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Fantasia’s kicked the family out of the house and she’s ready for another season! I think this show should be called Fantasia 2: Poor Tiny! She’s all alone with her dog and her kid. And now she finally gets to do it her way! I think anyone who reads any kind of gossip mag knows that Fantasia’s way is pretty skanky, so YAY!!! Do it your way!
This was taped before her new album came out, so she’s all nervous since the last album didn’t go so well. I think it’s because most of the songs on it were really bad. Or because everyone’s totally against her and she’s a victim. Tasia likes to talk about how beat down she is all the time, but I refuse to feel sorry for anyone with this house:
The house that Simon built
She is told that this CD is gonna get her that Grammy! She’s been nominated eight times but hasn’t taken anything home yet. I don’t care about Grammys. My hope is that her album is full of songs that don’t suck. Tasia starts this preview in a super great mood. She’s been waiting a long time for this album and it better do good!
And then Aunt Bunny shows up.
She doesn’t have much nice to say.
Bunny’s been hearing some things on the internet that she doesn’t like. Hey, Aunt Bunny. How bout just being happy for Tasia that she’s even being written about on the internet? When was the last time that even happened? I think when Simon paid for her to take her house out of foreclosure. Embarrassing! At least this time she’s getting laid.
Tasia is confronted about media reports that she met a married man in a store. She doesn’t deny it, but does add that he was separated. Then Aunt Bunny says “giiiiirl” with such emotion that she just made every queen in America bow his head in shame. We seriously need to practice. In one “giiiiiirl”, she displayed
disgust, shame, anger, sadness, humor, betrayal, disappointment, and hunger
She tells Tasia it’s a big no, period. Then she yells at her in the car. Then Fantasia cries and tells us that she’s been in a lot of relationships that have been bad for her. None of which were her fault. Now let’s see if she passed her GED! She did!! “Now I have my high school diploma!” Um…no you don’t, but you can at least apply to community college now and learn welding or something, so congrats!
Career in Refrigerator Repair, here I come!
Almost as good as a Grammy, from the way she’s acting. I took that test. They make sure you have a pulse, ask you to pat your head while you rub your tummy, and then give you a piece of paper. Meh. Back to the affair! It was on Nancy Gracy that Tasia is a homewrecker! You guys, Nancy Grace is one despicable bitch. All she does is sit up there and spew her venom at people in a fake Dr. Phil accent. HATE. You know who should have a show? Aunt Bunny.
You could lose your life foolin’ with this foolishness!
I watched the Nancy Grace clip, and in it we find out that Tasia met her husband in the T-Mobile store he worked at. LOL. A CLERK?!?! Giiiiirl, why you on T-Mobile anyway? You’re rich! If you’re gonna date a clerk from a cell phone store, at least go with Verizon. Cheap ass Tasia.
Tasia gets all depressed cuz it’s all over the news that she’s a man stealing ho and she’s being sued for serious dollars by T-Mob Wife. She’s so sad that she goes nuts and puts lipstick all over her face like Diane Ladd in Wild at Heart.
Tasia is beat down, you guys! You can tell cuz she’s sobbing and talking in a super low drugged out raspy voice and she got a bowl cut. Happy people don’t get bowl cuts.
Then she takes too much aspirin and gets sent to the emergency room! Lamest rock n’ roll suicide ever. Now look, I am a HUGE Fantasia fan and have all of her albums. Even stuff from YouTube that I have converted into MP3s. We can talk about how gay that is later. My point is, I LOVE HER. Suicide is never funny. But isn’t it kind of a coincidence that she took too much aspirin like a week before her album dropped? Not that I’m condemning the move. She totally won the week. Which means she’s finally learned to use the press to her advantage. So YAY! YOU WIN!!
In the hospital, she decides that she hasn’t fulfilled her destiny of refrigerator repair or welding so she’ll keep living. Then she gives speeches in concerts about how put upon she’s been but she takes a lickin and keeps on kickin! Pooooooooor yooooooooou. Then money rains down on her head. This girl is a freakin mess. But she can sing like a squeaky angel! Keep up the crazy girl!
Fantasia for Real starts its second season tonight on VH1
***THIS POST HAS BEEN UPDATED to reflect the correct job of Tasia’s lovah and the proper number of past Grammy noms/wins. Thanks for calling me out on my shit fact checking, sowwy.