Expedition Impossible: Lalalala, Life Goes On

What’s crackalackin’ crackers? *sigh* I’m exhausted.  My foot itches.  I’m hungry…*sigh*…..

Montage of what we’ve seen.  Last week, Fab 3 won the challenge by default, and Fireficcus’s went home….yawn.  This week…….

Host tells us that this is the sixth challenge.  He says there are 8 teams, and after the challenge is over,  there will only be 7 teams.  Jesus Christ…..*groaneyerollsigh*.  He then says “The last team to cross the finish line will be eliminated and sent home.”……..3………2……..

..1

So, for the first leg of the challenge, they must cross some river, hike to a town called ”Cascade Azoog”, and find some rug, then get their further directions. Alrighty then. Before Fab 3 sets off first, Host tells them (and the other teams standing there, I suppose), to “Be strong, work together, and never give up.” Hm.  Big words from someone who’ll be chillin’ in his air conditioned trailer for the next 12hrs.  Sheesh.

Fab 3 set off, and while we watch them frolic through the challenge, A.J. VOs something about having a target on his back, and it makes me giggle.  Oh, A.J……

Here is a full explanation of the rug part of the challenge….

Find rug with the correct 5 holes.

Find correct sign.

Match it up. Read. Go.

Got it?

WRONG holes.

WRONG holes.

CORRECT holes.

Oh, and there are over 100 rugs with holes, but only eight of those have the “correct” holes. (LOL, abc).

Fab 3 goes from first place to second-to-last place because Kari keeps comig behind A.J., and throwing her discarded rugs on top of the ones he’s trynna look through, and it’s hilarious.  He’s soooo mad, ya’ll.  The only reason they continued on before the Fishermen is because the Fishermen are slow, and can’t figure out what they’re supposed to do with the rug.  When I say they are “slow”, I don’t mean cause they’re fat.  I mean….well….

…NVM.  Moving on.

Once at the waterfall, the directions say that they can either jump off a 40 ft cliff (looks more like about 30 ft to me, but whatevs-it’s still fucking high), or rappel down then wade across the water, taking much more time.  Thank God they all automatically decide to jump, or I’d have to jump through the T.V. and just push whoever resisted off the cliff myself.  Well, Gus of Fishermen does whine a little, but his teammates say fuck it and basically ignore him.  They jump.

Next part of the challenge.  Teams must zip-line over a river.  Um, just out of curiosity, Gasmii…..HOW MANY FUCKING RIVERS ARE THERE IN MORROCCO?!  Ugh.  Btw-At this point, Football Playas are in first place, with Gypsies right on their tail(s).

Teams zip-line-ing….intense adventure music….a lot of “whoo-hoo”-ing…..zzzzzZZZZZZzzzz……

Next task as follows: Canoeing paddles chained up and locked.  Memorize symbol on the attatched tag.  Swim to a cave.  Find matching tag with attatched key to unlock paddles.  Make sense?  Didn’t think so.  Let’s do this in picture form again, shall we?

Paddles chained and locked together.

Memorize symbol.

Find/swim to cave.

Find matching symbol and key to unlock paddles.

Dumbest.  Challenge.  Ever.  Most of them either don’t thoroughly read or understand the directions, and can’t pick the matching symbol from the four slightly-varying versions of the symbol they’re provided.  I have a “My Little Pony” coloring book that I color in to keep my hands busy when I’m craving drugs, and it has a “circle the matching symbol” game just like this on every other page, so I’d totes kick ass at this shit. Gypsies now in 1st place.

Time to kayak, for the 52nd time this season.  They all end up in a cluster, and capsize one after the other.  LOL.  Abc editing magic tries to make us think that Akbar is drowning.  No such luck.  The only thing that’s NOT funny about this scene is that Erik’s blind-ass actually does almost drown.  Sad day. I wish I could save him.  I love him *blush*.  Gypsies pull even further ahead, and Fab 3 paddle their way into second place.

Next set of directions say they must go back down the mountain (I wasn’t aware they climbed up one), paddle another half-mile, and climb 300ft to the finish line.

Gypsies come in first, Fab 3 second, and No Limit third.  Everyone (including myself) decides that Erik is a mothafuckin’ super-hero, simply for surviving this day.

I. HEART. ERIK.

Cali Girls, and Fishermen are battling for last place, as the Fishermen yell and tell each other to “Shut the fuck up”.  I wish they would ALL shut the fuck up, cause their accent is the most annoying shit I have ever heard in my entire life.  FF.

Between the music, and rapidly switching camera shots, abc is trying reeeeeeallly hard to make this intense, but it’s not.  Cause no one cares about either team.  Spoiler alert: Fishermen lose.  Gus tells us that even though his teammates treated him like shit the entire time, he still loves them. Peace out, Loo-zahs.

I’d like to close this recap by listing for you, the Expedition Impossible cast members I’d like to bang.

1) Erik (duh) from NoLimit

2) Jeff from No Limit (can anyone say “No Limit Sandwich”?)

3) Ryan of Fab 3 (prior to coming out)

4) The white, blond guy from Country Boys

5) Akbar with duct tape over his mouth

6) And maaaaybe Host (if I was super-drunk)

Thoughts?  Concerns?  Comments, please!  Love ya, Gasmii!  MUAH!

Tmurda xoxoxox