Where the HELL are all the stars? While I was watching the 2011 Academy Awards, I felt like I was watching an NFL Pre-Season Game. The second string of stars were on hand, keeping the first string A-listers fresh for …what? A disaster marathon? Where was Meryl Streep, Susan Sarandon, Cameron Diaz, Demi Moore, Drew Barrymore, Sarah Jessica Parker or even Kate Winslet? I know they didn’t make any movies, but DAMN, didn’t anyone think to ask them to present an award? No Brangelina, no George Clooney, no Johnny Depp or Matt Damon. Ben Affleck? No. Jim Carrey? No. Ryan Reynolds? No. Absolutely no one from Twilight? I was hoping to see if Mo’nique would shave her legs this year, but NO, she wasn’t even there. Who was I going to pick apart?
As for the show itself, the 2011 Oscar Show started out just swell with the little clip intertwining the two hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco, into Alex Baldwin’s dream and thus the “Best Picture” nominees. I get that Kurt Douglas IS an icon, but the man took TOO LONG! After that, watching Anne run around frantically trying to keep the energy flowing while Franco collected a paycheck, was anything but “geared for a younger audience”. When Billy Crystal came out the audience rose from their seats and gave him a standing ovation. They and I thought we had been saved. Billy had come to take over as emcee. Our savior had arrived! He was gone just as quickly and the night went from bad to worse.
The one big highlight happened at the very beginning when supporting actress winner Melissa Leo dropped the f-bomb for the very first time in Academy Award history. When accepting her award, she said: “When I watched Kate two years ago, it looked so fucking easy!” She had won the same award the night before at the 2011 Spirit Awards and the f-bombs had been the norm. All in all, I’m sure by the end of the night, producers were calling Ricky Gervais for next year.
Melissa Leo cussin’ it up at the IFC Spirit Awards.
Let’s move on to what’s important …. The FASHIONS! I must say, there were so many beautiful styles last night. The ladies are doing it right. I fully credit Joan Rivers for waking these women up to what they look like in public. She has ridiculed and humiliated them to the point that they now hire the right people to dress them so they look absolutely fabulous when they step out of that limousine and onto that red carpet on a night that is so important.
First, Our Oscar Winners:
Batman’s Christian Bale won Best Supporting Actor for The Fighter. Natalie Portman continued her winning streak and won Best Actress for Black Swan. Melissa Leo fucking won Best Supporting Actress for The Fighter and Colin Firth won the Best Actor award for The King’s Speech.
It was hard for me to pick my favorite for Best Dressed, there were many well dressed ladies on the red carpet last night. I did have four that liked more than the rest.
Amy Adams is by far my favorite. The minute I saw her, I was sure. I love this midnight blue gown. You would never know she was pregnant! Her emerald and diamond jewel accessories are to die for. I heard they are worth $1.35 million! Seriously though, would anyone really know if they were fake?
Jennifer Hudson in ORANGE! Can anyone else pull this color off? I don’t think so, but she looks amazing and she downplayed her jewelry. I think her hair was a little tight and who knew she had such big boobs She didn’t have a boob job, did she?
Maybe it’s because I like blue, but I’m loving Dale Dickey in this sparkling deep blue gown. The way it fits her body and the off the shoulder straps are so flattering. Maybe it could use a necklace, but not something bulky, more like a delicate sapphire piece.
Jennifer Lawrence was one of the first to arrive on the red carpet last night. She shows us just what the young, up and coming stars think of fashion. Sleek- simple -chic & elegant, all in one. She looks stunning! Minimal accessories and loose flowing hair, with natural make-up, makes her THE most beautiful woman there.
I really love both of these girls’ gowns. I just don’t love the color. Maybe I just have a problem with beige. Michele Williams is wearing classic Chanel and when you see it up close, it is quite nice, but at a distance, it just washes her out. Now young Hallie Steinfeld told an interviewer that she helped to design her gown. She had it in her mind for weeks. In all the pictures I’ve seen and on TV, it looks beige, but I’m told it’s pale pink. Either way, it does the same thing to her as Michele. It washes her out.
I thought I loved Anne Hathaway’s red dress. Then I got a good look at it. Why does Valentino have to stick things where they don’t belong? The dress was great until I saw those roses jammed into the sides. Why? What are they there for, to cover up the seams where he sewed that ball of fabric to the back of her knees?
Some of her dress changes during the program were amazing. I was fascinated by the slick blue gown on the left and just what type of fabric or material it was made from. The ivory chiffon gown was also very pretty. Both were better that the one designed by Valentino.
Okay, I’ll say. I hate this dress. Mila Kunis seems to think she’s a Greek goddess, but I saw those curtains at my hairdresser’s beauty parlor back in 1986. I actually thought she had painted tattoos on her boobies. Either that or stick-on pasties is what one of my friends suggested. I’m sorry, it looks like a nightgown for a honeymoon on a cruise ship.
What the hell is that? The circle of Life? New costume for the next Battlestar Galactica series? Look at MY Boobs Dress? Cate Blanchett is wearing a lavender silk chiffon Givenchy Couture gown. It’s hard to tell it’s color from the photos or TV. I only know that every time she turned or moved the “circle” gaped open and wasn’t attached to the dress. That was a huge distraction.
I can’t get past her hair! Scarlett Johansson may have lost her man, but I don’t think he took her brush. I wanted to like this dress, but I don’t. Magenta- colored lace covering magenta lining (I think) and having magenta colored eye make-up is a bit much for me.
Hilary Swank is our feather duster of the evening. I like her gown much better than the one Angie Harmon wore at the SAG Awards. This strapless Gucci gown is much more subtle and fits her perfectly. She doesn’t need any accessories.
Bring on the crazy! Helena Bonham-Carter is always scrutinized for what she wears to the awards shows. When asked what her thoughts were when she was trying to decide what to wear for the Oscars, she replied that the evening wasn’t about fashion, it was about celebrating the art of acting. Costume Designer Colleen Atwood, who by the way, won Best Costume Design for Alice in Wonderland, designed Helena’s gown for the evening.
Who ever said that Oscar night isn’t a family affair Jeff Bridges brought his whole family, who wore every color in the rainbow, to the actor’s biggest night. Everybody say “CHEESE!” Looks like the women all had the same designer.
Everyone Still Wears Black:
Didn’t Anne Hathaway say something like…” we are all blessed to be breathing her air!” …? and then out walks Oprah. She was there to announce the nominees for Best Documentary. I think she looked wonderful. I loved the skirt on her gown and her decision to just wearing earrings was perfect.
Helen Mirren once again looked fabulous and Cheryl Hines is also stunning. Both opted for black with diamonds and these ladies are on my “best dressed” list.
Two older stars who are still in good shape. Annette Bening looks great and even managed to brush her hair. Sharon Stone, on the other hand, is way too thin and kinda looks like a vulture hunched over like that with those feathers. Maybe if she molted, the dress would look better.
At first I couldn’t figure out who these two girls were. The blond looked really familiar. Then I realized… 2nd string…not A-list. Busy Phillips is from the TV show Cougar Town. She is beautiful and so is her dress, if she’d get rid of the huge bow. Girl # 2 is Camila Alves, the mommy of Matthew McConaughey’s baby. She has a gorgeous, full-skirted black gown.
Reese Witherspoon looks like a starlet from the 60′s with her ponytail and strapless gown. I can see her dancing at the Playboy Mansion with Hef. Maria Menounos is also sporting a 60′s style hairdo with her black dress.
Julia Ormond has it all in one dress. It’s strapless. It’s mermaid-style and it’s black-lace! Does it work? Not quite. Wouldn’t it look awesome if it were red underneath or hot pink? Cody Horn (?) (remember 2nd string) is actually wearing Goth gloves on the red carpet. Need I say more?
Our Two Academy Award Winning Actresses:
Natalie Portman looks quite comfortable in her plum purple gown. I thought the dress was appropriate for her condition. I loved her tassel earrings and was almost hypnotized watching them sway wildly when she was being interviewed on the red carpet. Melissa Leo looked fucking awesome in her mirrored tailored gown. A lot of people didn’t like it, saying it creeped them out. I thought it was sharp & edgy. It fit her personality.
Both of these women are now single again. Sandra Bullock‘s all decked out in a strapless red Vera Wang. Halle Berry chose Marchesa. I’m not crazy about all the ruffles swirling around the bottom of her gown, but she looks amazing none the less. Neither woman chose to were jewelry.
When I see these two, I think of Q-tips for some reason, or pipe cleaners or maybe even tampons. In case you don’t know who they are…. Gwyneth Paltrow on the left and Celine Dion on the right.
These are my choices for Worst Dressed and it’s not that they are horribly wrong, just clueless again.
Florence Welch has a beautiful voice. It’s too bad she doesn’t realize she has a beautiful body to match that voice. The color of her dress alone makes her look so pale, I want to give her a blood transfusion. Her hair looks like she just lets it air dry. DOWDY! Marisa Tomei NEVER gets it right. If it’s not ruffles, it’s tulle. This dress doesn’t even fit her right. I just shake my head when I see her.
I wasn’t even going to mention Sunrise Coigney but this dress needs to be mocked. It has all the qualities of another one of those science fiction tv series I’ve mentioned earlier. I wonder what her BF Mark Ruffalo said when he picked her up for the most important event of his life. “When are you going to get ready?” “Have you returned from the future to make sure I won?” “Live Long and Prosper?” Nicole Kidman looks Amazing!!! I’m so sick of those ass-kissing emcees saying that shit on the red carpet. She ALWAYS looks like shit. She has no taste at all. This dress looks like it has an origami or something stuck on the front. It makes no sense. Oh, but she has on red shoes. Now that’s fashion!
Here’s a Few After Oscar Party Fashions:
Kim Kardashian found a way to get her ass into this deep blue gown so she could go to Sir Elton John’s Aids Foundation Academy Awards Party. Heidi Klum was also there with her husband Seal. She seemed to be sporting the mirrored look.
Madonna made the rounds with her beautiful daughter Lourdes. I’m so happy to see that Madonna has started to dress more age appropriately, especially now that she is hanging out with her at public events.
The cast of Glee went to Elton John’s party, but Lea Michele and Dianna Agron were also seen at Vanity Fair. Lea said she got to meet so many people, even the Queen herself, Madonna and at the end of the night found herself eating pizza with Tom Hanks.
Taylor Swift always seems to find a way to make the rounds at all the right places too. She really knows how to wear a mini-dress. I wonder if she ever bends over? Jennifer Biel is all decked out in copper. Her and Taylor look like shiny new pennies!
Amanda Seyfried and Ginnifer Goodwin are off the Big Love compound and partying at the Vanity Fair dinner. Neither one looks too good to me.
Anne Hathaway is schmoozing it up with Jane Fonda. She’s wearing a much better dress than the one she wore on the red carpet. Awwww, look at The Bieber. He’s on a big date with his sweetheart, Selena Gomez. Is this the equivalent of the Prom for him?
Juliette Lewis where have you been? Well, you look beautiful. I love her dress and YES, it’s because it’s blue! I’m wondering how many questions Julie Chen’s husband, CBS’s CEO Les Moonves had to dodge about Charlie Sheen last night?
PROM PICTURES! Say CHEESE! Such Cute Couples.
In the end, Mick Jagger is still surrounded by groupies, young and old. And with that I am finished…. trying very hard to ignore Rita Wilson’s dress.