Neurotic crazies come and go, but Bravo sanctioned neurotic crazies are worth keeping around: Obsessive compulsive real estate extraordinare Jeff Lewis is back for another round of slamming bricks, tearing walls, and breaking hearts in season 2 of Flipping Out. How the ante will be raised is all a mystery as of now, but at least Bravo has guaranteed us at 12 weeks of the Jeff Lewis Cocktail: 50% Sprite, 25% Self-righteousness, and 25% of Assholery!
“And if they don’t have Assholery, then 30% Self-righteousness and 20% Apathy. THANKS.”
Season 2 opens up with that signature Jeff moodiness as he’s served a phone call from a seriously angry client. Upon hangup, Jeff cries and whines that his reputation’s on the line, and smears a turd of negativity on his assistant Jenni. Why the client’s so pissed off is unknown as Bravo turns Flipping Out into an episode of Lost.
Class move, Bravo
As Zoila, Jeff’s housekeeper, is serving up his breakfast, he reflects on how close they are because of her willingness to stay on board throughout the many house moves. But equilibrium is key, and Jeff doesn’t skip a step in pointing out how goddamn crispy the bacon is.
“Basically, like a holocaust in my mouth. Basically.”
Probably for fear of deportation, Zoila agrees to make some changes to the next pork cuts. YAY CLASSISM!!!
Right now, Jeff lives in a project on Commonwealth, and is glowing about this house’s transformation from ugly, former meth lab to beautiful, expansive home that might have housed Steve Sanders.
Railings brought to you by The Peach Pit
But he ain’t that happy: As the LA housing market dips lower into the economic hell that is, um, NOW, Jeff’s concerns are mile high — he’s got tons of people working under him and, as prices for homes drop, he’s wondering how the hell to make more profit with the houses he’s flipping. He is, in fact, FLIPPING OUT.
In an effort to make more money, Jeff’s decided to do something he thought he’d NEVER have to do again: Remodeling.
A project in Hancock Park is his next endeavor in, not flipping, but real estate cosmetics. It is a historic property that Jeff and business partner/ex-BF Ryan are hired to touch up at $25,000 a month, for however long it takes. While this may be a dream job to some, Jeff’s ego is far too large now to work under someone else besides himself — but when money talks, he is forced to listen under financial pressure. Ryan, on the other hand, doesn’t give a shit because it’s a job.
A fixer upper.
It was once Dorothy Chandler’s home. 4 U.S. presidents have slept in it. It covers 3 trillion square feet. It’s a “side job.”
Back at Commonwealth, Jeff updates on the employment digs.
Chris (the guy who’s been fired so many times even he’s lost count) has been promoted from trash man to house promoter — at no raised pay. Jeff, being the dick that he is, says title changes are all good as long as he doesn’t have to pay more.
Next step: Prezident of the Universe!!!!!!!
Steven doesn’t work for Jeff anymore. Jeff called it a “civil breakup” because Steve was “miserable” under his command.
Nope, couldn’t tell.
Jeff made an example out of Steve’s firing, and Chris, probably scared of being the next victim, is taking his job more seriously now. He claims to have had en epiphany in “Do your job the best you can do.”
Meanwhile, assistant Jenni and Jeff have a really profound exchange.
Jenni: What time do you think I should go from “Good morning” to “Good afternoon”?
Jeff: 12 p.m. The real question is what time you should go from “Good afternoon” to “Good evening.” A-HA!
Jenni: 6 p.m.
Jeff: No, between 4:59 p.m. and 5:00 p.m.
Assistant Jenni, this is your life.
Back at Commonwealth, Jeff has hired a new assistant. His name is also Chris. He is on the bottom of the Sideman/Bitch totem pole. He also dresses obsessively sharp for the tasks he is hired to take on. In fact, he is a walking contradiction.
Item #24 on “Things Tom Ford Would Rather Not Know About”
New Chris is under Old Chris’ watch now.
Ladle, meet spoon.
New Chris is kinda stunned about Jeff’s OCD and meticulous craziness about numbers.
“LIKE OMG, IS THIS GUY FURREAL? WHAT IS THIS GUY ALL ABOUT, Y’KNOW?”
At the Hancock Park project, Jeff feels caved in because he’s got no creative say, fending off potential contractors with insistent “NO!”s when they entertain the idea of tearing down a wall. These contractors pitch estimates that don’t satisfy headstrong and SUPER intuitive Courtney, the property’s owner. Clearly, Jeff is shaking under the management and vast construction knowledge of Courtney. He is a vulnerable little bitch now, actually.
Also, it’s pretty awesome.
“Jeff Lewis, I own you.”
Courtney hires a contractor on her own, which pisses off Jeff, who thinks his time has been wasted and professionally compromised. Jeff isn’t used to working under others, so he’s struggling. Think “Rosie when she was on The View.”
On the drive home, Jeff and Jenni stop by Starbucks.
“Is this 140 degrees? I think it’s 150. Or 155.”
Stay tuned for more Jeffisms.
Jeff, probably after having watched season one in a dark room full of isolation and regret, admits to being a complete asshole sometimes. And though he thinks he’s always right, he’s now trying to better himself now by dismissing BULLSHIT LITTLE ANNOYANCES LIKE COFFEE 15 DEGREES OVER ITS ASSUMED TEMPERATURE.
Meanwhile, New Chris is slowly getting used to his boss’ anal retentiveness. He even says that the only reason he wants to work under Jeff is BECAUSE of the anal retentiveness, but we all really know that he just wants to be on TV. And totally bone Jeff.
New Chris says he “understands” Jeff. Holla if you foreshadow some heavy petting!!!
“Our common idiocy is the escrow to our love!!!”
Bravo filled up some time with a bunch of BORRRINNNNG logistics in a meeting over the Hancock Park project, which just resulted in a JEFF VERSUS COURTNEY opinion-off. Jeff eventually got what he wanted. No, not the shifted course of the universe so that it surrounds Jeff and only Jeff, but POWER OVER THE PROJECT.
Runnin’ this shit since 1999, mothafuckaz.
Jeffism, up ahead:
Over lunch, Jeff opens up to Ryan, saying that “selling out” to remodeling has made him “depressed.” Editorial note: BOO-HOO, YOU’RE THE MORON WHO MAKES A LIVING IN A PREDICTABLY FLUCTUATING MARKET, ASSHOLE.
Ryan, also Courtney’s bitch, tells Jeff that it’s all an issue of ego, and that it’s an opportunity to not be punished with total liability. In other words, he’s an asshole, too.
At a project near its completion on Valley Oak, Jeff gets that ominous, angry phone call from this season’s opening scene.
Angry + Woman + Phone = Joy Behar?
No, it’s just Courtney. She’s bashing out on Jeff, saying that he’s doing all the wrong things, when, just days later, she had green lighted him on total control over the project. If she’s seen in later episodes, may TVGasm deem her Courtney the Cunt. Only few are deserving of the title, and she has only reinvented it.
Snark not needed.
One can’t help but feel sorry for Jeff. He’s pissed. And, oh my god, yes, JUSTIFIED.
From the looks of it, he’s one phone call away from quitting — this should be good. Really good. Who would have thought that REAL ESTATE WOULD BE SO FREAKING ADDICTIVE!?!?! Jeff Lewis, you fill the void of chemically imbalanced TV heads until Paula’s back next January.