Who’s The Sexiest Food Channel Woman?

Food Network

By B-Side | Thursday, November 24, 2005 | 11:50 am | 30 Comments
superGiadasandra_sinkrachelray_sexy

You know you’ve pondered it. Who’s the hottest, sexiest woman on the Food Channel? After careful consideration, I narrowed the list down to these eight hot bitches, and I think you’ll be surprised at who winds up on top. Of course, we here at TVgasm invite all sorts of friendly dialogue, so feel free to praise or reject these choices as you wish.

Okay, enough stalling. Let’s check out the ladies!

8. Sara Moulton, Sara’s Secrets

sarah_moulton

Okay, she’s sort of a plain jane, but I like to think that Sandra Lee is going to give her a super sexy makeover — at which point Sara will abandon all her friends and become super popular, only to realize that it’s what’s on the inside that counts most.

7. Akiko Katayama, Iron Chef America

akiko

With her sleek hair and a strong aversion to anything remotely oily, Akiko proves that you don’t need to have a midwestern accent to be sexy. She probably appeals most to urbane city dwellers who furnish their apartments with stainless steel surfaces and various Koehler faucets.

6. Victoria Riccardi, Iron Chef America

victoria_riccardi

The Annette Bening of the Food Network, Victoria is a frequent judge for Iron Chef. She’s prone to whimsical criticisms and fighting with fellow judge Jeffrey Steingarten (when he’s not cramming his mouth with his hands or spitting out crumbs). H-O-T.

5. Paula Dean, Paula’s Home Cooking

sexypaula

I’ve never seen a woman love fat the way Paula loves it. She eats sticks of butter like Kit-Kats, and I find that to be very, very hot.

4. Rachel Ray, 30 Minute Meals

rachelray_nice

Rachel wins bonus points for her spread in FHM as well as that groovy upstate New York accent. She’s wholesome and lovable, even if you do sometimes want to bang her over the head with a non-stick cast-iron skillet. I’ve never seen someone more excited about scraping the back of a zester (because that’s where all the zest is!), and even though I instantly hated her acronym E.V.O.O. (extra virgin olive oil), I found myself uncontrollably saying it about three minutes later. I guess I must have fallen under her sexy, sexy spell.

3. Sandra Lee, Semi Homemade

sandra_yum

The queen of “YUM!”, Sandra Lee and her sweater-defying breasts has become the pinup girl of the Food Network. And even though she’s often wrapped up in family-friendly sweaters and turtlenecks, we all can sense a little tramp in there. At the company Christmas party, you just know Sandra’s the one with Tyler Florence and Bobby Flay crowding around her while Rachel Ray and Sarah Moulton watch jealously from afar. Maybe they’d get a little action too if they’d be willing to do a quickie in the men’s room and then drunkenly photocopy their asses. Yum!

2. Giada De Laurentiis, Everyday Italian

sexygiada

I bet most people thought I’d rank Giada as #1. Well, I’m not as predictable as you might think. Truthfully, Giada is super fine. She often gets kooky and her head does balloon to frightening sizes, but with that paradoxical girl-next-door meets wealthy-Italian-heir thing going for her, Giada wins my heart any day.

1. Ina Garten, Barefoot Contessa

inasexy

It may seem like a shocker, but with her Hamptons charm, heavy breathing, ubiquitous chuckle, and undying desire to feed her husband Jeffrey, Ina Garten has proven herself to be the sexiest woman on the Food Network. Can’t really explain why she’s sexier than all the rest, but let’s just say, she has that certain “it” factor. I mean, let’s not overlook the steady stream of men that come through her dining room. Granted, they’re almost all gay, but who cares? She can turn ‘em if she wants!

About

30 Comments

  1. 1
    Ozone Dude
    Posted November 24, 2005 at 12:31 pm

    I bet Giada sucks a mean strand of spaghetti.

  2. 2
    IndianJones
    Posted November 24, 2005 at 12:34 pm

    Hahaha…nice post. I don’t even watch TFN but that was hilarious. I almost spit up my naan and curry while reading it (what, you didn’t think indians had turkey for Thanksgiving did you? Every day is a curry day)

  3. 3
    lizardqueen
    Posted November 24, 2005 at 1:21 pm

    I confess to not having seen Giada before, but her pictures remind me of Natalie Portman, who I find extremely irritating. Nice rack though.

  4. 4
    Jimmy
    Posted November 24, 2005 at 3:26 pm

    For me, it’s Rachel Ray. I just love that perkiness of hers. Even when I know one of her shows is a repeat, I still watch it. Giada De Laurentiis comes in a close second, but I can’t stand Sandra Lee. Far too fake for me.

  5. 5
    sg-dub
    Posted November 24, 2005 at 6:06 pm

    So completely off topic, but since I write for this site, I can do that. You know how I randomly have a TV crush on?

    Kari Byron from Mythbusters. Love her and the show.

    As for The Food Network, I write in vote for Ming Tsai’s mom. She rules.

  6. 6
    Dana
    Posted November 24, 2005 at 6:35 pm

    I’ve never seen his mom, but Ming has a sexy voice.

  7. 7
    jmchez
    Posted November 24, 2005 at 9:15 pm

    Man, you disrespected Sara Moulton again! She had to be no. 4 only behind Giada, Rachel and Sandra. The others are cows! Also, for my money I’m sure she would make the nicest mom.

  8. 8
    British
    Posted November 24, 2005 at 11:14 pm

    Gaida(regardless of head size) is pretty, tan and has a nice rack. Sorry Sandra(runner up), but Gaida wins.

    I bet Sandra behind the scenes, has a dungeon of her own.

  9. 9
    holyterror
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 6:19 am

    It’s Paula, hands down. Just watch her deep-throat a bacon-wrapped hotdog or fist a turkey. And she knows how to build anticipation — did you see her sitting on Michael’s lap and blowing on his food for him, and then eating it herself? It was on her Cooking School special. Plus, with all the crap she puts in her mouth, she probably “swallows.”

  10. 10
    holyterror
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 7:36 am

    Let’s have a poll for the guys, too. I vote for Mario (who seems above reproach in all these snarky postings, and I agree), kinda a male Paula, and by far the guy I’d most like to make me dinner.

    And also The Chairman of the American Iron chef. I bet he wears a thong.

  11. 11
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 7:57 am

    Ming Tsai is smoking hot. His voice is like buttah. He maketh me swoon. Alas, he is not on TFN.

  12. 12
    Laurie
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 10:19 am

    I agree on the male verison of the list. I to vote for the chairman from Iron Chef America.

    And suprisingly I don’t find Alton Brown all that hot. And the guy from Sugar Rush. Even the orginal Iron Chef Japan chairman with all his plastic surgery is hotter than him. :)

  13. 13
    holyterror
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 10:24 am

    Lizardqueen, What channel is Ming Tsai on? We share a Freddie fetish (if in different eras), so I trust your judgment.

    Basically, though, I like any guy who can cook and isn’t too fussy about fat or calories.

    And B-Side, do you know if The Chairman of Iron Chef America is really the nephew of Chairman Freddie Mercury of Iron Chef Japan??

  14. 14
    holyterror
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 10:26 am

    P.S. Laurie: No question, Alton Brown’s dick isn’t even visible with a microscope.

  15. 15
    bdos88
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 10:34 am

    holyterror – thanks for the Paula post, that was hilarious.

  16. 16
    fully stuffed
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 11:11 am

    Sandra takes the cake on this poll. She has everything I need, an affinity for tasty adult beverages coupled with excellent food, a nice (spice) rack and a passion for college football.
    Her only rival is the former FTV personality Padma Lakshmi. Mmmmm…Padma

  17. 17
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 11:27 am

    Ming Tsai is on PBS. He used to do East Meets West on TFN, so he’s an alumnus. Incidentally, he got a mechanical engineering degree from Yale. How hot is that? He’s smooth like silk. I’m considering stalking him. I hope he’s into that kind of dedication.

  18. 18
    Mullethead
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 11:33 am

    Giada is def the best looking, but Paula could take care of me anytime.

    And sg-dub, I just started watching MythBusters this week, and there IS something about Kari’s “wants to be punk and edgy with her dyed hair, plaid skirt/wife beater outfit and pigtails type stle but looks like she tries too hard and just barely can’t pull it off but deep down inside you know the motivation for that is a woman who wants to be ‘porn-ish’ and kinky and thinks dressing like that and asking you to spank her will fulfill her ambition to be monogamously slutty” look that is kinda hot.

    I’d “bust” her “myth”!

  19. 19
    holyterror
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 1:10 pm

    Three more reasons I vote for the Iron Chef America Chairman: 1) That serene, closed-eye routine he does during the competition that makes him look like he just shot his wad 2) How jazzed he gets over the Secret Ingredient, and 3) The way he says “succulent variations.” GRRRRR!

  20. 20
    holyterror
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 1:27 pm

    Lizardqueen, Mario is opening a restaurant right around the corner from my house, so I may wind up stalking him by default since I don’t know where to find The Chairman.

    I’d offer HIM a “succulent variation”! (I have no idea what that would entail, but it sounds dirty).

  21. 21
    Mike
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 2:08 pm

    Mark Dacascos, the martial artist/actor who plays the Chairman’s nephew, is not really related to Kaga…but he could rip out your spleen, shabu-shabu stye. Check out Brotherhood of the Wolf to see him in ass-kicking action.

  22. 22
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 3:07 pm

    i just finished watching “Party Line With Dan and Steve”. Now I’m sitting around wishing I were a gay caterer instead of a woman impersonating a drag queen. Those guys have all the fun. What I wouldn’t do to have whores doover parties for my little friends all the time.

  23. 23
    Hes1223
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 3:48 pm

    I love me some Rachel she is the best and I have totally tried her recipes and their so easy to make….Giada is right up there too when she doesn’t smile like and starts looking like a Beaver :)

  24. 24
    Donna Martin Graduates!
    Posted November 25, 2005 at 9:03 pm

    I agree with #12 (laurie).
    Hands down, the sexiest person on the Food Network is Mark Dacascos, the chairman of Iron Chef US.

    Yes, Brotherhood of the Wolf is an outrageously over-the-top, but very entertaining, French action flick.

  25. 25
    Dean Hess
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 3:22 pm

    My write in candidate = “W” the equipment specialist from Good Eats.

  26. 26
    dirtysanchez
    Posted November 27, 2005 at 2:46 pm

    Giada is #1….When she “massages meat”; it makes me shudder

  27. 27
    Peter
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 8:46 am

    First of all. Ina Garten is all woman. She is so tender and juicy (just like the fryed turkey I made on Thursday). She has a phat house and you know she is the boss in that family. Poor Jeffery looks like a pussy….cat compared to her. In a few years, the only parsley he’s going to be moving to start eating is the parsley in his soup. INA Marry me!

  28. 28
    Mango
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 1:05 pm

    U GOT THAT RIGHT BITCHES INA IS # 1~!

    Who can’t love the oh so delicious Ina, from the way she samples booze to make sure its up to par and then taking extra precautions and testing it again..and again. To the way she is a most inviting hostess to the men she invites into home when dear Jeffery is away. The recipe for hapiness is clearly obvious, Ina Garten and half a pound of butter

    .:Perfect summer delight:.

  29. 29
    Lizardqueen
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 3:21 pm

    I just gained 20lbs. reading the menus from Paula’s restaurant and loved every minute of it. Alexandra,(from Paula Coronary Watch) love your husband’s idea for the “Vulgar Gourmet” show. If you drink, boy, that would be a real winner. Perhaps a Comedy Central/Food Network collaboration. It reminds me of my dear grandmother (God rest her soul). She was a hell of a cook but you knew you weren’t eating until 9:30 at night. Half the prep time was spent mixing martinis, looking for the little cocktail onions, changing the channel on the TV, turning up the volume on the radio so it wouldn’t have to compete with the TV, and batting her eyelashes at my VERY hungry and perturbed grandfather. Ah, those were the days.

  30. 30
    peter
    Posted December 10, 2005 at 8:59 am

    Sandra lee, hands down. she one hot tamali, though she seems not to eat anything she makes, considering her very thin figure, but shes just plain hot. #1 on my list. i just saw a recent christmas episode with her wearing this bare shoulders HOT RED sweater, and shes just gorgeus!! so HOT!

    rachel ray sucks, shes SO annoying! especially with that horrendous “EVOO” bull, its like i just want to slap her and yell SHUT UP!!! and shes not even attractive, unless yopu like that bronx accent bull, so un-civilized for TV, LOL. sandra lee is a class A BABE.

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