Fashiongasm: The 2011 SAG Awards

The Screen Actor Guild Awards are my favorites for one reason: It’s all about the stars.

There’re no writers, directors, producers or set designers anywhere. It’s like the 2011 High School Yearbook and we get to find out who’s the most popular, most likely to succeed, most dramatic and who’s this year’s class clown. I’m anxious to see who gets the “Best Dressed” superlative. I have my pick. See if you agree with me.

Most Likely to Win Every Award: Betty White stole the “Female Actor in a Comedy Series” for Hot in Cleveland. Everyone knows the show is not that funny. Even she was shocked. I’m sure if they could find a way to give her an Oscar this year, they would.

BEST DRESSED:

Sofia Vergara is drop-dead beautiful. Everyone looks at her and why not? She does it right every time. I want to be her. I LOVE Claire Dane’s flowing print gown. The black belt is just what it needs. Her hair down and simple, no necklace, simple light make-up: fresh. Both are perfect.

Tina Fey got it right! Even her hair looks great, well almost great. I’m not crazy about the bun, but if she’d done it any different she might have looked like you know who. The black purse and shoes are perfect. Glee‘s Heather Morris looks stunningly elegant in her strapless gown with the crystal and feather bodice.

Mad Men‘s January Jones decided not to wear Versace last night. I think she looks fabulous. I love this vintage-style mermaid gown. The minimal make-up and jewelry works.  She DOES look more like Betty Draper, but what’s wrong with that? Amy Adams dress looks good in this picture, but when I saw her on the red carpet show, it looked terrible. It was WAY too tight. You could see her underpants (thong?) and that flap of fabric in the front was like a loin cloth. She literally had to pick it up and carry it like a train.

Most Likely to be Asked to the Prom:

These girls look ready for their dates to arrive for the “Enchantment Under the Sea” dance. Angie Harmon is all decked out in feathers like a pink flamingo. I want to like this gown but it makes me want to sneeze. I do want to touch it though. Amber Riley looked fabulous at the Golden Globes in her shiny metallic gown, but this black mermaid dress looks too tight and there are too many ruffles. I think the pink flamingo dress would look better on her.

Winona Ryder is definitely looking for a ride to the prom. She’s even got prom hair and she’s borrowed her mom’s purse. I’m not so sure about Mariska Hargitay. Her gown is more in line with bridesmaid chic. I’m disappointed in her. She’s usually a real knock-out on the red carpet. At least her hair looks good. On the TV, this gown was much more purple.

Most Colorful:

Hailee Steinfeld makes me wish I was young again. She’s all decked out in a cute little mermaid dress striped in tangerine, black and hot pink, made by Prada. The dress was originally short but she asked to have the mermaid hem added to it. Now on to Jennifer Lawrence. I don’t think she realizes how bad she looks in this dress. It’s not the dress’ fault, it’s her posture. She hasn’t learned how to stand up straight. The black bow-belt bothers me too. WTF is going on with her hair, where is it? And another thing, she’s got too much make-up on! Geez, I sound like her mom. Where the hell is her mom? Is that her mom behind her?

Honorable Mentions:

Mila Kunis looks sweet all dressed in a multi-print flowing gown and very little jewelry. With her hair down and loose, she still looks like Jackie. I keep expecting to see Kelso. Hillary Swank also opted to keep her hair long and loose. Her nude-colored chiffon gown is soft and delicate. The crystal neckline gives it a Greek feel.

WORST DRESSED:

Let’s get this over with. Jane Lynch’s gown is all bulky and wrinkled. The added fabric and bow at the waist only adds to the bulging hipline. It looks like a dress over a dress. Kim Kardashian looks like she’s wearing her mother’s dress. Not only that, her hair is a mess! What is up with that. I’ve never seen her look so thrown together. Was she grabbing a quicky in the limo? Terrible, just terrible. Big disappointment. One nice thing, she’s toned down her make-up. Maybe she didn’t have time to put it on.

Can you believe that Christina Hendricks thinks she is fashionable? She was thrilled with this disaster on the red carpet, saying it was like wearing a smoking jacket in public. She bragged that the fabric matched the lapel on her husband’s suit. The girl just goes from bad to worse. Kara Mara is wearing the venetian blinds from my mother’s bedroom and the dust ruffle from her bed. Perfect red carpet attire.

MOST CHANGED:

Lea Michele has done a complete 180 from that massive pink gown she wore to the Golden Globes. This sleek, chic, beaded, blush-colored gown shows off her slim figure, but it’s kind of understated, by her standards. Helena Bonham Carter dressed like a normal person for the most part. I think she looked quite fetching in her black and white beaded cocktail dress. Her shoes even matched and I loved her hair and glasses.

The Old Ladies:

Annette Bening looks like a chandelier, but at least she tried to brush her hair. Susan Sarandon, on the other hand, didn’t bother. She never dresses very well for the red carpet either, but this gown is better than most of what I’ve seen on her. Maybe it’s because she’s single now.

Barbara Seagull … Oh wait she calls herself Barbara Hershey again, well anyways, her dress looks like someone was mad at her and poured bleach in the washer when she wasn’t looking. The Office‘s Angela Kinsey is quite bejeweled but she looks a little top heavy with all those gems.

There’s always someone wearing red on the red carpet. In this case it’s Christine Baranski and Edie Falco. Both women look just fine. Christine’s a bit more feminine though. Edie’s kinda tough looking, like she could kick your ass.

Julianna Marguiles won last night, but she she didn’t win “best dressed”, not in my yearbook anyways. This gown is what a pregnant woman should wear, not her. Maybe she’s pregnant, or she’s getting fat or she thinks she’s fat. Pulling her hair back tightly so her ears pop out doesn’t help  either. Nicole Kidman’s dress wants to be cute and for the most part it is. I just don’t like the flowers around her neck. When she turned around on the red carpet and showed off the back, that’s when I really didn’t like it at all. As for her hair, it looks just like her old man’s hair. They could be twins.

I thought Eva Longoria was gonna slip us a nipple. That gown was definitely fighting the good fight down the red carpet. Not her best look, that’s for sure. I may be in the minority here, but I don’t think Natalie Portman’s baby bump is attractive. Not just hers, all pregnant women should hide their bellies like they did in the 50′s. Wear a tent dress, or Julianna Margulies gown. All everyone wanted to talk about anyways was her $2 million earrings. Big whoop… they were ugly!

Did I like either one of these dresses? No I did not. Jayma Mays gown is fluffy chic. I think it’s the color I don’t like. As for Dianna Agron, her dress is either too long or too short, I can’t make up my mind.

I loved Julia Bowen’s pants. When I saw her walk down the red carpet in them I thought, “Wow, she looks fantastic.” Only a skinny person can pull that off. I take back everything I said about Kyra Sedgewick. She looked wonderful last night and didn’t even have her husband as an accesssory.

That’s it for the SAG Awards. If I forgot to mention anyone, let me know. What do you think? Who was the best and the worst? Was I right?