Here we go with Face Off 6! I started working on this, then the site went down, then I stopped, yadda yadda yadda, here it is.
Glad we’re (mostly) back up and running!
While watching the intro, I just remembered Nix. That small, strange, hairy man. Keep coiffing, wherever you are.
So we pick up from last week’s cliffhanger. What does Mackenzie have in store for the make-up-testants? They don’t really care, they just want to go to sleep. Most of them look like they want to cut a bitch.
And I’m pretty sure that bitch is Mackenzie
She tells them that special FX artists have to work crazy hours, so suck it up because the next Foundation Challenge starts right now.
Some vanilla (boring and emotionless, not all white) models come out. All the contestants think they have to do beauty makeup, and the boys sweat because the closest most of these get to make up is when their mom kisses them on the cheek. But actually they have to de-beautify the models, or basically make them look like plain, normal people. They call them “make-unders.”
Jerry and RJ are thinking of other things they would like to do to the models
Kim Green is the special judge, who made Drew Barrymore look ugly, in one of my favorite “drink cheap champagne with my girlfriends” movies, Never Been Kissed. Quite appropriate.
Emo Matt says he is making his woman “heroine chic.” Or maybe it was “heroin chic.” I wouldn’t be surprised either way.
Fact- apparently Heroin Chic is a real thing. Here is an example of what Google Images defines as Heroin Chic.
I will never understand the fashion world (sorry Amy, it’s been a while now)
Here are the results after everyone’s done uglying-up their girls.
Anal Asian Sue- not so much ugly, more an advertisement for sunscreen
Jerry- druggie/ho. They make a good pair.
Rayce- the most not-sexy librarian ever
The rest are unimportant. Jerry did well, because he nailed the small details. Ian did well with his blushing prostitute. And Rayce too, for crushing the “sexy librarian” ideal. And Rayce wins! I wouldn’t have thought he’d ever been in a library, but look what you learn.
Now we hear more about the whole Beki-Anal Asian Sue drama. Yes, Beki threw you under the bus and is just generally awful, but it was your bad ideas that got you in the bottom to begin with. Enough.
This week’s superlative? “Toughest challenge yet.” It’s all about old-age maekup, which is super hard. Look at who won the Oscar for best makeup this year- the person who made Goddess Meryl Streep into a haggard, gap-toothed Margaret Thatcher. That shit’s no joke.
They form their own teams of 3. It’s Beki, RJ, and Heather/Sunny (who wanted to be with Beki over Anal Asian, go figure), Tara, Anal Asian, and Emo Matt, and Ian, Rayce, and Jerry (sausage fest woo hoo).
Jerry is happy with his team, saying, “this is a slam dunk unless we screw it up.” More like unless YOU screw it up.
So then a whole bunch of twins come out. A pair of black girls, a pair of blonde bimbos, and a pair of frat bros. Not trying to be reductive or anything, but there is no way I’m remembering the twins’ names, so I’m calling ‘em as I see ‘em. It turns out they have to make one twin look 100 years old and the other 75 (like they are the same person, just older).
And each guy went on to get lucky at least twice that night.
Greg Cannom, the guy who made Brad Pitt into a shriveled little old man in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (weird movie, btw), is the guest judge. So the pressure’s on.
Everyone starts working, mostly doing tooth, face, and hand casts of the models, because those are the most important/obvious things. Then Mackenzie comes back. Apparently, we were all fooled, because the twins are not twins, they’re triplets! The third one from each group comes out, and they’ll have to age this one to 50 yrs old.
“Hi, we’re here to fuck up your lives!” Just like with their parents’ lives…
RJ, who is working with the black twins/triplets, says about the third, “where did this child come from?” I think the point is she came from the same place as the other two, at the same time. Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if his knowledge of the birds and bees was a little lacking. It turns out the third black girl is actually the fraternal sister twin to the identical twins, which means she was always the third wheel to their twin romance.
We learn that everyone has problems with Anal Asian except Emo Matt, and now that Tara is working with her, she does as well. I guess AA is just one of those annoying people, but annoying in a different way than Beki.
The biggest problem with the frat bros is they have really think, bushy hair, and it’s hard to get their heads into bald caps.
Today I learned: People in partially-completed old-age makeups are really creepy
So RJ starts putting the prosthetic on his model’s face, but she starts having, wait for it, a skin reaction. Oh look, another week where the model has to leave the show midway. This is for real the theme of this season, I can’t believe it.
RJ gets a new model, but she is smaller than the old one, and the prosthetic doesn’t fit too well. That sucks for RJ. I once again wonder where they find these people, and why they wouldn’t find out if they have sensitive constitutions beforehand. But at least it keeps happening to different contestants and not the same person twice, although it hasn’t happened to Beki yet, hmmm…
Appropriate, then, that it looks like her face is melting off.
Ok, they scramble to finish and then they’re off to the runway. Or display stage. Whatever.
Emo Matt (Does anyone else think Emo Matt will look like this himself at 50?)
Tara- he’s got Argus Filch hair
Anal Asian- she should have just done this for the horror villain challenge
Rayce- looks way younger than 50
Ian- looks way younger than 75
Jerry- looks…a bit younger than 100
Beki- that mouth area is weiiiird
RJ- pretty good, actually. Dat neck skin…
Sunny- the 25 years from 75 to 100 have not been kind to her. Do I detect some radiation exposure?
Emo Matt, Tara, Sue get judged first.
They say Emo Matt’s guy “looks like he was bitten by a were-Chia Pet.” The hair Tara gave her model is bad and doesn’t match the others, but Anal Asian actually did a good job. Their concept of an aging mafia boss was good, too.
Beki’s 50 year-old looks like she got hit with a frying pan, with weird, thick lines in her face. RJ pulled it out despite the model mishap, and they are all impressed he made it fit. But Sunny, yikes. With the way the skin is sagging and almost deteriorating, they say it looks more like a zombie makeup. This group clearly did the worst overall.
Rayce‘s 50 year old was too subtle, and everyone is disappointed. Ian’s is not good either- she has no wrinkles and just doesn’t look 75. But Jerry did well for once! Do I have to start thinking Jerry is actually good now? Yeah, right.
So basically, each group had one person produce a decent makeup and everyone else sucked? That says a lot about this crop of artists.
Obviously, the top people are Anal Asian Sue, Jerry, and RJ. And the winner is Anal Asian. But once again, one success doesn’t mean you are good. It means you are lucky.
The bottom of the bottom is Ian, Beki, and Sunny. As he is announcing who gets kicked off, judge Glenn takes really weird pauses in his speech. “The person…who will be leaving…tonight…is…Heather.”
So Sunny will shine no more. Not that she actually added anything to the show. I could barely even remember her name after all.
Do you agree with me that this group seems overall less talented than last year’s? Or do you think there’s still time for the really good ones to emerge? Comment away!