Welcome aboard another double-cap of Fly Girls! What does Bret Michaels have do do with this? Nothing, but as some of you know, I popped my ‘gasm cherry with Bret on Rock of Love and I am genuinely concerned for him right now.
I didn’t even pick the cheesy eighties pic for this. And that was hard for me. Get well soon!
We’re at LAX, on the bus to airport parking. Blondie tells Mandy that she’s applied for a position at corporate. She’s maybe ready to work 9-5 for a while.
Nik, Tasha and Louise are out to dinner, and Nik mentions that her boyfriend won’t talk to her. After the yacht party? Wow, who could have predicted that Nik was one of those come here go away types? Then the talk turns to Tasha, who’s having a birthday the next day. She usually doesn’t make a big deal about her birthday.
So the next morning, they do this for her.
The girls tell her they’re taking her on a surprise trip. Where?
Vegas! But who invited the Unabomber?
Tasha’s excited, birthdays for her usually revolve around her son. As soon as they get there, Nik’s loser boyfriend calls. He thinks that since she has the night off, she should fly “down” to San Francisco so they can talk. She tells him she can’t because she’s in Vegas. Why didn’t you tell me, he wants to know. Look, I don’t care if they want to play this stupid game but why do they have to make us watch?
In Vegas, the girls are hooked up with a suite courtesy of Nik. From the way they’re carrying on about the suite, I’m guessing it’s their first time there. Actually, from they way they’re carrying on, it seems like it’s their first time anywhere.
Omigod A BATHROOM!!!
They jump on the bed, pour champagne and Tasha thanks them for putting the trip together for her. They stand around and talk about what they’re going to wear.
This is how that turns out.
How could a show about flight attendants be so boring? I can’t figure this out. And on to the requisite weekend in Vegas. Dinner at a steakhouse, where Nik tells a story about what she calls a boyfriend but was probably some guy who paid her to be a hooker there and made her have sex for twelve hours. Then she makes sure to remind them that whatever happens, she’ll only be thinking about John. Of course.
Then it’s on to a club. Nik and Tasha get on the stripper pole. Mandy is duly shocked. There is also a huge preponderance of cowboys at this particular club.
Probably not where The Hills girls hang. How cool are these new commercials, by the way? I want to be in them.
Cannot wait for Kristen Cavalleri’s fake cocaine problem.
So, things are getting crazy, cause woohoo, Vegas. Here’s Nik only thinking about John.
I can’t stop thinking about John.
John John John John John John.
You know, you look just like my boyfriend John!
All about you, John.
And then, Tasha’s baby Daddy shows up. Tasha tells us that when he’s around, she’s guaranteed to “get some cake”. I’ve never heard that one before but I like it! Then, they leave together to go do the cake thing, and she doesn’t bother to let the girls know.
Thanks for the free trip to Vegas, hope you don’t mind I invited my man so I can ditch you and go eat cake.
The next morning, Tasha’s under attack for leaving with the guy, but she doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Naturally, Nik the paragon of all that is pure and right, won’t let it go. She badgers Tasha about leaving until Tasha fights back with an accusation of Nik kissing another guy while she has a boyfriend.
Then they accuse each other of being rude, Nik runs into the bathroom and slams the door. Tasha’s not about to deal with this nonsense, so she heads out to gamble, taking Mandy, who always hated Nik anyway, with her.
Blondie and Louise end up consoling poor Nik in the bathroom on the party trip. Tasha’s always rude, I love my boyfriend, what would the world do without high maintenance girls.
Downstairs, Mandy and Tasha are having fun and talking about how it’s Tasha’s birthday and she should just have fun. They correctly point out that if Nik’s boyfriend had shown up, she would have taken off with him in a minute.
And Blondie has to go. She’s off to the big interview at corporate. But she’s not sorry to be leaving the drama. After the whole Vegas trip, she’s really ready to move on. She meets with the lady at corporate, who tells her that moving into a supervisor position will mean she’ll have to drop out of the promo team. I think that means she’s off the show. It also means she might have to discipline her friends someday.
Have you met my friends? That’s gonna be the best part!
On the plane home from Vegas, the other girls are hurting. Oh, and Nik really, really wants to see John. You see, it’s just really hard for her to be the only one with a boyfriend when they go places with guys everywhere. Well, somehow the not slutty girls managed to keep themselves from being molested by every gross guy in the club.
They would not stop touching me while I was grinding up on them. They were so out of line.
And then we’re back to work. Mandy and Louise are chatting about how Mandy’s heading to NYC and she’s thinking of visiting Avir, the band guy who was such a jerk to her the last time. Lousie doesn’t think it’s a very good idea.
She also mentions that this means Mandy will be missing the Snoop Dogg party. What Snoop Dogg party, wonders Nik, who’s listening in on their conversation. Turns out, Nik wasn’t invited but that doesn’t stop her from telling them she’s in anyway. She doesn’t understand. What kind of girls don’t invite their roommates with them to a party?
Let me explain. They don’t like you.
In Ft. Lauderdale, Blondie and Tasha are working a flight to LA. We learn that Blondie is the In Flight Team Leader, which means she’s basically the boss in charge. Which also means we’re in for a battle between ebony and ivory.
And it’s going to be over checking bags, the bane of the flight attendant existence. It starts with a lady who runs on the plane right when they’re ready to depart. Tasha tells us these people are runners, who decide to get to the airport forty-five minutes before departure and run on the plane right before it takes off. I don’t have a problem with runners, what with being one myself, but don’t expect anything other than to have your bag thrown underneath and your ass shoved in a seat.
The overhead bins are closed, so Tasha tells her she has to check her bag. The lady tries to talk her out of it, but Tasha says no. Okay, at this point I’m cool. If her bins are full, they’re full.
But then a guy comes on the plane a moment later, also with a bag, and Tasha manages to find a home for HIS bag on the actual plane. Now, this is being an asshole. You know, I never used to understand the people who complained that flight attendants are on a power trip, but I think I just got schooled.
And hell hath no fury like a high maintenance bitch who has to check her bag.
Farrah, who remember is HBIC on this flight, does not seem to like how this situation went down. Hopefully, there will be more on this story.
In NYC, Mandy is meeting with the boy who stomped her heart. Of course, he still wants to see her, and of course she “still wants to get our friendship back”. They go for a walk, and he apologizes for the “awkwardness” of last time, but she tells him that at least she appreciates his honesty.
Just getting the friendship back, that’s all I care about.
And at LAX, the flight from Ft. Lauderdale has landed, and it’s time for Blondie to confront Tasha. She tells her she can’t check one passenger’s bag and then stow another. It’s not fair and people are watching. Tasha, naturally thinks she did nothing wrong. Tasha’s one of those types who can never admit she’s wrong.
“What the hell have I done? I know I did my work right. I didn’t do a damn thing,” she tells us. See?
Definitely enjoying Blondie throwing down, though.
At home, it’s time to get ready for Snoop Dogg’s tenth album release party. Tasha tells us that he’s her dog, personally, and she goes back with him to the gin and juice days. Yeah, just you and him alone, honey.
Nik is predictably carrying on about how she doesn’t want to go because of John. When they get there, Tasha tells us that there’s paparazzi everywhere, and she fits in cause she thinks she’s somebody. I kind of love that.
And inside the party, Nik feels it necessary to steal Louise away from dancing to have a talk. What’s on her mind? “I want to have fun but it’s impossible,” she begins. Louise flat out tells her she doesn’t want to hear it tonight. She tells her she listens to Nik talk about John all the time, but tonight she wants to just have fun. It’s not always about you, Louise tells her.
I didn’t say it was about me, it’s about my self-absorbed problems.
Nik tells us she feels alone and miserable and isolated. “Not once did she say, ‘I’m here for you’,” she whines. Right, well maybe she never said it but I think the fact of actually being there for you every other time you start in on this might have covered it. Nik ends up leaving, saying she has no friends. Well, maybe that’s why you weren’t invited.
In NYC, Mandy is out with her friend, only her friend, who tells her he missed her while he was on tour. Way to keep that just friends thing. And then, here we go.
That’s right, she’d have to go into it with her eyes shut.
He tells her out of nowhere that she should move to NYC. Mandy, proving herself to maybe be the coolest girl on reality TV ever, flat out tells him that’s ridiculous. “Make it work? Make what work? We’re barely friends again and you want me to move across the country to see if something could possibly happen? Either he’s confused or he’s trying to play with my emotions. Regardless, I deserve better,” she says. I had to quote the whole thing cause it seems like girls just never say stuff like this anymore.
He asks her what to do now, and she tells him she has nothing to say, but to get home safe.
And capping it off with pearls and the ‘I pity you’ look? Genius.
Back in LA, Tasha and Louise are in the cab going home from the Snoop party and bitching about Nik. Meanwhile, Tasha checks her voicemail and gets a disturbing message. It’s a message from Doreen, the head of all flight attendants, who wants to talk to her about something that happened on a recent flight ASAP. Tasha’s pissed.
Considering the frequency with which Tasha seems to get pissed, I’m going to have to suggest Botox.
When they get home, Tasha flies into the house and confronts Blondie. First Blondie says she has no idea what she’s talking about, and then wants to explain. “I know you want this promotion, but I thought you were better than this,” she spits at Blondie. Literally, I think some spit comes out.
Blondie’s left sitting there wondering what’s happening. Well, you ratted out a friend. And the friend happened to be Tasha. What, did you think she’d buy you a steak dinner for it?
So Tasha goes to meet with Queen Doreen in a hotel. Doreen tells Tasha that she received a complaint and she has to conduct an investigation. She’ll be contacting Blondie for her report, too. “So Farrah had nothing to do with this?” Tasha asks.
Maybe I shouldn’t have spit on her.
At home, Mandy fills Louise in on her adventures in NYC. Louise thinks she made the right choice. Tasha and Blondie meet for lunch, and Tasha apologizes for thinking that Blondie snitched on her. Blondie’s very gracious about it. Although Tasha does point out that she herself might not have been so kind, which they both get a laugh over. “If the shoe was on the other foot…,” says.Tasha. Then Tasha offers to pay for lunch and it’s all officially good.
Back at the crash pad, Nik has a visitor, her big brother Chad. She tells him about kissing someone else in Vegas. Her brother tells her she has no excuse. Then he asks her, “What’s you issue? What makes you this way?”
She tells us it’s because of how she grew up. Well, what was so hard for you? Turns out, Mom was a lesbian and kids always teased her about it. So she grew up never having friends, and when she got old enough, she just manifested that into clinging onto guys, but they’re always the wrong guy.
Stop it. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, self-actualization has no place whatsoever on my reality television.
Her brother, who seems gay himself, tells her that she never knew she struggled that much. But he tells her that he doesn’t think the girls in her house care if her Mom’s a lesbian. And then-
“I don’t want to tell you you’re a bitch, cause it seems like everyone else is doing it for me.”
Definitely gay. And awesome.
Next week, the Louise’s family is still giving her shit, Tasha’s not spending enough time with her kid and Nik tells John the truth about Vegas. Thanks for flying with us!