Famous Food: When Hookers Rule The World

What is this? Another hurdle? Why can’t restaurant planning just go smoothly for these hardworking lazyass celebrities?

It appears that someone’s trying to hustle another hustler, i.e., Scott the interior designer is trying to gouge the celebs with hidden costs assuming they will be too dumb to notice, which they are. Except when it comes to money, they notice when that’s missing.

The celebretards are trying desperately to furrow their brows at the situation unraveling with the shady interior designer. However, their frustration overrides their efforts and they give up on trying to have an emotion.

Ashley continues to celebrate her victory over Danielle. Can you guess how this makes Danielle feel?

If you said, “It makes her feel like faking an illness” you would be correct.

Since Danielle hasn’t been winning, she tries playing the pity card by claiming she’s been throwing up all night. What’s really been happening is the evil inside her is being defeated little by little and it’s fighting to survive by ripping through her bowels.

In her confessional, Danielle cries like a little preschooler who missed naptime saying that she “worked so hard and Lonnie and Mike don’t recognize my efforts.” Apparently working hard means taking Botox breaks every five minutes.

Looks like the producers had a talk with Mike and Lonnie about creating more drama because they immediately paired the two whores escorts prostitutes ladies to work on the menu.

Mike and Lonnie take the producer’s note one step further by assigning two tasks for the day, instead of the usual one “don’t-fuck-this-up” task.  Smoke starts creeping out all the celebs’ ears as their brains quietly explode.

The load of hiring a general manager for the restaurant falls on Vinnie, Heidi and DJ Paul. Mike and Lonnie inform them that the whole restaurant will fall apart if they don’t get the right manager, so no pressure. Brain explosion #2.

The celebretards hand over the “Scott Situation” to Jake, which makes me think they may have an overinflated sense of confidence in him. Jake does some incredible detective work to find that Scott is charging them an extra $6,000 to bring the restaurant to 130 seats. When Jake shares his findings with the rest of the group whatever grey matter was left between their ears detonated for the third and final brain explosion.

Jake points out to Scott that he signed a contract agreeing to design a restaurant with 130 seats while everyone else sits around the table harrumphing and rubbing their foreheads.  Scott refuses to abide by the contract even though Jake calls after him to be a standup guy.  Just like he is Mondays at 9 on Bachelor Pad.  At least I’m pretty sure that’s what he said.

Vinnie, Heidi and DJ Paul are interviewing general managers.   How a fat man in what looks like a Jethro Tull t-shirt, a Real Doll™ and someone who has more face tattoos than fingers could convince any of these actual business people in actual suits to work for them is beyond me.

Thank god they have questions prewritten for them or Heidi would be asking who they’re wearing.

DJ Paul shows that he has mad improv skills by throwing in a surprise question for one of the candidates: “Would you drink on the job if Diana Ross asked you to?”  I don’t know if this question can determine whether or not this man is capable of running a restaurant but it does explain all those 3-6 Mafia songs about how much they like the Wiz.  That’s them right?

DJ Paul has ruled out a possible candidate who worked in New York with a man named Josh Spitzen because of the past relationship Ashley had with him Elliot Spitzer.  It’s easy to get confused.  But I think the point is she spits.

Danielle is upset that they changed her menu item from Mexican “basket” to Mexican “sampler.”  She’ll be the first to tell you that neither of those words are in Mexican, and she doesn’t even speak Mexican but it’s her dish dammit!  Her biggest qualm is that there is nothing unique about the word “sampler,” whereas basket is used in every episode of Yogi Bear.

Juicy J has finally had enough! He just wants to get this shit done so he can go home and catch up on his DVR recordings of The Bachelorette.

When Danielle doesn’t quit her yammering about the word basket, a lightning bolt of inspiration hits Juicy J and he starts rapping his next big hit “Shut The Fuck UP!”  Then he busts in with the percussion pen and segues into “The Menu Dance” for his all new variety show, “Juicy J Sticks It To Ya(Danielle)!”

Danielle has had just about enough with this nonsense and asks if the other kids want to play with her. As she’s on the phone with the hiring team, begging to come over, Juicy J continues his all-star revue in the background.

The other kids tell her they’re all good and she should just stay at the restaurant. Danielle finally takes the hint and starts crying to Chef Greg, who has no sympathy for her. She pleads with him to use her menu and he tells her that her menu is “mediocre at best” and people “won’t come back to restaurant with items like those”. Not only is Danielle getting beaten down, she getting kicked repeatedly while she is writhing on the floor with self-pity.

After a good cry, Danielle comes back to lash out at Ashley and demands her shitty items back on the menu. For fear of bodily harm or a demonic episode, Ashley adds some of her salads to the menu and Danielle retracts her claws.

Unfortunately, Ashley’s kindness has only emboldened the beast within Danielle and the evil is growing inside her. Danielle now feels the need to meddle in the hiring team’s business. She steamrolls everyone in the hiring team so that she can hold the power stick. It feels good to be on top!

Even in light of Danielle’s power-hungry moves, the celebs manage to hire a general manager. One task down, the rest of the restaurant planning to go!

It looks like Jake has proven his ineptness by being unable to read the contract. It turns out Scott, the interior designer formerly known as “The Douche”, was right. Hopefully the celebs have learned that they cannot let Jake take charge of any daily tasks. He should just take his shirt off and walk around for the rest of the episodes, that way Danielle stays happy and he will no longer lose any money for the group.

Mike and Lonnie make Danielle and Vinnie the winners of the day! Danielle is beside herself with glee and rewards herself with a botox cocktail.