Face Off Recap: Don’t Feed the Animals

Episode 5 of Face Off!

I am sorry for the delay, I have not given up on this show! Lots of things happened, I got sick, as they would say on RuPaul’s Drag Race- “Shit cray.” But I’m here now.

Apparently this episode will feature the “Most dangerous challenge yet.” Sigh, I’ll just stop commenting on the overdone superlatives now.

Anal Asian Sue is upset LaBrea got booted last week. I’d like to feel bad for her, but I can’t. Look at that face.

 Crying people look funny

 Her and Emo Matt will just have to stick together.

Enough house scenes, let’s go do some makeup! They’re walking to the challenge spot, and Emo Matt makes a statement I’d expect to come out of Ian’s mouth- “We’re walking through this very dense woods, and it feels like a huge forest.”

Guest judge is Sam Huntington, the werewolf from the show Being Human. Nice cross-promotion SyFy! But Being Human is actually a good show, so I’ll let it slide.

Foundation Challenge is to create an original trauma makeup. OMG I bet LaBrea wants to jump off a cliff right now, her specialty is wounds and trauma special effects! I love how things like that always seem to happen on reality shows.

The wounds have to look like they would have been inflicted by a werewolf.

Everyone works like busy little bees. Much silicon and fake blood is had. Then the results.

 Tara- she also made fur on his arm so it would look like he started changing

RJ- “Eye” see you! Wow, that was bad, even for me

Beki- her model got sick of working with her

Sunny (Heather)- teen wolf in a few years

Anal Asian- what a dumb tattoo

The others aren’t important because they only show them briefly, so clearly they didn’t win.

Heather is tops. I actually forgot her name and have been calling her “Sunny” the whole time, so I think I’ll just keep calling her that, because she’s so blah there’s no way I’ll ever actually remember her boring name. Beki is also tops. Sunny isn’t happy about Beki’s success, so that puts her a little higher in my book.

Ugh, Beki wins. Well, she has the experience with a lot of natty, beast-like hair. Mail Order Britney hilarious rolls her eyes when host Makenzie tells her she’s won immunity. I’m glad it seems no one except loser RJ likes Beki.

They walk into the work room and see that it has changed into a zoo! Literally. There are wild animals, plants, etc. Anal Asian shows that she has bonded with them.

She’s perfected the “deer in the headlights” look.

The Spotlight Challenge is to create something very beautiful but also very deadly, like the animals and plants they see. They are in teams of 2 this week.  Each team will pick a plant and an animal and have to use elements from both in the final makeup.

Random teams: Sunny and Rayce, RJ and Ian, Jerry and Emo Matt, MOB and Tara, and Beki and Anal Asian.

Mackenzie also reveals an extra animal behind a wall- a rhino. Why is that such a big deal? Yeah it’s big and has a horn, so what?

They pick what they want.

Sunny and Rayce- water monitor/firesticks

Emo Matt and Jerry- leopard/yellow iris

RJ and Ian- chamelon/ lady slipper orchid

They design a chameleon camouflaged by the orchid.

Looks like a Georgia O’keefe painting from Hell.

Anal Asian and Beki- tarantula/bird of paradise

Beki graciously lets Anal Asian pick, seeing as she has immunity. They pick a tarantula, and Beki says, “yeah, I think that would be pretty hot.” Ok, that’s it, after this and last week she definitely has a bug fetish.

Tara and MOB- emerald tree boa/stargazer lily

Ve and Mackenzie walk around while everyone is working. RJ mentions poison ivy to her and Ve goes, “Poison Ivy? I did her!” On another show this would have a very different meaning.

Beki and Anal Asian don’t work together so great. Ho hum they hate each other, great. Sometimes this show works too hard to create drama. Then again, what reality show doesn’t?

But really Beki, shut up. Just let Anal Asian do what she wants. If it sucks, she’s the one going home. Stop whining.

MOB wants to apply each scale of their snake person individually. Gurl, you’re dreaming. Do you know how long that would take? Stick to what you’re good at- pretty body painting.

 Apparently her own body painting isn’t so hot. What the hell color eyeshadow is that supposed to be? Tie dye?

 So that day ends, and another begins, as they tend to do. Everyone scrambles to get their prosthetics applied.

Emo Matt and Jerry are working hard, but their model keeps twitching. Apparently she has very dry skin and it’s irritating her. I said it last week and I’ll say it again- where did they find these models? The invalid ward of the state hospital? That’s three weeks in a row already that one of them has had a problem!

Everyone rushes frantically to finish, and then it’s over.

RESULTS

The guest judge is actress Vivica A Fox. RJ gets very…excited about her presence.

So here we go:

 Jerry and Emo Matt- Avatar combined with Cat People

Mail Order Britney and Tara- Barney’s creepy gay cousin

RJ and Ian- if they let the plant from Little Shop of Horrors keep growing

Anal Asian and Beki- this was their idea of “feminine”?

Sunny and Rayce- The Creature from the Black Coral Reef

 Time for the judging. MOB and Tara “totally blew it” as Ve said. And as usual, MOB does her best to look like a hooker.

 Maybe she’s trying to win fan favorite?

Sunny and Rayce get high marks for the cool reptile mouth, but not for the flowy white pants. Still a good job, though. Emo Matt and Jerry didn’t integrate the plant enough, and the paint job isn’t too good. Oh look, Jerry’s in the bottom again. I like constancy in a man.

Judge Glenn sums up Anal Asian and Beki’s in one word- “shameful.” Beki of course starts blaming it all on Anal Asian, and Ve steps up and says, “that’s really shitty that you’re throwing her under the bus, because you have immunity.” Preach, sister! I like Ve. She’s like your no-nonsense aunt who’s not afraid to tell you when your new haircut makes you look like a little Dutch choir boy. But with love.

Anal Asian cries again. Seems to be the theme of the episode.

 I guess working with Beki will do that to a person

 Glenn says he didn’t really like anyone’s work in this challenge, but that Ian and RJ integrated plant and animal the best. Congrats, you’re the winners of the losers. It was cool how they had him emerge from the flower, though.

The winner is clearly the orchid chameleon man by RJ and Ian. RJ wins it all, saying “this validates my entire life.” You need one win on a SyFy reality show to validate your life? That’s sad, man.

 What did I say before about blatant cross promotion?

So the teams in danger of getting booted are Beki and Anal Asian and MOB and Tara, but of course Beki has immunity so she’s safe.

The one going home is…Mail Order Britney. Oh, that’s sad. Her cheap pop star knockoff looks and quaint Russian ways were entertaining. Oh well, we’ll always have Moscow.

But what is this? Mackenzie comes into the hang-out room to tell them that they aren’t done yet! Cliffhanger! God damnit, this is not what I want out of Face Off! This is what I watch Revenge and Grey’s Anatomy for!

Well, I guess we will all have to wait until next week to know what’s what.

Did you agree with the judges? Is Beki as heinous as I think she is?

Will Mail Order Britney ever find love with a lonely billionaire with a penchant for Forever 21 and/or a struggling yet endearing Vegas back-up singer with mommy issues? Find out next week! No, not really. I wish. I’d watch that show, “The Mail-Order Bachelorette.” Who’s with me?

<3 L-Money

 

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