Face Off Recap: Out of Oz, Under the Sea

L-Money here, ready to recap my favorite reality show that isn’t Project Runway, ANTM, Top Chef, RuPaul’s Drag Race, Work of Art…well, I like it. Kidding, kidding, it’s a fun show. The people on Face Off are just as freaky and obnoxious as on all those shows, if not more. And with more piercings and tattoos (and more talent)!

I was away from the beginning of the show until just recently, so I’m catching up on the first two episodes here. The recaps are going to be a bit shorter because I’m behind. Bear with me!

We are told this season has the “largest prize pack in Face Off history,” which is $25,000 in makeup supplies, a Toyota Camry hybrid, and $100,000. Considering this is the second season of the show, “largest in history” doesn’t have much weight, does it? But reality shows love that phrase more than “I’m not here to make friends.”

Let’s meet the artsy weirdos of season 2!

This is RJ. The viewers voted him to be on the show after he did some make up at Comic Con or something. The viewers chose a hairy pooka-shell wearing gremlin who looks like he lives in his mom’s basement? Oh wait, this show is on SyFy. Of course they did.

And speaking of living in your mom’s basement, this is Jerry, the wannabe heavy-metal band member who got sidetracked by Lord of the Rings. He is apparently very experienced in special FX make up, and makes sure we know it. Cockiness is not attractive in you, sir, but to be fair nothing is.

Especially not snaggle tooth and hair that hasn’t touched conditioner since Bush was president (the Bush who can say “nuclear”)

Tara is pretty boring with soccer mom hair. Ian looks like a corn-fed Iowa farm boy. He is the “baby” of the bunch who just got out of school. I’m sure he’ll be eliminated within 3-4 episodes. N00bs rarely do well on reality shows that actually require experience (AKA anything on Bravo and not the CW).

So cute, so unfortunate he’ll be leaving soon

Brea seems pretty professional, but also like she’s trying to act younger than she is. She unfortunately does have a name spelled the same as the LaBrea Tar Pits.I foresee her sticking around for a while.  Heather is the blonde “ray of sunshine.” She says not to underestimate her. Yawn more reality show clichés.

Miranda is another one fresh out of school. The token Asian this season is Sue, who seems hopped up on something. She’s kind of twitchy and wide-eyed.

This is her “I just got something shoved up my butt look.” It’s also her only look.

Greg’s another snoozer. But not boring at all is Nix. And not for the better. I’m not even sure what/who he looks like. Salvador Dali meets the Jersey Shore? A gay matador who moonlights as a waiter at a hipster pub in Greenwich Village? Whatever it is, it’s strange, and Nix isn’t a name. It’s the name of a lice treatment.

Wish it also treated pretentious d-bags

The contestants are taken to Universal Studios Hollywood, where judge Ve Neill and last season’s winner Connor come out. Connor has cleaned himself up a bit. He looks less like a pedophilic construction worker now. But still like a douchebag.

Look at that smug expression. You won a reality show on SyFy, sir, not something actually important. Check yourself.

For the first Foundation Challenge, they must create an original character in two hours.

We meet some more of them.

Rayce is a hillbilly who got married at 19 and already has four kids (he’s not even 30 yet). Athena is not Greek, as you may have guessed, but Ukranian. She’s got some serious Russian Mail-Order Bride vibes going on. That’s her new name.

Matt looks like the bass player for an emo band like My Chemical Romance, and Beki is a dreadlocked hippie.

They all work like busy little bees, some have mishaps, etc etc. Time for judging. RJ’s character is a “Ghoulish Sandy from Grease.” Not bad, although the green is a bit fake looking if you ask me.

Mail-Order Bride made a leopard-man warrior that’s somewhat Avatar-ish. Looks good from far away, but up close some of the details are sloppy.

LaBrea’s model is supposed to look like he’s being unzipped from his skin. It’s not good.

Well, the show is called “Face Off”

I’m positive Jerry’s elf character is based off his own sexual fantasies. Oh god I just grossed myself out.

That facial expression says she totally knows it, too.

Nix made a messy burlesque-type circus ringleader.

We get quick shots of the other people’s works but clearly these few are the best and worst so I won’t even bother recapping the others. The worst are LaBrea, who tried to do too much and Nix, whose character didn’t come together. Best- RJ and Jerry, and Jerry wins. Now he can’t be eliminated from the next challenge. Goody.

Back in the communal house, Nix freaks out at the “amazing” stove and Jerry is not happy that he has to live with such “immature” people. He wishes he was back at home in his basement, trolling 14 year-olds on 4chan and bidding on Star Trek figures on Ebay. I’m sure everyone is thrilled to have to live with him, too.

Next day, the theme for the Spotlight Challenge is The Wizard of Oz. They have a first edition copy of book with them, and everyone oohs and ahs. Working in two teams, men versus women, they have to modernize the Wicked Witch of the West, Tin Woodman, Cowardly Lion, and Scarecrow. They all have to look like they came from the same place, and not be disjointed.

The women’s theme is Tribal Post-Apocalyptic. Is that like Africa after nuclear war? It sounds to me like they couldn’t decide on one theme so they just mashed the two together. They’re going to make a pumpkin-looking Scarecrow, a gnarly, tough Lion, a witchy queen with a staff and warts, and a steampunk-ish cyborg Tin Man.

The girls get working quickly, while the guys spend forever talking about what to do. I’m a fan of this reverse in gender stereotypes. As you might have guessed, Jerry is one of the main reasons that they can’t decide, even though he has immunity.

The men decide to do a horror theme. Their Scarecrow concept flip flops a lot, the Tin Man will be sort of like a mutilated lumberjack, the Lion will be like it was abused, and the Witch is going to be dried out and rotting. They wander over to the other side and realize the girls are better than them at pretty much everything. Damn straight. The boys have some power struggles with deciding on a leader, and everyone gets mad at Jerry, for sitting around and contemplating his split ends instead of helping them.

Mail Order Bride spends literally the whole three days making paws for their Cowardly Lion, and they’re terrible. They look like big, hard, cartoon mittens.

Their time ends, and it’s time to be judged.

First off- what the hell is Nix wearing? Now he’s going for the gay military look? This would be acceptable from the fashion-types on Project Runway, but he just looks out of place here.

Maybe I just won’t ask…or tell

Here’s what the women’s team came up with:

By Tara

By Miranda and Heather

By Anal Asian Sue and Mail Order Bride

By LaBrea and Beki

 

And here is the men’s take on The Wizard of Oz:

By Matt and RJ

By Greg and Nix

By Ian and Rayce

By Jerry

The women’s makeups are CLEARLY superior. I Love it. Their Scarecrow, made by Tara, goes over very well, but the Tin Woodman made by…is universally hated. Mail Order Bride and Sue’s Cowardly Lion is mostly good, although Sue is pissed at Mail Order Bride for not doing anything except make kitten mitten-paws. Brea and Beki’s Witch is great, but it’s the only piece that I think has any tribal vibe at all. Beki claims she is letting Brea take more credit than she deserves because she wants her to recover after being in the bottom in the first challenge.

For the men, the judges say the Scarecrow design (Matt and…) has been seen before, and it does kind of look like a normal Halloween mask. The Tinman, made by Greg and Nix, is horrible. The chest plate looks completely fake and the head doesn’t mix with the rest at all. Their Lion is clearly the best one, and Jerry’s Witch is ok, but has a bad paint job.

Obviously the women won this one, and the overall winner is LaBrea, much to Beki’s chagrin.

Greg and Nix, who did the Tin Man, are on the bottom, and the eliminated artist is…Greg! Who was he again? Oh the guy with the hat. Whatev, I didn’t care about him anyway.

 

Episode 2

The episode starts in the Face Off house. I know I’m supposed to be listening to Beki complain about LaBrea winning, but all I notice is what looks like beer on the table. Drinking beer in the morning? Hey, whatever helps them get through the day.

Nix talks about something or other, but all I’m looking at is this red splotch on his upper left collar bone. Is it a tattoo? A birthmark? Whatever it is, it’s more interesting than hearing him whine about how much he sucked in the last challenge.

Beki and Nix: the Itty Bitty Pity Committee

Then they go to the aquarium to get inspired, because for the spotlight challenge they need to create a sea creature makeup in teams of two. Teams are: Anal Asian Sue and Rayce, Jerry and Nix (suspicious because Nix just said he doesn’t want to be with Jerry, but it’s reality TV, everything is planned), Miranda and Beki, Ian and RJ, Matt and Tara, Heather and Mail Order Bride. LaBrea gets to choose who she wants to work with, and picks the Sue and Rayce team.

The catch is that the models will be completely submerged in water, so the makeup has to be waterproof. They wander around and choose their inspiration, and other than Emo Matt wanting to choose an androgenous/hermaphroditic fish called the lyretail fairy basset, it’s pretty boring.

Here are the fish everyone picks: Anal Asian Sue, La Brea and Rayce- leafy sea dragon. Jerry and Nix- sea turtle. Miranda and Beki- also leafy sea dragon. Ian and RJ- zebra shark. Emo Matt and Tara- fairy whatever (already said). Heather and Mail Order Bride- lionfish.

Everyone starts working right away at the work room. Tara tells us that Emo Matt likes slipping hidden sex symbols into his makeup. Like in the classic Disney films?

Ha! King Neptune is clearly he only one who sees it.

The biggest conflict of the whole episode is between Miranda and Beki. Beki keeps shitting on Miranda for not having as much experience as her, and basically doesn’t think she can do anything right. It’s all very bitchy and catty, and makes everyone hate Beki. As they should.

Other than that, Nix and Jerry don’t get along too well (shocker), and Jerry doesn’t trust Nix’s supposedly amazing painting skills. That partnership was doomed from the start.

Also, LaBrea is trying to be “ghetto,” saying stuff like “homegirl” and “dope”. It’s just uncomfortable and kind of sad. And Anal Asian Sue is always bugging out, as usual.

What has been seen cannot be unseen. And she must have seen some awful things.

After those thrilling few days, it’s time for the judging. First they look at everything out of the water, then in the tanks.

Matt and Tara:

By Emo Matt and Tara

By LaBrea, Rayce, and Anal Asian

By Miranda and Beki

By Ian and Rayce

By Jerry and Nix

 

By Mail Order Bride and Heather

Now in the water. The hermaphroditic fish of Emo Matt and Tara looks sparkly in water- it’s a nice effect. But Jerry and Nix’s is a big mess. The turtle shell comes off immediately and flaps around, plus the model can’t breathe due to whatever they did to get the makeup on, and the paint comes off. David Copperfield he is not. Rayce and LaBrea’s dragon is a little stiff.

When Mail Order Bride’s fishman enters the water, she gives us this pearl of wisdom- “Once he jumps in the water, he becomes like a fish in the water.” I am sincerely surprised that no one wanted you back in the homeland.

The suit on Ian’s “lawyer shark” comes off a bit and looks kind of silly. Beki and Miranda’s actually looks quite good under water. And Beki does something totally nasty- she chews her hair. Normally I’d say whatever to that, but she has dreadlocks, which are natty, dirty, tangled clumps of unwashed, unbrushed hair. The LAST place I’d want one of those is in my mouth (“that’s what she said”).

So after all that, LaBrea, Rayce, and Sue and Beki and Miranda are safe. Which is funny because they based their makeups off the same fish.

Judge Glenn does the really annoying thing when talking to Mail Order Bride and Heather of saying, “I didn’t like it………I loved it.” Obnoxious much? But anyway, their lionfish-man is very well received, and it is pretty cool.

Jerry and Nix standing together- PIC.

On the other side, Jerry and Nix have a big old flop. Ve says, “Your turtle was a turd.” A turdle! Ha! It sucked on every level. Take that, Jerry!

I just like looking at the two of them standing together. 

Tara and Emo Matt did well. And the judges say that on the Lawyer Shark, the clothes obscured the makeup and they just made some strange choices. I like the fact that they went out of the box and did something creative, though. So the winners are…Emo Matt and Tara, with the overall winner being Emo Matt.

So who is out? Due to his bad (although I don’t think it’s THAT bad) painting job, it is…Nix. It’s kind of unfortunate only because we won’t get to see what other cray cray outfits he comes up with. But he was probably too well-coiffed to last in this competition, anyway. The judges do praise his work while giving him the boot, which is nice I guess.

Again, sorry this is so late! I’m trying my best to catch up. I’ll have the next recap up as soon as I can! Thanks for reading, comment away about whether you disagreed with the decisions, if you have any favorites/least favorites yet, yadda yadda.

Thanks!

<3 L-Money

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