Schparkle or someone? Did you go through an agency? Did someone approach you? I reallly want to know how a family so Normal got together with such icky people.