I could barely sit down to watch this week’s episode. This season has been such a letdown but I’m going to stick it out since this is my duty. Some people fight wars; I watch bad reality TV. This week’s episode picks up where the last one left off. Heartbreaker is lamenting the fact that Flossy told Ray that she is a stripper. Heartbreaker insists that she is a bartender who ONLY gets on the pole when the bar is slow and that doesn’t make her a stripper. Okay, I get it. She’s not a stripper but she does send mixed messages.
“Just because I can make this bottle disappear in my mouth doesn’t mean I’m a stripper.”
I can only assume that since Heart Breaker started off the episode, she will be eliminated. Flossy is the target of basically every other girl’s anger because she is a front runner. Heartbreaker plans to tell Ray how terrible Flossy is and she thinks that this will be enough to get her eliminated. Silly stripper… does she not know that Ray kept a girl who had sex with his friend (Luscious); Flossy ain’t goin’ nowhere. Ray announces that he had a big challenge set up for today but he cancelled it so that he could take all of the girls on a date; some solo, some group. Extra, Caliente, Platinum and Flossy are in one group and it is simply amazing that Extra is confident enough to appear in front of Ray J looking like this:
She just looks dirty.
Ray J takes the first group of girls to the beach and Caliente and Platinum fill their water guns to soak Flossy. Extra decides to run into the ocean…
…until she realizes that the water may actually clean her off and she runs back in fear.
Close call, Dirt McGirt.
Flossy ends up getting one on one time with Ray J and she tells him that the girls were being mean to her the night before. Ray J feels that they have a connection and she’s genuine. Like I said before, she’s not going home anytme soon. They play football and Caliente is excited since she’s never played football but one thing leads to another…
And Flossy and Ray are doing it on the beach.
Once they’re done, the game of football resumes and Caliente takes the tackling part (and the ‘let’s be mean to Flossy part’) a little too seriously.
The game abruptly ends and they head back to the house. Ray J invites Mz Berry out for a solo date because he wants to do something classy. After being assured that she will not miss that night’s episode of “Murder, She Wrote” Mz Berry promptly goes into her jewelry box.
Whaddya know? It’s full of old lady pearls!
Paradeez feels that this date is embarassing for Ray because Mz Berry looks like his mom. Now this episode is getting a little Paradeez-centric. Maybe she’s the unlucky eliminatee. Anyho, Mz Berry’s really excited to have Ray all to herself and he even drives his own car. Or at least the car rented for the show. They go to the restaurant Beso and she tells Ray that she is 32. He says that she’s only four years older than him so he has no problem with the age difference. She also tells him that her divorce was just finalized the day before she came to the show. This is a clear improvement from last season when one of the girls, Stiltz, was still married and had no intention of getting a divorce. Ray is a little concerned about being a rebound relationship but Mz Berry insists that that’s not the case. Boring, boring, boring. Let’s get to the “good” stuff.
I’m all for drama but I am a little turned off by the girls all ganging up on Flossy. Maybe Heart Breaker is a little justified but the rest of the girls aren’t. It reminds me of being despised in the 8th grade because I wrote the best Social Studies recaps. While Ray’s still out, Luscious, Heart Breaker, Jaguar and Extra begin roaming around the house crying out “Fake Bitch, where are you fake bitch?” The only problem is that they all responded to each other. After some confusion, they realized that they were all calling out Flossy and they find her in one of the living rooms. They ask her why she’s hiding from them and she says that she’s not hiding, she’s just staying away from them.
Very Crafty Flossy, very crafty…The girls sit down and proceed to harass Flossy.
“You suck Flossy. And this glass rim is the same size as my love clam.”
“You’re such a liar! Who would even pay to see me strip?!”
“We’re standing like angry models because we’re angry. And hungry.”
“I haven’t eaten is six months either so save it bitches!”
“And I haven’t showered in six months. Big whoop.”
Heart Breaker gets fed up with handling the situation in a juvenile manner so she behaves in an infantile manner and throws her drink at Flossy. Flossy reacts by throwing her drink at Heart Breaker. They go into the hallway and Heart Breaker throws a drink at Flossy. Then Flossy throws a drink on Heart Breaker. Betcha didn’t see the last two coming. Ray J gets home just in time to miss the wet t-shirt contest and is surprised to see all of the girls waiting for him.
The girls immediately say that Flossy started some trouble and locked herself in her room. Heart Breaker finally admits that she threw a drink at Flossy and then they chime in and say that she threw a drink on all of them. Flossy tells Ray that they’ve been harassing her all day and it’s because they are jealous. Ray takes Flossy downstairs to squash the situation and Heart Breaer cements her elimination. She yells and says that Flossy is a fake ass bitch. I know that these are the best and brightest women that our country has to offer but what she fails to realize is that she is insulting Ray’s taste because Flossy is obviously one of his favorites.
Sidenote: False eyelashes, seventeen layers of makeup and Lee Press-On Nails are minimal requirements for entry into Fake Ass Bitch 2010.
Heart Breaker tells Ray that the matter is squashed but she doesn’t really mean it. The next morning, Ray takes Exotica, Heart Breaker and Jaguar on a bowling date. It is incredibly boring and then Ray decides that the girls should play for something. They play for alone time with Ray. Exotica is a very bad bowler and somehow thinks that wearing sunglasses inside will improve her score. Shockingly, it doesn’t. Jaguar and Heart Breaker are tied and Heart Breaker wins by one pin.
On their solo date, Heart Breaker repeats the same asinine explanation that she gave the girls earlier. She tells Ray that she gets on the pole when nothing else is going on at work. Ray J realizes that Flossy wasn’t lying and Heart Breaker is dumber than a pile of rocks. Rocks that strip whn they’re bored.
The last date is with Luscious and Paradeez. Ray has some spa treatments for the three of them in the backyard of the house. Another repeat from last season. Luscious says that she used to model but mostly sits around all day and finds comfort in that. Yeah, I think we’d all find comfort in sitting at home on our asses all day. Paradeez says that she goes to school and then she stops talking. Then she says that she has eight cats and two dogs and stops talking. She’s completely clamming up! Luscious decides to sit back and watch the cookie crumble. It’s so weird how these girls practically offer themselves up for elimination. No guy wants to hear about a hot chick spending time at home playing with her mangy cat – or her pets. Ray J tries to get a connection going with Paradeez but she just stands there looking dumb and not talking.
It’s time for elimination and he tells Jaguar and Extra to step it up. The final two girls are Heart Breaker and Paradeez. Ray J only has one glass left and the tension isn’t mounting. You know why? Because no one cares!! Ray feels like Paradeez isn’t into him and Heart Breaker is putting too much effort into the other girls and not him. Heart Breaker gets the glass and Paradeez goes home. She can’t believe that she’s going home before “ugly ass Extra and stupid dumb bitch Flossy.” I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who thinks Extra has one foot on ugly and the other foot on a banana peel.
Well, I’m bored to tears; how about you? Next week Brandy is making a very special appearance but there’s no lie detector test like last season. Can I be the first to say – what the hell is the point?! Until next week…