Fashiongasm: Golden Globes 2012

I just love award season.  I could care less who wins what, but I love to see who’s wearing what and who’s trying too hard.  Here’s the wrap-up for Golden Globes 2012…

Nurse Jolie!  We need a lidocaine drip and someone else’s husband, stat!

My two year old dressed me.

Big deal, mine dressed me in something she made herself.

A homeless guy at the 7-11 made mine.

Oh hey, just popping in on my way to Jazzercize.  Holy fuck, is Jolie still carrying Billy Bob’s blood around in that purse?

Don’t be ridiculous, this is for Brad’s balls.

Like a baby bird that got drunk and nested in some toilet paper.

Girl, you need to let the gays start dressing you again.

You too, pal.  If anyone gay is even still speaking to you after this one.

Ugh, can you please just be funny?

Enjoy, sweetheart.  Clooney’s a two year lease.

I have to admit I loved this, by my friend Razzy says that Marchesa needs to stop enabling her.  And that her perma-smile is hurting his face.

He also says that Charlize…

…coordinated with Tilda.  Because they are a lesbian couple.  And I don’t think he was kidding. (Allegedly, allegedly.  Don’t sue me, Charlize.  I actually saw Young Adult).

I know, I’d be pissed if was wearing this too.

Old Mother Hubbard.

And her daughter, Granny Hubbard.  (Although, to be honest – I kind of loved this dress.  But the hair has got to go.)

I don’t know who decided you were the fashion police, but your badge needs to be revoked.  Immediately, if not sooner.

Oh, how nice.  They invited some middle aged lesbians from the Midwest to enjoy the show.

This looks exactly like the dress I wore to my brother’s Bar Mitzvah in the 80′s.  So, not a compliment.

I’ve got all 17 Jolie-Pitt kids under here.

Oh, how nice of you to take a break from drinking vodka in your bed to join us.

It’s made out of drapes.  Very edgy, very Brooklyn.

Paula Patton’s Stylist:  “Michelle Williams is doing drapes.  It’s very now.  How about we do you in kitchen wallpaper?”

Shaun Robinson:  “I wanna be on trend too!”
Stylist (to assistant): “Just throw a pillow case over her, no one knows who the hell she is anyway.

Dunno who this lady is, but I love that she dressed for a Ratt concert in the 80′s.

And I love that Kyle buys her statement necklaces at Forever 21, like the rest of us.

Per Razzy, it was wrong of Prada to have given this to her without a charitable donation of hair and makeup.

What.
The.
Fuck???????????

Don’t be mad, I would never leave you with something so offensive.  Here’s some winners:

Come a long way from being Paris’s fat friend, huh.

Liked it so much I barely noticed her embalming.

My favorite Hollywood couple.  100% glamour.

Gucci.  Love.

More Gucci, more love.

Flawless.  All men should wear Armani.

And finally…

SUCK IT, EVERY OTHER WOMAN AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES.  AND ON EARTH.

See you for the next one!  Kisses, CB

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