FlashForward: WITH BULLETS

A new level of awesomeness makes me feel guilty about catching this on Hulu several days after the fact, but watching the Dancing With The Stars Results Show as it unfolds. I realize you have now been furiously refreshing the site and crying for several weeks as you await my next recaps, and I have only my deepest apologies for you. I was in Washington DC last weekend for a whirlwind trip of sightseeing, souvenir-purchasing, and kicking it with Barrack and Michelle. But never fear, I was not assaulted by an Asian gang with rocket launchers and so the recaps are officially back! Let’s take a quick look at what I missed-

So Halloween’s was a good episode, BUT THEN. It got even better this week.

The next episode begins with a woman taking her kids to play with sailboats in the BIGGEST GODDAMN FOUNTAIN I have ever seen, while someone composes a letter to her. Apparently this is Celia, and she has two boys and no flashforward. When she arrives back to her car, she finds a flier with that mysterious blue hand, the web address www.alreadyghosts.com, and the note “we know you are one of us.”

So I feel like some big questions have been answered in the first minute-thirty of this episode. Blue Hand would appear to be an organization for people who had no flashforward. But then why attack the FBI agents? I guess I should just dig into my Lost-watching skills and be patient. Also, ABC is missing out on some excellent marketing by having www.alreadyshosts.com simply redirect to abc.com.

There’s some general couple adorableness between Demetri and Zoe. She’s excited to pick up the wedding invites, and he’s online investigating the Blue Hand website that means there may not BE a wedding. It’s your typical sci-fi nerd love story.

The Drunk and the Slut (Mark&Olivia) are awkwardly preparing for their day. Mark reminds her that he trusts her, and she does the same. Both have obvious inner turmoil and rage. It’s your typical recapper love story.

Mark and Demetri talk in the elevator with Al, the random minor character who now seems to be important and whom a certain recapper (I’m not going to point fingers) may have been calling ‘Hal’ up until this point. They decide now would be a good time to establish the analogy that will serve as the theme for this week’s episode and talk about playing Madden: cheating vs. changing the game. I like this spin, but I’m still thinking “change the game codes” doesn’t roll off the tongue as well.

The coroner tells us that the dead Blue Handers have what appear to be self-inflicted gunshot wounds. All had alcohol and one had hard drugs in their systems. I’m not sure, TVgasm readers, but I may have been at this very party on Halloween. One of them is Ian Rutherford, of Al’s Mysterious Rutherford Case (AMRC). Hear that? It’s the sound of the plot thickening.

Aaron meets with Corporal Mike, some guy who served with Tracy. Mike gives Aaron a pocket knife that Tracy wanted him to have, and it’s the same knife that Aaron remembers seeing in the flashforward where he finally finds Tracy. Aaron gets teary and embraces the corporal. Why do I only catch the names of people who are in like one scene, ever?

FBI Director wants to know what the connection is between a copy machine salesman, a librarian, and a Scottish nationalist. Besides that one time when they all went into a bar with hilarious results, it appears that there is none. Joining this week’s “which random-ass clue should we follow” meeting is Fiona Banks, she of Al’s Mysterious Rutherford Case fame. Demetri went ahead and Mosaic-d the dead three, and learned that they had no flashforwards. He then confirms someone’s brilliant suspicion (again, I won’t point any fingers) that the Blue Handers are, as FBI Director puts it, “a death club” for the flashforward-less. Mark practices his movie trailer announcer skills by remarking that it’s like a book club…WITH BULLETS.

The next LA meeting, hosted by Dr. Maurice Raynaud, is happening tonight! What a coincidence! It’s time for the FBI squad to investigate…the party!

Fiona and Al are getting to work on the Rutherford Case and trying to deduce how two such minor characters landed such a large storyline. They talk about their flashforwards and that weird bird that hit the window, and we also learn that Al was speaking to an attorney because he killed someone! It’s getting harder and harder to keep track of all these sordid future indiscretions.

Zoe is pissed that Demetri missed the wedding invite pick-up. More than that, she’s mad that he never seems to have time for her anymore. She freaks out on him and tells him she wants him to be honest and tell her things, but he only tells her that the more she clings the less he likes her, then stomps out. Wow, that seemed pretty cold. With all due respect to fictional Demetri and the actor who portrays him, Zoe is pretty much the best you could ever do.

Over at the hospital, Nicole the Slutty Babysitter is volunteering, which seemed weird to me until I remembered her whole ‘be a better person’ thing. Bryce, who skipped the ludicrously-named “intern conference,” is also hanging around. Nicole immediately helps with some crazy old Japanese woman who is angry that she had sweet peas, apparently a symbol of departure, in her room. I’d like to know more about this woman! Who gave her the death flowers? Why? What was in her flashforward? So many questions…

Mark, Demetri, and Al arrive at the death party (like a bookclub…WITH BULLETS) and have their hands stamped (presumably so they can get back in for free if they leave). They’re led to an empty room, where a scary old guy wants them to play Russian Roulette (like regular roulette…WITH BULLETS). Al does his duty as minor character and grabs the gun, firing what turns out to be an empty round into his head. The old man withdraws the lone bullet from the gun and gives it to Al as their invite, then heads off. Seriously? That’s the invite? They better have one hell of a bar. Also, this is like the very definition of defeatism. They should call themselves the Self-Fufilling Prophecy Club.

Demetri is still ragging on Al for being so reckless, but he reminds them that he knows he’ll be alive in six months. Except I guess it’s like five months now. This bartender chick tells Mark that the Raynaud changes at every party, and they’ll know him when they see him. In the meantime, they should just do whatever the hell they want. I guess when you give your guests a one in six chance of dying immediately, it’s only fair to let them trash the place.

Lloyd pops in to see Dr. Olivia and thank her for everything, then tells her that he would never do anything to ruin her marriage. You could probably start by leaving her alone, Lloyd. Dr. Olivia remains extremely uncomfortable and leaves. Don’t worry, I’m sure Lloyd will drop by AGAIN later to assure you he’ll never drop in on you again.

Nicole tells Bryce her dad was stationed in Japan and that’s how she knows the language. Also, she was totally doing an Asian guy in the premiere. He shows her a sketch of a girl he saw in his flashforward and asks her what the Asian character behind her means, and she tells him it’s belief. Enjoy that character development, Bryce, because right now you’re averaging one every five episodes.

Corporal Mike, in a desperate bid for screentime, again approaches Aaron at a gas station. He’s concerned that Aaron seemed so happy (?) and tells him that he was in the Humvee with her when they were assaulted by mysterious guys with a rocket launcher (and it’s here that your FlashForward connection senses should be MAJORLY tingling). When he went back, he saw her lying on the ground and dying.

First off, coming back to Aaron just to make absolutely sure that all of his hope is shattered? That makes Corporal Mike the worst character we have met thus far, maybe second to the ex-Nazi. And secondly, this means that Tracy must be dead. When was the last time someone survived a rocket launcher attack on this show?

Back at the death party, it’s like a cross between an S&M dungeon and the 2008 Republican National Convention: There’s torture and pain and extreme sense of despair. Suddenly an alarm goes off and everyone not currently tied up walks over to a door, where the presumed Raynaud enters. The bartender chick gives us a shaky explanation behind the blue hand symbolism, and just before Raynaud can kill himself, Mark tackles him and signals for the FBI team that they brought to enter and raid the place. I’m not a legal buff, but have they even broken any laws?

This guy is really Jeff, an ex-American History teacher, and he quotes Nietzsche a lot and defends his party. He laughs that Mosaic is how the Blue Handers find each other, so the FBI is actually helping them. He continues to defend that they can’t escape the inevitable and what will be will be, and just in general he sounds like the weird kids you knew in high school who are now living with their parents or camped out in the woods or attending UC Berkeley.

Al invites Fiona over for some dirty rice, which she shoots down with her dry British wit. Al says that they should try covering the window in the future so that the bird won’t crash into it, but she thinks it will just crash into a different one, but he thinks that they need to try, and I’m really impressed with the metaphysical depth that the show is bringing us this week. Next week we should all get high to watch it. I guarantee you the quality of the recaps would probably improve, too.

Mark and Olivia are watching that weird show with Charlie (and is that an actual show? Comment, please) and Olivia heads off to bed. Mark starts to cry and Charlie hugs him. Damn you for giving me an interest in these characters! When did this show get so good?

Demetri has thought about what I said and tells Zoe that he loves her and now he wants to be honest. He didn’t see anything in his flashforward, and that means no wedding. Zoe protests that she saw the beach and the wedding, and she’s positive that he’ll be alive. She says we get to choose which one they believe (CHARLIE QUANTUM PHYSICS CAT METAPHOR) and he agrees. They kiss.

Aaron has for some unknown reason invited Corporal Mike out to see him again and says he appreciates the peace. He offers to get the Corporal a job here in the telephone repair business. Doing what? Giving people good news and then ripping it away?

Nicole urges Bryce to go to Japan and find that mystery girl. Between the two of them, this is as much screen time as they can muster.

Al dramatically leaves an envelope on Demetri’s desk and the music swells as he walks past Mark and Demetri. Hmmm, he’s definitely up to something. Resigning? Murder? It’s got to be one of the big ones to get dramatic music AND a slow-mo walk.

As the team discusses the Blue Hand group, Demetri opens the envelope and finds a note for Celia. He begins to read through it and we see the rest of Al’s flashforward: they took Celia off life-support and she’s dead. Because Al killed her! There’s shots of him ascending stair cases, and I’m beginning to have a not-so-good feeling about this, readers.

So he’s standing on the room (it’s like Russian Roulette…WITHOUT BULLETS) when the agents run up and tell him not to do it. Al argues that if he dies, then that means that everything could be changed. HE FOUND A WAY TO CHANGE THE GAME. And then he jumps.

This is as depressing as things get here on Flashforward, and so everyone gets to put on their despair face. The note to Celia says that there’s still hope and she should not despair, and while Demetri is reading it we see Mark and Olivia reuniting, Fiona covering the window, and, hey, there’s Charlie for like two seconds! Glad he popped in to earn a paycheck for this episode. Celia is shown playing with her children, and then Aaron walks into his house and Tracy is sitting there! DKGDLJHDGB???

So WHAT’S GOING ON? And how good is this show, really? I’ve been super impressed by how much it’s making me think and (damnit) feel. A far cry from my summer of America’s Got Talent.