Fly Girls: The Perfect Flight Attendant

Welcome back to Fly Girls, otherwise known as a half-hour infomercial for Virgin America.

Nik reminds us that she and Mandy are enemies, and because of that she’s determined to make friends with the other girls. So she’s drinking wine on the patio with Tasha and Blondie.

They talk about boys on the airplane and tell us they’re mostly schmoozy douchebags trying to live the flight attendant fantasy.

They talk about some upcoming promo event where Nik and Tasha will be working. Nik answers Tasha’s phone and slurs some greeting about three hot, drunk girls. Tell us how insulting the flight attendtant stereotype is, honey. Turns out, it’s Tasha’s son. Ooops.

After that, Tasha leaves. “Wow,” says Blondie. Silence from Nikole. “That was her son,” Blondie parrots Tasha. Nik just shrugs and sips her wine.

Then we’re at the airport with Mandy, Blondie and some other girl in street clothes.

They’re headed to NYC and Mandy’s going to visit a friend who she likes as more than a friend who’s the lead singer in a band. Thanks for the expository.

Back at home, Nik and Tasha are getting ready to go to the Virgin event they were discussing earlier, but Tasha’s not feeling it.

Tasha lays down some ground rules and tells us that she doesn’t have to be friends with Nik, she just has to work with her.

On the airplane, which is really the only interesting part of this show as far as I’m concerned, Mandy and Blondie are working the flight to NYC. They caucus in the galley where Mandy informs us that some man tried to spit his gum into her hand. I laugh, because that really does happen all the time.

At the event, Tasha is still pissed at Nik. Tasha tells us that Jessica, the event planner, is more than her boss, she’s her ticket to future events.

Jess makes a big deal about how if she catches anyone with a drink in their hand or chewing gum, they’re in big trubbs. Cue the PA following both girls around with a pack of Hubba Bubba and a champagne glass. She also says there will be lots of celebrities at the party. Such as? Sharon Stone. Daisy Fuentes. Lindsay Lohan. So major. Tasha tells us that her anxiety just went from 100 to 3,000.

Then we’re in NYC! Louise (that’s her name!) tells us that a few hours ago, she had no plans but now she’s in New York with her roommies. That is a huge job perk. I could be in Rome right now if I wanted to be. But of course, I’d rather be sitting here at 11 pm writing this recap for you.

In the cab, Mandy tells us how she’s got butterflies over the boy but he’s getting ready to go on tour where there’s lots of girls and she’s not ready for that.

Back in LA, where someone’s bound to chew gum or have a drink in hand, Nik tells us that her job is to be ‘the perfect flight attendant’. “I need to represent the company as I would on a billboard or a magazine,” she tells us loftily. And how would you represent the company in the aisle of the airplane, now?

Tasha tells a passerby that she likes his jacket. It turns out to be Gavin Rossdale, AKA Mr. Gwen Stefani. When Nik informs Tasha of whose jacket she admired, Tasha gets a little flustered. Nik tells her she’s in Hollywood now and she has to lose her nerves around famous people.

Tasha is not interested in the advice.

Then, Jessica the man/woman hands the girls Richard Branson’s speech with strict instructions that he needs it by 8 pm and they better not mess it up. I have absolutely no idea where this will lead.

Then we’re back in New York, in Brooklyn actually. Blondie is going out to dinner with her sister and her new husband. She tells us that being with them makes her think that she might want to settle down. She looks at them and says, “I want that.”

Just kiddng, they seem like nice normal people. Blondie tells us that she’s done this for nine years and she thinks she might be ready for the next step, of being in one place. This is where I am right now, for anyone who cares – experimenting with life on the ground. It’s actually more exciting then I thought it would be.

Back in LA, it’s time for someone to either chew gum, get caught drinking or lose a speech. Jessica, the man/woman pressures them to get people to sign up for the silent auction. Nik tells Tasha that she’s not taking it seriously enough. On cue, a blonde lady comes over and tells Tasha that it’s time to bring Sir Richard his speech. But wait! In a shocking plot twist, the speech is missing!

Tasha races around, looking for the speech. Nik tells her it’s her problem, but in the end, she miraculously saves the day wtih the speech that the PA hands to her. Nik and Tasha make up.

In NYC, Mandy and Louise are at her wanna be boyfriend’s concert.

Mandy gamely tells us that she understands that he needs to make the fans feel special. Then the ho asks him for his phone number, so they can hang out. And he gives it to her, right in front of Mandy.

Louise thinks the guy’s a jerk. Mandy just accuses him of being a flirt. Then she takes him outside and tells him that the best thing about coming to NY is seeing him. And she knows they’re friends, but is it something more or is it all her head. “I mean, yeah,” he answers. Oh. Okay. Well, that clears that up.

But then he flat out tells her it’s not going anywhere. Well, I give the guy credit for at least being honest. He tells her to go back inside to be with her friends. “But I came her for you,” she tells him.

Back in LA, Mandy is hanging out with her friend Tyler, who works on promotional events for Virgin. Big surprise.

Tyler invites Mandy on a yacht that weekend, but only if she brings her hot friends. Back at the crash pad, they’re drinking wine. This part is extremely authentic. We love hanging out at the crash pad and drinking wine. Mandy invites Blondie and Louise on the yacht with her, but she’s not sure about Nik, since they’re enemies after the whole Ft. Lauderdale thing. Blondie thinks it’s a fantastic idea.

Mandy chases Nik outside to tell her she knows it’s been awkward, but she wants her to come to the yacht party anyway. “There’s no reason why we can’t get along. I want to make it good,” she says.

Louise is having dinner with her older sister. They used to get along really well, but now they butt heads. Her sister immediately tells Louise she needs to get back into school. Louise calls her sis a “bee-yotch”. She tells her sister she loves what she does. Then she invites the wet Vietnamese noodle out with them that weekend.

Back on the plane, Blondie and Mandy are deadheading. Deadheading is when the airline flies you somewhere to pick up a flight. For example, if you were in New York and they needed you to work a flight from Miami to LA, they would deadhead you to Miami. Why wouldn’t they just use a flight attendant already in Miami? Don’t even try understanding airline scheduling. It’s the ninth circle of hell. But I love deadheading.

So, they’re deadheading to San Francisco. Nik is the flight attendant working their deadhead flight. She tells them she’s on her way to see John, her boyfriend of “almost one year”. He’s her heart, her life, without him, there’s no her. Blondie says that long distance usually doesn’t work.

Cut to Nik and John strolling through the park and talking about the relationship. He thinks that if she’s in LA, the best they are is pen pals. She tells him that’s where she needs to be right now. They end resolving nothing. And Nik is turning out to be a classic, clueless moron. I’m starting to like her.

Back at the crash pad, the girls are getting ready for the day on the yacht. Tasha can’t go because she’s visiting her son. I can’t get over how much Mandy looks like LC.

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The hipster hat belongs to Louise, who reminds everyone that her sister is coming a long on the boat trip. Then she says she’s “ambivalent” about it. Nik asks what that means. There’s awkward silence while the rest of them wait for Louise to explain.

Just then, the doorbell rings. Everyone thinks it’s the wet noodle sister, but it’s Nik’s boyfriend, John! Here’s Nik:

She takes him outside and is less than excited to see him. She tells him she has plans all day, but he’s “more then welcome” to tag along.

They go to the yacht and act like assholes on a yacht.

Of course, John the “more than welcome” boyfriend isn’t fitting in at all.

Meanwhile…

And of course, the minute Louise is having fun, the wet noodle isn’t. She goes out to the deck to sulk, where she remains until Louise leaves the new guy who she likes to go baby her big sis.

Then, Nik starts flirting with the little boy who own the boat. Awkward, uninvited boyfriend doesn’t like it so he busts into her conversation. She tries to encourage him to make nice but all he does is make fun of everyone and tell her that the whole yacht thing isn’t his scene. He says that he came there for her, and she snaps back that she didn’t invite him, he just showed up. Kind of rude, but she’s right.

Then there’s another one sulking on the deck. Mandy goes to talk to her. She suggests that perhaps Nik try to help include him. It really doesn’t go over very well.

John ends up walking right off the yacht. Nik follows him and sort of pretends she cares. They leave together, but it’s not looking too promising.

After the yacht party, Louise asks her wet noodle sister if she had fun at the party. “No,” she whines. Then she continues to complain about Louise’s life. Louise asks her what the problem is. “You’re a flight attendant!” the wet noodle yells exasperatedly. Oh, hate her.

The next morning, John leaves the crash pad amidst Nik’s half-assed, “You can stay.” To his credit, he knew when he was not wanted. He grabs a cab outside the house and they part without even a hug. Somehow, in the course of the half hour, we’ve gone from “without him, there’s no me” to this.

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