You know you’ve pondered it. Who’s the hottest, sexiest woman on the Food Channel? After careful consideration, I narrowed the list down to these eight hot bitches, and I think you’ll be surprised at who winds up on top. Of course, we here at TVgasm invite all sorts of friendly dialogue, so feel free to praise or reject these choices as you wish.
Okay, enough stalling. Let’s check out the ladies!
8. Sara Moulton, Sara’s Secrets
Okay, she’s sort of a plain jane, but I like to think that Sandra Lee is going to give her a super sexy makeover — at which point Sara will abandon all her friends and become super popular, only to realize that it’s what’s on the inside that counts most.
7. Akiko Katayama, Iron Chef America
With her sleek hair and a strong aversion to anything remotely oily, Akiko proves that you don’t need to have a midwestern accent to be sexy. She probably appeals most to urbane city dwellers who furnish their apartments with stainless steel surfaces and various Koehler faucets.
6. Victoria Riccardi, Iron Chef America
The Annette Bening of the Food Network, Victoria is a frequent judge for Iron Chef. She’s prone to whimsical criticisms and fighting with fellow judge Jeffrey Steingarten (when he’s not cramming his mouth with his hands or spitting out crumbs). H-O-T.
5. Paula Dean, Paula’s Home Cooking
I’ve never seen a woman love fat the way Paula loves it. She eats sticks of butter like Kit-Kats, and I find that to be very, very hot.
4. Rachel Ray, 30 Minute Meals
Rachel wins bonus points for her spread in FHM as well as that groovy upstate New York accent. She’s wholesome and lovable, even if you do sometimes want to bang her over the head with a non-stick cast-iron skillet. I’ve never seen someone more excited about scraping the back of a zester (because that’s where all the zest is!), and even though I instantly hated her acronym E.V.O.O. (extra virgin olive oil), I found myself uncontrollably saying it about three minutes later. I guess I must have fallen under her sexy, sexy spell.
3. Sandra Lee, Semi Homemade
The queen of “YUM!”, Sandra Lee and her sweater-defying breasts has become the pinup girl of the Food Network. And even though she’s often wrapped up in family-friendly sweaters and turtlenecks, we all can sense a little tramp in there. At the company Christmas party, you just know Sandra’s the one with Tyler Florence and Bobby Flay crowding around her while Rachel Ray and Sarah Moulton watch jealously from afar. Maybe they’d get a little action too if they’d be willing to do a quickie in the men’s room and then drunkenly photocopy their asses. Yum!
2. Giada De Laurentiis, Everyday Italian
I bet most people thought I’d rank Giada as #1. Well, I’m not as predictable as you might think. Truthfully, Giada is super fine. She often gets kooky and her head does balloon to frightening sizes, but with that paradoxical girl-next-door meets wealthy-Italian-heir thing going for her, Giada wins my heart any day.
1. Ina Garten, Barefoot Contessa
It may seem like a shocker, but with her Hamptons charm, heavy breathing, ubiquitous chuckle, and undying desire to feed her husband Jeffrey, Ina Garten has proven herself to be the sexiest woman on the Food Network. Can’t really explain why she’s sexier than all the rest, but let’s just say, she has that certain “it” factor. I mean, let’s not overlook the steady stream of men that come through her dining room. Granted, they’re almost all gay, but who cares? She can turn ‘em if she wants!