His is a tragic tale.So, as you may or may not have noticed, I have been extremely awful at recapping this last week. Some of you may argue I’ve been awful at recapping for years now, but that’s neither here nor there. So here’s a massive recap of the two episodes I’ve missed these last few weeks as I’ve been moving, and I can only promise you that my life has stabilized and from now on things will be timely and structured. With that out of the way, who’s been loving FlashForward lately?
Except for this guy. Mostly, he still creeps me out. Anyways, he gets his weird cup of coffee with Nicole.
“Whatever happened to that nice boy I was sleeping with in the premiere?”
All flashforwards point to…heart disease.
“My mom wears angel wings like a four-year-old and lights bibles on fire. Want to come in?”
“Hell, I’d have dinner with Flosso if it meant screen time.”
And here we learned that while some may collect stamps and some may watch sports, Nicole’s mom makes collages with US currency. Frankly, she fits right in with this cast.
Unfortunately, this was one of the better times that Bryce had met a girl’s parents.
“Flanked by henchmen, check. Hero cowering on floor, check. Black and white pictures to be used for devious means, check. It’s tough work, being a villain like me.”
One is a maverick detective with no taste for rules and regulations, and one is a by-the-book cop with a heart of gold. Together, they’ll embark on a laugh-a-minute romp to clean up the streets and, just maybe, learn something about the true meaning of friendship.
Also starring Megan Fox as the sassy dispatcher.
But even our ragtag band of heroes can’t save the day, and Flosso would have gotten away with it, too, if only it weren’t for that meddling Mark and his dog.
And we finally understand what the hell the eight-ball is.
Shockingly reminiscent of a young Tom Bergeron? Discuss.
Also, a fake name if I’ve ever heard one.
And Simon Nine-Fingers wants to know if he’ll ever play the piano again.
And though Flosso may be a self-proclaimed villain, he also becomes the Gene Parmesan of his time be being RIGHT THERE in the ambulance!
And then it’s time for a look back on Simon’s day at the ballpark being SUSPECT ZERO (!), only we appear to have caught him between his 1:00 bank robbery and 2:30 art heist.
And Flosso has got a little competition in the villain category because this guy has packed his evil lair with as many stereotypically villainous things as possible!
So Simon is dying because they gave him penicillin…
…but then that was all a ruse to ditch Janis! Oh, Simon, we can’t stay mad at you!
And then the whole episode starts to feel like a romantic comedy starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant, because she totally followed him to Canada and she doesn’t want to hear any excuses. He’s going back!
FBI Director is totally psyched that the exciting missions are over and now we can get to the paperwork, but he still OKs Janis’s request to follow Simon home for the night. I’m thinking maybe Morgan Freeman in this role?
And then even cocky scoundrels like Simon have adorable mothers! Who can’t act very well.
“Hmmm. I suppose you seem colorful enough. Welcome to the show, strange old man. Be warned your life expectancy isn’t great.”
It should be noted that I really am loving this pairing. These two have good chemistry and I definitely smell spin-off!
Yeah, and then she’s freaking COOKING with his mom? Type up this screenplay and get it to Sandra Bullock, ASAP.
We expect Uncle Ted at the door, but then it’s a little more like FLOSSO! He got us again!
And flashbacks show that Flosso has been behind the whole thing, and gave Simon the ring that, uh, made him magically not black out!
And then Simon kills the guy that killed his dad and uses that as a pretend flashforward!
And then Flosso shows us that he has Simon’s sis Annabelle, and they can call if they want but there’s no one home and they’re not going to reach her telephone!
“I did warn you, strange old man. You should have tried to be more colorful.”
In one final shocking moment, Simon puts an end to Flosso’s reign of villainy. It turns out he was able to exploit Flosso’s emphysema and cause cardiac arrest, and in the end Flosso fell victim to a common villainous mistake. The small weakness that was innocuously introduced, and then forgotten. RIP, old buddy.
And then, there was more FlashForward.
Remember Aaron and Tracy? No? Well, here’s what they looked like fifteen years ago. When Aaron was in jail!
Oh, yeah, it’s starting to come back now.
Doesn’t she sort of look like a more hardened Lea Michele?
So then we get to watch Aaron learn of Tracy’s death for the first time, and for a guy we only see two minutes a week, Brian O’Byrne does an excellent job with this scene.
But doesn’t it sort of seem like this show WAY overuses the “light throw the window” effect?
Meanwhile, Mark and Lloyd are getting nice and cozy with the investigation.
And Zoe shows up with a “hey, y’all, just thought I’d drop by and sue you to gain access to all your Mosaic info.”
But FBI Director is all like, “I turn down far more reasonable requests then this on a weekly basis. Get outta here.”
So she starts playing her lawyer game with words like, “judge” and “freedom” and “information,” so he decides maybe he should just give her the damn forms after all.
And then this guy finds our about Tracy being alive, and everyone at home can write the last half of the episode immediately.
Back at Casa Binford, Mark wants Lloyd to reenact the flashforwards with him. Which is so sweet, in a playdate sort of way.
More great chemistry. Right behind Simon/Janis for my favorite pairing.
And then Tracy gets thrown in a box!
And Aaron wants to buy you a burger, son.
Except not really. TINSTAAFL, bitch!
“I really NEED to have the girl I already saw in my flashforward. Also, check out how I’m also super subtle about my firearms.”
“You must really hate baby boys.”
“My name is Aaron, and I’ve turned out your power. MWUAHAHAHAHA!”
Hey, remember her? Me neither.
“I’d like to represent you, even though my fiance arrested you. No, I don’t think it will be a MASSIVE CONFLICT OF INTEREST.”
“No, I don’t have your daughter. But if I did, you don’t want to mess with me. But I don’t. But I’ll still fight you. But I don’t have her. But I’ll fight you anyway. Is it hot in here?”
And this is where we learned Aaron had really gone over the deep end.
“I can say as a scientist that the combined smoothness of myself and Agent Vogel is reaching a sexiness of dangerous proportions.”
“I should have married a dumb girl like my parents said. Stupid career women.”
“Oh, good, it arrived. I hate it when they don’t deliver my abused and upside-down birthday greeting on time.”
And finally, Demetri’s murder weapon is missing! Dun dun dun!
So where’s the gun? What’s going to come of the terrorist that Zoe is representing? And who misses Flosso the VILLAIN?