Fall Out Boys

This week’s episode of Entourage deals with all kinds of reprecussions most notably from the Eric/Sloane/Tori ménage a trois. You see, Eric woke up all snuggle bunnies with Tori, and not with his girlfriend Sloane, post-threesome. To make matters worse due to Sloane’s “rules” he wasn’t able to fully, err, release his feelings towards Tori during the bangfest. So now Eric’s heads are both filled with unfulfilled fantasies about the hot hot hotttt Tori. Oh poor guy, what is that, like the one fantasy these four guys have yet to fulfill? No tears will be shed for you and your limited FMF experience. But this isn’t all that we explore in this ep. We also get a heaping dose of Mrs. Ari and the beginning of the resolution of Ari’s firing from last season. Plus, Ms. Melinda Clarke shows up for a few so we can elevate this episode from lackluster to O.C.-tastic!Eric is the kitchen seeking cuddle amber alert advice from his boys, which is a pretty big mistake. Besides my mother and a priest I used to work with, I’ve got to think that Johnny Drama and Turtle are the two worst people to seek threesome advice from. Or any advice really. Luckily, Vince is there to also lend some much needed brain power. Okay, maybe not brain power, but perhaps some experience. Being that Vince is currently unemployed and a Hollywood leper – congratulations Ben Affleck, you’ve been replaced – he is very interested in helping his buddy out. Drama is too, but only really in deriding E for even giving an unsolicited snuggle. It’s so unmanly. I can’t be the only guy who doesn’t mind a good snuggle. Cue swooning female TVgasm readers. Regardless, Sloane is having a charity event, because that is what rich guys’ daughters do in LA, later on that evening and the guys need to help set up during the day. Naturally, Turtle complains, but Eric needs his wingmen to run defense because Tori will most likely be there helping out, and in a post-snuggle world things can get pretty awkward.

Ari is on his way to meet Terrence, his former boss, about the compensation he requires for basically making Terrence’s agency the cash cow it has become. As Terrence is sitting there all sleek silver-haired evil, I remember why Malcolm McDowell was so freaking scary and awesome in A Clockwork Orange. I half expect him to leap out of his chair and start beating people to death while humming “Singing in the Rain”.

Terrence makes Ari a lowball, crap offer, which Ari wipes his ass with. Ari bluffs Terrence (surprised her fell for that), reminding him that he’s got a rich wife who loves spoiling him and nothing but time. SEE YOU IN COURT GRANDPA! Terrence finally caves and they come to an agreement: $11 million dollars. That seems like a bargain to get Jeremy Piven out of your hair, no?

At the charity event setup for Sloane – which is for like Chihuahuas who have been abused by a Hilton or something – things are awkward for Eric, as he just about messes his pants when seeing Tori. I have to admit that, due to a relocation of my TVgasm office (read: I moved out of my apartment), I didn’t catch this episode until just the other night a full 24 hours after the least surprising shock announcement ever: Lance Bass is gay. Now every time I see Sloane all I can think of is this:

Vince, sensing the tension emitting from E, lightens the mood by saying he’s willing to do anything Sloane needs to help out with the cause. After all, he once had a Chihuahua that was abused by a Hilton. Sloane, seizes the opportunity and informs Vince that Zach Braff just bailed on being an auctioned off dinner date. Since Vince is the most famous person in the room right now, he’ll make an excellent replacement. Oh, best line -
Turtle to Sloane, about the decoration help from Tori: “You guys work well together.”

The awkwardness may end when Eric and the guys leave, but the craziness just won’t stop. Due to Tori’s cool demeanor towards Eric, he is now convinced that he should head over to Tori’s hotel to apologize to her. For the snuggle. After their threesome. But whyyyyy, Eric? Why? Why? Why? Well there is no room for reasoning when a hobbit finds love, so he sets off to her hotel to confront Tori about his serial snuggling.

Ari, meanwhile, has taken his doting wife, Mrs. Ari, to a large commercial office space. Before that, he plies her with a huge diamond ring in front of her Newpsie-like friends (two O.C. references – there should be some kind of prize for still caring about that show!). The commercial space is for the brand new Ari Gold Super Duper DUPER Talent Agency. With the money that he extorted from Terence Ari’ll be able to fill up this commercial space with tons of life sucking agents all under his mind control! With this new space Ari will have the most powerful, the biggest and most overcompensating agency in town! To christen the blessed event, Mr. & Mrs. Ari have some very 9 1/2 Weeks sex on the dirty floor. Except as dirty as the floor is, it will never be as dirty as having sex with Mickey Rourke.

Only problem is, as the Golds are leaving the building, walk of shaming it back to their car, Ari pushes Mrs. Ari to the sidewalk and joins her down there in a panic. Unfortunately, the person they were trying to dodge, the backstabbing agent Andrew Davies, didn’t fall for Ari’s “we lost a contact” story. It’s really when Davies starts firing back to Ari’s public verbal attack, with something equally vile, and then apologizes to Mrs. Ari: “Sorry, he brings it out in me.” If Davies figures out that Ari is trying to buy a bigger office space, and goes back and tells his boss, Terrence, the whole thing could go up in smoke.

At Tori’s hotel, Eric runs into his equally diminutive arch nemesis, Seth Green. They banter, and it’s nice to see Seth Green be funny again. Season 4 of The Family Guy and the not-so-dearly departed Three Kings does not a comedic resume make.

Eric finally finds Tori, who is startled by Eric’s appearance at the world’s least relaxing hotel pool ever. Eric and Tori go for a drink, at the world’s least relaxing hotel pool’s least relaxing pool bar ever. Tori didn’t think it was so weird the way they woke up, but she thinks it’s REALLY weird that Eric’s there, behind Sloane’s back now. Tori might be a fun loving, threesome having hottie, but Sloane is her friend; the other night was just fun, nothing more. Tori tells Eric that he’s got a great girl:

And to go back to her.

Eric relays the story of how he was basically called a stalker, and the guys kind of see that point. Drama and Turtle go so far as to say that Sloane is the one that he should be apologizing to. Sloane is the one who DIDN’T get the snuggle. But now the pieces are all starting to come together. Did E fall in love during a threesome? Is that why Tori got to be his cuddle bear for the night?

Eric tries to proclaim that it was an accident. Drama should understand, being that if you were to put the screws to Mama Chase she’d probably admit that everything about Drama from conception to his present state has been some kind of accident. Drama tells him that Freud would say there are no accidents, something he presumably learned on the set of Sigmund: The Revenge of Freud. Eric has the best comeback of his life, when he reminds Turtle and Drama that they crossed swords (moment to vomit) during there threesome last year (moment to vomit). Was that an accident? This officially makes Drama & Turtle the new Chandler and Joey. Oh come on, you just know that one of those skanks that Joey brought back to the apartment suggested a little 3-way fun that both Mr. Bing and Mr. Tirbbiani were WAY to eager to participate in.

Eric is running late getting ready for Sloane’s event. For once, Vince has to go to him to see what the hold up is. The hold up, it seems, is the massive hard-on Eric can’t get rid of for his girlfriend’s best friend. Vince also reminds him how great Sloane is, and that also, the Tori ship is about to set sail. She’s leaving tomorrow morning, so all Eric has to do is keep it in his pants and his mouth shut for the evening. Once she’s out of town it will be much better.

The guys get to the event, all dressed to save some Chihuahuas. They spot a very elegant looking Tori, before Sloane can come up and give them all a big hello. At this point I must give credit where credit is due. I am not a huge fan of either Eric or his portrayer, Kevin Connelly. I think the character can be a little self-righteous and the actor a little flat. One probably has something to do with the other (a better actor might be able to make something more of Eric’s whining and high horse hopping; a better character might appeal more to Kevin’s strengths), but I digress. I feel like this is one of the first times in the show’s three seasons that Eric shows this particular side of awkwardness, and Kevin gets to be funny in light of the discomfort. I’m very pleasantly surprised by how funny Kevin Connelly plays his scenes. For once, most of the laughs come from E, rather than Turtle/Drama banter (it should be noted, however, that the two of them spend a good portion of the episode even further in the background than normal).

At the party Ari wants to show off his big cock, I mean, bank account by bidding on all the silent auction prizes. Mrs. Ari tries to disapprove but really, she loves that she’s married to such an asshole.

Drama continues to bait Eric by asking him if he can go after Tori. Why do I have a feeling poor Kevin Dillon had a similar conversation with his brother Matt 20 years ago re: Diane Lane? Eric is having trouble telling Drama that he doesn’t care if he goes after Tori, but finally relents. Look, Eric, I know that Tori scouted out the Hotness Minor Leagues by letting you in on the 3way with Sloane, but I doubt she’s ready to hit up the local Hotness Little League to call up Drama. You’re in no danger. To further prove my point, Tori comes over and asks Eric if she can talk to him. It’s weird because she’s done a complete about face with Eric, now shying away from the “stalker” allegations and hitting on him. As a matter of fact, even though she’s leaving tomorrow, she’d love to have a no rules threesome with him and Sloane before she goes. Basically she just put Eric’s head into her HOOTENANNY. Talk about blue balls.

Vince is currently fulfilling his promise of being auctioned off for charity (how does it feel to be Zach Braff’s replacement? Ouch. If you need to cry, I’ve got some Dixie Cups you can use to catch your tears, Vince). I kind of wanted this scene to go another way. I thought that since this is probably a very high power Hollywood event (Sloane’s dad is the second most evil man in all of Entourage-dom, after all), I was hoping that the bidding would go a lot less successfully, since Vince is no longer in favor with much of the town. Alas, the old biddies are emptying their pocket books for a chance to get some Aquadick. Vince of course plays his role perfectly charming all the old money in the room, but what he really wants is the flirty waitress. Point Pleasant alert!

My favorite scene of the episode is this next one where Mrs. Ari shows Melinda Clarke her new ring. In true Julie Cooper fashion, Melinda is coveting the huge rock. Ugh. I’m going to totally miss you JuJu when The O.C. is cancelled by this winter. Tear. Mrs. Ari, concerned that the new rock will cause speculation as to the healthy state of the Golds’ gold tells Melinda that the rock is a CZ (Cubic Zirconium – it took me a minute too). Melinda quickly drops Mrs. Ari’s tainted hand faster than she can get rid of Pony with Alopecia. Mrs. Ari of course takes out her frustration of having to lie, on her husband. But Mrs. Ari has gotten it all wrong. They aren’t newly rich, just because of Terrence’s money; they just can’t mention anything about the new office space. But it’s too late. JuJu has already told everyone at the Cohen’s about Mrs. Ari’s CZ.

Vince is close to sealing the deal with Point Pleasant when he spots Eric stumbling around in an erection fueled haze, and goes to check on his boy. Eric is having a former altar boy panic attack, and needs to get out of their immediately. He’s a good Catholic boy, but he just wants to take Tori in the closet and do very un-Christian things to her. He can’t even look at Sloane, because the guilt of his impure thoughts is written all over his face.

In other bad, bad news, Andrew Davies DID in fact spot Ari, whose suspicious behavior earlier led Mr. Davies to start snooping and figure out that Ari is setting up to make a huge move on Terrence’s talnet agency turf. Davies wants a partnership, corner office and a million dollar a year salary guaranteed or he’s going to lay Ari’s shit bare to Terrence. Ari is pissed, but I reckon he sees a little of his younger self in the soulless, cocksucker that is Andrew Davies. Knowing when he’s backed into a corner, Ari agrees to the terms.

Eric’s closet-bang idea got the wheels in Vince’s head turning however. When the winner of Vince Chase’s Ass for a night is announced he is in the coat closet showing Point Pleasant everything that the wicked old lady who won him is going to get. And more.

Eric is sleeping at Sloane’s apartment when she walks in and tells him that Tori is going to be sleeping on the couch. Maybe if Eric hadn’t blown his wad at the charity event, he’d have the opportunity to blow it now for Sloane and Tori. But NOOOOO. Now everyone is just going to have a very PG-rated sleepover. A little while later, Eric is in the position that got him into trouble in the first place: Crouching Snuggle. This time it’s with Sloane, so in theory, it’s okay. However, little Frodo seems to be awake, even though Sloane is not. He creeps into the living room, just as Tori is packing up to leave for the airport.

Things get a little uncomfortable, until Eric finally blurts out: “Am I crazy or do we both want this?” I’m taking the leap of faith that someone like Tori would want someone like Eric, but again, Tori is the bigger man. Her response to Eric: “Does it matter?” Before she is a sex nut, she is a friend. And she could never do that to Sloane. For the umpteenth time this episode someone is telling Eric to go back to his nice, sweet, safe girlfriend. So you know they are just totally doomed.

So is this the end of Tori? Will Eric be able to get it up for Sloane without an assist from Tori? And what about Vince’s stalled career? What’s next for him?