Food Network Star: Puckin’ Wolfgang

“Please don’t use my name as a curse word. Thank you.”

Bom dia (or boa noite), ‘Gasmii!  (I always wanted to learn Portuguese.)  Hope you’re having a lovely summer so far.  The lightning bugs are glowing, the humidity is rising (at least for us on the East coast), and the Food Network Stars are neck and neck.  In only a few weeks, we’ll finally know who will go against Ina Garten and Paula Deen in the death-match.  Limbs will fly, blood will be shed.  There can be only one!

Or, ya know, they’ll get a show on a weird day at a weird time and Ina/Paula/Bobby Flat will keep getting a ginormous paycheck.  Probably that outcome.

Last week, we lost Orchid.  You probably don’t remember much about her, and that’s okay.  Apparently, business at home is booming, so don’t worry about her.  We already know from the previews that this week is a double elimination. I can’t wait.  Let’s go!!

(My DVR is acting up, responding REALLY SLOWLY to my remote control demands.  I’m totally irritated with it, choosing not to throw it out the window only because A) I still have old Blizzard Man sketches from SNL on there and B) Comcast/Xfinity would charge me a kazillion dollars for it if I broke it. UGH.)

“Put your tape decks on record…’Rap song!  Raaaaaaap song!’ “

We open the show with a quick reminder of what’s happened this season so far.  Not just last week!  So, remember that Vin Vegas really stunk on camera his first week; that Susie Mexican branched out to do French cooking and was gently steered back into cooking “her background” (i.e., Mexican!); and that Jyll gave us toothy, cheese grins and was critiqued for seeming too “newscaster”-y.  I bet these reminders are apt. Please don’t forget them.

It’s a sunshiney morning at the contestants’ house.  Penny’s staring into a mug of coffee as Chris perfects his douche-boy hair situation with extra gel.  And, is Whitney the only one with a phone in this hizzay?  She calls her boyfriend for ANOTHER boost of confidence, since the judges keep attacking her for being uptight.  Wow, this girl needs a lot of cheerleading.  Can Food Network afford to pay her phone bills if she gets that show and needs to call mommy or boyfriend every second of the day? Anyway, boyfriend peps her up, and she resolves to bring more fun into her time in the competition.

Bobby Flay meets the gang in the kitchen.  They’re at the midpoint, which means it’s midterm time.  The judges will evaluate how the contestants have done so far, cumulatively.  Who has improved, who’s faltering.

First up is the camera challenge. Each contestant is to prepare his or her signature dish, then give a two-minute cooking demonstration about it.  Two minutes is a tough time limit, I’d think.  You have just enough time to explain yourself and get cooking, but not a lot of time to ramble or do labor-intensive steps.  (And what would be YOUR signature dish?  Mine’s probably some kind of alternative meatloaf.)

Bobby warned the group that he’d be assigning each contestant one thing to work on for their presentation.  For Susie Mexican, it’s working on her focus. She tends to get distracted and flustered.  Her success on this network depends on how much she can show improvement in her focus.

“I’ll try!”

Comedian Jeff is approached by Bobby about improving on his warmth. He’s got great energy and a sense of humor, but he’s not coming through as a super cuddly guy.  Apparently, they want that.  (Because Bobby’s so cuddly?  Gah. Remember that red-bearded stuffy guy, Jeffrey Rosengarten or something, who taught me how to pretentiously pronounce “bruschetta” properly back in 1999?  Or Michael Chiarello?  None of those guys were warm!)

“I’m as cold as ice. I’m willing to sacrifice our love.”

Oh, and everyone’s got cheap little placards in front of their stations now, with the name of their future show printed out on the intern’s color printer.  “Sandwich King, Jyllicious Bites,” etc.  Ugh.  Speaking of Jyll, her challenge from Bobby is to surprise him.  Huh?  At what point in her Food Network Star journey did Jyll ever get critiqued about not being surprising enough?  I guess the newscaster feel means there’s no mystery about her?  I dunno.

“A surprise, eh?  I’m saying something naughty with my hands right now.  Ain’t THAT a surprise!”

As we already know, Whitney’s challenge from Bobby is to be more warm, less robotic.  She’s like, “Right, I already had a ton of personal calls about it to boost my confidence, thanks so much!”

That’s the first I’m seeing of her proposed show title. Eh.

Apparently, Mediocre MaryBeth’s show is called Sunday Suppers?  As in, dinners with family?  Or Sunday suppers like me, where I cook up a whole shitload of food and put it in cheap Ziplock containers for the rest of the week so I don’t have to cook every dang night?  I’m guessing the former.  Her challenge from Bobby is talk about her dish as though she invented it, as though it’s totally unique.  They’re stretching at this point.

They’re NOT stretching at all when they tell Penny she’s gotta work on becoming more likeable on camera.  And this isn’t a SexyPanda bias here.  You have to admit that she’s done a whole lot in the way of making herself look mean and petty and gross.  Will she be able to come across as genuinely warm and likeable?  I’d love to see some kind of redemption here, so go for it, Penny.

That sign is too busy.

Vin Vegas is apparently going with “Mama’s Boy” as his show name. Really?  This makes him sound like a pansy idiot.  I know it’s because he wants to cultivate this “my image is tough, but I’m actually a total fucking sweetheart” idea, but it sounds wrong.  Plus, I thought his schtick was to “Vegas things up”?  PLUS, he keeps saying “POV,” and it’s breaking the fourth wall for me a little bit.  Stop using show jargon!  That’s MY challenge to you. (Bobby’s is for Vin to work on being more of an expert, painting a broader picture of the process for the viewer.)

No, they didn’t say broader SHOULDERS, Vin.

Finally, there’s our resident doofus, Frat Boy Chris. He’s making some kind of ricotta gnocchi. Bobby’s like, “That’s fine and all, but remember that you only have two minutes to demo…”  Frat Boy Chris? Biting off more than he can chew?  NAH.  He’ll be just fine.  (I guess his specific challenge from Bobby is to get through the two minutes without choking?  Bobby walked away, so we’ll never know. I’m sure it was more like, “Be mature for once.”)

“I’m too cool for school, Bobby. “

Time for the demos!

Jyll goes first.  Remember, she’s supposed to surprise the judges.  She made some kind of beef carpacio dish, and after she mentions that it’s raw meat, she does this herky-jerky “no no, don’t change the channel!” routine that is jarring and not funny at all. The judges hated it.

Robot Whitney is next, and she’s hell-bent on being warm and fun.  She’s making gazpacho, which I normally HATE.  Her story is about cooking it for her sorority sisters and how she actually cooks it a little to add depth of flavor (even though it is supposed to be a raw, cold soup—ew). Big Head Giada seems pretty interested, and her critique later supports it.  So does Bobby’s—they loved Whitney.  (And I loved Giada’s top.  Bellissima!)

I want that top!

Time for Frat Boy Chris to sink or swim.  Any guesses on how he does?  Remember, he’s only got two minutes to explain how to prepare ricotta gnocchi.  He talks and talks and talks about how easy it is to prepare, and yet now he’s only got a minute left and barely conveys anything useful.  The judges definitely don’t look kindly upon this performance. Bobby would probably boot Chris right now if he could.  “I don’t think he has the maturity to do this,” he sneers.

Comedian Jeff’s turn.  He’s trying very hard to turn down the comedy routine and turn up the warmth.  But, to me, he comes across as very tired and totally not engaging.  The judges pick up on that too, I think.  His food was lovely, but his energy was missing.

Mediocre MaryBeth’s time to shine. Remember, her task was to put a unique spin on her dish, convey to the judges why her dish was special and MaryBethy.  She didn’t.  She talked about spaghetti and meatballs, and that’s that. Bobby’s like, “What’d you do that was special?” and she’s all, “I put in sundried tomatoes and parmesan rind,” and he’s like, “well, girl, you didn’t say that,” and she’s all, “oh snap. I got told.”

Oh, Susie Mexican. Whatchoo gonna do?  (Her goal is to remain FOCUSED.)  She makes a wise decision, which is to demo only the homemade tortilla portion of her enchilada dish.  It’s something us nerds at home could stand to learn, and she’ll probably feel really comfortable talking about it.  It looks like she does a great job, but she still gets critiqued pretty hard from the judges.  Why?  Because she never talked about making enchiladas.  She just talked about the stupid tortillas and how easy they were to make.  Squinchy Bob Tushie is like, “You still need to work on having a map you’re working from.”  And here, I thought she did great by breaking her dish down to demo one crucial component.  But she’s one of my favorites, so this IS a SexyPanda bias. Sorry!

Penny’s up next, and she’s taking the judges on a journey through Istanbul. Her task was to be likeable, might I remind you. As if you would ever forget.  She’s making dolmas, which I thought was stuffed grape leaves, but I guess that’s in Greece, not Turkey, so here, it’s stuffed peppers?  She sputters and goes a little AWOL verbally during her demo, though. Like, saying a lot of “stuff this in here, put that in there” kind of stuff. Everyone is cringing for her backstage.  The judges basically summarize by telling her that if she’s not having fun, she’s not likeable.  (But Bobby loves the flavors in her dish.) (I never said that Penny can’t cook.)

Vin Vegas goes next. Remember, his goal is to be an expert, to teach a broader point about his cooking.  Instead, he gets bogged down in the details of his dish, listing ingredients (and counting them on his meaty fingers), causing Giada to shake her head with disappointment. And then he runs out of time!  Without getting to any of the cooking!!!  On a double-elimination week!!!!!!!  Wait, it’s not actually that dramatic.  Just kinda sucks a bit.  For him, anyway.

Okay, it’s all over with.  Who won?  Whitney, of course.  Because she’s got the magical iPhone of confidence!  Squinchy Bob lets her know that this win means she gets an advantage during the next challenge.  Whee!

It’s the next day, and the group is just kinda hanging out downstairs, playing pool and chatting or whatever.  There’s a knock at the door!  Who is it?  It’s Bobby Flat!  He’s here to introduce the next challenge, which is for the group to create an over-the-top extravagant dinner party here at the house.  Okay, sounds good.  Oh, Wolfgang Puck will be there.  Okay, the heat just went up a bit.  Oh, and you have to use what’s in the house to create the dinner party.  Oh boy, that might be a problem.

“Oh, this is where the common folk live. Ugh.”

But, actually, they will allow a little bit of shopping, but only two people can go. Since Whitney won the camera challenge, she gets to call the shots for who does what in this challenge.  Mediocre MB and Penny volunteer to go shopping, and Whitney’s like, “Sold!”

Then she assigns the order (each contestant makes one dish for the collective dinner).  Comedian Jeff will go first.  He’s nervous about the pressure of going first. But hey, apps are easy, and then your shit’s outta the way, son!  Nothing to be nervous about. Then goes Vic, MaryBeth, and Penny.

Frat Boy Chris is making “vomit in his throat” faces because he knows he’s going to get dessert.  But Chris, honey, didn’t you brag about that cake recipe a few challenges ago?  Oh, wait, the one you tried to make twice, which failed twice?  Oh. Sorry.

Jyll, Whitney, and Susie Mexican round out the line-up, with Frat Boy Chris solidly lodged in the rear.  He really feels awful about this. I kinda feel bad for him, and then I remember that he’s out of his league and should’ve gone home weeks ago, and then I don’t feel so bad.

“I said, HUSTLE.”

The group starts hauling everything out of the pantry in order to take inventory.  Chris is pouting in a corner and hoarding baking supplies while everyone else settles out their dishes. Comedian Jeff’s actually going to make a little salad, while Vin Vegas is going to make tiny fried cheese balls.  (Tiny so they’re not too heavy, supposedly.) Nothing says five-star dining like fried cheese balls straight out of Vin Vegas’ mom’s kitchen!

Susie Mexican is looking for cheese that’ll work for her dish, something in the Mexican food realm, like cotija.  Of course that’s not already in the fridge, but she sees feta and knows that’ll work well for her dish.  How much you wanna bet that Penny’s already laid claim to the feta in her mind and there will be a knife fight?  I bet two dollars.

Frat Boy Chris is still sweatin’ the dessert assignment, but he resigns himself to his piss-poor cake skills.  Everyone’s concerned because they know his cake skills blow.  And he’s all, “I don’t need no stinkin’ recipe!”  But, hon, ya do.  Baking requires precision. Not buffoonery.

Jyll’s all set to make risotto.  We already know from the previews that she doesn’t do well, that Wolfgang Puck offers to go into the kitchen to teach her how to make it, that she cries about it later, whining about how no one stopped her to tell her she was making it wrong.  And then Whitney’s like, “Oh, you’re making risotto?  Great!”  Then telling us that risotto is pretty difficult (it’s not, though), but as leader of this kitchen, it’s NOT her job to tell people what to make or how to make it.  Um, did you not just consult with everyone else on what they wanted to make?  Did you not just offer advice to Vin about the cheese balls?  So, why can’t you stop Jyll for a second and make sure she knows what she’s doing with the risotto?  I smell a rat.

Risotto disaster documentary

Mediocre MB is making a roasted butternut squash soup. So she’s gotta get the squash in the oven pronto.  Thing is, Whitney’s going to need an oven for her chicken and Chris is going to need one for his cakes.  Okay, well, it really shouldn’t be that hard.  Oh, but there’s really just one big oven and one little warming oven.  So, okay, maybe a little more challenging.  Still, figure it out.

And it’s time to cook!  MB and Penny head off to the store and the other six get to work. It looks like at least twenty people are in that kitchen, though, for how cramped it is.  All stove burners are overloaded, and the ovens are also totally full.  Chris’s cakes, situated firmly in the tiny warming oven to the left, cannot go above 350 degrees.  I bet that means that later, they’re turned up to a higher temperature. Bet you another two dollars.

Chocolate cake disaster documentary

Comedian Jeff, the sandwich king, is making a salad.  How that fits in with his point of view, no one knows. (It must be hard having a POV that’s a specific item rather than a broad concept.  Susie can make things spicy, MB can talk about them as a food writer, and Vin can talk about his mom. Jeff just always has to make a sandwich.)

Oh, so wait. Penny and MaryBeth are going shopping for table décor?  Oh!  I misheard Bobby before. I thought he said “core,” and I thought that meant “main ingredients.” Nope, he said “DÉCOR,” you dumb panda!  Anyway, they head off to Target and meet up with that Design Star lady, who advises them on decorating. Her main advice is to keep the plates white and don’t go crazy with patterns.

“Let’s work really well together on something because we were never really enemies to begin with!”

Apparently, they need EVERYTHING for the table.  Plates, silverware, glasses, napkins, centerpieces.  Penny and MB actually work well together here, and that’s nice.  They come home with a zillion Target bags, and I’m totally jealous. But wait, they still have to cook, too!  So MB gets her squash in the oven ASAP and Penny sets off on whatever it is she’s making.  (Sauteed prawns in sage butter with toasted pistachios.)

MB and Chris are in an oven war. He’s already pissy because someone turned the oven up to FOUR HUNDRED FIFTY.  He turned it down to 300 to bring it back to 350.  But 300 ain’t enough for MB’s squash.  Why didn’t Whitney somehow make more room in her oven, I wonder.  Surely, squash and chicken can roast at the same temperature. Hell, they could even share roasting pans and the squash could pick up a nice chicken jus.  Come on, people.  Think better!

Whitney supervises Jyll’s risotto only enough to be able to ask if she wants it that dry, and to say “If that’s how she wants to serve it, it’s her dish.”  Gotta say, it doesn’t look good swampin’ around in that pot. Actually, it’s NOT swamping, and that’s the problem. It looks like dry rice with a little sauce.  Not risotto!

“Ain’t MY problem!”

Mediocre MB, always shouting out the timeclock countdown!  25 minutes to go, peeps!  She’s worried that she’s not adding enough pizzazz to her dish this week, since she keeps getting critiqued about that over and over and over.  So she dumps some cayenne into her soup.

Comedian Jeff is slicing up his beef, and then he goes, “Oh my GAD” in his best Chicago accent.  I thought he chopped off a finger, but no, he just forget his headband.  On it goes, and Jeff feels secure once again.  He’s up first, so he gives us the countdown to Wolfgang Puck.  One minute!

About to take off a fingertip?

And it’s time!  Susie Mexican made up the table, which looks lovely, and now the judges head down to the patio to chow down. The contestants wait for them with champagne. Whitney takes the lead in asking the judges to have a seat.  And the judges love the décor!  Hooray!

Chris found his calling!

Look how proud he is. He’ll get good tips.

Comedian Jeff does a good job, I think, in introducing his dish.  Wolfgang Puck calls the meat portion skimpy, but Jeff teases that “we’re in a recession.”  When asked about his lack of sandwich, he says something about how sandwiches and salads are cousins or something. Curly Susie seems to think that’s an okay response. They also liked his salad!

“It tasted delicious!”

Vin Vegas is up next. He made that fried cheese thing, and he interacted well enough with the judges, I guess. They like his food, too.  They’re just trying to figure out how he comes across so well in person, but his camera skills are not so good.

“The cheese ball wasn’t greasy, and it was crispy!”

Butternut squash soup time!  (I make this well, and my guess is that MB thought she made it too spicy with the cayenne, when she probably didn’t make it spicy enough!)  Someone paws at the soup while MB is speaking, and I can tell the consistency is off.  Probably because she finished off the roasting process in a pot, thanks to OvenGate.  And, wait, actually the soup IS a little too spicy!  They can’t taste anything else!  Oh no.  Once again, MB describes her food so nicely but follows up with a substandard taste.

“The cayenne didn’t do a thing for me!”

Penny goes next.  Her shrimp looks pretty good.  Even Wolfgang Puck is excited about it.  And the good news is that her flavors were spot on—the dish was delicious.  And she came across warmly, too.  Hot dog!  Squinchy Bob is worried that she still doesn’t come through warmly enough on camera.

“But I’m a sorceress!”

“She DID make magical shrimp!”

Oh no, Jyll’s risotto is next. I’m already cringing at what’s to come.  They show another close-up of her stirring it, and it just looks so dry and gummy. Not one judge at the table looks happy at the plate when it appears.  They all make the same face, the “oh boy, this girl really fucked up the risotto” face. Wolfgang Puck is particularly upset about it, moved to stand up and take Jyll back to the kitchen to teach her personally how to cook a risotto.  I mean, COOL that a world famous chef will teach you something one-on-one, but HOW EMBARRASSING to have cooked something so badly to earn a basic cooking lesson on the spot. Oh Jyll. I’m so sorry!  The two of them head off, the other judges looking absolutely astonished.  Even Bobby Flat mutters, “Jesus Christ…”  This is bad.

“I mean, it’s really bad!”

And…commercial.

We come back from our commercial break to Jyll being walked off with Wolfgang Puck, who’s explaining that this is not risotto. “It should be liquid, and it should be on a hot plate.”  Jyll’s trying her best to keep her chin up and deal with it, and I admire that.  I would be CRYING.  Especially because he’s talking down to her in the contestants’ kitchen with everyone watching.  Jyll admits that she wants to cry, but that she won’t do that in front of the judges.  I really do admire her for that.

So, Wolfgang apparently re-cooks Jyll’s risotto for her in about two minutes, showing her the consistency on the plate.  He brings her dish back to the table, explaining to the other judges that Jyll cooked this fresh plate of (corrected) risotto. Bobby specifically calls out her probably embarrassment, and she shrugs it off.  He explains that chefs need to learn, they need to be open to it.  She nods.  She’s just trying not to cry before she gets to escape. I totally feel that.

I was going to move on from all that awkward nonsense, but we’re not done.  No.  Wolfgang admits that Jyll probably feels like shit, but she gets an “A” from him because she never lost her cool, never lost her smile. The rest of the judges, though, kinda hate that she was like, “Oh well, bummer!” about the awfully embarrassing criticism.  I really don’t think Jyll can win here, and I kinda want to slit some throats at that table right now! I guess the best thing Jyll could have done would be to let a tear leak out of each eye and be less dismissing, more humble about the whole thing?  I dunno.

“Thank you. I’d like to go get rid of this crap in my pants now, thanks.”

She gets back to the kitchen, and Mommy MaryBeth gives her a shoulder to cry on. Jyll almost wants to go home now, so she won’t have to suffer that embarrassment again.  Aww.

Whitney, perfect Whitney with the iPhone confidence rocket booster, goes next.  She made that roasted chicken, and she talks up her parents’ identities in the dish (Dad is Chinese, and there’s puffed rice in there or something).  I think she came across more warm, less robot this time.  The judges agree, but they’re still concerned about her maybe being a little boring.

“The chicken was good!”

Susie Mexican is next. She’s never boring! She’s got the cheese course, and she used the feta to make a chili reino. (No knife fight this time, Penny didn’t need the cheese.)  Once again, she’s talking up embracing her Mexican roots. I would really love to know how much of this roots-embrace is her own deal and how much is driven by the judges who keep talking about it.  Anyway, her food looks yummy, and she’s engaging while talking to the judges. I’m sure she’s golden. (Wolfgang seems to think so!)

“I’m not a sorceress!”

“Holy shit, that was good stuff!”

Frat Boy Chris finally gets to present his stupid chocolate cake. Only, he’s got a mound of cake crumbs on a platter with some white sauce and rosemary?  Huh?  Well, it gets better.  And by better, I mean worse.  Frat Boy comes out all dumb, “I don’t know much about desserts, here’s some cake and some crème anglaise, and I think the cake’s not too bad,…ramble ramble ramble.”  I mean, BAD. Bobby Flay puts a finger gun to his own head. Chris keeps rambling even after Bobby yells at him to stop talking down his cake.  SHUT UP!  They are seriously irritated with Chris, and I really hope he finally gets the compressed-air-driven lugnut to the brain tonight.

“That boy honestly sucks so bad, doesn’t he?”

Time to stand nervously in front of the judges!  Time to send TWO people home!  Jyll’s already crying.

They start with Vin.  He sucked so bad the first couple of episodes, but he’s finally doing really well.  Not so good on the camera challenge this week, but he IS improving.  He just needs to be more aggressive in his confidence.

Whitney! Her chicken is highly praised, and there’s no question of her cooking skills.  The judges are still sitting with the idea that she’s a bit cold and clinical, though her camera challenge this week warmed them up quite a bit.

“yeah, I’m less scared of you this week, Whitney!”

Susie, you’re awesome.  Squinchy Bob loves you, just wants you to focus.  Giada is inspired by your cooking, sees Mexican food in a new way.  (wow!) Susie Network Lady asks Susie Mexican to speak more about her upbringing, how it influences her, because those stories really warm her to the audience.  Susie Mexican is game, but not without a bunch of tears about her dead father. Bottom line?  They love her.  They know the viewers will love her.  Okay, done deal!  I can go back to sacking out Monday nights with Intervention/Hoarders and a cocktail!

No?  Ugh.

“Sure, I’ll sob through my sob story, no problem!”

Jyll.  Squinchy Bob mentions the “unwelcome” cooking lesson, and she immediately chirps about how embarrassing it was, how she wouldn’t let them see her crack, how she dug her nail into her hand—oh wait, she should probably do that now!—tears.  But, this seems forced. Like, her emotions are real but how they come across aren’t.  It’s weird.  Can you figure it out, cuz I sure can’t. What it boils down to is that she seems fake, and no one wants to watch fake. We already have Sandra Lee for that.

Comedian Jeff, you need to find balance between the comedian schtick and the warm guy talkin’ about family. The schtick goes overboard, and the warm guy is a little boring. Work on that.  They kinda slam him a little for not making a sandwich for the challenge, but since the salad was good, I guess he gets away with it.

Penny. Your food is great. Really good. But the camera doesn’t love you, and that means the viewers aren’t going to love you. (Not to mention the bitchiness with the other contestants.)

Frat Boy Chris gets a shit sandwich critique.  That is, they (seem to) compliment him first for his enthusiasm before slamming him for his immaturity.  Then they slam his food a little, telling him he needs more experience.  Chris is like, “But you haven’t tried my food yet.”  But Chris, it’s week seven. They’ve tried your food!  Because Chris bickered back a bit, Bobby got all uppity.  “You want me to talk about your lobster and cream cheese dish again?”  No.  “I had some of that chocolate cake last night…want me to keep going?”  Bobby’s trying so hard to get through to Chris that he sucks so far, that he doesn’t improve at all from week to week.  Chris just doesn’t get it.

“Get the big picture, dum-dum!”

Mediocre MaryB?  Well, you talk real nice about food.  That’s great.  But what you’re cooking isn’t so great. I laugh and go “OOOOOOOH!” when Giada says, “You cook like you need the tips that the Food Network stars give.”  OUCH, and hahahahaha.  Wow. Anyway, all they really have to say about her food this week was that the cayenne was too hot without giving any actual flavor. (That’s where my buddy cumin comes in. Nothing like cumin in a sweet and savory dish like that.)

Okay, finally time to send someone home. Two someones, that is!  Yay! Susie Mexican, Comedian Jeff, Robot Whitney, and Vin Vegas are all safe. They’re all going to NYC with Bobby to finish up the competition.  Only two more can go along.  Who will it be? Jyll, Penny, MaryBeth, or Chris?  Wow, I can’t figure it out. It could be anyone!  I mean, Chris, definitely. But who else? Mediocre MB for being boring?  Jyll for being fake? Or Penny for being unlikeable?

Okay, first to go is Chris!  Hooray!  He’s pretty defeated about it, though his exit interview is all blow-hard-like.  His suit jacket is really strange, by the way. Like a strange patchwork quilt of different suit materials.  Huh.

Okay, who else goes home this week? PENNY!!!!!!!!!!  Wow.  You know?  I really thought Mediocre MB would be the one to go this week, so the exclamation points are more out of shock than joy.  Jyll immediately claps a hand over her face once she knows she’s safe. Penny is as shocked as I am.

“Wow, we’re safe!  Don’t hug Penny!”

Did anyone catch what Penny said to MB on her way out?  Oh, nevermind, I just manhandled the DVR to go back and rewatch it.  “I’m leaving drama to you.” Har har.  Comedian Jeff sums it up well by saying something about how the drama’s gone with Chris and Penny, and now only the contenders remain. Well, get rid of Jyll and MB, and you’re right.  Wow, the end is in sight.

So next week?  The contestants fly out to NYC, where they apparently do a little Rachael Ray Show appearance.  Vin looks popular with the crowd, Rachael appears to make an exasperated face when Whitney’s talking, and Mediocre MaryBeth talks about getting “a good bone.”  Hmm.  Then someone goes home.  Probably a boring week, but we’ll talk about it then.  See you next week!

P.S.:

Little baby kitten face, for your pleasure.  He’s a true delight!!