Make It Edible

Food Network

By B-Side | Monday, March 20, 2006 | 3:18 pm | 4 Comments

groupProject Runway may be the best skills-based reality show out there, but now that the second go-around is over, there’s a certain void in the TV landscape. Luckily, the Food Network has served up a brand new season of its own homegrown reality show, The Next Food Network Star. While it’s not as well-produced or glossy as Runway, it does work in its own quaint and gentile way. Basically, the show gathers aspiring Rays and Flays from across the country and tests their abilities to not only cook, but perform in front of the camera. Doesn’t sound that tricky, that is until you watch a nervous wannabe futz with a food processor lid for three minutes.

For all of you looking to pick up another spare reality show or just wanting to get a sneak peak at the behind-the-scenes mayhem of the Food Channel, The Next Food Network Star is worth checking out. The season premiere aired last night, but don’t worry about falling behind. We have a guide to the characters after the jump.In no particular order:

Andrew_Schumacher Andrew Schumacher:
Andrew used to be a line cook, but with a seven month old baby, he needed more money; so he quit his restaurant and took up working at a blood bank. In last night’s premiere, he seemed adept around the kitchen. Unfortunately, his personality is a bit, well, flat. Boring. Milquetoast. Andrew’s skills could make him a dark horse, but his lack of personality might put the judges to sleep. And that’s a pretty amazing feat on The Food Network.
Carissa_Seward Carissa Seward:
Carissa, or as I like to call her, “Disaster McGhee,” is a total mess. She copies catch phrases (“Bam!” “Fire it up!”) and says gross things while cooking (“Don’t pee on the floor!”). During one challenge, she actually forgot to complete an essential task and was only saved by her friendly cohorts. She’ll be gone soon.
Elizabeth_Raynor Elizabeth Raynor:
I’m sorry. Did I say that Andrew was bland? I meant Elizabeth too. Her greatest talent seems to be serving dishes from hollowed out gourds and cabbage heads. Lack of personality is a massive understatement. We might as well be watching a cardboard box.
Guy_Fieri Guy Fieri:
Hey, it’s everybody’s best friend! Guy! This guy is one wacky fella. He even has bleached blonde hair! Wacky doodle! Okay, so here’s the deal with Guy. He’s actually got a good personality for this show and is an immediate frontrunner, but a) I hate how he super rolls his tongue when pronouncing the “r” in “Fieri” and b) I hate that we’re automatically supposed to love this guy just because his hair is different and he cheers a lot. I’m going to be anti-Guy, just on principle.
Jess_Dang Jess Dang:
Sweet, innocent Jess Dang. A Stanford grad and business analyst, Jess was the first one cut from the competition, mainly because she was a complete and total disaster. Bitch couldn’t plate her shit on time. She was one of the few contestants that didn’t have any sort of professional training or background with food, and as a result, she was fairly frantic. Add to that a cloying attempt to be Ms. Personality (If I heard her yell “Sizzle!” one more time, I’m would have thrown a shoe at the screen), and it was clear that this was not a match made in heaven for Jess. Dang…
Nathan_Lyon Nathan Lyon:
A former model, a current line chef, a part-time stained glass artist, and a full-time Lex Luthor wannabe. Nathan is this show’s version of Santino. But of course, since this is the Food Network and not Bravo, this version of Santino is clean-cut, not to mention clean. Nathan is determined, cocky, and proud to throw around his culinary knowledge. Unfortunately, by trotting out the big words, he alienates himself from the viewer, something that the judges ain’t too happy about. But on the plus side, now Maude from Iowa knows what a chinois is.
evette_placeholder
(sorry. Evette’s page on the Food Network website doesn’t work)
 Evette Rodriguez:
A mother of four and a proud patron of her local orthodontist, Evette has little to no culinary experience. She’s a self-taught cook, and while she has her moments, she’s has tendencies towards defeatism, such as when she didn’t even try to fillet Chef Morimoto’s fish. She seems sweet, but we’re ready for her to go.
reggie_southerland Reggie Southerland:
Wow. What to say about this guy? He’s sort of like the black version of Dewberry from Hell’s Kitchen. Reggie is a flamboyant baker from Silver Lake, CA., and when he’s not referring to each and every ingredient as his “girls,” he’s usually posing with a rolling pin or struggling to secure the top on a food processor. The good news is that Reggie is quite affable, and like Guy, has plenty of personality to spare. But he’s only a baker and may struggle with many of the challenges down the line. Plus, I don’t know how the women of Middle-America will feel about him having bigger breasts than they do. Seriously, he makes that kid from Made look like Iggy Pop.
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4 Comments

  1. 1
    eellsinoc
    Posted March 20, 2006 at 11:42 pm

    What about Top Chef? It is actually on the same network as Project Runway and is just as great…???

  2. 2
    Spectater
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 7:37 am

    I think Elizabeth Raynor is really Rachael Ray with a chin implant.

  3. 3
    eellsinoc
    Posted March 24, 2006 at 9:05 am

    Okay – I finally set my TIVO to a season pass for ths show…and am now caught up. I do enjoy it and of course will be hooked now…but Top Chef is far superior.

  4. 4
    tvtvtv
    Posted March 29, 2006 at 6:50 pm

    Oooh, I love it. Carissa makes me want to scream and throw things at the television. But someone told her to chill, because she’s been slightly less cringe-inducing on the last epi…sliiiightly. But here’s what’s really fascinating: Bravo found a bunch of complete jack-asses and made a scary food show and Food Network got all these sweetie pies and made a happy, friendly little hour. It’s like some bizarre alternate universe. The BEST show of all would be if they had a brawl. I would pay good money to see Reggie knock Tiffani and Stephen’s heads together.

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