Food Network Star: Grand Ol’ Guy Feeyeti

As American as a ginger bending over a burger stacked with a ridiculous amount of toppings!

Hello again, ‘Gasmii! I hope you enjoyed your 4^th of July weekend. I ate more than my fill of meat, downed more than my fill of cheap delicious beer, and tried to coax my veggie garden into doing more than just flowering. I want produce, dammit! I also got a new baby kitten, and if you’re good, I may show you a super-sweet picture of him.

But you’re here to talk about Food Network Star. You’re here to talk about Guy Fieri clobbering us over the head with advice and judgment. You’re here to squinch your face at people’s ridiculousness like Squinchy Bob Tushie. Let’s get to it!

Last week, we watched Penny marginalize herself a little more by hiding upstairs while the women talked about her. They didn’t gossip, they just talked about how they WANTED to like her but don’t. Fair enough. Meanwhile, Penny talked up her mac and cheese, which was burnt and “tastes like a campfire.” (Or as Ralph Wiggum says, “Tastes like burning!”) Jyll won the camera challenge, and a slew of people “won” the cooking challenge. Justin Food Blogger faltered yet again with his culinary point of view, and Ichabod Justin, the fishmonger, went home.

“I choo-choo-choose Penny to go home this week.”

We open with Robot Whitney calling home for a boost of confidence. She’s been shaken by the judges calling her boring. Mom’s there to save the day, telling Whitney she’s awesome. At this moment, I realize I’m probably a few good years older that Whitney, and this makes me feel old. (Am I alone in this feeling? That the people on TV whom I consider to be my peers are always like a year or two older than me…and then they’re not? And then I’m officially old? Existential crisis, thanks to TV!)

Penny opens her pie hole to talk more about competition, not being there to make friends, being thrown under the bus, etc. This is Food Network, people. It’s not some war-torn nation where your very survival depends on you being a hard-ass. No, you want to be likeable on camera and cook good food. Penny, so far, has proven she can MAYBE only pull off half of this equation. But she brings drama, and drama = good TV, so we’ll see her around for at least another episode. Sorry, Ralph. Heartbroken again.

Ugg. Of course Penny is wearing purple slipper boots.

Everyone heads off to Mel’s Drive In in the heart of Hollywood, where they meet Guy Feeyeti, a former Next Food Network Star finalist himself. He roars up douche-ily in his convertible. At least his sunglasses are on the right part of his head for now.

“With the drop top down so my frosted tips can blow!”

Vin Vegas nods knowingly at Feeyeti, like, “Hey, bro, I’ve got some overblown styling going on myself. We have that in common, bro. <pause> Bro.”

Today, the FNS finalists get to host an episode of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives! Cheers all around. They head inside, where Feeyeti explains the challenge. (Sunglasses now in the improper location.) I have to listen carefully and think harder than I want to, and maybe I do a little math, to figure out the challenge. Basically, there are ten finalists at this point, and they’ll pair up in twos to interview different people for different portions of a “Triple D” segment about this particular restaurant. One team each will: open the segment; interview the chef; interview the owner; interview a favorite server; conclude the segment.

It’s not all that exciting to watch Feeyeti randomly assign the contestants to their portion of the show. He spins an order ticket thingie around and picks a ticket for each person, and then each person acts super-enthused about what they’re going to do. I’m exhausted already.

“This is super exciting!!!”

Oh, more rules. Pay attention. Each interview is two minutes long, and the contestants will have four “opportunities”. Is that takes? Yes, it’s takes. The open and close are each 15 seconds long, and again, four takes. Feeyeti will be around to offer advice and direction, much like Alton Brown did for the first episode. At least Feeyeti seems to be a little more good-natured about it.

Susie Mexican and Vin Vegas are up first for the segment opener. Susie’s so nervous, she keeps making up words and adding in weird pauses. Just like I would if I were her, so I cut her some slack. When it’s Vin’s turn, Feeyeti stops him to mock his hulking camera approach. Laughs all around. See? Not destroying his fun Food Network image, like SOME Thomas Dolby look-alikes we know.

“Maybe make up fewer words, Susie?  And Vin, you’re scaring the children.”

Oh, wait, so they’re not collaborating on these segments—they’re competing head to head! Oh! Okay, so Frat Boy Chris and Robot Whitney are next, interviewing the chef. Frat Boy Chris goes first, and he’s messin’ up all over. He’s gotta talk genuinely to the chef AND be entertaining AND watch the camera placement AND place food in front of the camera. It’s a lot of work. I hate to say it, but I kinda appreciate Feeyeti more now. Yikes!

“Who’s a douche?!  You are, buddy!  You are!”  (I’m waiting for him to “boop” Chris’s nose.)

Now, did Robot Whitney get to watch Frat Boy Chris and learn from his mistakes, or did she go in raw? I’ll try to figure this out. Meanwhile, she’s asking the chef about his burger, and it’s going beautifully. Frat Boy Chris answers my question, saying that Whitney had the benefit of watching Chris. Innnnteresting.

Next up is Comedian Jeff and Penny, who have to interview a tough, gum-cracking waitress named Piper. Jeff’s feeling good about it until Piper serves him a plate of “you got told”. (He asked who she’d kick out, living or dead, famous or infamous…and she says, “You!” OH SNAP.) Feeyeti’s advice? Jeff shoulda talked more about the food and less about who Piper would kick out.

“I’m just saying that I’d like to insult Piper.  That’s all.  Don’t throw me under the bus!”
“But I already insulted her, okay?  She just didn’t know it because of my charming Chicago accent.”

Penny goes next. She’s pretty direct with the camera guy about his placement, her blocking, whatever. I think that’s probably a good thing, but it’s being painted as a “Penny is a self-important bitch” thing. She follows Piper out to a table with two giant burgers, asking questions about the burgers as they walk. It actually goes well until Penny cuts Piper off to ask what kind of meat’s used in the burger. Right away, Feeyeti’s like, “Nope, you can’t cut people off.” He actually looks really disappointed or even angry. Penny struggles a little to lessen her dominance. Wow, she’s too much.

She goes through a few more takes with poor Piper, who just wants to tell us about the different varieties of fries, and Penny interrupts again to ask more about the wet fries. Wet fries are awesome. What’s not awesome is Penny photobombing Piper in the frame, forcing the camera guy to back up a bunch. After Piper gets done explaining the wet fries, Penny turns to people eating at the counter to aggressively ask, “Why didn’t you get the wet fries?” Both Feeyeti and Piper pull a “WTF” face.

Mediocre MaryBeth and Orchid are up next, interviewing the owner of Mel’s Drive In. Orchid’s a little intimidated because MB is a food writer—this is what she DOES. MaryBeth definitely seems pretty natural as she starts her interview. I can’t stop watching this errant piece of her hair waggle back and forth as she speaks. It’s mesmerizing.

Is Guy looking down MB’s shirt?!

Feeyeti’s advice for MB is to loosen up, to laugh, to stop conducting the interview like she’s Diane Sawyer talking to the next big political candidate. Have fun with it! Meanwhile, Orchid’s eagerness to connect means she’s actually talking too much about herself. It’s an interview—let the guy speak!

Jyll and Food Blogger Justin come in to bring it all home. Closing segment, 15 seconds, four takes. GO.

Well, Food Blogger does quite an impression of Guy Feeyeti, doesn’t he? He’s posturing and throwing half-gang signs like a mo-fo, and it’s ridiculous. Feeyeti makes a face. He’s like, “Hey, champ, you left four seconds on the clock. What do you do with four seconds? MAXIMIZE THE DOUCHINESS!” There are claps and pointing and aggressive threats to see YOU at Mel’s Drive In. Ack!

“Hi, I’m a mild-mannered nerdy sort, here to do my best Guy Feeyeti impression for laughs. I’m totally out of place in this world.”

“Okay, good, but you had extra time.  Do it again, more Feeyeti style.  Clap clap, posture, wink, shout.  That’s the key.”

Jyll’s like, “Um, what?” at Justin’s delivery. Who is this, she ponders? It’s a threatened guy who lacks focus, doing what he can to stay alive, that’s who. She’s all like, “Whatevs” and gets up to do her thang.

Her thang is pretty Jylly. Like, too toothy, too wholesome and peppy. Well, at first, it’s actually a little stern, so Feeyeti has her loosen up a bit by pretending to play with her puppy just before the camera cuts in. Her next take is much more friendly, but still too Jyll. I think you know what I mean.

Finger guns are terrible. I really hate them.

I guess we’ll see the results of all of this silliness later? Like, what the judges thought?  How it actually all turned out?  (Nope!  That’s the end of that!  We never, ever see it again.  Weird.)  I mean, Feeyeti’s already explaining the next challenge, which is a 4^th of July challenge. They filmed this probably last fall, so I say “wow” to the producers having this all mapped out ahead of time. I know, I’m so naïve to the ways of television production, aren’t I? Anyway, the big challenge this week is to cook for an “all American food festival,” sponsored by MGD 64. (Has anyone had that stuff? I haven’t—I’m a little scared that it’s too weird to enjoy.) They’ll have to reinvent some American classics for 150 hungry camera whores.

The random selection process here is slightly more entertaining than the last time. A line cook brings out an iconic American platter and places it on the warming stand. Feeyeti takes it and hands it off to a contestant. It goes as follows:

• Vin Vegas = lobster roll + potato chips
• Mediocre MB = BBQ chicken + potato salad
• Penny = sausage with peppers + macaroni salad
• Comedian Jeff = pretzels + beer (ooookay?)
• Jyll = carne asada + pico de gallo
• Robot Whitney = hot dog + baked beans
• Food Blogger Justin = hamburger + watermelon
• Susie Mexican = pork ribs + cole slaw
• Orchid = brisket + mac and cheese
• Frat Boy Chris = shrimp + corn on the cob

“Beer and pretzels go in my belly!”

They’ve got two hours today to cook up some shiz, but right now, they only have 45 minutes to shop. And it starts NOW. Think fast!

Observations/thoughts on a shopping trip: Jyll’s freaked about cooking carne asada—hasn’t done it before. Orchid’s freaked about cooking brisket in two hours—it normally needs at least fifteen. Frat Boy Chris is excited to steam his shrimp with their shells on—and their poop inside. (He’s spending “two hunge on shrimpies,” by the way. What an idiot. I’d bash him for working so hard at the math on the cost/quantity of shrimpies, too, but I’m no better than he is there. Oh, but then he keeps calling the shrimpies man “brother.” Shrimpies man is black. Bad call, Frat Boy.) Food Blogger Justin is going to try making a pickled watermelon relish for his burger.

Back at the kitchen, Susie Mexican seems overly worried about people going apeshit once they get cooking. But that’s kinda what this is all about, hon.

Orchid, meanwhile, is rushing to get her 8000 lbs of brisket into the oven ASAP, since she only has two hours to cook a meat that requires 15 hours. It’s a tough cut of meat, it needs a slow cook to tenderize. This was a bad call. Comedian Jeff got it right when he said she should have switched to a different cut of meat—get the same flavors but save yourself the cooking time. Oh well! Orchid seems hell-bent on going home before Penny.

“So, I’m going to reinvent mac and cheese by making…mac and cheese.”  She’d never last a day on Top Chef.

Penny, who’s got sausage and peppers with macaroni salad, decides to make lamb kebobs and tabouli salad. Well, that definitely plays to her strengths, and I guess it’s meat and peppers with a pasta-like salad? Yet, not. We’ll see.

Vin Vegas is making up a lobster salad that he’ll put on a baguette round with some caviar. Sounds delicious! It’s nice to see him galloping ahead, considering his shaky start.

Comedian Jeff agrees with me—Vin’s a dark horse, a sleeper hit. For his part, though, Jeff is making his “pretzels and beer” dish into chicken sliders with three sauces. I think beer is in all the sauces, and the chicken’s battered in pretzel pieces. Yeah, that actually sounds good. Allow me to introduce you to sleeper #2. I call Vin and Jeff for the final four, at least.

Susie Mexican’s food sounds awesome—the ribs are fine, but the slaw is what makes it. It’s your regular slaw, I guess, but with lime juice and avocados. To me, you can’t go wrong with limes or avocados. I could eat that all day long. Go, Susie Mexican!

Jyll’s struggling with her carne asada assigment, so she asks Susie Mexican for maybe a little help, por favor. Susie’s like, “Hell no.” And she’s right, saying that the whole point of the assignment is to put your own spin, your own flavor, on the dish. Not Susie’s. Go piss up a rope, Jyll!

Mediocre MaryBeth isn’t inspiring much confidence in me with her dish so far. Honey mustard glazed chicken and red/white/blue smashed potato salad? That’s pretty regular. Pretty mediocre, even. If it’s cooked awesomely, then maybe it’ll be a hit. But I think this is a snooze.

“Mm, this mediocre beer is delicious!”

Robot Whitney’s going gourmet with her hot dog, keeping the dog regular and the fixins’ special. And instead of regular ol’ baked beans, she’s making a baked bean pie. I’m curious enough about it to reserve the snark for a moment.

Remember how worried Susie Mexican was about the commotion in the kitchen? Well, lucky girl is stationed right next to Frat Boy Chris who can’t do anything with grace and tact. No, he’s shredding cabbage or something like he’s pounding his peen. The table is shaking, he’s sweating and huffing. It’s gross. And it’s actually knocking things over on Susie’s station. She sighs heavily and walks away.

Cooking for today is over—they head home to relax. Oh, except Penny can’t relax. She’s got drama to spare, and we’re all going to get a piece. She makes some ridiculous comment about hanging out in the kitchen with the guys, that the girls are being weird to her, something about her being the only one to wash dishes, etc. Whitney, who is washing dishes at that very moment, goes “huh?”  Penny continues rambling about how the girls all want her gone, yadda yadda. Newsflash, the guys want you gone, too!

(Having seen only one episode or two of Bad Girls Club, I now see that I was wrong. This wasn’t the Money Hungry house, but it was the Bad Girls Club house and all the others you guys said. Good call! And thank you!!)

Anyway, I noticed this because of that little balcony cut-out area in the second floor, which allows people to listen in on the first floor goings on. Jyll, in particular, is perturbed by the Penny bullshit, so she heads downstairs to nip it in the bud. Go, Jyll! That’s not necessarily easy nor fun, to call someone on their shit. Penny gives her the Gene Simmons stare o’ death, but Jyll presses on. Her points are valid, too. You come out acting a bitch, people are going to treat you like you’re a bitch. “There are consequences to your actions.” Penny dismisses the criticism, saying she’s just dramatic and people can’t take it. No, you’re just a bitch.

Wow, there’s still an hour to go in this show? I’m so tired!

The contestants arrive at the site of the All American Food Festival, where Feeyeti awaits. He points out the arrangement of all the cooking stations, the stage for the live entertainment, etc. And then the twist….these guys ARE the live entertainment. They’ll do a cooking demo live for the audience, props and zaniness encouraged, to try to entice people over to their booth to try their food.

Feeyeti opens the live entertainment portion of the day, to which Squinchy Bob, Curly Susie, and Bobby Flat have front-row seats. Curly Susie does a silly “YEAH!” cheer for Feeyeti as he announces the sponsor. Ugh. (Honestly, even if it tastes bad, I’m thinking a 64-calorie beer or three would feel pretty good right now. Seriously, has anyone tried it? How about the MGD 64 lemonade?!)

Almost looks like a set of portals behind him, doesn’t it?

Frat Boy Chris jocks around the stage first, shouting and pimping his shrimp dish. He can’t understand the hand cues the stage director gives him, so he gets cut off with lots yet to say. Then he bumbles about, apologizing for missing the cue and everything, still totally mic’d up. I’m sure there are some single ladies in the audience who think it’s adorable and will make a beeline for his shrimpies.

Jyll’s up next, and she’s toothy and fake again, yet trying so hard to be genuine. She admits full-stop that she doesn’t know a thing about Mexican flavors, so she didn’t even try. She just marinaded her steak in beer and sweet chili paste, which I think is more an Asian thing. But okay!

Awww, I just love Susie Mexican. She gets up there and is totally heart-felt about how much Independence Day means to her, coming from an immigrant family that made its way in America. Tears! She also gives a lovely performance, talking about making her slaw sans mayo and about using her weird thumbs to squeeze limes. The judges love her too.

“Remember that time when I made a stinky and you all laughed?  Let’s laugh about it again!”

Comedian Jeff does a pretty good job, too. An interesting job, heading up on stage to sing a goofy song and kick over the mic stand before hamming up his chicken slider and three-sauces presentation. The judges seem into it, though they may ding him for trying too hard. I kinda hope they do. (Later, they do.)

Orchid paints herself into a bit of a corner with her presentation. She admits she can’t find a way to connect with everyone, and she’s not feeling confident about her dish. I think even the least food savvy person knows you can’t cook brisket properly in 2 hours. Why mention it and set up your downfall? No one seems particularly enthused about Orchid.

Vin Vegas is up next. He comes out in a fire-red wig, Fifth Element-like. It’s not a good look, and no one really understands where he’s going with it. Then he takes it off, and it’s like, “oh, this is what I really look like.” Then he tells some story about his grandmom intimidating him with a rolling pin, and he’s intimidating with his bald head and tattoos, I guess? And that means a good time in the kitchen? I don’t really get it. But he’s trying and he didn’t tank like Orchid or Frat Boy Chris.

Penny heads up in a full-blown Betsy Ross get-up, then introduces herself as a Middle-Eastern Mama. She’s been saying it all along, but it falls kinda flat when said in a ridiculously American get-up at an All American food festival. I can’t put my finger on it, it just feels bad inside. The judges make stinky face about it, too. Then she tries to rouse the crowd by asking open-ended questions. Like, therapist-y questions. “How do you feel about that?” Crickets. “ARE YOU HUNGRY?” “Yeah.” “I guess.” Wow, winning, Penny. Her actual food demo goes poorly, too. No one cheers about tabouli on 4^th of July. Big surprise. (I bet the judges wanted her to explain what tabouli is, to relate to the crowd a little better.)

Making another stinky.

Robot Whitney took the “be more exciting” advice to heart, showing up on stage in a cute cowgirl hat and bandana, making jokes about impressing Bobby Flat’s pants off—not that she wants to see him without pants. CLASSIC SexyPanda charm at work right there. Seriously, that’s so me. Okay, Whitney, you’re good with me now. Anyway, she bulldozes right through the rest of her presentation, riding high on the momentum of that embarrassment/charm.

No snark, just cute.

Food Blogger Justin’s turn. He comes up in a hat of some kind, a bolo tie, and a fake accent. Huh? He’s pretending to be Southern? Well, whatever, he’s talking about pickled watermelon rind, which no one cheers about. Some guy is sitting in the grass, picking at the thatch below. He’s not going to try your dish, Justin. Give up. He does, exiting the stage with a high-kick attempt gone bad. Judges hated it, too.

Mediocre MaryBeth warms up the crowd well enough, asking if we’re all ready to party like it’s 1776. The judges chuckle warmly. The crowd seems mildly excited about her chicken recipe, so she gets to it. I think the judges are fine with it all so far.

So now it’s time for the crowd to check out all the food, All American Food Festival style. Observations? Mediocre MB’s grill isn’t getting hot enough to put the right sear on her chicken, so it looks floppy and unappetizing. Food Blogger Justin has nothing ready for the scant few people who want to try his shit. Penny’s got a good line going, and she actually enlists some of the audience to help her roll kebabs. (Good authentic Persian ones, actually, not just a hunk of meat layered on a stick with zucchini and onions. Like, one big long log of meat.) (Mmm. Meat log.)

“Oh, you’re here to taste some food?  Here’s some.  Just two plates. Thank you.”

Jyll’s carne asada somehow ends up with a Wisconsin spin, which pisses of Penny. Also, the guests don’t find it to be flavorful. Comedian Jeff’s got a good thing going with his sliders and sauces. So does Whitney with her gourmet hot dogs and baked bean pies. And so does Vin Vegas and his lobster stuff!

Orchid’s failing, though. The brisket just ain’t working. And here come the judges. They don’t find much good in her dish at all. Even the mac and cheese isn’t working. For all you haters out there wondering why these guys are failing so hard at mac and cheese—have you ever made it from scratch? For real, it’s a tough balance. Properly cooked pasta, cheese sauce that doesn’t burn, the right flavors, some heat. It’s tough! (Still, these guys should be nailing it.)

Jyll isn’t doing so well either. We already knew that, but now the judges are upon her and she’s pooping her pants a little. She keeps selling herself short by saying she doesn’t know Mexican spices, then tries to back off by saying she didn’t want to compete with Susie Mexican. But, um, this is a competition, right? Bobby Flat looks around like, “huh?”

Um, that’s a little obvious, Jyll.

Resigned to suck.

Food Blogger Justin gets a turn to impress the judges. His first attempt is so bad that Feeyeti stops him, whispers in his ear, “This isn’t that guy we saw earlier.” Justin’s all verklempt and worried, giggling nervously. He wraps up his menu description with a goofy smile. Bobby Flat told Justin, “This better be a good burger.” And it’s not. He says it’s not seasoned. (FYI, my boyfriend and I made bison burgers last night, and they were AWESOME. I mixed in a splash of beer, some mustard-based BBQ sauce, some panko breadcrumbs, and some salt. Totally flavorful and juicy. I recommend!) They also don’t understand why he’s sucking so bad at the presentation stuff sometimes.

Frat Boy Chris is such a goofball. He’s dishing out food to a pretty lady and says something about nuts, then makes a joke about getting to say “nuts.” The pretty lady laughs at the time, but later, she tells the camera that she found Chris to be unprofessional. The judges think his food is fine, except that he left the poop tract inside each shrimp. Oh, and he called out his own failure the last time Curly Susie judge was around (dessert challenge), when he was talking ONLY to Bobby, which was totally awkward. Oh, Chris.

“I hope everyone likes eating poopies from shrimpies!”

Mediocre MB’s chicken never made it to the great heights MB had touted. The grill never got warm enough. So, flopsy chicken, it is. The judges are disappointed.

Penny and Susie Mexican both got high marks from the judges for their food, and both were credited for their specific heritage getting them to those amazing flavors. Penny stunk up the presentation though, while Susie Mexican rocked it. Oh, and Comedian Jeff got it all going pretty well, too.

“Here’s some All-American Kolucheh Lahijan! Enjoy!”

I think I rocked this look back in 4th grade. Yes, I’m a girl.

“I made good food this week, and we talked about it a little bit, but not a lot. Here’s a photo of me, though.”

There are some requisite MGD bottle-clinking, sponsor-pleasing shots as the All American Food Festival wraps up. Hooray! It’s time to send someone home!

This happens every week. The contestants tell us how things are going as they’re happening. Then the judges taste the food or watch the performance and give their say. Then we spend the next half hour rehashing what everyone already said twice. So forgive me if I speed this along just a smidge.

So, some people did well cooking this week! Some did not! Some did well presenting this week! Some did not! Someone will win! Someone will go home! The rest? We already covered it.

So who won? Susie Mexican! YAY!

Seriously, yay!

The judges hammer at Orchid for a bit for having bad food this week. They also feel like they don’t know her AT ALL. She’s worried, and she promises to work on it. Whitney, on the other hand, gets praised by the judges for finally bringing out a little sass. They feel like they’re getting to know her better now and can make her a star. Same for Vin.

Food Blogger Justin also gets called on for his lack of genuine behavior. He admits that he’s got a wall up, that he’s private, and that he can’t quite break through all that. Okay, then, TV is not for you!

TV *IS* for Jyll, but maybe not in food. That’s what Bobby Flat said, at least. There’s something lacking with her, too. She feels plastic, and I agree. I kinda like her to some extent, but I wouldn’t watch her show.

I mean, I’m barely watching THIS show.  I KID!  I KID!

Time to talk about Penny. Ugh, can we stop doing that? Basically, she cries because the women in the house don’t like her, but like I said last week, SHE is the one coming out stabbing. No wonder no one likes her! She doesn’t WANT them to. Then STOP CRYING ABOUT THEM NOT LIKING YOU. Ugh. You can’t have it both ways.

“I’m a strong, confident woman who doesn’t need to smoke.”

“I can’t believe you just said that!”

When the other contestants react to Penny’s tears, she lashes out at them. Jyll lashes back, bless her. Seriously, it takes strength to try to put an idiot in her place. Susie Mexican says, “You put yourself in that corner.” I am fucking PISSED OFF when Curly Susie judge admonishes the group for not making the house a welcome place for Penny. Fuck you. Penny’s an asshole who made her bed and is now crying about lying in it. Penny sucks. (Now I know how my brother felt when we were kids and I’d make him tickle me, even though it always ended with me crying. I’d go running to my dad, who quickly learned that I was responsible for my tickle tears, not my brother.) Judges, Penny is responsible for her tears, and Penny alone.

“Yeah, this bitch-face has nothing to do with Penny’s tears!” “Yeah!”

We already knew the winner, Susie Mexican. But who’s going home? God, let’s get it over with. It’s between Orchid, Jyll, and Justin. And our latest axed Food Network Star finalist is…JUSTIN! Smell ya later! Go be private at home!

“Okay.”

Next week! It’s a food truck challenge week. That means we get some Tyler Florence. Teams clash as they try to work together. At the final judging, Mediocre MB is trying to say something and Penny does a catty woman “meowrr” at her. Just like a 9-year-old. Penny sucks. Some random criticisms are flung out by the judges, but we don’t know toward whom they’re directed. So I guess we have to come back and watch this weekend. See you there!

(Also, as promised, a picture of the new little baby kitten.)