Expedition Impossible: “Where’s Waldo” Style

Yo, Gasmii.  Whassup whicha, Fools?  Jack shit?  Me too.  Let’s DO this.

So, last week, Gypsies came in first (yawn), and the Fishermen went home.  We’re treated to a mini-montage of them sucking ass.

The slightly LESS obnoxious version.

Anyhoodles, Host welcomes the remaining seven teams to wherever the fuck they are now, and goes over, yet AGAIN,  the entire premise of the show.  Seven teams left….one-day challenge…one team will be eliminated at the end of the day….six will continue on, blah killmenow blah.  Butterscotch Hitler is either really confused, or completely tuning Host out.  I’m guessing the latter.

This doesn’t concern you, Butter Hit. You’re a winner (aka NOT a loser)

Leg 1 of today’s challenge as follows:

Look at map with 6 symbols (here we go with more “symbols”.  Ugh.)

Example of “symbol” (wtf is a “SOUK”?…Anyone?…Crickets?)

Use binoculars to locate one of the “symbols” in the distance (meaning said “symbol” is correct).

Get in Ford Explorer, and drive to it (location matching “symbol”).

Simple enough, right?  How does Erik’s blind-ass fit into this scenario, you ask?

Awwwwwwe…..Whatever, Bitches. He’s still my Babydaddy.

It takes all the teams a little while to find what they’re trynna spot in the distance through the binoculars, but once the Gypsies spot it (first, naturally), everyone else seems to not be far behind.  Jeff of No Limit even decides to rub it in Erik’s face.

Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too.  Now drive, Assclown.

Akbar steals my thunder by referencing “Where’s Waldo”, and I want to karate-chop his GD throat.

Apparently, a Souk is a very chaotic Morroccan market of sorts.  Man, shut up ya’ll, I’m from Alabama.  We’re not the most cultured folk down here, mmkay?  Anyway, it’s all pretty uneventful, other than one of the Cops having spotted the Souk symbol on the building pretty early on, but failing to make the connection, putting his team in last place. Yes, America.  These are the individuals protecting the civilians of our country.  I will be getting a gun first thing in the morning.

No Limit’s Ike (despite having hiked, rappelled, climbed, jumped, etc through the past 6 or 7 challenges) trips on the curb getting into the Explorer, possibly re-braking an old injury he acquired in Afghanistan.  He tells us “I’m hoping it’s just a torn ligament, or tendon or something.”  Oooookaaaay.

The teams reach the next set of directions one by one, which say that they must ride to an airport, where they will each get “a one-way ticket to the unknown.”

A tad bit dramatic?  Eh, blame it on my catholic Grandmother.

What the message ACTUALLY means is that the teams must basically do the exact same challenge we just saw them do, only they must choose one team member only to look for the “symbol”/clue of where to go next.  Oh!  AND, said team member must do so while skydiving.  LOL.  The planes are tiny, they must go in “heats”, so to speak.  The teams currently in first and second place will go in plane 1 (Butterscotch Hitler of Gypsies, and Jeff of No Limit), second and third place teams in plane 2 (Christina/Token Asian from Cali Girls, and Kerri/Twat Waffle from Fab 3) , and the last three in plane 3 (Ricki of Football Players, Jim of Cops, and Jason of Country Boys).  In the meantime, there are medics checking out Ike’s ankle.  They tell him he needs an ex-ray asap, and for about four seconds, we are made to believe he and his team will have to pull out (insert giggles here) of the competition.  Just as I am about to shed a massive tear, Ike is like “fuck that”, and chooses to continue on with his most-likely broken ankle.  No. Limit. Mothafuckin’. Soldiers.  LOVE.

Btw- THIS is the “symbol” they are all “searching” for while in the air:

Really, abc? I’m pretty sure Erik coulda spotted this shit.

So, basically abc’s entire point to this challenge was resting in the hope of a team or two having a heated (possibly violent and tearful) debacle over who will/wll not skydive?!  FILLER.  Agreed?  Ugh.

So, as you can see represented by the “symbol” pictured above, they all must SWIM to the next location for further directions, which say they must “decode” the message on some wooden sign.  Jesus Christ, this is gonna be a BITCH to explain to ya’ll via keyboard, but here goes:  Said sign:

OPTION #1- Solve the puzzle by using your brain (aka-take the first letter of each of the six “activities” seen above, which spells out KABAH, and is the location of the finish line, and go to it).

OPTION #2- Solve the puzzle by trekking 2miles to some location where you will be given a clue as to how to decode the sign.  Sheesh.  Go back and solve it. Go to finish line.

Gypsies pretty much AUTOMATICALLY crack the code via Butterscotch Hitler.

He points out that he has dominated all parts of today’s challenge, leading his team into first place so far, but humbly let’s us know “Every other day, I’m just the guy with fucked up teeth, holding the sunscreen, preaching hate and domination over all minorities through torture and murder.”   I added the last part.  Okay, okay….AND the part about the teeth.  Sue me.

All other teams, besides Fab 3, who decide to take the hike for the useless clue, solve the puzzle right away and head off in the direction of the finish line.  By the time Fab 3 make it back, just as clueless as before (anyone out there know what the “Archery” clue was supposed to mean?), all the other sets of directions are gone, telling them they are now in last place.  Kerri cries, and I hate her.  A.J. takes a catnap before solving the clue, and they head off……20 mins behind.

Btw- Gypsies are so far ahead at this point that they literally stop for teatime with the locals, which I’m pretty sure makes them a trio of snarky assholes, and I love them for it.  They win today’s challenge.

No Limit, despite one blind member, one with a broken ankle. and one who’s clearly a pothead, come in second.

No. Mothafuckin’. Limit. Whoop whoop!!!

Cali Girls are third, saying some shit about having never been on top.  Uh huh.

Football Players, then Cops are next.  Bubba Gump is slowing down the Country Boys, giving Fab 3 a good chance to catch up.  They do, and pass Country Boys by figuring out/taking a quicker route.  Country Boys go home.  Yeehaw.

What did ya’ll think?  Who else hates Kari and her head scarf?  Who else wants to totally have a foursome with the Superhero Squad (after smoking a bowl with them, of course)?  Anyone think Gypsies stopping for tea was a little….I dunno….unbecoming?  Lemme know what’s on your mind (even if it’s not related to this show, haha). Love ya!!! SMOOOOOCHES!!

Tmurda xoxoxoxo